Silence is golden.
If that is the case, then sometimes I live in a cage made out of gold.
I live on a mountain, up a winding road, on the outskirts of town. It's beautiful, yes, but sometimes incredibly lonely.
Yes, sometimes I feel trapped by the peace and quiet that surrounds me - for it often brings neither quiet nor peace.
OK, I am grateful that I don't have to work. But retirement can be a mixed blessing. Having time on your hands is a gift, until you find yourself unable to fill the hours with any meaningful goal or activity.
Have you ever questioned your place and purpose in the world?
It seems that my father's death has triggered a sadness that has lingered deep within my soul. Like a hidden leak in the pipes that goes unnoticed until the ceiling caves in.
Watch out, Chicken Little.
Lately, my solitude has felt like a weight on my shoulders...
Now, don't get me wrong. "The Hub" is a great companion. Easy to get along with, kind and thoughtful - he is an easy conversationalist. So it's not his fault.
It's not him.
It's some other grief that seems to have invaded and gripped my heart.
What am I mourning?
I miss my dad. Not how he was the last few years, but just for the fact that I had a dad. I keep feeling like I should have said more or done more. I remember too many memories, and long for the chance to re-do some things. Now it's too late.
I miss my mom. Because she doesn't want to be alone, we are shuttling her between my brother, sister, and cousin to take care of her. I spend time with her when I'm in town, but if I was still living there, she'd be staying with me. And we don't talk as much as we used to.
I miss my sons. Yeah, they're off on their own lives, as they should be, but still. After 9 years, I have not completely settled in my empty nest. My *mom feathers* are still ruffled. I can't quite get comfortable. Sometimes I still miss the old days.
I miss my grandbeagle, Marty. Sometimes he's the only one who can bring me comfort. His fur is healing.
I miss my old house, my friends, my familiar routine. After almost two years, I am still not *at home* in my new home.
And, I miss me.
Truth be told, I'm not even sure who *me* is supposed to be anymore. I'm almost 60, and I'm having an adolescent "identity crisis." Wondering why I'm here, and who even cares.
But you know something?
Somehow, this doesn't feel like a physical depression, it feels spiritual.
Yeah, it feels like an attack.
I've prayed. Oh boy, have I prayed. Late night prayers, middle-of-the-night prayers, first-thing-in-the-morning prayers.
To sum them up, it goes something like this:
"Lord, I hurt."
I'm not sure how He's going to solve this one. Maybe He won't. Maybe He has a purpose for this ongoing thorn. Evidently, He still has a purpose for me, 'cuz I still keep waking up!
But I'm not living abundantly, at least not like I define it.
This current *wilderness* is made so much more difficult because of "The Hub." He serves as a stark contrast to my weary. He is thriving up here. He loves the isolation, the stillness, the solitude.
Sometimes I starve.
So, what to do?
I'm not sure if I'm going to post this or not. It's pretty raw. But if you're reading this, something inside me (the Holy Spirit, no doubt), prompted me to take a courageous leap of vulnerability and hit the publish button.
Why, I wonder.
Perhaps for this reason.
To let you know, if you are struggling, or suffering, or just feeling lost and lonely and sad, you're not alone.
I get it, and I'm with you.
And I am not the only one.
One of our deepest needs as human beings is to know that we're not alone in the universe. Think of all the technology involved in searching for intelligent life on other planets.
How silly we are.
We need only search for intelligent design. And we need look no further than a bookshelf to find the Intelligent Designer. He is there, permeating every word in His Word.
Maybe I've lost sight of that.
Maybe the solitude has fooled me.
Maybe it's not a prison after all, but rather an opportunity to seek the Presence. A chance not to focus on the stillness, but on the still, small voice.
Maybe there are no bars, but only an illusion created by the enemy so that I will stop seeking The One.
Maybe the solitude, the sadness is a gift, an invitation to find the Man of Sorrows, the One well-acquainted with grief.
The One who experienced separation from the Father, so we would never have to.
Maybe only by feeling so terribly lonely can I ever hope to understand that I am truly never alone.
Maybe, just maybe...He is more than enough.
I have written this post, sitting in a parking lot in town, rather terrified to go back home and face the quiet.
But in the writing and the reflecting, a Voice has been speaking.
Over and over, His Truth has overwhelmed me:
"Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age."
