HERE'S TWITCHIN' AT YOU - GRRR!

OK, I had a really hard time getting to church this week.

The alarm went off – (about ½ an hour before I had to get up – not a morning person!) – and I started to wrestle with myself.

Inner dialogue:

"The Hub" isn't going this week, so it's all right if I stay home, too."

"I went to Bible Study on Tuesday."

"I have to drive down to see my mom tomorrow, and I don't want to start out tired."

"I have a headache, more sleep would help."

"God will understand."


Maybe it was that last argument that convinced me to get up and get dressed and get going.

Once there, I decided to do something different this week.

I sat in the second row with a friend of mine from Bible Study!

She said she liked to sit up there because it kept her from being distracted by other people and other things happening around her.  Sounded like a good reason to me.

So yes, I broke out of my little mold, and ventured to the front of the sanctuary!  

Settled in, I was READY for church.


We begin our service with announcements, and then we have a time of singing.

OK, so now I discover some of the reasons why I do not sit in the front. For one thing, the music is really loud.  Which was distracting.  And then, I started to *inspect* the worship team.

New inner dialogue:

"I really like his boots.  Black, clunky.  I wish they made something like that for women."

"Wonder whose kid that is on guitar?"

"How loud are the drums behind that plexiglass?"

"I think I can see through her skirt.  Wait, no, just a trick of the light."

"The communion table looks handmade.  Wonder who did that…"


Oops!

Back to concentrating on the songs.

"I wonder if people are looking at my back.  Do they think I'm fat?"

Back to music.

"Huh, I never noticed those speakers at the bottom of the platform. Or are those heat registers?"

Music, Sharon.


So, you get the picture.  My mind was wandering, rambling.  Roaming around like a hapless hobo stuck on the Trivia Train.  

Then it came time for the sermon.

Determined to stop this crazy meandering, I pulled out my Bible, opened my notebook, put on my reading glasses, clicked my ballpoint pen, and got into my *pious listener posture.*

And then it happened…

A stupid eye twitch in my left eyebrow.

You know what I'm talking about.  Those annoying little tics that wiggle of their own accord.  Sorta like face hiccups.  So, I tried to rub it – no good.  I tried to wiggle my eyebrow up and down – nope.  I even gave it a few little punches – absolutely no good.

Twitching continued.

Now, I might just insert here a moment of praise.  I was thankful that it was my eyebrow, and not my eyelid, that was doing the twitching.  Could you imagine if every time the pastor said something wonderful, I winked at him???

"Amen, Pastor!  (Wink, wink…)"


I looked up this ridiculous phenomenon.

"Although the cause is generally unknown, it may be associated with:

Fatigue, Stress, Caffeine."

(Which is totally weird, as I wasn't tired (HA), stressed (puh-leeze), or jacked up on caffeine, (*chai tea latte – 4 out of 5 on the caffeine scale*).

"This minor form of twitch is painless and harmless.  It usually goes away on its own.  But it can be quite annoying."  

(Which is perhaps the understatement of the week).


Let me say, the sermon was powerful, captivating, and encouraging.

And I managed to take notes and let it all sink in – despite my twitching.

But when I got home, I started to ponder a bit.

I remember reading "The Screwtape Letters," by C. S. Lewis.  Basically, the book is a series of letters written by a senior demon, Screwtape, to his nephew Wormwood, a junior tempter.  After the second letter, the Patient (of Wormwood) converts to Christianity, and Wormwood is chastised for allowing this.

However, Screwtape assures Wormwood that all is not lost.

Though the Patient is lost to them for eternity, they can still render him ineffective.  They can still use him in their battle against the Enemy.

(Interestingly enough, The Enemy of the enemy of our souls is our Friend, God!)

I particularly remember one scene when the Patient is in church, and Screwtape advises Wormwood to keep him distracted.


Yes, the battle against distractions.

C. S. Lewis once said, "Pain insists upon being attended to.  God…shouts in our pains.  It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world." ("The Problem of Pain")

So I wonder…

Does the devil whisper in distraction?

Does he tap our shoulders lightly through irritation and aggravation?

Does he nudge us from behind over countless frustrations and interruptions?


Most of us will recognize a full-frontal assault.  We know when the devil has unleashed a nuclear bomb attack – illness, death, financial setbacks, etc.

But, it seems to me that he is just as content to use a peashooter.

The incessant onslaught of the countless little distractions that, well, distract us.  It is a very effective weapon.

