No, not Wine Fest...
WHINE Fest.
I'm going to do something a little different. I am going to write this post in the MIDDLE of feeling crabby. I'm not going to wait until I'm past it. I'm not going to wait until I feel all "spiritually intact" again. I'm not going to write it when I've reached the praise part.
I'm just going to write it and see what happens.
So, yes, I am in the throes of a serious grumbling phase. An unabashed valley of complaining.
Yup, seriously disgruntled.
Is there a reason for my feeling this way?
Does there ever have to be a good reason??
I don't know what comes over me. I can be sailing along (sorta), when all of a sudden everything feels wrong. Nothing seems right, nothing seems good.
My feelings are hurt. My face looks old. My knees and neck and just about every other body part is painful. Everything is a supreme inconvenience. The computer isn't working fast enough. I've gained back much of the weight that I so diligently lost four years ago – and kept off for over two years until I moved up here to the mountains.
Which leads me to my biggest gripe – my general discontent right now about where I live.
Oh, it's beautiful, all right.
Gorgeous mountain views out of every window. Trees and wildflowers galore. Nature's wildlife visiting almost every day.
Lovely, lovely, lovely.
But I feel trapped.
On an island in the sky.
You see, for the past 1 ½ years, I've been making monthly trips back and forth from here to where I used to live. Visiting family and friends, getting my hair done – (listen, if you get your hair colored and styled by someone you've known for YEARS, it's worth the extra effort – just sayin') – doing errands that can't be done up here, etc.
Oh, and eating at all the places that I miss. A certain sandwich chain, a particular coffee-making place, a juice bar, a sushi place, an occasional Italian bistro.
Shopping at all the places that I miss.
Doing all the things and seeing all the faces that I miss…so much.
My trips have lasted longer in the last six months, as I've had to add care-taking to my downhill duties. And, quite frankly, through no fault of their own, my parents' situation can be frustrating.
I know that I'm stressed and burned out.
I can tell.
My deliriously bad attitude is a clue.
Two days ago, the day before I was supposed to leave to come back up the hill, I realized something. I actually don't feel like I belong anywhere right now.
I don't feel like l live down there anymore, but I still don't feel at home up here.
I am looking back and longing for my old life.
Sometimes I even want my really old life back. The life when the boys were living in the house, and growing up with me, and we were having all these grand adventures.
I miss that…I miss them.
Everything's changed, and I can't seem to adapt to *everything* anymore.
Woe. Is. Me.
As in, Woe might as well actually be my middle name right now.
So, this is where I find myself today. And this is where I'm writing from. From a place of discomfort and boredom. A place of confusion and hurt. A place of isolation and loneliness.
From an island in the sky.
"The Hub" is happier than a clam at high tide up here - (notice that I'm not even using a mountain metaphor here). He likes being alone. His inner mountain man is overjoyed at the natural world that surrounds us. He has told me several times that he can't see any reason to ever go "off the hill" for anything anymore.
He is content.
Except for one thing.
His wife is not.
So, I also add a good portion of *spouse guilt* to the things I'm complaining about. I want to have my own feelings, good OR bad, without having to feel like I'm bringing someone else down.
Can't I gripe alone?
(OK, at this point I am seriously wondering if this post is ever going to make it to publication…)
So, Lord, here I am.
With a huge heart full of too many feelings to feel, too many headaches to count (some of them are literal), too many weights on my shoulders…
Too many…too much.
What on earth do You want to say to me today while I am in this frame of mind?
Will I even listen??
"Stay still."
I heard it, but I don't want to.
"Lord, how much still-er can I get? That is part of the problem. I am bored to tears up here. I am lonely. It's all so quiet that I can't stand it anymore! You're telling me to stay still??"
"I am. Still, on the inside where it counts."
I am NOT wanting to hear this today.
"Lord, I don't want to stay still. I don't want to let go of this mood. I am entitled to feel crabby. Everything in my life has changed, and I do not like many of the changes."
"I know. But I am with you in the changes. Let them happen. For I have plans for you."
