OK, I had a birthday last month.
I'm not gonna tell you how old I am now - but it rhymes with *fifty-eight*...
I celebrated with some local firefighters who responded to the smoke alarms set off by the candles on my birthday cake. They were quite nice - they stopped counting at 30...
Seriously, I cannot believe that I have reached this rather stunning age.
(I picked the word *stunning* because it was the adjective LEAST likely to describe how I feel at this ripe ol' age!)
Usually I like my birthday - not so much the AGE - but the fact that on that one day I like to feel kinda special. Like I'm someone important. Just for one day...
But this year, I just felt old.
I had a grand old pity party - treated myself to some Misery Cake, with a scoop of Poor Me Ice Cream, a mug of Pout Soda, and followed it all up with a gift of "Waa Waa Waa."
I don't know why it hit me so hard this year.
Maybe it's 60 looming??
The funny thing is this - I really admire older ladies. There are a few in my Bible Study who are in their 70's. I've spent quite a bit of time around even older ladies - in their 80's and 90's. The thing is this - I am very attracted to their inside stuff.
The part of them that just glows with the presence of the Holy Spirit.
I love being with them - I guess I'm just not ready to BE one of them.
So, God and I had to have a little *pow-wow* this year about my lousy attitude.
He helped me come to terms with some rather powerful stuff.
HE planned my birth.
HE planned my life - every single moment of it - before I was born.
HE has wakened me up every single day of the last 58 years for a reason.
HE has a purpose for me to fulfill while I am alive.
HE has a place for me after I die.
HE thinks I'm special because I am made in His image.
HE likes the parts of me that resemble His Son.
HE is more attracted to my inside stuff than my outward appearance.
And HE thinks I am special - someone very important.
Yup, quite a reality check, huh?!
It's all so human to get caught up in the numbers - the creeping onset of old(er) age. The way it's changing us, making so many things more difficult - walking, sleeping, thinking, remembering. We ache with pains we haven't had before. We have to manage *health issues* that aren't talked about Glamour magazine.
We are no longer candidates for the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue - (just to set the record straight, I was NEVER a candidate for that...)
It's all so human to worry about temporal stuff, isn't it?
So, this year, this birthday, I have to battle against my natural tendencies. I have to battle against my self-focus. I have to battle against worrying about the calendar. I have to battle against...well, against me.
Again, my birthday tempted me to focus on the unimportant - the temporals, as I like to call them.
But this year, God is asking me to focus on the eternals.
The truth of how He feels about me - and what His purposes are for my life.
The truth of these eternal facts...
God created ME - and He died for ME - and He loves ME...He calls ME friend.
May God give me a grace this year that begins to fill my spirit with His gentleness, His kindness, His mercy.
May God grant me the wisdom and discernment that comes from life's experiences.
May God begin to grow me into one of those older women that I so admire.
And most of all, when I look into the mirror this year, may I resemble Him more and more...
May I just glow with the presence of the Holy Spirit!
Do you like birthdays or not?
(SIDENOTE: I am being driven to distraction with the new Blogger changes. Please forgive the appearance of my posts lately. Evidently, the Blogger gremlin is automatically changing the formatting of my posts. My double-spacing is magically changing into triple-spacing sometimes, and sentences are arbitrarily indenting themselves against my will. Doesn't Blogger realize that OLD ladies DO NOT LIKE CHANGE?!)
BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"