Screwtape encourages Wormwood to attack his patient's peevishness.  To keep him getting easily irritated by unimportant and insignificant things – the sort of things that can slowly undermine endurance, purpose, and faith.

"Indeed, the safest road [is]…the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts." ("The Screwtape Letters")

Like the steady drip of a leaky faucet – this strategy can be very effective.

Especially when we are thinking about the Lord – during church or Bible Study, while reading the Bible, while praying…

"When this, or any other distraction, crosses his mind you ought to encourage him to thrust it away by sheer will power and to try to continue...as if nothing had happened; once he accepts the distraction as his present problem and lays that before the Enemy and makes it the main theme of his prayers and his endeavours, then, so far from doing good, you have done harm." ("The Screwtape Letters") 


For yes, indeed, a small rivulet can one day become the torrent that carves a canyon.

And small distractions can subtly lead us away from what matters most – until we find ourselves far, far away.

If we ever kept track of our daily distractions – (don't, it's too distracting!) – but if we did, we'd find that our minds are flitting all over the place most of the time.

And therein is the trap.

What is the devil trying to accomplish by keeping us irritated with interruptions and intrusions on *our* time?

How does he use what Screwtape called "the pressures of the ordinary" to keep us away from the influence of God?

How can the *familiar* breed contempt in our hearts, and the *mundane* blind us to the miraculous?

In what ways are we susceptible to diabolical influence by the use of "the sort of minor but menacing distractions that can slowly undermine the patient's faith"?


These are good things to ponder.

For indeed, the Christian life is full of distractions.  We are often beset by the ordinary moments of being human, blinded by the drudgery of the here-and-now, and burdened with the menial and mundane. 

It all serves to render us ineffective.

Discouraged and defeated.

Saved for eternity, but perhaps no earthly good.


Brothers and sisters, we cannot become complacent in this battle.

For the journey of faith is one of FOCUS.

Intentional, prayerful, Holy-Spirit-enabled determination to live our lives to the glory of God.

Sure, the Narrow Way is sometimes impeded by boulders – but more often than not, it's just littered with pebbles.

And stubbed toes can waylay us just as easily as a broken leg.

Maybe even more effectively – for a "major injury" can sideline us, force us to stop and take stock of what we're doing (or not doing).  Minor "injuries" can sidetrack us.

And we must not be deterred.

For we are called to be actively and single-mindedly focused on Kingdom purposes.

We are called to do battle, waging war against an enemy who has already been conquered, fighting side-by-side with a Savior who has already won our victory.

We must always remember that our minds, our thoughts are a battleground.

We must be canny to the weapon of distraction, and how mightily (and insidiously) this weapon is used against us.

And we must remember that the devil will do anything and everything – big and small – to keep our eyes off of Jesus.


We must be alert and aware.


Do you know that my twitching eye is gone now?  It probably stopped as soon as I walked out of church.  A distraction no longer needed.

But trust me, there will be more.

More today, and more every day until we go home.

For we belong to "The Enemy"– (as Screwtape calls God) – of the enemy of our souls.

And he is not happy about that.

To which I say...

"Good."



Dear Wormwood and Screwtape,

We are aware of your efforts on behalf of your Father Below.  We know that he is a subtle enemy, more often than not preferring an understated attack than a full-frontal assault.  We know that you work tirelessly to distract us from our focus on your Enemy, our Lord.  And we know that we are powerless to fight against you alone.  But, we know what you're up to – we're onto your schemes.  And, praise God, by His wisdom we will not be fooled, and by His strength we will overcome.

By the way, you're already defeated.  Tell that to your leader.  

Remind him of the Cross.

Never yours…truly,
A believer

Don't mind me.

Not winking,
just twitching.

(Wink, wink...) 

"So all of you who are holy partners in a heavenly calling, let's turn our attention to Jesus, the Emissary of God and High Priest, who brought us the faith we profess..." (Hebrews 3:1, VOICE)

"Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it.  Because he never lost sight of where he was headed..." (Hebrews 12:2, MSG)

"Therefore then, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses [who have borne testimony to the Truth], let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance (unnecessary weight) and that sin which so readily (deftly and cleverly) clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence the appointed course of the race that is set before us, Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection]." (Hebrews 12:1-2, AMP)

"I lift up my eyes to you, to you who sit enthroned in heaven." 

