Monday, October 26, 2015

JUST STOP IT!


I have an alter ego.

Her name is Negative Nora.

Actually, I have two alter egos.  Nora has a twin called Nervous Nellie.  She can be quite annoying, but today we're talking about Nora.

Sometimes she takes up residence inside of me.

And sometimes I don't even know it until "The Hub" says, in the kindest way, "You know, I just can't listen any more right now.  I'm worn out."

It's true.

Negative thinking is burdensome...to the thinker and the listener.

I have to admit, sometimes when I feel compelled to air out my feelings, to share my heart, Nora has a tendency to take over the conversation.

And she has a bad habit of reciting a litany of negative things.

You know, stuff like this:

"It's a beautiful day, but I have a terrible headache."

"This is a pretty dress, but it'll probably make me look fat."

"Thanks for doing the laundry, honey, but you hung up my shirts backwards."

(Yes, I have said that to my husband.  My southpaw, left-handed husband.)


I think you get the gist of how Nora thinks.

She sometimes says good stuff, but always adds that negative spin at the end.  Yup, Nora's thoughts always have a *but* attached to them...


So, I was talking about this with a dear friend the other day (you know who you are out there!!), and we tried to figure out two things – 

1) How have we fallen into this pattern of thinking and speaking?
2) How do we get out of it?

One thing we agreed on was the idea that the whole attitude of joy has to be intentional.  

Some people are just happy-go-lucky by nature.  Not me.  I tend to be a grumpy-go-gloomy, glass-half-empty (there's a glass??) kind of girl.  So, joy is not something that bubbles up inside of me because of my innate sunny temperament.

And, we also agreed that gratitude has a lot to do with joy.

If Nora and Nellie, negativity and nervousness, are twins – then their counterparts have to be Joy and Gratitude.

I'm a bit dismayed that I'm going to have to work on being joy-full.  It seems counterintuitive, in a way – to work at something positive.  But, when Nora lives inside of you, sometimes it does require intentional work to silence her.

I know this is true because often when I've been told to "count my blessings," my first reaction is to grumble, "I don't want to count my blessings.  I want to be in a bad mood."

Oooo, Nora is a stubborn girl.


My friend and I also talked about what we think might be causing this current negative slant on life.  We thought of several commonalities in our lives.  Middle-age angst, family situations, stressful upheavals, aging parents, health challenges, etc – you know, the general *stuff* of life that plagues us all in one way or the other.

But we also acknowledged that negativity can become a habit, a comfortable way of thinking and speaking that can insidiously become 
second-nature if we're not careful.  

Like I said, Nora can become a very comfortable companion, very quickly.  


So, in an effort to try to change our way of thinking and speaking, we came up with four tangible things to ponder and work on:


1) Say Scripture out loud

My Bible Study group is currently doing Beth Moore's study, "Breaking Free." Every couple of weeks, we listen to a video of Beth's teaching.  Last week she said several things that really spoke to me.  But one that stood out was the fact that the enemy of our souls cannot read minds.

Therefore, it is crucial to say things out loud.

And, there is nothing more powerful to say than the words of God Himself.

Jesus used Scripture to fight the devil in the wilderness.  And if you notice, they had an out-loud conversation.

Jesus quoted Scripture with His voice.

There is something powerful that happens when the Word of God is spoken.

So, my friend and I agreed to start our days by saying something from the Bible – OUT LOUD – thereby letting the enemy know exactly where our focus is first thing in the morning – and also confirming that focus in our own hearts.

Try it, it's quite effective!

(Bonus: Nora doesn't like this.  It tends to keep her quiet…)


2) Make a take-along compilation of Bible verses

You could use post-it notes, or attach verses to a key ring, or get one of those little boxes that has pre-printed Bible verses on little cards.  I'm going to use one of those spiral-bound notebooks of index cards, and write a verse on each card.

I'm going to concentrate on verses that speak about fear.  

Because in my life, Nora and Nellie are constantly talking to each other.  And when I'm afraid, I'm more negative – and when I'm negative, I'm more afraid.

Then, I'm going to take that little notebook with me wherever I go.  It's going to be my not-so-concealed weapon as I battle the forces that strive to make me negatively ungrateful and fearfully un-joy-full.