If He quotes Jeremiah 29:11 right now…
"I heard that."
"Sorry, Lord."
But honestly, the truth is that I have grown so weary of being the "good" Christian, so tired of being strong. So worn out trying to have the right attitude.
I want to feel lousy. Just for a day. Just for a break.
"Do you understand that, Lord?"
"Yes, I do. But I never, ever want you to forget something. In the middle of your wilderness wandering, never forget the deliverance that I can bring."
Yes, deliverance. That sounds good.
"Lord, I want deliverance. I want out of here. I truly don't want to live up here anymore. I miss everything in my life that happens when I go back to where I used to live."
…pause...
"I want to go home. And I don't know where home is anymore."
"Sharon, dear Sharon, My child. Home isn't a place. Home is where I live in your heart, and you live in Mine. This is where you must abide.
And remember, the Promised Land didn't deliver on the promise until many battles were fought and won. Don't lose sight of the glory while you're still spilling your guts on the battleground."
Um, OK.
"Fight on, strong soldier."
He didn't just say that, did He?
"You think I'm strong, Lord? Really??"
"Yes."
"How can you possibly think that? I'm sitting in a pity pile here, holding on to a bad mood like meat from Egypt. How on earth am I strong??"
"You are strong because you know you need Me. And you have never, not once, let go."
He's right, I haven't.
"Have that mood of yours if you must. It will pass. But never lose sight of this. You are just exactly where I want you, at just the time I want you there. There is a reason. Trust me."
Sigh.
My mood is dissipating…just a tiny bit.
"Sharon, is it really just Me?"
There it is – the same thing He has been saying to me over and over again for the last two years.
Is He still winnowing and pruning and lopping off the worthless things in me?
Is He still working on the ugly parts?
Oh Lord, please stop…
Oh Lord, please don't stop.
I am going to finish this now, and pray about whether I should post it or not. It's raw, it's not flattering…but it's totally honest. And, it sorta ends on a positive note.
I heard from God.
I am bloodied by my battles, but not defeated.
And I am consoled in my complaining by the most powerful words I will ever hear in my entire lifetime…
"Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age, for I love you more than you will ever know."
Sigh…
 |
"FLY WITH ME AND WE WILL SOAR" Those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. |
"'And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?'" (Esther 4:14, ESV)
"So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic...For the LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you." (Deuteronomy 31:6, NLT)
"'And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.'" (Matthew 28:20, NLT)
"'I have loved you...with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.'" (Jeremiah 31:3, NLT)
"The fear of the LORD leads to life, and whoever has it rests satisfied..." (Proverbs 19:23, ESV)
Are you experiencing a valley of discontent right now? What is God saying to you?
Linked today with:
Joan at SHARING HIS BEAUTY
Michelle at HEAR IT ON SUNDAY, USE IT ON MONDAY
Hazel at TELL ME A TRUE STORY
Jen at UNITE
Rachel at WHIMSICAL WEDNESDAYS
Jenifer at WORD FILLED WEDNESDAY
Tracy at WINSOME WEDNESDAY
Salina at HEART REFLECTED
Judith at WHOLEHEARTED WEDNESDAY
Nannette at WISDOM WEDNESDAY
Rosilind at A LITTLE R & R WEDNESDAYS
Gail at TGIF
Wanda at THE FRIDAY FIVE
Laura at FAITH FILLED FRIDAY
Mel at ESSENTIAL FRIDAYS
Leslie at FAITHFUL FRIDAY
Charlotte at SPIRITUAL SUNDAYS
Patricia at STILL SATURDAY
Barbie at WEEKEND BREW
Janis at SUNDAY STILLNESS
BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"
Dear Sharon,
ReplyDeleteWe've been visiting and reading each other's posts for several years now - I've lost track... but maybe 4 years is close. You only wrote this a few hours ago, and here I am, on the East coast of your country (yup, I'm still here visiting with loved ones) writing a response to your heart. It's 33 degrees outside, but some of that cold is in my room too - so I'm kinda bundled up as I write. But I feel warmed at the thought of being connected to you. We've become friends over the years. And I appreciate the fact that you have often taken time to drop by my blog place to read my heart. For me, that shows your commitment to the friendship. So here I am... hearing you... and getting what you mean. I'm amazed that Abba Father accepts HIs children at their lowest points, He understands, doesn't sermonize, or moralize... He just cares enough to listen and understand... and point out to you your good points. So while I really do no want to preach an advice to you, no I don't really want to do that - cause all I want to do is listen to you and tell you I care - I am also sending you a link to a song that the Sanctuary Choir sang in church this morning, and my tears flowed while listening to it. Sending love your way this morning, dear friend. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAuYTsUhFZE
Ahh Sharon, although our situations are different our dialogue with God is has many similarities. Isn't it great that we don't have to put on any masks with God. Even with our bad moods, He listens and His plans still prevail.
