LIFE IS A BOWL OF BRUSSELS SPROUTS

Vegetables.

Used to hate 'em – now I love 'em.

Except.

Brussels sprouts.  (Which, for most of my life I thought were actually called brussel sprouts.  But no!  Brussels sprouts is correct, for they are thought to have originated in Brussels, Belgium).

I digress.

I have always hated Brussels sprouts.  

And lima beans.

And creamed corn.

I am actually gagging a bit even as I type their names.  Evidently they hold the power of suggestion over my gag reflex.

All the other squishy vegetables that I hated as a child?  I now love them! Zucchini is my best friend.  Butternut squash?  A winner!  I have even made peace with peas.  ("Give peas a chance…")

But not those three.


So, here's the deal, though.

My dad loved these vegetables, and he insisted on my mom fixing them all the time.

ALL. THE. TIME.

And the worst was when my mom got sick, and had to stay in bed.  Which never, ever happened.  So that's probably why I remember the one time it actually did happen.

And Dad cooked.

And yes, you guessed it.  Brussels sprouts galore.

My dad was a big guy, too – 6'3" and over 200 pounds.  So, not only did we have the dreaded Brussels, we also had Dad-sized portions.

We sat at that table for like two hours.

"You are not leaving that table until you've cleaned your plates."

Gag.

"And I'd better not hear the garbage disposer turned on."

Tears and gagging.


I don't know how I survived that night.

I do know how somebody survived – my sister.  You see, she had discovered that an old electrical outlet had been removed and papered over in the kitchen nook.  And she had wiggled a small opening in said wallpaper, and managed to hide unwanted food in there!

I'm not sure that I can describe the stench after several weeks.

Mom discovered it – thank goodness!

Otherwise, my dad might have punished us by serving Brussels sprouts, with a creamed corn sauce, and lima bean ice cream for dessert.

Gag.


I'm not really sure what triggered this blog post.

Perhaps a subconscious childhood flashback?

Table trauma?  Dinner despair?  Food fear?

Maybe someone's delicious blog recipe for Brussels sprouts?  (If you have a delicious recipe, I apologize.  But, for me, delicious and Brussels sprouts will never, ever fit in the same sentence.  Culinary oxymoron for me…)

Regardless, I'm thinking right now about how to derive a devotional from this!!

And, it's this.

Sometimes life is a bowl of Brussels sprouts.

Not cherries – but maybe the pits!!

Yup.

Things that we don't like at all.  

Oh sure, these things might be good for us, but they are not palatable to our innate desire for a comfortable and *tasty* life!

We want an ice cream life, I think.

Sugary and sweet.

Dessert and sodas and candy all the time.  

Here's the thing, though.  Empty calories will not nourish.  Not in real life, nor in our spiritual lives.

So sometimes it's necessary for us to experience things we don't like.

Because sometimes, the very things that we don't like are the very things that we most need.

Testing, refinement, character-building.


God knows this.

He knows exactly what *food* our souls need to survive, and to thrive.  And He is absolutely dedicated to "serving this up" in our lives.

Dessert?  Sometimes.  Fruits and Vegetables?  Often.

Yucky Brussels sprouts, lima beans, and creamed corn?

Oh yes, most certainly.


Life is a bowl of Brussels sprouts at times, whether we like it or not…

But dear Lord, I still want a balanced spiritual life.  I want to be fed well. So, bring to my life the things that aren't necessarily *tasty* and palatable to the comfortable life I want to live.

Serve up the stuff that is nutritious.

And good for me.

For this one thing I believe with all of my heart…

Father knows best!

Do you see Mr. Lima Bean
right smack dab
in the middle of this photo???
Gag.  