OK, Jesus, let's go home.
 |
Come unto Me... |
"Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go...for I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you." (Genesis 28:15, NASB)
"Do not let your heart be troubled...I will not leave you as [an orphan]; I will come to you." (John 14:1, 18, NASB)
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10, NIV)
"They will fight against you, but they will not overcome you, for I am with you to deliver you..." (Jeremiah 1:19, NIV)
"One thing I ask from the LORD, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and to seek him..." (Psalm 27:4, NIV)
What lonely battle are you facing today?
Linked today with:
Joan at SHARING HIS BEAUTY
Michelle at HEAR IT ON SUNDAY, USE IT ON MONDAY
Laura at PLAYDATES WITH GOD
Tracy at WINSOME WEDNESDAY
Hazel at TELL ME A TRUE STORY
Jen at SOLI DEO GLORIA
Jen at UNITE
Kasey at WALKING REDEEMED
Rachel at WHIMSICAL WEDNESDAYS
Judith at WHOLEHEARTED WEDNESDAY
Rosilind at A LITTLE R & R WEDNESDAYS
Jenifer at WORD FILLED WEDNESDAY
Beth at THREE WORD WEDNESDAY
Lyli at THOUGHT-PROVOKING THURSDAY
Crystal at THRIVING THURSDAY
Bonnie at FAITH BARISTA JAM
Laura at FAITH FILLED FRIDAY
Wanda at THE FRIDAY FIVE
Charlotte at SPIRITUAL SUNDAYS
Mel at ESSENTIAL FRIDAYS
Sandy at STILL SATURDAY
Barbie at WEEKEND BREW
Salina at HEART REFLECTED
Janis at SUNDAY STILLNESS
BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"
Oh Sharon, this so speaks to me. Thank you for sharing, I will be thinking of you and praying for you. Hugs Nita
ReplyDeleteI really learned some things from that.
ReplyDeleteHappy St. Patrick's Day to you!
My dear friend, I could have penned your words myself!
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel.
I often replay events and situations in my mind involving my Mom when she was alive, when we moved 200 miles away from everyone we knew except for my Father in Law...My husband's dream to live here...I never fully adapted in all that time, all I think about sometimes is the disconnected relationships.
We recognize ourselves in others (they are our mirrors).
In the midst of this awesome beauty of the forest with it's peace and quiet gentleness..I found that it is almost like living in a house without mirrors; the only idea I have about who I am (what I look like to the outside world) is reflected in what I see in nature...And what I see when I read God's Word...I see the truth.
Now when I am in a group of people, especially in a city someplace, I don't recognize myself at all...I don't look like them, I don't see much truth there...instead I too often see people trying to redefine what and who they are...not who God made them to be.
This is a struggle within each one of us. To be connected to one another yet remain true to who God designed us to be.
When we are alone in a forest or on a mountain, it is real...just you and God, no frills or façade...and that can be hard sometimes. I am still learning how to deal with this. There must be a balance lest I become an old hermit hiding away in the woods, I find the difficulty really is in the energy it takes to adapt to being with the rest of society and then transitioning back to the real me when I return home...It's two separate worlds!
This is why I thank God every single day for the internet...I have met so many people from different walks of life who, because they love the Lord I can relate to them in so many different ways...It is my mirror now, and my window...but it reflects so much of God through the people I have encountered...It has expanded our horizons beyond our personal environments...We are not alone...God shares Himself through each one of His children, and that is a connection that will last for all eternity, after all the computers and phones have long been silenced...we will all live together and there will be no loneliness.
And like you, I must include that my husband is also great company and I appreciate that I do not have to go to work everyday either...
P.S. Have you considered getting a dog of your own?
Blessing and love to you, ~Lisa
Beautiful response to a beautiful and touching post.
DeleteThat is a beautiful home to come to, Sharon, but I truly understand everything you are saying. I get what you are mourning and I feel the same with mourning the kids being young, missing my mom even though she's been gone 7 years, not entirely happy with where I'm at, etc., etc. I know God has us where he wants us for his purpose, but it is lonely indeed at times. I think the best we can do is what we do, pray about it, seek time with Jesus and just trust he knows best. (((Sharon)))
ReplyDeletebetty
If there is ANYONE out there that can't relate to these words, I'd like to meet them. I think there are several things going on here Sharon... this chapter of our lives is not always the way we thought it would be, IF we ever even thought about it! When our parents leave, life loses something, and our past is tied into it. When we have them, strong and healthy, we have a security that goes away as they begin to fade. Our past is gone, other than the memories, and on some days, those memories aren't enough. Our children growing up and leaving is another loss, and leaving your known home and family and friends, still another. It's also a time in life that we need purpose, maybe even a new purpose. All of it is known to God, I get that, but sometimes I feel the need for 'more' in the here and now.
