JUST STOP IT!

I have an alter ego.

Her name is Negative Nora.

Actually, I have two alter egos.  Nora has a twin called Nervous Nellie.  She can be quite annoying, but today we're talking about Nora.

Sometimes she takes up residence inside of me.

And sometimes I don't even know it until "The Hub" says, in the kindest way, "You know, I just can't listen any more right now.  I'm worn out."

It's true.

Negative thinking is burdensome...to the thinker and the listener.

I have to admit, sometimes when I feel compelled to air out my feelings, to share my heart, Nora has a tendency to take over the conversation.

And she has a bad habit of reciting a litany of negative things.

You know, stuff like this:

"It's a beautiful day, but I have a terrible headache."

"This is a pretty dress, but it'll probably make me look fat."

"Thanks for doing the laundry, honey, but you hung up my shirts backwards."

(Yes, I have said that to my husband.  My southpaw, left-handed husband.)


I think you get the gist of how Nora thinks.

She sometimes says good stuff, but always adds that negative spin at the end.  Yup, Nora's thoughts always have a *but* attached to them...


So, I was talking about this with a dear friend the other day (you know who you are out there!!), and we tried to figure out two things – 

1) How have we fallen into this pattern of thinking and speaking?
2) How do we get out of it?

One thing we agreed on was the idea that the whole attitude of joy has to be intentional.  

Some people are just happy-go-lucky by nature.  Not me.  I tend to be a grumpy-go-gloomy, glass-half-empty (there's a glass??) kind of girl.  So, joy is not something that bubbles up inside of me because of my innate sunny temperament.

And, we also agreed that gratitude has a lot to do with joy.

If Nora and Nellie, negativity and nervousness, are twins – then their counterparts have to be Joy and Gratitude.

I'm a bit dismayed that I'm going to have to work on being joy-full.  It seems counterintuitive, in a way – to work at something positive.  But, when Nora lives inside of you, sometimes it does require intentional work to silence her.

I know this is true because often when I've been told to "count my blessings," my first reaction is to grumble, "I don't want to count my blessings.  I want to be in a bad mood."

Oooo, Nora is a stubborn girl.


My friend and I also talked about what we think might be causing this current negative slant on life.  We thought of several commonalities in our lives.  Middle-age angst, family situations, stressful upheavals, aging parents, health challenges, etc – you know, the general *stuff* of life that plagues us all in one way or the other.

But we also acknowledged that negativity can become a habit, a comfortable way of thinking and speaking that can insidiously become 
second-nature if we're not careful.  

Like I said, Nora can become a very comfortable companion, very quickly.  


So, in an effort to try to change our way of thinking and speaking, we came up with four tangible things to ponder and work on:


1) Say Scripture out loud

My Bible Study group is currently doing Beth Moore's study, "Breaking Free." Every couple of weeks, we listen to a video of Beth's teaching.  Last week she said several things that really spoke to me.  But one that stood out was the fact that the enemy of our souls cannot read minds.

Therefore, it is crucial to say things out loud.

And, there is nothing more powerful to say than the words of God Himself.

Jesus used Scripture to fight the devil in the wilderness.  And if you notice, they had an out-loud conversation.

Jesus quoted Scripture with His voice.

There is something powerful that happens when the Word of God is spoken.

So, my friend and I agreed to start our days by saying something from the Bible – OUT LOUD – thereby letting the enemy know exactly where our focus is first thing in the morning – and also confirming that focus in our own hearts.

Try it, it's quite effective!

(Bonus: Nora doesn't like this.  It tends to keep her quiet…)


2) Make a take-along compilation of Bible verses

You could use post-it notes, or attach verses to a key ring, or get one of those little boxes that has pre-printed Bible verses on little cards.  I'm going to use one of those spiral-bound notebooks of index cards, and write a verse on each card.

I'm going to concentrate on verses that speak about fear.  

Because in my life, Nora and Nellie are constantly talking to each other.  And when I'm afraid, I'm more negative – and when I'm negative, I'm more afraid.

Then, I'm going to take that little notebook with me wherever I go.  It's going to be my not-so-concealed weapon as I battle the forces that strive to make me negatively ungrateful and fearfully un-joy-full.


3) Change the order of your sentences

I confess, this is not an original thought.

My dear blogging friend came up with this idea, and it's an amazingly effective tool.  (I couldn't remember her specific post, but here's her blog link).

This helpful hint encourages one to reverse the order of negative or fearful sentences.

Here's a couple of examples:

I know the Lord is with me, but what if that horrible thing happens?

New version:  That horrible thing could happen, but I know the Lord is with me.

It's a beautiful day, but I have a terrible headache.

New version:  I have a terrible headache, but it's a beautiful day.