"You gave your good Spirit to instruct them.  You did not withhold your manna from their mouths, and you gave them water for their thirst."(Nehemiah 9:20, NIV)

"All of them ate the same spiritual food, and all of them drank the same spiritual water.  For they drank from the spiritual rock that traveled with them, and that rock was Christ." (1 Corinthians 10:3-4, NLT)

"When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart's delight, for I bear your name, LORD God Almighty." (Jeremiah 15:16, NIV)

"I have not departed from the command of His lips; I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my necessary food." (Job 23:12, NASB)

"How sweet are Your words to my taste!  Yes, sweeter than honey to my mouth!" (Psalm 119:103, NASB)

"The laws of the LORD are true...They are sweeter than honey, even honey dripping from the comb." (Psalm 19:9-10, NLT)

"Like newborn babies, you must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation.  Cry out for this nourishment, now that you have had a taste of the Lord's kindness." (1 Peter 2:2-3, NLT)

"'Do not work for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you'...'Our fathers ate the manna in the wilderness; as it is written, 'He gave them bread from heaven to eat.'  Jesus then said to them, 'Truly, truly, I say to you, it was not Moses who gave you the bread from heaven, but my Father gives you the true bread from heaven.  For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.'  They said to him, 'Sir, give us this bread always.'

Jesus said to them, 'I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst...I am the bread of life. Your fathers ate the manna in the wilderness, and they died.  This is the bread that comes down from heaven, so that one may eat of it and not die.  I am the living bread that came down from heaven.  If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever.  And the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh.'" (From John 6, ESV)

"He took some bread and gave thanks to God for it.  Then he broke it in pieces and gave it to the disciples, saying, 'This is my body, which is given for you. Do this to remember me.'" (Luke 22:19, NLT)

"Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good!" (Psalm 34:8, ESV)

"Give us today the food we need..." (Matthew 6:11, NLT)



Do you have a vegetable that you just can't stand?  What is it?




Linked with:

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R & R WEDNESDAYS, UNITE, WHOLEHEARTED WEDNESDAYS, CAPTURE YOUR JOURNEY, TEACHING WHAT IS GOOD, COFFEE & CONVERSATION, SO MUCH AT HOME, TELL HIS STORY, WORD FILLED WEDNESDAY, THREE WORD WEDNESDAY, COFFEE FOR YOUR HEART, WISE WOMAN, BELOVED BREW THURSDAYS, THOUGHT-PROVOKING THURSDAY, LITTLE THINGS THURSDAYS, EVERYDAY JESUS, HEARTS FOR HOME, SHINE, GRACE AT HOME, THOUGHTFUL THURSDAYS, LIGHT FRIDAY HIT LIST, MAKE MY SATURDAY SWEET, FRIENDSHIP FRIDAY, FELLOWSHIP FRIDAY, FELLOWSHIP FRIDAYS, FAITH FILLED FRIDAY, SPIRITUAL SUNDAYS, COUNTING MY BLESSINGS, A GROUP LOOK, STILL SATURDAY, WEEKEND BREW, SATURDAY SOIREE, RECOMMENDATION SATURDAY, GIVE ME GRACE, SUNDAY STILLNESS



BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE A FAKE

I do, you know.

Sometimes I feel like a Christian fraud.

Will you allow me to explain?

Let me start by saying that I believe what I believe.  I know that I know what I know.

I have wholehearted faith, full-hearted faith.

And yet…

Sometimes I don't live like I do.

Sometimes, I am living according to fear.


Yes, all too often I am overcome by feelings of anxiety, dread, worry, and panic.  All too often, I buy a ticket and jump on the "What-If Train" – what if this happens, what if that happens.  I don't just wait for the other shoe to drop – I am convinced that it's going to drop on me.

The things I worry about are too numerous to count.  Family, relationships, finances, health.  You know, all those little *worms* that niggle into your mind and refuse to leave.

And all too often my actions are motivated by the deep need to avoid feeling fear.

Sometimes it all gets out of control. 


When my fear rises and begins to spiral out of control, there are two areas that flare up.

I find myself "check-check-checking" over and over again.  Is the front door locked?  Did I lock my car?  Did I leave the lights on?  Did I forget something? (Honestly, you should see me trying to leave a hotel room!)

I also find myself overly concerned with germs.  I wash my hands a bunch, and get nervous about eating leftovers.  (Which could be a good thing if you're dieting.  But in this case, not so much.)

And then that leads to me becoming a first-year medical student.  I remember talking to my doctor about this once.  And he used that example. He said he didn't know any newbie medical student who didn't think he had every disease he was studying about!  And let me tell you, when this frame of mind takes over, the Internet is NOT my friend.