ReplyDeleteSo what to do??
Same thing we have always done. Even when our answers are not clear, and often not quick, still we know the rules, and when we obey those, God is GOING to redefine who we are and what we need, better than we ever could.
Does this sound like a sermon to myself? It is. But it's also for so many of us in the same boat. I am half nervous and half excited by what is ahead. Like you said, we keep waking up, so we know there is more ahead.
End of sermon. Now I need to re-read my own words. :)
Hang in there, and all the rest of us too. God is definitely up to something!
Prayers for you, sweet Sharon. Grieving a major loss takes time and I can't imagine a loss as great as yours. With aging parents, though, I know my day will come.
ReplyDeleteWhile I certainly enjoy solitude, there's a difference in being alone and feeling lonely. I believe that we do need to, on occasion, surround ourselves with friends and family and people who lift us up and encourage us, even if it has to be via cyberspace. You've got lots of friends out here. Too bad we can't just crash in on you one weekend. :)
Being retired myself, I know the feeling of sometimes wondering what your purpose is. I just try to make someone else's life a little easier and hope it is enough.
Wishing you a day of laughter, of singing, of humming, or some such thing. All of these help chase the blues away for me.
Oh Sharon, I wish I could just reach through my computer screen and give you hug and tell you what a blessing you are to me. I am so very sorry that you feel so isolated and alone. Like Dayle and th others above said, solitude is a wonderful thing but when it becomes lonliness, it's a whole different story.
ReplyDeleteI have lost both of may parents...Dad in 2002 and Mom in 2010. Of course I miss them terribly but was so bless they lived such wonderfully healthy, long lives...into their 90's...both of them. I am so very thankful that I had a large family to help take care of them since I have lived 500 miles away from them for about 30 years. Regardless, they take a part of us when they leave us. You are willing to write about your struggles instead of keeping them bound up inside and you have to know just how much you are helping other who are struggling. Right now, this must be your purpose, sweet friend.
I am keeping you in my prayers. I wish that beautiful house of yours was just down the road so I could come and hang out for a bit :)
God bless you, Sharon
I miss... yes I have wandered without a purpose until recently. I miss my precious mother (as you said about your Dad, not from the past few years, but just missing her so and have moments when I feel I haven't seen her in awhile. "I better go now to see and talk with her." And then I remember that she is gone from this earth.) I have felt that spiritual depression and still do for I forget that I must be dependent upon God rather than myself.
ReplyDeleteI have so much in my heart that I want to say here, but I just will leave it at this to let you know that you are certainly not alone and neither am I. You are special and a blessing to me today.
Caring through Christ, ~ linda
Oh, my! Is that the front entrance to your mountain home? How lovely and inviting! Speaking as someone who would love to know what if feels like to "retire" without worrying about how my bills were to be paid (Ed and I will be working till Jesus comes and the older we get the more creative we have to be re-creating ourselves to stay relevant in this ever changing working world) - I could write a book of things I'd love to do if I had so much sanctuary time with no deadlines. But, I do understand your grief. CHANGE. I've been in a similar place - trying to find myself again - these past three years. Blogging has accompanied my journey and I can't be more thankful for the Lord giving me this place of retreat with dear sisters like you. As I read, I felt in my spirit what you summed up so well mid-way through:
ReplyDelete"To let you know, if you are struggling, or suffering, or just feeling lost and lonely and sad, you're not alone. I get it, and I'm with you. And I am not the only one."
Backside of the desert - or perhaps gaining another stone in your pouch like our Much Afraid in Hannah Hurnard's "Hinds Feet in High Places" - on the way to those stones being turned to jewels and her name to Grace and Glory.
On your own mountain, too.
Would love to visit you there and do tea. Thinking of you fondly, friend . . .
Joy!
Kathy
Wow, I truly can relate to this. Thanks for sharing your heart, love you, and praying for you.
ReplyDeleteOh, this is so powerful, Sharon. I appreciate your raw honesty very much. I have heard this story of loneliness more than once recently and it echoes my own in the mostly past days of isolation. Yes, God wants a close relationship with us, intimacy with our Papa God, but I will say we were created for connecting with others too! Relationships are part of our DNA...more for some than others. You have been through so much with your dad's last months and his death, be kind to yourself and yes, rely on the promise found in the verse you shared.....one I too hold close. Lo, I am with you always!