ReplyDeleteGood Morning Dear! I had to come over and see your take on whining, and girlfriend, you are GOOD at it! Almost as good as me. But I've probably been at it longer than you, take heart. (LOL)
ReplyDeleteSo much to respond to here..where to begin? My girlfriend had to move due to a job change and she drives back here for haircuts too. Totally get that. And good coffee? Don't get me started. One word: Starbucks. And we're done.
Your talk with God was just hilarious. And it's funny because it's so true. I loved that "if he says..." Because sometimes my heart just closes off to Scripture and I am just too overwhelmed to be influenced. Isn't it ironic that prayer will be the calmer to help push the reset button? Our Lord sure knows what he is doing.
You are in my prayers for your heart and your home. I know God will work it out for you. But I still wish I was in the next cabin over, and we could go find Olive Garden and go for dinner...wouldn't that be fun??
Just enjoying your writing all over the place,
Ceil
I empathize with your situation living up there on the mountain and feeling isolated, while your hubby is thriving in the solitude. You are strong, and good for you for having this whine fest. Now, would you like some wine with that whine? Sorry, couldn't resist, that question always makes me smile. And remember, the God of angel armies is always by your side.
ReplyDeleteAh, Sharon, as my husband and I are within ten days of leaving all that is familiar and comfy to serve a new church, I feel a bit of anxiety building inside. Will I feel isolated and disconnected there? From experience I know the answer is yes. . . but only for a time. Will I wish I could walk up the street and meet my friend Cheryl for coffee at the Big Oak or visit my favorite consignment shop instead of wondering do they even have any consignment shops in Luzerne County? Most definitely. But everywhere we have ever moved (and that is a lot of places) God has given me good friends, favorite places, and utterly new opportunities. I cling to Matthew 10:28-31, until it comes to fruition. I pray God will meet you where you are, my friend.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, where do I begin with all of this my dear sister in Christ Sharon ...
ReplyDeleteexcept to say (sigh) (wipe away a tear in the corner of my eye), I'M WITH YA' all the way through on this one (and so glad that you posted it and 'let your hair down', took off the mask and remained your beautiful, transparent self, in tact ... but let me tell you before I begin "the praise precedes the final victory and is done in the pain too") (I really wanted to stay away from advice, preaching or teaching as our dearest sister from Crown of Beauty wrote so well, it's been so long since I've visited her but her words strike me like yours and her song was beautiful as she is and her writings) but ON to my heart for you and your heart cry ... which I totally get and can relate to this conversation on so many levels.