So, here's where the issue of "fake" comes in.

I write a lot about faith and hope and peace and trust.

I believe strongly in these things.

But when I get caught up in a web of fear, when anxiety cycles out of control, then I feel like I am preaching something I'm not doing.

I feel like I'm "talking the talk" but not "walking the walk."

And then, to top everything off, I end up feeling guilty that I'm a lousy Christian.

Door opens.

And the enemy comes in.

"Boy, Sharon, some Christian you are.  You talk a big story, but when it comes right down to it, you don't trust God at all.  What a hypocrite you are."

Worst part?

I listen.

And internalize the lie.


So, friends, this is my true confession.  I sometimes find myself so fear-full that I can barely breathe.  And I felt the strong need to tell you this.  To *come clean* with my struggles.  To admit that sometimes I don't live like I believe the Truth that I truly believe.

It's a spiritual dilemma, for sure.

Do any of you struggle with this?

Maybe not fear, but maybe some other character flaw that makes you feel like you're not living the way you believe?

I suppose I'm not alone.

I do hold on tightly to what Paul says in Romans 7.  Here's how I might paraphrase it:

"I want to trust God, but sometimes I can't.  I want to believe all His promises, but sometimes I act like I don't.  I don't want to be fearful, but I am anyway.  I have discovered this principle of life – that when I want to do what is right, when I want to follow Him closely, I am inevitably hit with an onslaught of fear.  I love God and His Word with all my heart.  But it's like there is another power within me that is at war with my mind and heart."


Yup.

That's it exactly.

But, even as I typed those words, I see that something snuck in there without me really thinking about it.  A phrase, a clue.

"…when I want to follow Him closely…"

Is this the crux of the problem?

Am I a threat when I seek to follow God closely?  Is this why the arrows come out?  Is this why the enemy steps up his attacks?  Does this explain the bazooka barrage of fear that batters me?

I wonder.

And I wonder how I feel about that.

Truthfully, I feel divided.

Sorta not wanting to be on the enemy's radar – not wanting to be his target. And yet, I sorta feel an "in-your-face" moment of small victory.  Like it's sorta nice to feel that my faith is strong enough that I might be considered someone to be reckoned with.

Yeah, me.  Fearful, anxiety-ridden, but somehow still faithful me.

I actually looked up the word "fake" in Sharon's Acrostic Dictionary.  Here's what I found:

F aithfully
A cknowledging the
K ing in
E verything

Not what I expected to find, but that is indeed me!


So, friends, this is my confession.

That sometimes I feel like a fake because my fears belie the faith that I have in the Lord.  That sometimes I don't live out what I truly believe.  That sometimes I have trouble "walking the walk" that I talk about so sincerely.

And yet, perhaps this does not make me fake.  Perhaps this makes me real?

And perhaps that is where the *real* walk of faith walks.

In the trenches of real life, with all its ups and downs.  On the stony path of troublesome circumstances and stumbling hardship.

In the innermost and truest feelings where flawed personalities meet God where it really counts.

But this is also the place where we are most apt to turn to Him, to throw ourselves upon His mercy, to cry out in our agony, to know to the depths of our souls how very much we need Him.

For this is, indeed, where my fears drive me.

To my knees, crying out to the One who I know exists.

To the One I love.

To the One I know loves me. 

To the One I know is good, no matter how much I doubt Him or fear the path ahead of me.

Somewhere underneath the quicksand of fear, there is the bedrock of faith. 

The Rock of faith – who even when I cannot drum up trust, is still unchangingly and permanently trust-worthy.

Sigh.


Yes, sometimes I am full of fear.  Overcome with emotion.  Tossed by stewing and fretting.  Paralyzed by anxiety.

Riding the "What-If Train" – choo, choo – and running away from falling shoes.

But even here I find the Lord.  

And here the Lord finds me.

There is peace in knowing Him.

This day and tomorrow...

Forever.

Take courage.
Do not be afraid.
It is I.
I am here. 

