Monday, May 7, 2012


It's been about a month since I had my *meeting* with the Lord on Good Friday.

That was the day that I nailed my life - my actual physical life - to the cross.

I find it interesting (ironic) that ever since then, I have physically felt crummy.

I reflect back on that day.

Did I give God my life sincerely?  Yes, I did.  Did I expect Him to do something in return?  No, not really.  OK, honestly?  Maybe.  OK, really honestly?  Yes.

I wasn't expecting Him to do something, but I know that I wanted Him to do something.  I wanted Him to make me feel better.

Does that mean that I didn't really nail my life on that cross?  No, I really think I did.  No thumbtacks or Post-It notes were in my purse that day.  My heart was in the right place.

It's just that I'm too human.

And since that day of commitment, this little spirit of "me" has snuck back in..

I have to constantly battle against my *vending machine* view of God.  There continues to live inside of me a part that wants something from God - instead of just wanting God.

It's a recurring theme.

I give God my children, and then I want to run their lives.

I give God my future, and then I worry about how things are going to work out.

I give God my dreams, and then I wonder (impatiently) why He isn't making something happen.

I give God my everything, and then I get miffed that He doesn't give me something back.


That sinful, prideful sense of entitlement that is so insidious.

So, what I am learning is this - that that symbolic gesture, that Good Friday experience that *nailed* me - well, that needs to take place every day.

I know this intellectually - it's just in the area of practical application that I stumble.

God knows this.  Praise God He knows this.

And yet, again and again, He keeps whispering the same thing to me that He's been saying for well over a year...

"Sharon, is it really just Me?"

Lord, forgive me for failing to realize that You have already given me far more than I deserve - far more than I could ever earn.  You have given me Jesus - and through Him, You have given me His righteousness, His Spirit, His eternal life.

Forgive me for wanting something from You - instead of just wanting You.  Thank you that in spite of that, You still promise me rewards.  You are graciously generous, and lavishly loving.  You are my Father, and I love You.

Now, would someone please hand me a hammer?

I need to do some more nailing...

What do you expect from God?  Are you willing to let go of it?

Linked today with Joan at SHARING HIS BEAUTY

BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"


  1. Hi Sharon,

    We do seem to be experiencing the same things.

    I sometimes feel I will never make it.

    God says "Have Faith My Child" and that is what I am trying to do.

    Hope you feel better soon, God Bless - Nita.

  2. Hi Sharon,

    When there is something that is bothering me, and it keeps coming up, over and over. I sit down and "give" it to the Lord. When it returns, I had it over to Him and say this is Yours, not mine. The sender has the wrong address so I "forward" over to Him.

    Good Friday was a day of blessing and sadness for me. My mother passed away suddenly. But when she passed, I asked the Lord for this to bring all of my family together instead of shoving us farther and farther apart.

    Then some things happened that got me upset. I handed them over. They kept coming back. I kept handing them over. Two miracles have taken place : My brother and I are communicating and my daughter has come and asked that we mend our relationship.

    Praise God. Just keep handing it over. Whether it is feeling bad or whatever. I keep handing Him my sadness. I want to talk to my Mom. She is with Him, which is more important that me talking to her.

    May God bless you today. You have been such a source of strength for me. May God hug you big today, Friend.

  3. Have to give it all to the Lord.

  4. nailed it and me...I needed this this morning and I will leave it at to go get the hammer and nail again!

  5. O my, just this morning I gave something over, and had such sweet peace -- for a couple hours. Now I'M feeling crummy, but not physically, because that was the problem area, and it's been bluesing me out! Timely post for me. And timely time to get my hammer out again, too!

  6. The vending machine view of God really sticks out to me Sharon. I hadn't ever thought it about that way but I too I am guilty of putting things in with the expectation that God is going serve me up what I have been desiring.