(Psalm 123:1, NIV))

"I keep my eyes always on the Lord.  With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken." (Psalm 16:8, NIV)

"But my eyes are fixed on you, Sovereign Lord; in you I take refuge...Keep me safe from the traps set by evildoers, from the snares they have laid for me." (Psalm 141:8-9, NIV)

"You have said, 'Seek my face.'  My heart says to you, 'Your face, LORD, do I seek.'" (Psalm 27:8, ESV)

What *distractions* is the enemy using in your life to avert you from following Jesus?

Linked with:

SHARING HIS BEAUTY, PLAYDATES WITH GOD, SMALL WONDER, MONDAY'S MUSINGS, MONDAYS AT SOUL SURVIVAL, LIFE GIVING LINKUP, GOOD MORNING MONDAYS, GRATEFUL HEART MONDAY, REFLECT LINKUP, WORDS WITH WINTER, MOM 2 MOM MONDAY, THE ART OF HOMEMAKING MONDAYS, TELL ME A TRUE STORY, UNITE, TITUS 2 TUESDAY, FIND STABILITY, TESTIMONY TUESDAY, TUESDAY TALK, TELL IT TO ME TUESDAYS, RA RA LINKUP, TELL HIS STORY, WHOLEHEARTED HOME WEDNESDAY,  A LITTLE R & R WEDNESDAYS, WAITING ON WEDNESDAY, WORD FILLED WEDNESDAY, THREE WORD WEDNESDAY, COFFEE FOR YOUR HEART, WOMEN WITH INTENTION WEDNESDAYS, FROM HOUSE TO HOME, THOUGHT-PROVOKING THURSDAY, LIVE FREE THURSDAY, BELOVED BREWS, EVERYDAY JESUS, GRACE AT HOME, SHINE, THOUGHTFUL THURSDAYS, THE (NOT JUST) HOMEMAKING PARTY, LITTLE THINGS THURSDAY, HEARTS FOR HOME, FRIENDSHIP FRIDAY, LIGHT FRIDAY HIT LIST, FELLOWSHIP FRIDAY, LOOKING UP LINKUP, FAITH FILLED FRIDAY, SPIRITUAL SUNDAYS, COUNTING MY BLESSINGS, MAKE MY SATURDAY SWEET, FAITH & FELLOWSHIP, GRACE & TRUTH, DANCE WITH JESUS, TGI SATURDAYS, SATURDAY SOIREE, STILL SATURDAY, WEEKEND BREW, SUNDAY STILLNESS, GIVE ME GRACE



BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

JESUS KNOWS

Ever have one of those moments?

You're reading the Bible, or singing a worship song, or listening to a sermon – and boom!  Something leaps out and stuns your heart.

This happened to me on Sunday.

Right in the middle of a song, I saw these words…

Jesus knows.

And all of a sudden, I couldn't sing – overcome with feeling, tears flooded my eyes.

A simple truth, a profound Truth.

Something that I've known forever, and that I can read about in Scripture.  A familiar concept – one that brings comfort and hope.

But, for some Holy Spirit reason, in this particular moment, I was blindsided by the impact of those mighty words:

JESUS. KNOWS.


Would you take a moment and ponder that, too?

Let it really sink into your soul.

There is nothing that ever happens to us in this life of which Jesus is not aware.

And He cares.

But you know, I think there's a difference between having sympathy for someone, and empathizing with them.  I looked up the definitions to help make the distinction:

Sympathy: feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune
Empathy: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another

Sympathy is important.

To show pity for someone else's trials and suffering is crucial.  But it's a more passive emotion.  It's like watching a sad movie, and feeling sorry for the main character, but it might not be a situation that we have actually experienced.

Empathy is more.

It is the act of entering into someone else's trials and suffering.  To understand because you've *been there.*  For instance, I might sympathize with your broken arm, but I'll empathize with your dental problems.

Sympathy enables me to feel bad for your feelings.  Empathy enables me to feel your feelings as if they're my own, because I've had them myself.

So, perhaps this is why those words – Jesus knows – hit me in a particular way on Sunday.  Jesus doesn't just sympathize with me, He empathizes.


I wonder…

Since the presence of the Holy Spirit actually lives within me, does Jesus also actually experience my physical pain and my emotional angst?  I think it's entirely possible.