"Oh, what a miserable person I am!  Who will free me from this life...Thank God!  The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord." (Romans 7:24-25, NLT)

"The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.'" (Romans 8:15, NIV)


"Listen to my prayer, O God.  
Do not ignore my cry for help!  
Please listen and answer me, for I am overwhelmed by my troubles.  
My enemies shout at me, making loud and wicked threats.  
They bring trouble on me and angrily hunt me down.  
My heart pounds in my chest.  
The terror of death assaults me.  
Fear and trembling overwhelm me, and I can’t stop shaking.  
Oh, that I had wings like a dove;
then I would fly away and rest!  
I would fly far away to the quiet of the wilderness...

But I will call on God,
and the LORD will rescue me.
Morning, noon, and night
I cry out in my distress,
and the LORD hears my voice.
He ransoms me and keeps me safe
from the battle waged against me,
though many still oppose me.
God, who has ruled forever,
will hear me and humble them...

Give your burdens to the LORD,
and he will take care of you.
He will not permit the godly to slip and fall."

(From Psalm 55, NLT)


"Say to those with fearful hearts, 'Be strong, and do not fear, for your God is coming to destroy your enemies.  He is coming to save you.'" 
(Isaiah 35:4, NLT)

"I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears." (Psalm 34:4, ESV)

"When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You.  In God, whose word I praise, In God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid." (Psalm 56:3-4, NASB)

"Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.  And God’s peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7, AMP)

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." (John 14:27, ESV)

"For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'Do not fear; I will help you.'" (Isaiah 41:13, NIV)



Where do you struggle to "walk the walk" of faith?



Linked with:

PLAYDATES WITH GOD, UNFORCED RHYTHMS, INSPIRE ME MONDAY, MONDAY'S MUSINGS, MONDAYS AT SOUL SURVIVAL, MAKE A DIFFERENCE MONDAYS, GOOD MORNING MONDAYS, SHARING HIS BEAUTY, TELL ME A TRUE STORY, UNITE, SOLI DEO GLORIA, TITUS 2 TUESDAYS, TESTIMONY TUESDAY, TUESDAY TALK, WHOLEHEARTED WEDNESDAYS, CAPTURE YOUR JOURNEY, TEACHING WHAT IS GOOD, A LITTLE R & R WEDNESDAYS, COFFEE & CONVERSATION, TELL HIS STORY, SO MUCH AT HOME, WORD FILLED WEDNESDAY, THREE WORD WEDNESDAY, COFFEE FOR YOUR HEART, WISE WOMAN, THRIVING THURSDAY, LITTLE THINGS THURSDAYS, EVERYDAY JESUS, HEARTS FOR HOME, GRACE AT HOME, BELOVED BREW, SHINE, THOUGHTFUL THURSDAYS, MISSIONAL WEEKEND, FELLOWSHIP FRIDAYS, MAKE MY SATURDAY SWEET, LIGHT FRIDAY HIT LIST, A GROUP LOOK, FELLOWSHIP FRIDAY, FAITH FILLED FRIDAY, SPIRITUAL SUNDAYS, COUNTING MY BLESSINGS, FAITH & FELLOWSHIP, STILL SATURDAY, WEEKEND BREW, SATURDAY SOIREE, GRACE & TRUTH, SUNDAY STILLNESS, GIVE ME GRACE



BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

I MISS YOU, DAD

This week I will mark the one-year anniversary of my father's passing.

What a year.

It's interesting to me how God works.  How sometimes He prepares your heart for something in such a tangible way.  Sometime during 2012, I had a strong sense that Dad's days were numbered.

In some ways, it wasn't a huge revelation.  Dad was completely bent over, so thin and feeble.  And his mind was rapidly receding into a faraway place.  He'd had a couple of mini-strokes in the previous years, and his diabetes was taking its toll.

But still...

He was DAD.

He'd always been a large figure in my life.  Literally, at 6'3" and around 230 lbs., he was a LARGE figure!  I can remember how some of my friends were intimidated by him.

One funny story?

My dad's mother and father loved to travel.  And they brought home gifts. One year, they gave my dad a black silk robe.

Flash forward to one night when a couple of guys thought it would be "great fun" to drive up our steep driveway, ring our doorbell, and peal out.  Well, they drove up our driveway, skidded into a planter, and tore up quite a few plants that You-Know-Who had planted (Dad!)