ReplyDeleteI can relate as well. I miss both of my parents...still. So many things in life are hard and if it weren't for Jesus none of us would make it. He is our strength, literally, to carry on. Dealing with autism every day is also very isolating as many people simply do not understand it. It is a different kind of isolation, but still painful. I am thinking of you and praying for you. You are such a dear person and I love your tender heart.
ReplyDeleteHi Sharon! Feeling alone is a terrible feeling. I know. But, I think you are right. It isn't really a prison, but the illusion of one designed to keep you from seeking the One who can fill the hole you are experiencing right now. I love that you write with transparency. It encourages others to share as well. During the past couple of years as we've been bouncing around all over the place, not putting down roots, it has been lonely. (That along with some other circumstances). But, during this time, I've developed some wonderful online sisters-in-Christ. I know that is not the same as in person, but I think God has given these lovely ladies to me as a way to encourage and stand in the gap so to speak. I even had the blessing of meeting one blogger friend "in real life" last week, which lead to me meeting a friend here in our new town. I think God orchestrated that, for sure. Anyway, all that to say, I'll be praying for you during this time of loneliness. May you be filled with joy instead of sadness!
ReplyDeleteBlessings, Joan
Sharon you are a courageous wise hearted woman. First you share you inner struggle and then you counsel yourself with God's truth. Truthfully it's been my alone times that have developed my walk with Him. When it's just Him and I listen more then talk. When I am with friends, family I listen less and talk more. But these times are not designed to be easy, they are designed to drive us deeper into truth we already know , designed to get us ready for the next things He wants us to do. Just when you think you cannot take it one more day, He reminds us He took it one more day for us. Praying
ReplyDeleteI so appreciate your honesty. Sometimes we can get too much of a good thing.
ReplyDeleteIt will be four years in May since my dad went home and not a day goes by without me thinking of him. I think you're doing the right thing. Seeking our Father in the midst of your pain and writing about it. It does something miraculous for all of us; you the painter, and us, the ones reading the painting of your heart.
I say spend time in town at the local restaurant or coffee shop and write there… write about your dad with the words of our Father.
I'm praying for you, sister. You're right, of course. None of us are alone… we're all in this together.
I think of Jesus and although he had 12 close friends, and many others who followed him - - not ONE of these fully understood him. He must have been so lonely even in the crowds. No matter he spent quality time with His Heavenly Father. May you find just what you need to fill up that empty space. Thank you for sharing with us here at "Tell Me a Story."
ReplyDeleteHello Sharon. I just found your space through your link on Michelle's blog. Your title jumped out at me, as I have been feeling just as you describe, for much too long now. I am calling this "The Winter of my Discontent". I have never felt so lost or so lonely as I have in recent weeks. Displaced. Useless. RESTLESS. I am hating the quiet, the same-ness, the mundane-ness. Then, I see your beautiful setting where you are, and I see the location and life I've always dreamed of! Yet we both feel the same in the places we're in! There IS comfort in knowing I am not alone in these feelings. I too am 'retired', 55+, empty-nester (but not yet settled into it), wife and domestic-maintainer. (My husband would love the 'Wyatt Earp-ish' photo of your 'Hubs'!) I'm not at all certain of what my role is now, and I'm feeling very lost. Getting out with friends helps, but only until I return here. Then I'm very much left alone with me. Maybe there is some 'higher purpose' in this time, but be danged if I know what it is. I'm so glad you decided to push that 'Publish' key today and share vulnerably. You have put voice to my struggle, and I appreciate that more than you can know. Would you be willing to share your whereabouts? Your photos are breathtaking. And the wealth of Scripture you share is amazing! I will be back to read more, Thank you Sister, truly.
ReplyDeleteJillie
I totally get this! I retired 4 years ago after a long & fulfilling career in business management. At first I had a blast; then the "what next"s settled in. It took a long time to put it into perspective; to grow grateful for the lack of pressure my life. It's a mixed gratitude, though. It's pressure that often summons growth & life ~ that feeling of being totally alive. Now I have to manage my backward glances: I miss the young, svelte woman I once was. I miss the children's energy in my home. Like you, I miss my mom.
ReplyDeleteBut we press on ...