*[interrupted here, cuz I need to have a continual comment of what I wrote, too long ](sigh) too late now, I've written it all ... I need to get this all here so see my continuation comment(s) (sorry, I should have emailed this instead, I guess)
Let's start at the beginning (really), I'll try to refrain from writing a book or a blog post ... WHINE or WINE? So which shall I choose... grab a glass of Wine (naw, I'm not a wine drinker, but the grapes can be sweet or sour. And somehow, God prefers that we seek the sweet, abiding One with Him, not our sour puss attitude one, boy, are we talking to the choir here, I so need an attitude adjustment, which is what you worked through but writing this out as you did like it is .., making an adjustment as you process through it). So let's take the Wine direction first and see what sweet fragrance the Lord has on this (and you still did with verses and His dialog but you forgot this): ""I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."(John 15:5) Vine, branches, grapes ... fruit and His fruit on this is NOT bitterness, pity, woe is me, worry, complain, etc. yeah, you know, I know you do ... but you, like I, need the connection, and somehow we want a flesh and blood connection, as 'in the flesh' not just the spirit, we yearn for what we comfortably have become accustomed to over the years, the comfort, the company, etc. yet we feel isolated, cut off, yeah, the fore bearing "pruning" you had as your Fan the Flame and we have mentioned back and forth, the pain, the ouch, the get-it-over with, no more... and all the rest that we feel ...
DeleteI was thinking that you should have titled this "island in the sky" but you know, "no man is an island" ... in the sky or far from home, you and I are alike on this one (sad to say again)... I no longer 'feel' at home at home or certainly not away from home, because this is not our home and we know it, others (like our spouses do not yet know this)... that is why we long for what we were use to ... what use to surround our lives, the seeming delights and family, friends, fun but HERE WE ARE, Lord... cut off, and still being pruned til it really aches and hurts inside and we end up exposing our inner pain in a post for all the world to see (ouch)(yuck) Help us, Lord! and you do work through this ... and you did come to a beautiful conclusion yet the Wine is representative of Jesus Himself, and you and I need new wineskin ... a fresh taste and see instead of this stalemate we find ourselves in, so we cling to the Vine, when we can reach Him and He finally reaches us at our near breaking point or boiling point (if you teeter on anger like me) and then we find ourselves in the other WHINE predicament. This is the tangent that you pursued as you wallowed ... and He listened (as your conversation indicates, so did you, you still heard His still small voice and whisper among the rattle of your whining, it was calmed to a whimper and then to the coo of His calming, strengthening love song of His Holy Spirit from deep with in you, you heard from Him, in the echo of your words, He spoke, you heard and so did I and each of us take a different message from your "whine" and His "wine" ... I heard your pain, others like I empathize with the ache in your heart than being torn because the one dear to you is content and enjoys (so we become burdened with not wanting to rob 'them' of their joy by being concerned and ridden with guilt, which then disrupts the apple cart all over again)...SO what can we do? Accept, Believe and Carry this burden... no, not really. The Serenity prayer says "to accept the things I cannot change..." but there is much more to that prayer that what we generally hear or read or know:
{continued again}
[I was thinking maybe I should have linked the Beth Moore video, I watched today from her "It is Finished" series on Life Today...
Deletehttp://lifetoday.org/video/it-is-finished-part-2/
coincidental ... naw ...all God and by His Spirit God incidence] cuz it kinda let's you know where God directs my steps, words, thoughts ... and your "whine/wine" hyperbole took me today ...
[I tried to delete but it only allowed me the last one and I wanted to erase the second one and just send all as an email, however, it would not let me delete the one with many errors (2nd) (hope you can still read it: one 'but' should have been 'by'it ; should have been separated, etc. Yet because I can not delete I need to add the ending-so sorry Sharon and readers. I really did not intend to do this. Sharon just brings this all out of me... ]
ReplyDeleteThe Complete Serenity Prayer
God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed,
courage to change the things which should be changed,
and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.
I know I did not honor my word in the beginning, however, it is said when you feel you can't take 'one more thing' and we're far beyond our limit and strength to cope, etc. we are battling a super big one, that means we must have a super big purpose in God's kingdom (you and I know what that is in part for us) so the enemy pulls out all the big guns and the attack is fierce and relentless, BUT we have an UNRELENTLESS GOD, who is BIGGER, STRONGER, MORE POWERFUL and He will DELIVER us from evil, but when the heat is on the heaviest that means the END IS NEAR, the end of our battle ... and His armies are fighting right alongside of us, in fact GOD SEES (El Roi) GOD IS WITH US (EMMANUEL) and GOD is fighting for us!