3) Change the order of your sentences

I confess, this is not an original thought.

My dear blogging friend came up with this idea, and it's an amazingly effective tool.  (I couldn't remember her specific post, but here's her blog link).

This helpful hint encourages one to reverse the order of negative or fearful sentences.

Here's a couple of examples:

I know the Lord is with me, but what if that horrible thing happens?

New version:  That horrible thing could happen, but I know the Lord is with me.

It's a beautiful day, but I have a terrible headache.

New version:  I have a terrible headache, but it's a beautiful day.

I trust the Lord, but I'm so very scared.

New version:  I'm so very scared, but I trust the Lord.


There's a few reasons that I love this practice:

First, it acknowledges the negative thought – denial doesn't help when dealing with negative feelings.

However, it doesn't give the negative thought precedence – the positive thought takes center stage.

And finally, it subtly tweaks our thinking.  It steals the negative *but* and puts a positive spin on the ensuing *but* statement.


Old math: Positive thought negative *but* = Negative outlook
New math: Negative thought + positive *but* = Optimistic outlook


Thoughts lead to feelings, and feelings lead to behavior.

But there are several psychological theories that posit that the opposite can also be true – that by teaching one to change their behavior, they can then influence their thoughts and feelings.

My paraphrase: "Fake it 'til you make it."

For instance, research performed over the past few decades suggests there could actually be a benefit to producing a fake smile.  According to many experts, smiling may not only be an outward manifestation of a happy feeling. It may actually be able to cause a happy feeling.

Try this sentence-tweaking with some of your negative thoughts and statements.  

See if it makes a difference…and plaster on a fake smile, too!

You just might find yourself feeling more joyful.


4) Stop at the comma

OK, so, sometimes it's really hard to stop a negative thought or feeling.  I totally get that.

But, we can stop short of expressing it.

You see, Nora loves inserting her negative *but* after the comma.

Example: It's a beautiful day, BUT


Honestly, isn't it time to shut Nora up?

It's probably going to take some time and practice and discipline to change my negative approach to life, but in the meantime, I don't have to "share the wealth" of my negative thinking with everyone I know and love.

For instance, it would probably be just fine to stop that comment to "The Hub" at, "Thanks for doing the laundry, honey."

Ahem.

It's been years since I saw the movie, "The Lion King."  But I remember one scene when Rafiki, the wisest mandrill I've ever known, is leading Simba through the jungle.  At one point, he turns quickly to Simba and says,
"Stop!  Shhh…"

Growing up, my sons used to tease me in the middle of me ranting, or regaling them with my worries, or offering unwanted meddling, by looking at me and quoting Rafiki.

Honestly, isn't it time that I do the same to myself?

Isn't it time that I stop at the comma and make it a period instead?!

"Stop!  Shhh…"


I have a feeling that this *stop-the-negativity-and-refocus-on-joy* process is going to take some time.

I'm fighting my temperament, I'm battling my sinful nature and the enemy who loves to inflame it, and habits are hard to break.

Not to mention the fact that Negative Nora is a chatty sort of girl.

But, I want to change.

And perhaps that is the beginning of all good things…






 The cares of my heart
are many,
but
your consolations
cheer my soul.

(From Psalm 94:19)



Synonyms for *intentional*: deliberate, voluntary, willful, designed, done on purpose, intended, meant, planned, purposed, willing


"Stay alert!  Watch out for your great enemy, the devil.  He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.  Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith." (1 Peter 5:8-9, NLT)

"'The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10, NIV)

"For though we walk in the flesh [as mortal men], we are not carrying on our [spiritual] warfare according to the flesh and using the weapons of man.  The weapons of our warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood].  Our weapons are divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses.  We are destroying...every exalted and proud thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought and purpose captive to the obedience of Christ..." (2 Corinthians 10:3-5, AMP)

"Let his faithful people rejoice...and sing for joy on their beds.  May the praise of God be in their mouths and a double-edged sword in their hands..."
(Psalm 149:5-6, NIV)

"For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the...soul...and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." (Hebrews 4:12, ESV)

"Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:18, NLT)

"...be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father..." (Ephesians 5:18-20, NASB)

"We are pressured in every way [hedged in], but not crushed; perplexed [unsure of finding a way out], but not driven to despair; hunted down and persecuted, but not deserted [to stand alone]; struck down, but never destroyed...we do not become discouraged [spiritless, disappointed, or afraid]. Though our outer self is [progressively] wasting away, yet our inner self is being [progressively] renewed day by day.  For our momentary, light distress [this passing trouble] is producing for us an eternal weight of glory [a fullness] beyond all measure [surpassing all comparisons, a transcendent splendor and an endless blessedness]!" (2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 16-17, AMP) 
(Notice the *new math* – with the positive *but* statements!!) 