I cried as I read through this, and even more as I got to the end. You finished it perfectly and summed up exactly how I feel after each and every long session with Him that I have like this. (Which is a pretty perpetual thing around here.) I bleed it all out and then go "home" to start all over the next day. These days, it's a day by day crawl of faith for me.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you posted this...for all of us. (o:
ReplyDeleteYou and I have a lot in common...especially dealing with the age issues. I live in a very full neighborhood/town area. Rarely anything quiet or not hearing and seeing what's going on and around and about. BUT I also am dealing with the basic stuff you described. To be honest, I don't miss my parents. I'm so glad they are in heaven, since they weren't with Him until fairly shortly before their deaths. So I rejoice that they are gone. I'm pushing 69 and not looking forward to how my body and brain are doing more than they are now. It's frustrating often. BUT I can only turn to and trust the Lord. Knowing I'll be continually serving Him here and eternally "there" that's all that keeps my rejoicing and moving forward. You shared well. And, Floyd's comment was very good. I always trust to hear what he has to say and he dun good, as usual. He's an encourager for you, a blesser. That's what counts and keeps you moving forward. AND your hubby of course. Mine, too. Sure makes a difference. Helps me keep moving along. OH...and the fact that you are in the mountains. THAT is where I'd love to be. I'm a mountain addict... but living in Omaha with mountains 550 miles west and about the same east, means I'm stuck with flatness. Since I was raised in the mountain area of the NW and could see them often has made it a challenge when I can't do that here. BUT I can see people and serve the Lord. That's what counts. Bless you...
ReplyDeleteBless your dear heart! I could feel and understand your every word! Thank you for being so transparent and so vulnerable with your readers...for truly this is the only writing that ever touches anyone's soul. Writing that was wrenched from a heart who felt the words. I miss my dear Mom and Dad so much it is nearly unbearable at times. Dad died in 2000 and Mom almost 2 years ago in 2012. I hope you can spend time with your Mom...every second possible. For one day she will be gone, and the feeling of deep sadness that envelops when you realize you have lost the last parent and you are a child orphan is one of life's greatest sorrows. While she is still there...with you...I trust God will arrange it to where you can be with her. Just hold her close and tell her over and over how much she means to you! What I would give for the chance to do that just one...more....time. It takes time...grief works differently for each person. Give yourself time and space to breathe and to walk this road in your own way. God be with you, my friend, and lead you out of this valley into a happier place.
ReplyDeleteHe is always there!
ReplyDeleteThanks for linking up with Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday! God bless.
I read your heart, Sharon. Thank you for the courage to share from the depths... sometimes the putting into words of what would otherwise be non-verbal blobs of emotions helps articulate and bring clarity... And you are probably right, there is a spiritual dimension to what you are feeling. You are not alone, and you are not forsaken. And... you are also right, we're not home.
ReplyDeleteI think you are brave!! Much more brave than you realize. This is a SEASON....it too shall pass. But during this season you will find your God nearer than He has ever seemed before. Praying for you today friend. ♥
ReplyDeleteI'm on the other end of the spectrum as a new stay-at-home mom to our one-year-old boy, but I can relate to the loneliness. Shortly after I left my job to stay at home, we moved to a new, much smaller town. I am so thankful for being able to stay home with my son and am so thankful for my husband's job, and I'm thankful for not having to always be in a hurry rushing to daycare - work - daycare - home - repeat. But, I still struggle with those lonely days, especially when my husband is gone for military duties :s
ReplyDeleteGod has taught me so much through my particular situation; especially that He is all I really need and He knows all my needs! He has provided me with new friendships and relationships in this town, a Bible study, and the solitude (while baby is sleeping at least!) to spend more time with Him and just exist.
While I was working out of the home, I was in such a hurry all the time that I missed out on being "fully present" and just having God's peace in my soul!
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences in that season of life and for reaching out to bless and comfort others BY sharing your experiences. It's easy to think that the grass is always greener in a different season of life, but it seems that each season has it's special blessings and also it's challenges.
God bless,
Amy @ http://livinglifetruth.blogspot.com/
I'm so happy you posted this...it gives me solid words to pray for you. And I will...
ReplyDeleteHi Dear! I think you are going through a time of adjustment, and those times are not easy. Seems like everything you used to tie yourself down and feel at ease has been taken. So now what? All that floating doesn't feel very good, does it?
ReplyDeleteYou are so close to the Lord Sharon, whether he feels close to you or not. I have this quote that I wrote down to help me. Maybe it will help you? "Hardships often prepare ordinary people for extraordinary things." I think you will come out of this a stronger, more focused person.
There is a reason why you are in the mountains now. I don't know why, but the Lord will tell you. Maybe he wants you to focus on him. Maybe he wants you to focus on you? You'll get there. It's the getting there that stinks though, right?