  7. If I had a hammer...
    Sorry, I had to type it since it is now in my head.
    I like what you said about daily nailing. I have to believe that if we do it morning after morning after morning, one day we will wake up, head to the cross, and realize that it's already there. It lasted the night.

    We won't know until we try.

  8. Blessings Sharon... I'm stumbling with you. Love your very vulnerable, real self dialogue and just blatant truth.

    Sad to say... after reading Dr. Larry Crabb's "Love Letters" and "Papa Prayer" books, I too saw myself as running to God as if He's a vending machine... ouch! That really hit the "nail" on the head. So I've changed my prayers
    a little but not entirely... The difference is
    in those questions you asked yourself... the expectation. I believe I should pray expecting God to respond especially when it's in behalf of others. But when I don't see Him respond day after day, month after month in some, or years... I begin to question like you did so beautifully.

    This one really speaks to me! But every time you write, I am so blessed... you clearly write with a purpose and heart, concise and filled with so much from personal application to wonderful wisdom and wit. Although I have failed miserably to catch up or visit, I have read every one. (almost given up in catching up ever) but not one has been in vain.

    I stopped midway while reading this again to comment... right with the powerful impact you wrote after "recurring theme" WOW!!! Once in a while, my "prayer time on Fri."... I set out to not ask anything from God, just as you say "want God"...adore Him, praise Him... seek Him.
    I get discouraged when I don't see answers because I question not how I pray (anymore) if I'm asking it right (as if there is a right or wrong way) but perhaps HE is not responding because something in me is hindering my prayers reaching Him, and I often feel like they're bouncing off the ceiling or He's tired of hearing from me, but I'm relentless... I keep asking... especially for HEALINGS for people and SALVATION. It becomes a self evaluation of what am I doing wrong instead of trusting in His Divine Plan and Hand. And as regards "nailing it to the cross"or "leaving it at the altar"... oooo, I'm so guilty of taking it back although I know I was as sincere as you were and are...

    AMEN! AMEN! and AMEN to your sweet prayer... and "if I had a hammer...", I'd join you
    (and not just in the singing of the song...)
    I am encouraged, inspired and strengthened in your honesty as always... and although I wanted to visit where I left off or some others, this one was meant for me and I thank you sis, for the beauty of Jesus in you and your love that shines forth from your heart and keyboard to me. I miss you so much! I'm so glad that we are on this journey together and we can help each other with the hammer each day... God's way, not ours... and as for your great introspective questions:

    What do you expect from God?
    Change of hearts - salvation, change in my behavior and others (not repeating the past)...
    healings... and the list seems endless as I ponder this, I guess it's because I expect a visible sign and so far, if there has been any, it's invisible to me... but when I do get a response, I am quick to respond with praise, so that leaves me wondering again...

    Are you willing to let go of it? maybe I have not... not because I ask not... but because GOD EXPECTS SOMETHING DIFFERENT FROM ME, not so sure I know how to let go anymore, but I'm trusting Him and giving it ALL to Him, after all it's HIS and His Plan, I'm just a vessel learning how to flow, believe and move by His Spirit. Hoping He's done breaking me and is on to the molding and refinishing part by now. I try to let go but I think I need to let go on His terms, not mine (just like His way, not mine)... I really DO need to surrender this "control" issue I have... too much influence of others in my past (such a hard "ugly" habit to break)Your "ooo, ugly" really struck me, too!

    Love to you and BIG HUG (better not say praying but I am and thinking of you often),

  9. Oh! Every day and every moment! I pray that I look to God for GOD and not for what He can give me...

    Blessings, Joan


"So [I] have been greatly encouraged in the midst of [my] troubles and suffering, dear brothers and sisters, because you have remained strong in your faith. It gives [me] new life to know that you are standing firm in the Lord. How [I] thank God for you!" (1 Thessalonians 3:7-9)

Thanks for your comments - it is such a joy to be sharing my journey with friends like YOU!

(NOTE: Anonymous comments will be removed. Thank you for understanding.)