The car's tires got stuck in the mud – spinning out of control with no traction.

Suddenly, Mr. Martial Arts himself flung open the front door!

At the same time, the car found ground, and backed up at 1,000 mph, sped down the driveway, and drag-raced down the street and out of sight.

Dad stormed out the front door and waved his fist at the departing hooligans.

Dad asked, but I never 'fessed up to who they were.

A few days later, one of the guys, a good friend, told me how very, very scared they had been!  I think they thought that Dad had earned his black belt!!  


I digress.

But this is just one of many stories when Dad's literal physical presence was such a comfort to me, such a steady source of security.  And it serves to convey how very difficult it was to see this Ivy League college graduate (who exempted all his finals), successful small business owner, one-time elder in the church, all-around BIG guy deteriorate.

And yet, as I look back, I think God was doing a merciful preparation in my heart.  I knew Dad was going…and soon.


A year ago, my dad took a terrible tumble out of bed.  

I was down visiting my parents, but somewhere else at the time.  And this day, my youngest son *just happened* to be working downstairs on a project in my dad's workshop.

I got a call from him.

"Mom, you'd better come here.  Papa fell out of bed and he's hurt really bad."

Well, yes.  He was.  Very bad.

I remember calling 911.  I remember the wailing sound of the ambulance in the distance.  I remember the unsettling and rather creepy feeling of knowing that it was coming for us.  I remember riding over to the hospital in the front seat of the ambulance.  I remember hearing Dad crying out in pain in the back.

I spent every day with him during his week in the hospital.

I went and saw him at the nursing/rehab place he was transferred to.

I got called late one night to come over.  My dad was thrashing and yelling and trying to get out of bed.  They thought that I might be able to console him.

I dashed over, settled him down, and rubbed his forehead and eyebrows until he went back to sleep.

Little did I know that these would be my last moments with him.


I was awakened at around 3:45 AM just a day and a half later, with these words:

"Is this Sharon, Mr. N's daughter?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry, but he passed away."

The rest of the words are blurry.

I remember calling everyone in the family, waiting as everyone arrived at my parents' house.  Talking as we waited for my mother to wake up to break the news to her.  Her surprise at seeing all of us.  Me walking her back into her room to change out of her nightgown.

Watching her face begin to sense the truth.  

Hearing her words:

"Everyone's here.  That's nice.  Wait, did something happen to Dad?  Did he die?"

"Yes, Mom, he did.  It's going to be OK."

I held her.


These are just snippets from that time.  A time that came as a shock, but not a surprise.  You see, I feel that God had prepared me.  And when the moment finally arrived, I was upheld with a strength that could only have come from Him.

This week will mark the one-year anniversary of the day that my dad died. And yet, it really marks the day when he entered the presence of our Lord.

One year later, that makes all the difference!


I miss you, Dad, and I always will, until we meet again.


My poem for you, today.


I MISS YOU, DAD

Through life and death, I have seen it all
From the joy of celebration to the gray of death's pall,
And when the time came to say goodbye
There were moments when I wished that I could die.

For pain wounded sharp, with slashing blows
Bringing times when my hope was dashed so low,
Moments when the ache in my heart burned deep
Moments when the grief kept me from sleep.

But now a year later, I pause to recall
That your death wasn't death, not really at all,
For on that day when you left us behind
In truth our dear Lord was just being kind.

For He released you from the shell of decay
He brought you to Him on your homecoming day,
And though I will miss you every day that I live
I know there is a future that God has to give.

We will see each other once again I know
When in the Light of Heaven our faces glow,
And I will have joy, just as you do now
No more furrows will wrinkle my brow.

Freed by grace, enwrapped in love
One day I will join you in the sky above,
And then all my sorrow will fade and cease
For I will experience the depth of God's peace.

So until that day, Dad, I will hold you dear
And fight the battle against the power of fear,
For I know that there is something more to death
Than just the mere ending of earthly breath.

There is wonder when we reach Heaven's door
A beginning, a new start, and oh so much more,
For reality begins when we leave this land
Reality begins when God takes our hand.