Yes, Sharon, STILL ... we must rest, regroup, renew, restore, rebuild, re-encounter, redeem, resurrect, get ready and BE STILL too as He strengthens us in our inner and outer! Love your photo and my favorite part of Isaiah! It's true, even when we don't feel it ... He is soaring with us, kinda like the hubs, who really wants you to join him in his delight of this upper kingdom experience of nature (which you do as much as you can) however he wants the two of you soaring (so today I place you under the wings of the Almighty for refuge as you whine and wait) the answer is coming, it's in the SON not the clouds that are in the way right now or the many trips back and forth, under His wings (Psalm 91) ... Waiting with you as we wage an endless battle.
Love and peace,
Peggy (thanks for your wonderful comments at my place, I responded to one but the rest have stars for me to get back to because each one spoke to me and the last one led me here, cuz I know you are leaving a crumb for me to follow over to here for more of what's going on, really clever but I really do hope that we stay in touch, I so appreciate your faithfulness and friendship, cuz I too am lonely on this island ... even with all the beauty, we just don't feel at home)
Oh...sweet Sharon. I have only been "knowing" you for a few short months since I started blogging but isn't it funny how we can still have a connection to folks we've never met and probably never will? Your posts always encourage me and God has truly given you a gift of penning your thoughts. Even though my struggles aren't the same as your struggles and visa versa, we all have our own whine fests for different reasons. I certainly understand your discontent and feeling of isolation...of course there are times when I want to isolate myself but I am a social person at heart and would probably feel the same as you if I was in the same situation. You are a lovely lady who loves her Lord Jesus and that love for Him comes out so beautifully in all of your posts...even this one. I'm so glad you decided (or He decided) to post it. You have given me encouragement to know that I am in good company when it's time for my whine fest...and they WILL come. I pray that I can stay as connected to the Father as you have going through :) Bless you, dear Sharon.
ReplyDeleteI love your honesty, Sharon! We all feel like that sometimes...what is important is that you turn to Him!! Thanks for sharing your conversation with God (loved that!) God is right...you are strong because you are relying on Him through all seasons in your life. Keep looking to Him and He'll give you contentment while you are on this particular spot on your journey. Believe me (really!) I understand how you feel. Ever since we moved "over here" one thing after another has gone wrong making me wonder if we made a mistake coming here...and making me miss our other community so much. But, I am clinging to God, knowing that He has a plan in all that we are going through. He loves me...He loves you. We can trust Him even when we don't understand why we seem stuck. Blessings to you, Sharon, and thank you for your transparency!
ReplyDeleteIn His grip, Joan
let me start by sending you a hug. I so relate to much of this, as I often do to your postings. I couldn't believe it when I read about neck pain and knee pain, both have been driving me mad lately and making me panic, I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and today they are both much less painful, even after Zumba this morning. I am sure The Lord doesn't mind us being open with Him and each other, He knows what we are feeling anyway. It can be so helpful to know that others have the same emotions as us and we can pray for each other. Thank for for writing this and posting it. God Bless
ReplyDeleteYa know, Sharon - if I weren't living back East and you weren't living out West, I'd say it was something in the water we were drinking that has brought this epidemic of a mental battle into our lives today. I wrote out of my unresolved emotions, too. It started with making the Philippians 4:8 meme and my desire to post it as was . . . then I started writing an introduction . . . and the Be Still meme came about . . . and then I just dumped my brain in all its unfitness all over my post. A couple tea photos and cat and I hit publish. If I have to be wrestling in this place, I am glad to be doing so with a sister in the Lord like YOU!
ReplyDeleteActually, this is a huge season of change for me, too. I have mixed feelings about it. I am ding what I love - but am not feeling adept because of all the new skills I've had to learn to take what I love to do into the 21st century - and make some sort of a living (life-lihood) out of it. A scary place. And, very solitary, too. Like you. Maybe not so picturesque - but I spend many many hours alone.
