It's been a tough week.
So, I hope you'll understand today's repost of something I wrote three years ago.
It's timely for me to revisit these thoughts, and to try to realign my feelings with what I know is Truth.
May God speak to us all again.
Ever been disappointed, rejected, betrayed?
I'm thinking if you've lived long enough, the answer to that question is yes.
People have a way of hurting other people.
Sometimes it's intentional, often it's not.
Mostly it doesn't matter.
Hurt still hurts…a lot.
And though hurt often leads to sad, sometimes it leads to MAD!
If I'm honest, I find that most of the time I get angry, it's really because I've gotten hurt.
Why is that, I wonder?
I think it has something to do with vulnerability – about how being vulnerable makes us feel small – victimized, dismissed, invalidated, diminished.
And we are, perhaps, never more vulnerable than when we've been hurt.
That's understandable.
But woe to the angry one!
Because anger is like a weed in our hearts – a weed that can quickly grow roots of bitterness.
And bitter roots are dangerous, choking things – they are deadly.
I've been thinking about this lately.
Been going through some new hurts – new hurts that are also stirring up some old hurts.
I am dismayed at how easily I have become an emotional bookkeeper.
Yup, I'm a good little accountant – keeping tally of perceived wrongs.
Keeping careful track of all the hurts inflicted on me. Recording the wounds, checking off the snubs and slights, adding up the words and the attitudes and the actions.
Marking them all down in red – until, before I know it...
I'm seeing RED!
Ugly admission, but true.
The enemy is quite happy about this.
After all, he's pleased when people visit *H & R Beelzebub*.
"Bring those receipts to me. Yes indeed. Let's add things up here. Sure enough, people have wronged you. You've been shortchanged. People OWE you…"
The fine print? "Those shallow, selfish, evil people. You're better than they are. You should hate them…"
His math?
Hurt + Anger = Bitterness.
Oh, what a battle it is when you feel *entitled* to your feelings.
Now, I'm not one to dismiss those feelings.
Feelings are real.
But they don't need to rule.
That's the secret, and that's the challenge.
Learning how to face the feelings, feel them, and then to let them go.
But, it's the only thing to do.
Because once those roots of bitterness begin to grow, they grow deep.
They cut a wide path of destruction.
They kill good plants, and thwart any growth of new fruit.
Like I said – deadly.
It's why God warns us so much about anger.
He knows it's a seed planted…
"And 'don't sin by letting anger control you.' Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil." (Ephesians 4:26-27, NLT)
"Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires." (James 1:20, NLT)
So, is anger wrong?
No, Jesus Himself got angry.
But God warns us against being angry…and sinning.
It's not the feeling that causes the problem.
It's the underlying reasons for the anger, and the indulging of anger that leads to problems.
It is *feeling the feeling* and letting it fester.
Ruminating upon it.
Feeding the flames.
Letting it lead us to bitterness.
Forgiveness?
No room for that in a bitter and resentful heart.
And God calls us to something bigger – something behind the act of forgiveness.
He calls us to love.
And love requires poor bookkeeping:
"It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." (1 Corinthians 13:5, NIV)
God calls us to forgive the debts AND the debtors...
...the debtors AND the debts.
Sigh.
I am facing a battle inside myself lately.
Knowing that the enemy is trying to inflame my hurts.
Trying to stimulate my anger.
Trying to make it feel righteous.
He's trying to water the roots…
Me?
I'm trying to face the feelings – without feeling the fireworks.
Praying to let go.
Allowing myself to feel the hurt, yes – but through the pain, learning to turn to the Binder of Wounds, the Friend of the Brokenhearted, the Champion of the Crushed.
Using my will to battle my injured heart, even though I am sorely tempted to give in to bitterness.
Remembering that Jesus bore wounds for me.
My precious Savior – hurt, disappointed, rejected, betrayed Jesus.
He was wounded for me.
So, I'm taking His precious blood and crossing out the debts in my *red column* of wrongs.
Giving Him the books.
Thanking Him for getting rid of the books that keep track of MY wrongs against other people.
Asking Him to forgive me for the many ways that I hurt HIM – for all MY marks in the *red column*.