Through life and death, I have seen it all
From the joy of celebration to the gray of death's pall,
But even though I've had to say goodbye
I know that truly, we will never die!


© Sharon Kirby
December 31, 2014

Do not grieve,
my dearest daughter.
We will meet
again! 

"My purpose in writing is simply this: that you who believe in God's Son will know beyond the shadow of a doubt that you have eternal life, the reality and not the illusion." (1 John 5:13, The Message)

"...in fact, Christ has been raised from the dead.  He is the first of a great harvest of all who have died...now the resurrection from the dead has begun through another man...everyone who belongs to Christ will be given new life." (1 Corinthians 15:20, 21, 22, NLT)

"And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope.  For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died." (1 Thessalonians 4:13-14, NLT)

"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man.  He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God.  He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.'  And he who was seated on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making all things new.'" (Revelation 21:3-5, ESV)


Here's the Truth that serves as the beginning and the end, the *bookends* of our HOPE:

"Jesus said, 'It is finished.'" (John 19:30, NIV)

"'It is done!  I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end.'" (Revelation 21:6)



How does the hope of Heaven bring peace to you today?



Linked with:

SHARING HIS BEAUTY, PLAYDATES WITH GOD, UNFORCED RHYTHMS, MONDAY'S MUSINGS, MONDAYS AT SOUL SURVIVAL, MAKE A DIFFERENCE MONDAY, GOOD MORNING MONDAYS, SOLI DEO GLORIA, TELL ME A TRUE STORY, TITUS 2 TUESDAYS, TESTIMONY TUESDAY, TUESDAY TALK, UNITE, A LITTLE R & R WEDNESDAYS, WHOLEHEARTED WEDNESDAYS, CAPTURE YOUR JOURNEY, TEACHING WHAT IS GOOD, THREE WORD WEDNESDAY, COFFEE FOR YOUR HEART, TELL HIS STORY, WISE WOMAN, COFFEE AND CONVERSATION, SO MUCH AT HOME, WORD FILLED WEDNESDAY, THOUGHT-PROVOKING THURSDAY, LITTLE THINGS THURSDAY, EVERYDAY JESUS, HEARTS FOR HOME, GRACE AT HOME, SHINE, THRIVING THURSDAY, THOUGHTFUL THURSDAYS, FRIENDSHIP FRIDAY, MISSIONAL WEEKEND, FELLOWSHIP FRIDAYS, FELLOWSHIP FRIDAY, SPIRITUAL SUNDAYS, FAITH FILLED FRIDAY, COUNTING MY BLESSINGS, MAKE MY SATURDAY SWEET, FAITH & FELLOWSHIP, A GROUP LOOK, GRACE & TRUTH, STILL SATURDAY, SATURDAY SOIREE, WEEKEND BREW, RECOMMENDATION SATURDAY, SUNDAY STILLNESS, GIVE ME GRACE



BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

ANNOUNCING MY WORD FOR 2015

May I have the envelope, please?

(Insert drum roll…)

My Word for 2015 is – HEALING.


I must tell you the story about how it arrived.

A couple of months ago, I had a meltdown.  A good old sobfest with "The Hub."  Numerous things were swirling through my emotions.  Numerous aches in my heart were especially acute.

"The Hub" was dismayed.

You see, he does not like to see me cry.  I don't think any man likes to see his loved one cry.  It seems to trigger their *fix-it* gene.

He looked at me, rather desperately, and said, "What is wrong with you?"

And I, just as desperately replied, "I'm just so broken.  I feel like I'm in a million pieces.  I just really need God to heal me."

As soon as the word came out of my mouth, I felt it.  It triggered something deep.  It touched a nerve somewhere in my soul.

Later, after many Kleenexes – (for after all, meltdowns are sloppy business) – later I got to thinking more about what I said.  And realized…

Yes, healing – that's what I want.

And I started to wonder if this could be my word for the coming year.  Two things kept me from claiming it at this point.  One, it was early.  Most often, the word doesn't arrive until December sometime.  And two, I was concerned that I was making this word my choice because it's what I wanted.

I like it when God picks.

So, I put it aside for the time being.