Perhaps it's that germination time - in the womb. For us both. Let's keep a good thought. The headlines herald the end of all things as far as I can see - and in my humanity I wear much grief to see what a mess mankind has made of so many amazing gifts. I just don't want to be squandering my portion of God's gifts in the time left to us. My posts are finally moving towards where I wanted them to be when I first started - devotional and deeper life stuff. That IS "the writer's reverie" after all. So - no deeper life without some valleys to plow through, eh?
So, plow away, friend - and pour it out onto your keyboard and into cyberspace for the building up of the brethern. Well done!
Love ya - Joy!
Kathy
Move than once, I have wanted to STAY at the old place, but God and my husband said move on. I wonder what was going though the mind of Jesus as he came down from that mountain (high in the sky) down to ugly earth, that many believe is so beautiful. - - Was he knowing that in order to return to that beautiful mountain in the sky that he would need to suffer and die? He did know and he was willing to go through all that - - for you and me. Why? So that eventually we would be HOME for ever.
ReplyDeleteOh yes, thanks for sharing this lovely rant and having God speak to you at "Tell Me a Story."
DeleteThere are some verses in the Bible that I often wish they were not there. My Story site publishes a scripture and it changes with each entry. This one popped up and it is one I don't like so well - - - - -
ReplyDeleteWives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. - Ephesians 5:22-29 (NKJV)
I think we are twins, Sharon, separated at birth somehow. I truly get what you are saying here. I know its been a tough situation for you and I know you've been trying to do your best to adjust, but I know its a constant heart attitude about it and I'm sure pretty constant on your knees to God about it all. I think it is a good to have a safe place to write your feelings, the safe place being your blog. Your friends can comfort you here and express their own struggles and that's how we do life together, I do believe.
ReplyDeleteI too at times "mourn" the life when the kids were younger (it was a lot simplier back then I think). Where in the "heck" did the time go?
I think it is good you decided to post this, sometimes I think people think we never have problems like I wrote about or feelings like you expressed here, and that our lives are all rosey, etc., but that we struggle, but in the midst of our struggles, God is constantly always with us, encouraging us, guiding us, nuturing us, comforting us, etc. and he truly wants the best, his best, for us. No matter how hard the pruning might be.
betty
"Don't lose sight of the glory while you're still spilling your guts on the battleground," May I remember this forever, Sharon. Sooooo many battles going on in my life, too. In know what you're saying here--and I love it.
ReplyDeleteYou're so candid in telling us your feelings and your conversation with God. I wish I heard Him more clearly like that!
And in the midst of all of your grumbling, you made me laugh. I needed that tonight! And I love you for sharing this with us. Without teaching anything, you have shared such an important lesson in God's heart for us, in how He listens to us, How He's not put off by us, and how He's still with us even when we're complaining. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!! From a friend on this journey with you.
Love you, friend,
Janis
Love your honesty here Sharon, and it sure is good for me to read and apply to my own discontent right now (working on an assignment that I would rather not be!) Thanks for sharing and making me (more!) aware of how we have to put our whole and thankful heart into everything we do, and do it with praise! God has us right where He wants us, and we are blessed to be here.
ReplyDeleteBlessings to you up there on your mountain sweet sister!
Denise
Isn't it wonderful to know God understands every one of our moods? And He still loves us, and drops positive thoughts into our spirit? Oh, Hallelujah!
ReplyDeleteWe did write on similar topics this week! And linked next to each other at Michelle's. I love your honest exposure in the conversation you have with God. It's refreshing to see it looks, sounds, like a conversation - not painted in holy overtones. Because who are we kidding, right? God knows our ins and outs. And perhaps he knows that your feeling disjointed and sort of homeless right now will impel you towards finding your home, your sense of solidity in him.... Makes me think of the psalms.
ReplyDeleteI am laughing at myself thinking how in the world do this girls have that much to write? I feel so inadequate. I am not much of a long writer at all.
ReplyDeleteAll I felt when reading this is you sound like you are going through a 'growth spurt' - remember the kids how when they grew they had spurts. I just think you are weighing everything in your mind now - and God is telling you - Sharon - you are okay.