"Who shall ever separate us from the love of Christ?  Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?...[No]...in all these things we are more than conquerors and gain an overwhelming victory through Him who loved us [so much that He died for us]." (Romans 8:35-37, AMP)

"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing.  Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." 
(Philippians 4:8, NLT)

"Always be full of joy in the Lord.  I say it again – rejoice!" 
(Philippians 4:4, NLT)



Has Negative Nora moved into your neighborhood?



Linked with:

SHARING HIS BEAUTY, PLAYDATES WITH GOD, SMALL WONDER, MONDAY'S MUSINGS, MONDAYS AT SOUL SURVIVAL, LIFE GIVING LINKUP, GOOD MORNING MONDAYS, GRATEFUL HEART MONDAY, REFLECT LINKUP, WORDS WITH WINTER, THE ART OF HOMEMAKING MONDAYS, ENCOURAGE ME MONDAY, TELL ME A TRUE STORY, UNITE LINKUP, TITUS 2 TUESDAY, TESTIMONY TUESDAY, TELL IT TO ME TUESDAYS, TUESDAY TALK, RA RA LINKUP, WOMEN HELPING WOMEN, INTENTIONAL TUESDAY, TELL HIS STORY, A LITTLE R & R WEDNESDAYS, WHOLEHEARTED WEDNESDAY, WISE WOMAN, WORD FILLED WEDNESDAY, THREE WORD WEDNESDAY, COFFEE FOR YOUR HEART, COFFEE & CONVERSATION, WOMEN WITH INTENTION, WAITING ON WEDNESDAY, JOYHOPELIVE LINKUP, THE (NOT JUST) HOMEMAKING PARTY, LIVE FREE THURSDAYTHURSDAY FAVORITE THINGS, THOUGHT-PROVOKING THURSDAY, EVERYDAY JESUS, GRACE AT HOME, SHINE LINKUP, THOUGHTFUL THURSDAYS, FROM HOUSE TO HOME, LITTLE THINGS THURSDAY, LOOKING UP LINKUP, FRIENDSHIP FRIDAY, EVERYDAY TESTIMONY, FELLOWSHIP FRIDAY, FAITH FILLED FRIDAY, SPIRITUAL SUNDAYS, FAITH 'N FRIENDS, MAKE MY SATURDAY SWEET, FAITH & FELLOWSHIP, GRACE & TRUTH, TGI SATURDAYS, DANCE WITH JESUS, STILL SATURDAY, LIVING PROVERBS, WEEKEND WHISPERS, SMALL VICTORIES SUNDAY, WORD OF GOD SPEAK, GIVE ME GRACE, SOCIAL BUTTERFLY SUNDAY



BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"


40 comments:

  1. such great tips, will be using these. I love you.

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  2. Wanting to change is absolutely key, Sharon. You can, and I feel you will, shut Nora and Nellie up as you progress along this most positive journey. Blessings to you!

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  3. I did have a period of my life where I did have a lot of negative talk; I had to really work hard on keeping my mouth shut a lot (LOL) instead of speaking the words out loud. I would maybe speak them in my head, but then tried the technique of saying stop in my mind and then trying to think of positive to say. It did work eventually :) I like your techniques though! When I was walking Koda, I would take Bible verses to memorize. I wrote them on index cards and then punched a hole in them and put them on a big key ring :)

    betty

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  4. Hi Nora! (Just kidding!) I can be just as negative as the next person. It's very easy for me to find the dust in the pile of gold. Not very helpful.
    My word for this year is 'joy' and I am seeing a connection between thankfulness and the quality of joy. I have to work on it too, you're not the only one!
    That thought of turning around the order of the sentence is brilliant. I've never seen that before, so thank you for sharing it. Saying to myself that God is greater than my negative thoughts is really powerful too.
    Here's to a week of joys!
    Ceil

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  5. So many good tools to use in this post! Thanks, Sharon!