Praising the Love that made it possible for my name to be entered into the only book that counts – the Book of Life.
Are you feeling disappointed, rejected, betrayed?
Has someone hurt you?
Are you reacting in anger?
Do you feel choked by the weedy threat of bitterness?
Oh dear friends, don't let the enemy get rooted…
Attach yourself more tightly to The Vine.
Is there any bitterness in your heart that God needs to uproot?
 |
A bitter root can destroy the mightiest tree. |
"'But the things that come out of a person's mouth come from the heart, and these defile them.'" (Matthew 15:18, NIV)
"The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil…It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one's life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell."
(James 3:6, NIV)
"A worthless man plots evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire."
(Proverbs 16:27, ESV)
"'The good man brings out of his good treasure what is good; and the evil man brings out of his evil treasure what is evil. But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.'" (Matthew 12:35-37, NASB)
"'It is written: 'As surely as I live,' says the Lord, 'every knee will bow before me; every tongue will acknowledge God.' So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God. Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister.'" (Romans 14:11-13, NIV)
"Peace has been stripped away…I cry out, 'My splendor is gone! Everything I had hoped for from the LORD is lost!' The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning."
(Lamentations 3:17-23, NLT)
"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things." (Philippians 4:8, NIV)
"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." (Proverbs 4:23, NIV)
Linked with:
MONDAY'S MUSINGS, MONDAYS AT SOUL SURVIVAL, LIFE GIVING LINKUP, GOOD MORNING MONDAYS, MONDAY OF MANY BLESSINGS, THANK GOODNESS IT'S MONDAY, THE ART OF HOMEMAKING MONDAYS, MUSING MONDAYS, MODEST MONDAY, MOTIVATION MONDAY, INSPIRE ME MONDAY, MOM-TO-MOM MONDAYS, MOMENTS OF HOPE, TELL ME A TRUE STORY, UNITE LINKUP, TITUS 2 TUESDAY, TELL IT TO ME TUESDAYS, TESTIMONY TUESDAY, TUESDAY TALK, RA RA LINKUP, TEACHING WHAT IS GOOD, WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY, TELL HIS STORY, WHOLEHEARTED WEDNESDAY, A LITTLE R & R WEDNESDAYS, WORD FILLED WEDNESDAY, THREE WORD WEDNESDAY, COFFEE FOR YOUR HEART, COFFEE & CONVERSATION, WOMEN WITH INTENTION, SITTING AMONG FRIENDS, GRACE MOMENTS, GROWING IN GRACE, THANKFUL THURSDAYS, LIVE FREE THURSDAY, THURSDAY FAVORITE THINGS, PARTY AT MY PLACE, SHINE BLOG HOP, THOUGHT-PROVOKING THURSDAY, FROM HOUSE TO HOME, GRACE AT HOME, THOUGHTFUL THURSDAYS, LITTLE THINGS THURSDAY, COZY READING SPOT, NO RULES WEEKEND BLOG PARTY, 100 HAPPY DAYS, FUNTASTIC FRIDAY, BLOGGER SPOTLIGHT PARTY, FRIENDSHIP FRIDAY, EVERYDAY TESTIMONY, FAITH FILLED FRIDAY, SPIRITUAL SUNDAYS, FAITH 'N FRIENDS, GRACE & TRUTH, DANCE WITH JESUS, FAMILY, FRIENDSHIP & FAITH, REWIND FRIDAY, MAKE MY SATURDAY SWEET, TGI SATURDAYS, WEEKEND WIND DOWN PARTY, LET US GROW, WORD OF GOD SPEAK, SMALL VICTORIES SUNDAY, GIVE ME GRACE, SOCIAL BUTTERFLY SUNDAY
BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"
Thanks Sharon!!! I needed that one back in 2013 and even still now!