Oh boy oh boy! I could write a book about this blog Sharon. I could, but I won't... I will spare you and instead just say thank you. I wonder if it's our Westmont genes that click sometimes... probably not, but it is ironic how you hit MY nail on the head so often. This is one of my favorites Sharon, and in the honesty, the hope of who we are because of who HE is just shines!!! L.O.V.E. this blog, and you.
ReplyDeleteSharon,
ReplyDeleteRaw and transparent is how He wants us to come to Him. Not easy, but worth it. Oh, so worth it. For me, I totally appreciate your honesty here. You are not alone. I have been there (although the reasons vary). Recently and often. I have heard Him tell me repeatedly to wait. Wait on Him. Oh, so hard! To be still and wait feels like we're doing nothing, but that's not true. To be still and wait on Him are actions.
2 verses I've been clinging to lately (from the NLT)...
Philippians 2:13
For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.
Philippians 4:13
For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
So glad to have met you here!
God bless,
Laura
I understand much of this Sharon, and I'm glad you posted it. It helps many of us who are struggling with similar feelings to know that we're not alone. I, too, feel lost in my current season. It's been a long one ...
ReplyDeleteOne thing I do know, do do ... I keep walking my faith forward, and I ask God for more faith to believe him for my present and my future. I stay in the word and hold tightly to my understanding of the Father's love for me. Keep working it out sister and know that you are not alone. God is with you; God is with me, and therein some of the loneliness subsides.
peace~elaine
Sharon, thank you for sharing with us in a transparent way. God bless you dear. I am praying for you.
ReplyDeleteThanks for linking up with Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday!
What a blessing you have been today...it was like looking in a mirror...tears are flowing! I am walking where you are walking, sometimes I can handle it and understand it and other times I am saying, "Lord, I want my old life back!"
ReplyDeleteBut I know that is not possible...and He has a purpose for me today, even though I do not comprehend, I know He is doing a work.
I am a part of that work, I WANT to be part of that work and He is so patient with me, so merciful. I am grateful.
Hang in there Sharon...Praise and Worship has brought me through EVERY trial and every low point in my life. Lock yourself in your bathroom, bedroom or closet...in your case I guess you could just walk down a path in the woods! Throw your hands in the air and call out to Jesus! Worship and praise Him with everything you have within you, let the tears flow, tell Him how much you love Him, need Him and can't make it without Him...worship, worship, worship...when the praises go up, the blessings come down and you will feel sooooo much better. His presence will come down and lift those burdens from you. Promise. ♥
Hi Sharon, this is my first time here, but I'm glad you linked this post to my blog, and I'm glad I stopped by. I think we all resonate with your words in many ways. Thank you for your honesty. I hope to see you again soon.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I laughed when you said that about your husband. Mine would be exactly like that. He always says he would be content in a one room cabin out in the woods away from everyone else. lol
DeleteStruggled physically, mentally, spiritually, too, at times. BUT most of the time now, I just know that wherever I am, it is where the Lord wants me to be, NEEDS me to be, when/if someone just steps in front of my yard, knocks on my door, etc. Turns out I can drop God-seed on the them in a way they hadn't had before. Certain house, certain place, certain time. I live in a crowded portion of Omaha [houses nearly 100 years old and small yards] and I dreadfully miss living in and visiting in the Northwest where I was born and raised. I drive out to the Tacoma area about once a year, AND, having been a missionary in Uganda, I would love to be there [my husband would, too], but God uses us here now. That's all we can do. Walk with Him, learn from Him, prepare for our eternal life with Him and so many of my former dear ones and those who will follow me. [I just told my son, who is 40, that when I die, and get to heaven, I want to meet Jeremiah, b/c through his Book with his personality struggling with the reality of his country, and his people, and, according to a study, he actually ended up in Egypt with the ones who forced him to go with them, and he didn't die for another 30-ish years. To see that mess in front of his face for all those years might drive him a little nuts... and that happens to me, too. NOW, he smiles all the time, I'm sure, or certainly knows the consequences down here that will be healed and restored Up There.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you shared so truly and so bluntly. I touched a lot of hearts... many of us who ain't much different when our lives switch us around the way we didn't expect to or want to go into. Reality is a good thing to share. Thanks.