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  6. "Take every thought captive" Paul says. I try to live by that in all things. I make a point to check myself for negative thinking and try to not allow it to take root in me or anyone else.

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  7. Negative Nora can haunt us in different ways I think. By nature, I am a positive, upbeat person but sometimes I ponder things too much...think about all the things that could happen in certain situations. Like you, I have also made negative comments when my hubby has tried to do something (like laundry or load the dishwasher) and doesn't do it the way I like it. I can kill a sweet gesture in one fail swoop with an unthought out comment! It's easy to talk before we think and I really think your post can apply to many of us. Thanks for sharing these great suggestions! Have a great week, my friend!

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  8. Great post, neighbor! My only way to live joyfully is to be grace-filled every morning. Thanks so much for your post. Blessings to you and yours!

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  9. This is so good -- and so convicting! I may or may not have been called Eeyore a time or two in this Hundred Acre Wood . . .

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  10. Such an inspiring post, Sharon. Food for the soul.

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  11. I'm in the same boat, that I have to work to be joyful instead of gloomy. Thank you for your inspiring post.

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  12. These are great tips, Sharon! I especially like the one about reversing the sentence order. But God can do anything!

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  13. Negativity is a strong force for sure and pulls me down both in myself and others. I laughed at your beginning because we also speak the same thing to each other: "You are wearing me down!" Thanks for sharing your notes from Beth's Breaking Free. These are very good, practical ways to overcome.

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  14. Being negative every now and then is natural and part of our nature. Overdoing it is a sign we don't really trust God.

    God bless you and youra.

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  15. Oh my goodness Sharon, I love your "N" characters of negative characteristics. Sorry that they still are struggling to take up residence in you, but you have brainstorm some really effective ways to counteract. Really wonderful and practical tips of such wisdom as always with great application. Sorry I'm so late, dr. and specialist stuff again today and two other appts. last week but at least I'm getting in and trying to resolve as much as I can before I fly back to my furry family next week (minus one, sadly my dear Toby died last Thurs.). Go back on my blog of Beth Moore's study because you gave really good answers to many (Jan, 2011-May). Chap 47 "Freedom and Splendor" Label Breaking Free Resting in trust in God more than what I see or feel or is happening around me. Very thankful for sweet sisters like you that I count on. Love and many blessings with a BIG hug, Peggy

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  16. Yes, negative Nora moved into my neighborhood a long time ago, but guess what? I just moved and didn't leave her my forwarding address. Thanks for making these 4 practices so clear. I'm going to use everyone of them. Thank you my friend.

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  17. I agree heartily that a positive perspective is intentional and must be nurtured. When I was a waitress the lunch shifts were terribly slow and, in all the downtime, complaining became a frequent habit. A friend and I made a pact to stop and it was WORK, but in the end, it was far more enjoyable to talk than just get by with habitual negativism. Thanks for sharing, Sharon!

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  18. I like the thought to reverse the curse (negative plus positive) Then eliminate the negative all together. I once heard of cutting off the dogs tail an inch at a time because it hurt so much. That is crazy, if you are going to cut off the dogs tail, cut it all at once and be done with it. Sweet Sharon, perhaps you learned this attitude from your parents. Think back to the first time you felt this way and who was present. Then forgive them, and know Jesus was there too and will remind you not to fear, doubt, and to allow Him to change you. Thank you for sharing your awesome post with us here at “Tell Me a Story.” http://letmetelluastory.blogspot.com/

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  19. Sharon, I certainly hate it when those negative twins start speaking through my mouth! I like the way you personified them for me. I also like the idea of switching how I say things. God bless.

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  20. Oh I like that advice of reverse engineering our sentences. It is such a simple tool but can make a great impact.