Well, as the weeks progressed, I started wondering some more.  So I prayed. Prayed that God would confirm this word, HEALING, if it was His choice.


Two things happened.

Here's the first thing.  I have had incredible insomnia over the last year.  My mind just won't shut off.  Many times I can't fall asleep, or I wake up and can't get back to sleep.  Either scenario is annoying.  But very often these are also the times when I am attacked with arrows of anxious thoughts and the hammer of fear is slung hard.

So, one night I got up and logged onto the internet.  And, I googled this phrase, "dear lord do you see me?"

At the top of the list was something called The Dear God Project.  And the very first sentence of the snippet below was this:

"I truly believe Lord that only you can heal me and you're my only hope."

Right there – the word – HEAL.

Sigh...


Still not wanting to "handpick" my word, I continued to ask for another confirmation.  (Hey, I figured it was OK to ask again.  Gideon did it…)

Soon after, a dear friend, Cheryl, posted this.  And once again, I felt the Lord tap me and say,

"It's OK, Sharon.  Yes, I will grant this word to you for the year.  But let Me teach you what it really means.  For My healing will go deeper than you can even imagine."


So…HEALING.

I tell you what, I don't really know what to expect.

But I have a feeling that God is going to teach me something deeply important and meaningful in this process of healing during this year.

And it's probably going to be something completely different than what I'm thinking – new avenues of revelation, new truths to explore, and new surprises along the journey.

For one thing, I'll tell you what I want when I think of this word.  I want God to fix me, and fix my life.  I want Him to take everything bad away.

I want THAT kind of healing.  The good kind.  Like how a warm bath soothes away the aches and pains.

God is most likely going to do something else, something more.


Three things He's already whispering to me.

First of all, healing might just require more brokenness.

I am reminded of how a broken bone sometimes needs to be re-broken so it can heal properly.  I can remember how it once took a year for a piece of stepped-on broken glass to finally work its way out of my foot.  Or the time when weeks after having an impacted wisdom tooth removed, a painful leftover piece once again required surgery to remove.

To reveal His healing, God is going to have to reveal where I'm really broken.  

Not just the areas that hurt.  There's a difference.  The areas where I hurt are the areas that have something to do with my comfort.  God wants to bring healing to the areas that have something to do with my character.

And that just might require some *ouch.*


Second, though I am seeking and wanting healing for myself, it just might arrive as I reach out to others with a healing touch.

For example, a few weeks ago "The Hub" and I came across a homeless man sitting in front of a dollar store.  His head hung low, and he was particularly scrungy.  Yet, we felt compelled to reach out with a small gift of money.

As we approached, his head came up, and I reached out my hand to give him our small offering.  And before I knew it, without thinking (thank you, Holy Spirit!), I blurted this out:

"Are you cold?  Could you use a blanket?"

Of course he answered yes.

We had to travel around to find somewhere to buy that blanket, and added a sweatshirt and some water, too.

But oh, how good it felt to do this.  My heart felt full and satisfied.  I knew that we had indeed touched on a secret to healing.

"And if you give even a cup of cold water to one of the least of my followers, you will surely be rewarded." (Matthew 10:42, NLT)

Yes, my healing might have a whole lot more to do with the healing of others.


And finally, healing is going to be found in the nourishment of daily bread.

Last year was the first year in a very long time that I didn't read my Bible every day.  I started out well, but then my dad fell and went to the hospital and then passed away.  My days were crazy and disrupted – in fact, the whole year has been a bit of a seesaw.

Yes, I was in the Word.  But not in an intentional, methodical way.  I missed it.  Frankly, I think it had a lot to do with my struggles.  So this year, with the Lord's help, I am going to return to the discipline of daily reading.

I have a feeling that this practice is deeply tied to healing.


So, boom, there it is…my new word.

HEALING.

I think of the time when Jesus said this:

"When Jesus heard this, he told them, 'Healthy people don't need a doctor – sick people do.  I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.'" (Mark 2:17, NLT)

Oh yes.  I am a sinner in deep need of healing.  I desperately require the services of the Great Physician.  And, I am glad that I know it.  It opens the door for the Lord to work.