ReplyDeleteIn fact, perhaps for much of my past and near future. Good word and worth repeating {although I don't think any of us would have known if you did not mention it, not even the previous 19}. Beware then and it's time for "uprooting" now ... and ouch, is right! I so appreciate your honest vulnerability because it shows me I'm not alone. {oops, did I really confess my "red" just now?}
I'm really sorry it's been a tough week for you. Pressing in on praying for you. With much love ~ Peggy (P.S. when and if you do make it over to my place again, please know you most certainly do not need to visit a full week's worth or every one and comment(heaven forbid)-though I so value your input; I think the etiquette policy is one for one, eh? - or is that the 'red' rule, an eye for an eye) heading back to 2013 for more truth and also your grateful thoughts where I get a bigger glimpse to what's up: sending love and a BIG hug! Hoping to be first today!
aww-still clueless about what's up because you have not had a chance to update "grateful thoughts"-I should have known from the sidebar-I'll be back. Please take care! Blessings~Peggy
DeleteI like how you said "I'm trying to face the feelings without feeling the fireworks. Sigh...so important, yet not always easy. I remember one instance a long time ago when I needed to forgive my Dad for something. As a relatively young Christian I thought I would just go to God and "forgive" my Dad in my heart and that would be that. Wrong. In that particular instance it took me almost a year of going to God everyday in prayer asking Him for help me forgive. It happened - but it took a while. Worth it, though. It doesn't always take that long, but it can. At least, that's how it worked on one occasion for me. Thanks for the post, Sharon. I've missed you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Sharon! Stopping by from the #lifegivinglinkup
ReplyDeleteRoots of bitterness definitely have to be uprooted before they get buried too deep! I think we are all prone to it, we just need to bring it to God sooner than later!
ReplyDeleteSorry its been a tough week for you; can only hope the one ahead is a bit better!
betty
Forgiveness is definitely the healing balm to hurt and anger. We've all seen (and often felt) the mixture of bitterness that results from it and it's never pretty. :(
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are hurting. Your post, however, is just what I needed.
ReplyDeleteI love that..."Love requires poor bookkeeping". So very true, hard to do but very much worth it in the end. This world is getting overrun by so many angry and ugly people, concerning anything it seems... and it just makes me so sad! It makes me just want to shake them and tell them to go find some joy! Whatever it is that has you upset, you already know what to do...you are already doing it! Awesome, and painfully truthful post, one that any of us reading can surely attest to the fact that we've been there at one time or another...it's the stating there that is the problem! HUGS to you, my friend :)
ReplyDeleteThis really hit a nerve...thank you for sharing this wonderful advice. You are so right. God help us (me) to forgive and let go..it is so hard when the hurt is deep.
ReplyDeleteWhat a superb analogy and lesson!!! Funny how good we are at keeping score even if math isn't our specialty. And... our Father doesn't. He forgave us for all that we'll ever do by humbly sacrificing His dearly Beloved for us.
ReplyDeletePoint made, sister. A needed reminder, to be sure.
I'm sorry you're having a tough week, friend. You're in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteWise words to live by. Thank you for reminding us.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for this. The enemy is sending me new hurts, also, to stir up the old hurts. I'll be praying through this one again.
ReplyDeleteSharon, love this post--so true! This has helped me...in life we will all have the "get over being offended" test, which can also be called the "bitterness-resentment-unforgiveness" test. The only way to get over being offended is to forgive. Don't let offense take root in your heart, because it will be more difficult to deal with if you do. One of our first responses when someone hurts or offends us should be to pray: "God, I choose to believe the best. My feelings are hurt, but You can heal me. I refuse to be bitter; I refuse to be angry; I refuse to be offended." You need to say it out loud, that you will not be offended because offense is a trap! It's the bait of Satan. He uses offenses to pull us away from God and His principles. The word, "offense," comes from the Greek word, "skandalon." A "skandalon" was the part of an animal trap that held the bait; its purpose was to lure a victim. Offense is the devil's bait to lure us into a trap of full-blown bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness, so he can destroy our lives. We must learn to be good at forgiving people, because we will be doing it all our lives. When we forgive, we are actually doing ourselves a favor. We are freeing ourselves from the agony of anger and bitter thoughts. As long as we live, we will encounter people who hurt us, reject us, disappoint us, use the wrong tone of voice with us, fail to understand us, or let us down in times of need. Those dynamics are part of human nature and they are part of the territory that comes with relationships. Why should we ruin our lives over other people's bad behavior? We need to take the high road and forgive!
