Remember that silly song by Billy Ray Cyrus? (Bet you're going to be annoyingly humming it in your head all day now…)
OK, so now I want you to forget that silly song.
Let's talk about aching, breaking hearts. I know what that feels like. And I know you do, too.
Sometimes life just hurts – a lot.
And our tender hearts feel like they are breaking into a million pieces.
I'm feeling this way right now. Oh, so weighed down by the travails and troubles of living.
No pity party – just a heavy dose of reality lately.
My *daughter heart* is aching. It's been really hard watching my parents in their downhill slide. Dad is sliding so much faster than Mom. And it hurts. It just really hurts.
I am painfully realizing that there's still a little girl inside of me that doesn't want to grow up. I don't want to be the *top dog*. I don’t want to "parent" my parents. It's hard…and it hurts.
I ache to see my parents ache. To see their bodies grow painful, to watch their minds grow feeble and their steps grow slow.
I hurt for the unresolved issues that haunt me from my childhood. A good childhood, yes. But none of us grows up unscathed.
I must forgive my parents for who they weren't, and for who they can't be now. Just as I need to be forgiven for the many things I did to bring heartache to their lives – and the many failings I have had as a mother.
It is time to accept what is…
But, the reality of now is hard…and it hurts.
My *mother heart* is breaking. It's been really hard learning to let go. To watch my sons as they sometimes struggle to live life. This is a tough season in each of their lives right now. Identity-seeking, future-planning, relationship-sorting.
I miss happy faces – and simple problems with simple solutions.
Sometimes I long for the days of scraped knees and spelling tests. For the "little" anxieties of life – the ones that I had some control over.
Now I watch from the sidelines in many ways.
And when either of them aches, my heart breaks.
I've heard it said, "A mother is only as happy as her saddest child."
My *me heart* is aching, breaking too. This past year brought many changes to my life. Leaving a place that I had known for almost 29 years was difficult, to say the least.
Friendships changed, routines got altered, security took a big hit.
Life lessons – and faith lessons – have been learned.
But it’s been hard…and it hurts.
I've been having terrible insomnia lately. The last two nights have been perfect examples:
Night #1 – asleep at 11:30, up at 1:30 – awake until 4:30.
Night #2 – asleep at 3:00, up at 6:00 – for good.
I'm so tired of staring at the ceiling in a darkened room. I'm so weary of the quiet that is too quiet. The silence of being alone, and feeling like everyone in the world is asleep but me.
The more I try to relax, the more tense I get about relaxing.
And then, the thoughts come. The ruinous ruminations. The crushing cares. The aching, the breaking.
Often, all I can muster in the wee hours of the night is a gut-wrenching cry:
"Lord, I hurt!"
Sometimes I wonder – where is God in all of this?
Does He hear?
Oh yes, I know He does.
Does He care?
More than I’ll ever know.
You see, He has a Son's aching heart. He has a Father's breaking heart.
He has a heart that hurts like mine.
For He remembers what He created. He misses the happy faces of Eden. He longs for the restoration of His perfect world.
He has a heart – much bigger than mine. Filled with an unfathomable love that I doubt I'll ever fully understand.
Yes, He provided the ultimate cure for the aching, breaking heart. (Thank goodness for that!) But hearts are still broken while we live out our lives.
And sometimes, my achy breaky heart wonders:
God, where are You in all of this?
Let me tell you – HE. IS. RIGHT. HERE.
Right next to me, through it all.
I honestly don't know how I could live a day of my life without the sure knowledge of His unchanging character and His constant Presence.
Life is hard…and it hurts.
But God is bigger.
I am the light of the world.
Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness.
"And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.
May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully.
Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think."
What is breaking your heart right now? What is causing you heartache? How do you need to feel God's love?
Linked today with:
Joan at SHARING HIS BEAUTY
Michelle at HEAR IT ON SUNDAY, USE IT ON MONDAY
Tracy at WINSOME WEDNESDAY
Charlotte at SPIRITUAL SUNDAYS
BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"