Praying for you, and walking in Spirit with you,
Ceil
I'm so glad you posted this, Sharon. It's like a song of reflection. Writing out your hurts but ending in beautiful hope that maybe all this is "A chance not to focus on the stillness, but on the still, small voice." Thank you for refreshing my spirit today.
ReplyDeleteMy dear friend, Sharon. Everyone here has given you such wisdom and advice, there is little to add. Know that you are loved and prayed for daily. I, too, wish I could hug you right now or drive over to California and visit you. The feelings you are having come with great loss and don't minimize these losses--your father; time with your mother and the guilt that comes with that; your sons as independent young men (I know that one too well); your environment that was so familiar; a new season in life marked by more questions than answers (I know this one, too); and the loss of seeing your grandbeagle. Any one of those would cause grief but to have them heaped one on top of another is an enormous loss. Accepting that your grief and sense of disconnectedness is normal for this time in your life will help you to survive and once again thrive. This is a season of grieving for you. But it will turn into a season of growth, in His time.
ReplyDeleteContinue to cling to Jesus even when you don't feel Him for our faith is not based on feelings but the truth of His word. For right now, just continue to press His assurances from His Word into your heart. They may not change your feelings right now but they will bring light into the darkness of grief.
Realize how many people you have blessed with just this one post! God is using you everyday. Keep writing the truth from where you are. You do have purpose.
In my recent Bible Study of Nehemiah, the author Kelly Minter says, "We may not have hopped over literal snakes and scorpions in our past, or gone without food, but most all of us have walked through seasons that felt LIKE A VAST AND DREADFUL DESERT OR A THIRSTY AND WATERLESS LAND. You may even be in one of those wilderness wanderings now wondering how much longer you can scrape by on manna and suck drops of water out of a rock. I pray this is a timely word for you--and not a cheer from the cheap seats---God purposes to bring you through these times so 'in the end He might cause you to prosper.'"
Here she is quoting Deuteronomy 8:16.
I will be praying for you, Sharon, along with many of your dear friends here.
Love,
Janis
I'm late reading this one Sharon but it does speak to me. In many ways I can relate to those feelings of being lost and as if the silence will swallow you up. Thanks for your courage to hit the publish button.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your heart. In my own season of life, I experiences feelings of loss and lonlieness too often. Your post was so encouraging. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone. I understand totally what you are saying but haven't many words since I am just week from being sick.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for being so raw, real and vulnerable. I too am still grieving the passing of my precious mother. It will be two years in May. I am a full time care taker to my dad now. I'm already sad knowing that I most likely won't have him much longer either. My children are grown and live in distant cities. I am very much cut off from the world, sometimes feeling lonely and fearing I'm turning into a recluse. You are blessed in that you have a wonderful husband. I so miss being in love and married. I do have peace however that the Lord is using this time to "grow" me spiritually. I have a more intimate relationship with the Man of Sorrows. For this I am most thankful. So glad I found you! I'm signing up with you now! God bless you sweet sister.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah Sharon ... like so many above (really good comments) ... I can relate and find it somewhat sad that many of the above can also ... and "home just doesn't feel like home" to me either ... and that loneliness, that prison, whether imaginary, chosen or very real ... it is a difficult place to be and leave and overcome and ... (sigh) Grief is that way! Leaving behind your "comfort zone" of before and readjusting is still weighing on your heart and mind, with hopes for a better, quiet and rest filled life (but for us, it isn't YET) ... hold on, my dear friend and sister Sharon ... JOY comes in the morning and through the mourning ... of so many losses or changes ... times of pruning and growth, however we know there is a time for everything under this SON ... and HE still rises and lives within you ... and me. I love how you related this to the intimate Man of Sorrows (so timely and appropriate). Clinging with you ... leaning in to the promise that we are never alone ... and know that WE ARE NEVER ALONE "when we walk through the storm, hold your head up high .... and don't be afraid of the dark ... at the end of the 'storm' is a golden sky and the sweet silver song of a lark ...
ReplyDelete"... Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Though your dreams be tossed, and blown.
Walk on, walk on with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone, you'll never walk alone.
When you walk through the storm
Hold your head up high..."
May you find comfort in these words and my heart for you ... with prayers,
Peggy
Over a year later I came across this post. I am so glad you published it. It is so helpful to me to know I am not alone in my struggles. Mine are not exactly the same as yours, but your words really spoke to me.
ReplyDeleteAndrea