ReplyDeleteYeah, there's plenty, but there's also some hope and appreciation in there too. You hit on some very familiar emotions. The only thing I can say is how surprised I am at how much we can suffer and still go on. But by going on, we experience the sweet.
ReplyDeleteYes, we have been betrayed, stolen from, lied about, taken advantage of, but so was Jesus. He willingly forgave and asked us to do the same. An old Professor at Bible College, used to say, the devil loves for us to enjoy our "Pity Party." We love to pet our hurt emotions and hug them to our breast. The ones who offend us are selfish and only looking out for themselves, so the best we can so is hand them over to Jesus for His retribution. Thank you for sharing with us here at Tell me a Story. Your posts are always encouraging and hit the nail right on the head !!
ReplyDeleteOh how I needed to read this today. I'm facing some hurt right now with someone and sometimes you just want to walk away and not deal with it. Thanks for this reminder on so many levels.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry your week has been rough and pray peace over you and rest. And I'm also sending you a bear hug. ❤️
ReplyDeleteNo worries. Everyone has weeks like that sometimes. My "Friday 56" from this week kind of reminds me of your post here, in that there was a quote where the author of a book I was reading was very good at pointing out how OTHERS needed to change for things to go better (for her). Everyone is that way from time to time. Holding you up in prayer.
ReplyDeleteHere's my Friendship Friday!
Hi Sharon. These are wise words:
ReplyDelete"Feelings are real.
But they don't need to rule.
That's the secret, and that's the challenge.
Learning how to face the feelings, feel them, and then to let them go."
So true! Praise God for the scarlet blood laced with grace that enables and equips us not to see red but to turn to Him instead. Blessed to be your neighbour at the #coffeeforyourheart link up this week. :)
Attaching myself to the Vine and never letting go!
ReplyDeleteYes, anger is a natural emotion to entertain when we feel hurt or disappointed, but it should never, ever be allowed to take root and turn us into bitter souls. When anger hits, we so need to take our feelings to God and let them go at His feet.
Blessings, Sharon!
I'm sorry you've had a difficult week. I tend to get angry first. Fists clenched, word swapping, eye rolling mad! Then not long after, I dissolve into a teary mess. The hurt. Indeed it hurts. You're right. We can't hang onto it. We must let it go and give it to Him. His healing replaces the hurt. What an awesome God He is! Blessings to you and I pray tomorrow looks brighter!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was weeding my garden I was thinking about sin and bitterness. The creeping charlie and other weeds were overtaking the garden--and if I didn't pull them out they would crowd out the kale, swiss chard, tomatoes, strawberries. So thankful that we have Jesus to help us root out the weeds of bitterness so that we can grow in the ways God desires!
ReplyDeleteSharon,
ReplyDelete"And bitter roots are dangerous, choking things – they are deadly." - Amen! I am praying for your tough week and for any bitter roots to be yanked right out of your heart!! I'm sorry to hear things have not been going well. Hang in there! Thank you for sharing this hope with us at Moments of Hope!
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
Sharon, I needed this reminder. I've been working at pulling a bitterness root that has been around way too long. Thanks for linking up with Thankful Thursdays.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing about this. Sometimes our hurts are so deep they are difficult to get over. I've found that praying for the person who hurt me is one of the surest ways to help me. And, of course, "Love covers a multitude of sins."
ReplyDeleteBitterness is destructive. With a close family member who has harbored anger + anger over a failed marriage for too many years, it's caused so much pain for all involved. Thanks for linking up with Funtastic Friday.
ReplyDeleteI remember loving this one way back when it was posted before... has it really been three years? Prayers for your weeks to turn to better time. And thank you for being part of the Cozy Reading Spot
ReplyDeleteExcellent post, Sharon! It can be hard to forgive, because we are left feeling hurt, betrayed and vulnerable as you said. I love how you gave us the reminder to love and to forgive anyway. Thanks for sharing with #SocialButterflySunday! Hope to see you link up again this week :)
ReplyDelete