I trust the Lord, but I'm so very scared.

New version:  I'm so very scared, but I trust the Lord.


There's a few reasons that I love this practice:

First, it acknowledges the negative thought – denial doesn't help when dealing with negative feelings.

However, it doesn't give the negative thought precedence – the positive thought takes center stage.

And finally, it subtly tweaks our thinking.  It steals the negative *but* and puts a positive spin on the ensuing *but* statement.


Old math: Positive thought – negative *but* = Negative outlook
New math: Negative thought + positive *but* = Optimistic outlook


Thoughts lead to feelings, and feelings lead to behavior.

But there are several psychological theories that posit that the opposite can also be true – that by teaching one to change their behavior, they can then influence their thoughts and feelings.

My paraphrase: "Fake it 'til you make it."

For instance, research performed over the past few decades suggests there could actually be a benefit to producing a fake smile.  According to many experts, smiling may not only be an outward manifestation of a happy feeling. It may actually be able to cause a happy feeling.

Try this sentence-tweaking with some of your negative thoughts and statements.  

See if it makes a difference…and plaster on a fake smile, too!

You just might find yourself feeling more joyful.


4) Stop at the comma

OK, so, sometimes it's really hard to stop a negative thought or feeling.  I totally get that.

But, we can stop short of expressing it.

You see, Nora loves inserting her negative *but* after the comma.

Example: It's a beautiful day, BUT…


Honestly, isn't it time to shut Nora up?

It's probably going to take some time and practice and discipline to change my negative approach to life, but in the meantime, I don't have to "share the wealth" of my negative thinking with everyone I know and love.

For instance, it would probably be just fine to stop that comment to "The Hub" at, "Thanks for doing the laundry, honey."

Ahem.

It's been years since I saw the movie, "The Lion King."  But I remember one scene when Rafiki, the wisest mandrill I've ever known, is leading Simba through the jungle.  At one point, he turns quickly to Simba and says,
"Stop!  Shhh…"

Growing up, my sons used to tease me in the middle of me ranting, or regaling them with my worries, or offering unwanted meddling, by looking at me and quoting Rafiki.

Honestly, isn't it time that I do the same to myself?

Isn't it time that I stop at the comma and make it a period instead?!

"Stop!  Shhh…"


I have a feeling that this *stop-the-negativity-and-refocus-on-joy* process is going to take some time.

I'm fighting my temperament, I'm battling my sinful nature and the enemy who loves to inflame it, and habits are hard to break.

Not to mention the fact that Negative Nora is a chatty sort of girl.

But, I want to change.

And perhaps that is the beginning of all good things…

 The cares of my heart
are many,
but
your consolations
cheer my soul.

(From Psalm 94:19)

Synonyms for *intentional*: deliberate, voluntary, willful, designed, done on purpose, intended, meant, planned, purposed, willing


"Stay alert!  Watch out for your great enemy, the devil.  He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.  Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith." (1 Peter 5:8-9, NLT)

"'The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10, NIV)

"For though we walk in the flesh [as mortal men], we are not carrying on our [spiritual] warfare according to the flesh and using the weapons of man.  The weapons of our warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood].  Our weapons are divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses.  We are destroying...every exalted and proud thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought and purpose captive to the obedience of Christ..." (2 Corinthians 10:3-5, AMP)

"Let his faithful people rejoice...and sing for joy on their beds.  May the praise of God be in their mouths and a double-edged sword in their hands..."
(Psalm 149:5-6, NIV)

"For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the...soul...and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." (Hebrews 4:12, ESV)

"Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:18, NLT)

"...be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father..." (Ephesians 5:18-20, NASB)

"We are pressured in every way [hedged in], but not crushed; perplexed [unsure of finding a way out], but not driven to despair; hunted down and persecuted, but not deserted [to stand alone]; struck down, but never destroyed...we do not become discouraged [spiritless, disappointed, or afraid]. Though our outer self is [progressively] wasting away, yet our inner self is being [progressively] renewed day by day.  For our momentary, light distress [this passing trouble] is producing for us an eternal weight of glory [a fullness] beyond all measure [surpassing all comparisons, a transcendent splendor and an endless blessedness]!" (2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 16-17, AMP) 

(Notice the *new math* – with the positive *but* statements!!) 

"Who shall ever separate us from the love of Christ?  Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?...[No]...in all these things we are more than conquerors and gain an overwhelming victory through Him who loved us [so much that He died for us]." (Romans 8:35-37, AMP)

"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing.  Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." 

(Philippians 4:8, NLT)

"Always be full of joy in the Lord.  I say it again – rejoice!" 

(Philippians 4:4, NLT)

Has Negative Nora moved into your neighborhood?

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