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  21. YES!!! I want change too! Right here with you! Thanks for some awesome tips. I feel guilty sometimes too that joy is not my default but with a little work I'm convinced it can be : )

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  22. Sharon, what a delightfully creative way to share the desire of your heart so openly and honestly. I think we all have a little Negative Nora in us that seeps out once in a while--your strategies in this post are so good. I also like to pray throughout the day, "help me, Lord Jesus" and I also take communion at home, remembering that I am the righteousness of God in Christ and His finished work on the Cross covers all my sin--past, present, and future--including negative comments...resting in His unconditional love gives me the heart to change. Many blessings to you!

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  23. Hi Sharon,
    I LOVE the reverse order sentence strategy! Brilliant!!! This was such a great post. Even us sunny disposition people, have seasons where the sun doesn't seem to shine very brightly, and like you said, it can easily become a bad habit!
    Just this week I included a printable of 17 scriptures on my blog. They are business card sized so they can be carried along with you easily! Maybe some of them are ones you want to add to your collection!
    Blessings and smiles,
    Lori

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  24. Great blog post. For a few years now I've had a little post it note up by my workstation at home that says one word: Anticipate! And it reminds me to stay positive and anticipate what God is going to do in my life and in those around me.

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  25. Great insights on intentional optimism, Sharon! Thanks for sharing these. Blessings on your lovely writing ministry.

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  26. I think it's awesome that you recognize the negative bend first and foremost. That shows the obvious wisdom from God. The amazing gift of free will is so under appreciated. We get to choose how we perceive things in this life! I think that's huge!

    Thanks for the reminder, Sharon... and for making me smile at you and myself in the process. That's a wonderful gift, sister.

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  27. Love this, Sharon. I am a bit of a Negative Nora and Nervous Nellie, too. I will remember your tip to "re-order" my sentence moving forward. :)

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  28. Thank you for sharing at the Thursday Favorite Things blog hop

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  29. Wow. That Nora and Nellie really get around. They spend a great deal of time at my place, too. They are rather boisterous so hearing above their fray is a struggle. Daily. Good advice here in kicking the squatters out!
    Blessings, friend!
    Joy!
    Kathy

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  30. Guilty of those alter egos as well! Writing out and posting Scriptures around my house helps me tremendously!

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  31. Sorry that your are struggling with this.I will be praying for you! You just need to give it all to Jesus! Philippians 4:13
    13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. He can help you do anything we must die to self and pick up are cross daily, not some days but daily!
    God bless
    Kelly

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  32. I struggle with this too but I am slowly gaining victory with His help.

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  33. Yes! I couldn't agree with you more! I have a Negative Nora too. It takes prayer and an intentional focus to choose joy and optimism.

    Thanks for sharing (and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop).

    Wishing you a lovely weekend.
    xoxo

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  34. I love these tangible ways to change your mind Sharon. So smart! 🙂

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  35. Well, you convicted me in the first few paragraphs--because my hubs has said similar stuff to me too! I have a tendency to focus on the negative, heavy weight ministry junk weighing on my heart. (He recently instigated a new rule-- we have to share 5 good things that happened each day. Which goes right along with my 1000 gift list. Which I love.)

    And thanks for mentioning the "Great But Reversal" blog over at my site. That has still stuck with me and honestly, I could probably use a reminder. Thanks friend. Love you much. (And I can't wait until we get to meet in person... someday.)

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  36. Nora and Nellie, eh?? That is the funniest thing! Oh, you never cease to make me laugh AND think, all in the same post! God has gifted you abundantly, sweet friend. May He bless you in a big way!!!!

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  37. Awesome post! I love how you gave examples of how to turn the negative sentences around and all of the scripture! Thanks for sharing with #SocialButterflySunday! Hope to see you link up again this week :)

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  38. Thank you for sharing with us at #JoyHopeLive!

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  39. So guilty of being negative at times...love how you are encouraging us to turn it around! Turn that frown upside down! Love to you!

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  40. This post is great and I am going to try your suggestions! It is very easy to be negative in our world today.

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"So [I] have been greatly encouraged in the midst of [my] troubles and suffering, dear brothers and sisters, because you have remained strong in your faith. It gives [me] new life to know that you are standing firm in the Lord. How [I] thank God for you!" (1 Thessalonians 3:7-9)

Thanks for your comments - it is such a joy to be sharing my journey with friends like YOU!

(NOTE: Anonymous comments will be removed. Thank you for understanding.)