I close with a remembrance of the scene of the man at the pool of Bethesda.  A man who had been an invalid for 38 years.  Jesus, arriving on the scene, had this to say:

"When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, 'Do you want to be healed?'" (John 5:6, ESV)

Perhaps this is the beginning point of my year of healing – answering that question.  Because it's not as straightforward as it seems.  My gut reaction is to scream, "YES!  Of course I do!  I am in pain, after all."

But true healing is going to require learning other lessons.

Lessons of humility, desire, longing, self-sacrifice, surrender.

For after all, I want healing that soothes.

God wants healing that delves.  He's going to probe, and dig, and reveal where I'm truly broken…

Am I ready?

Yes, Lord, I believe I am.  Help my unbelief.


So, just as He said to this same man, He is saying to me:

"Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk!"

One step at a time, yoked with Him and in His strength, I am going to do just that.


"Taking her by the hand he said to her, 'Talitha cumi,' which means, 'Little girl, I say to you, arise.'" (Mark 5:41, ESV)


OK, Lord, I rise…

(To be continued…)

For I will restore health
unto thee,
and I will heal thee
of thy wounds.

"Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows…he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed." (Isaiah 53:4-5, ESV)

"For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal." (Job 5:18, NIV)

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." 
(Psalm 147:3, ESV) 

"O LORD, if you heal me, I will be truly healed; if you save me, I will be truly saved." (Jeremiah 17:14, NLT) 

"Have compassion on me, LORD, for I am weak.  Heal me, LORD…" 
(Psalm 6:2, NLT)

"Come, let us return to the LORD.  He has torn us to pieces; now he will heal us.  He has injured us; now he will bandage our wounds." (Hosea 6:1, NLT)

"They will turn to the LORD, and he will respond to their pleas and heal them." (Isaiah 19:22, NIV)

"Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress.  He sent out his word and healed them, and delivered them…" (Psalm 107:19-20, ESV)

"The LORD hears his people when they call to him for help.  He rescues them from all their troubles.  The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.  The righteous person faces many troubles, but the LORD comes to the rescue each time.” (Psalm 34:17-19, NLT)

"…Thus says the LORD…'I have heard your prayer; I have seen your tears.  Behold, I will heal you.'" (2 Kings 20:5, ESV)

"He took her by the hand and said to her, 'Talitha koum!' (which means 'Little girl, I say to you, get up!').  Immediately the girl stood up…" 
(Mark 5:41-42, NIV)

"'Behold, I will bring…health and healing, and I will heal them; and I will reveal to them an abundance of peace and truth.'" (Jeremiah 33:6, NASB)

"'My child, pay attention to what I say.  Listen carefully to my words.  Don't lose sight of them.  Let them penetrate deep into your heart, for they bring life to those who find them, and healing to their whole body.'" 
(Proverbs 4:20-22, NLT)

"O LORD my God, I cried to You for help, and You healed me." 
(Psalm 30:2, NASB)

"...unto you who revere and worshipfully fear My name shall the Sun of Righteousness arise with healing in His wings and His beams, and you shall go forth and gambol like calves [released] from the stall and leap for joy." (Malachi 4:2, AMP)


"I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, 'Look, God's home is now among his people!  He will live with them, and they will be his people.  God himself will be with them.  He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.'

And the one sitting on the throne said, 'Look, I am making everything new!... Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true...It is finished!  I am the Alpha and the Omega – the Beginning and the End.  To all who are thirsty I will give freely from the springs of the water of life.  All who are victorious will inherit all these blessings, and I will be their God, and they will be my children.'" (Revelation 21:3-7, NLT)

"...for I am the LORD who heals you." (Exodus 15:26, NLT)

YAHWEH ROPHEKA (RAPHA)

***SIDENOTE: Be sure to check out my sidebar for some thoughts and definitions of healing.  And, I've also included some wonderful verses about healing.  (Look under MY WORD FOR 2015, and MY VERSES FOR 2015).

Additionally, please check out these new pages: 2015 QUOTES ON HEALING, 2015 THOUGHTS ON HEALING, 2015 SONGS OF HEALING, and A COMMENTARY ON HEALING.  I think you'll be edified in the reading – I most certainly was!

What is your Word for 2015?

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