Sharon, sometimes it's really hard to put ourselves out there like you've done but by being brave and doing so you have encouraged all of us who at one time or another have felt the same way...You have shown us that going to the Father when we are discouraged and out of sorts is the only way back up....I love your honesty.....
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate...so I say AMEN and thanks for continuing to write it out and bring us before the throne! I said some of these exact words this week.
ReplyDeleteI've had a whining session a few months ago when when changed churches. I knew we needed to take the step, but attending a mega church is such an adjustment over a small one. I should have written through it. I'm praying for you, yet at the same time taking your journey in this one post to heart, there's so much I can learn from it--as I always do when I visit here.
ReplyDeleteHi Sharon - in response to your comment about WORDS - Yep - you got 'em all - and more! Love "sublime" too. And, might I just say that you keep your word list for all to see under the heading "Fan the Flame Friday!"
ReplyDeleteJoy!
Kathy
My boys would ask if I wanted some cheese with my whine - but sometimes what I really need is to let someone hear me - not give me solutions, just hear and empathize with me. Taking care of parents whose health is failing is really, really challenging. Not having those little guys in the house WHEN they used to think we were awesome. Inbetween a lot of changes - and trying to plant roots, too - and it's awesome you look to Him - and it's awesome you are real - because that ministers to those of us trying to really grasp that He loves us even when we're an imperfect puddle. Praying that God give you peace - in the midst of your chaos rightnow. He knows exactly what you need. He is not suprised. - this quote is on my work desk, "The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still" (Exodus 14:14). Of course, the hardest part for me is stilling the emotions and feelings!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, honest post here!
ReplyDeleteOh, Sharon....you KNOW that I understand, and I appreciate your honesty. Sometimes when I think I want to feel sorry for myself for a while - when I think I'm entitled to those feelings - God will let me, but then I always reach a place of being totally miserable and beg Him to take those feelings from me. And He's always faithful to do just that. Love, Patricia
ReplyDeleteSharon - I think we need more honest writers like you! Too many times we "polish up our lives" prior to publication, or we over dramatize silly things in order to draw an audience....but you my friend are real, and raw here. You my friend, spoke straight to my heart and where I also have also been these past two years. Like you, I moved away from everything I knew, to property. It can be hard, lonely, difficult to feel like I belong anywhere now. Thank you for leading us straight to our Hope, Jesus, and His Scripture. Thanks for reminding me, that He is working even when we don't see it. And regardless of how we want it to be....this (world) isn't our home in the long run! Thank for blessing me today friend by your words, Jen
ReplyDeleteI have never read your blog before and I enjoyed the reality of where you are...not the covered up 'I am fine' it is perfectly OK to just say "I don't like this and that is what I feel"... God will give you peace about it some day. We lived in the woods for about a year where I couldn't even call across the street without long distance charges and I hated it, but then I started to enjoy the peace. the quiet. the calm and I was sad when we had to move back into the city.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your struggles today, Sharon. Keep talking them over with God. He does so love you. I pray you'll be encouraged today. You've encouraged me.
ReplyDeleteI know you probably won't see this, but I couldn't read it without leaving a word or two. I can't help myself, you know. I'm so sad for you that you're feeling this way, and you know that I understand more than I can say. I'm really sorry that I have been such a lousy blog friend of late, too.
ReplyDeleteHoly cow!! There we a few times I wept and a few times I laughed when reading this! You are SO real and authentic here! I wonder what my conversations with God would look like when written out!! Probably not very pretty! Praying that the Lord reveals to you His plan, but if He chooses not to, that He will give you peace and contentment where you are!! I also wrote a similar blog, not about discontentment, but about feeling overwhelmed, discouraged, and full of worry.
ReplyDeleteIn His love, Ann @ Christ in the Clouds
http://christintheclouds.blogspot.com/