We do know that when He physically walked this earth, He experienced all that it means to be human:

"This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do…" (Hebrews 4:15, NLT) 


Wanting to really explore a little deeper what this really means, I consulted some commentaries.  I think you'll enjoy what I read:

Matthew Henry – "In the sight of Infinite Wisdom, it was needful that the Saviour of men should be one who has the fellow-feeling which no being but a fellow-creature could possibly have; and therefore it was necessary he should have actual experience of all the effects of sin that could be separated from its actual guilt."

(Don't you love that – fellow-feeling of a fellow-creature?!)


Pulpit commentary – "That Christ, in his human nature, partook of all the original affections of humanity – hope, fear, desire, joy, grief, indignation, shrinking from suffering, and the like – is apparent, not only from his life, but also from the fact that his assumption of our humanity would have otherwise been incomplete."

(I loved the mention of Jesus "shrinking from suffering" – just like me!)


Gill's Exposition – "[He was] touched with the feeling of our infirmities; such as bodily diseases and wants, persecutions from men, and the temptations of Satan; under all which Christ sympathizes [empathizes] with his people; and which sympathy [empathy] of his arises from his knowledge and experience of these things, and the share he has had of them, and from that union there is between him and his people: and it is not a bare sympathy [empathy], but is attended with his assistance, support, and deliverance; and the consideration of it is of great comfort to the saints…"

(Note – His knowledge AND experience of these things.)


My friends, these are powerful thoughts.  

This is empowering knowledge.

Let not the familiarity of these words diminish their impact.  

The Sovereign and Almighty God of the Universe, sent His Son – who was also perfect, holy, omnipotent, completely God Himself – sent this Son, Jesus, into our world.  Our world full of all that it means to be human.

Pain, suffering, temptation, disease, fear, rejection, exhaustion.

He went through it all – the small stuff (stubbed toes??) and the big stuff (injury and death).

Are you getting it???

Jesus KNOWS!


Now, as I have further contemplated these life-changing words, I'm thinking about something else.

What would it be like if I actually pictured Jesus with me, in physical form, when I go through stuff?  Actually right there, in person?

OK, so, I'm picturing Him in some cargo shorts, a T-shirt, and Birkenstock sandals.  Oh, He's still got long hair and a beard, too.  Piercing brown eyes.

Right now, He's sitting next to me on the couch.  

But He's also going to enter into all my *stuff.*

Can you do that, too?

Picture Him with a cool washcloth on your forehead when you've got a fever. Or rubbing your neck when you've got a headache.  Or giving you a thumb's up when you're sitting in that dentist chair.  Or smiling at you when you come out of surgery.  Or sitting by you when you get test results.  Or patting your hand during chemotherapy.  Or hugging you when you cry over the loss of a loved one.

Picture Him in whatever it is that you face.

Don't just know that He's there…

…picture Him there! 

Create an actual visual!!

Close your eyes, and feel His hand, His arms, His smile, His shoulder, His heartbeat, His breath.

And know that every single thing you go through, no matter what…

JESUS. KNOWS.


I sigh with the blessing of this Truth.

And chuckle at the way Jesus brings it home to me – for just today I had a comment on last week's post (when I bemoaned my upcoming gum surgery and tooth repair), and this is part of what it said (Thanks, Nannette!):

"…know that JESUS KNOWS all we go through here on this earth."

Yup, she even capitalized the important part!!


Listen to Jesus, friends…

"My child, I have held your hand before it was even formed.  I will hold it for eternity.  I will never leave you nor forsake you.  And I do indeed know what you're going through.  I know what it feels like to be human.  So, take heart, don't be afraid.  I am here.  And I have overcome."


OK, now I'm picturing hugging Him…

All of my life,
in every season,
You are still God.

Your eye is on the sparrow,
and You hold on to me. 

This is another great song we sang on Sunday:

When my hope and strength is gone
You're the one who calls me on
You are the life
You are the fight
That's in my soul.

Oh, Your resurrection power
Burns like fire in my heart
When waters rise
I lift my eyes
Up to Your throne.

I will sing into the night
Christ is risen and on high
Greater is He
Living in me
Than in the world.

No surrender, no retreat
We are free and we're redeemed
We will declare
Over despair
You are the hope.

We are more than conquerors, through Christ
You have overcome this world, this life
We will not bow to sin or to shame
We are defiant in Your name
You are the fire that cannot be tamed
You are the power in our veins
Our Lord, our God, our Conqueror.

Nothing is impossible
Every chain is breakable
With You, we are victorious.
You are stronger than our hearts
You are greater than the dark
With You, we are victorious.

(Rend Collective, "More Than Conquerors")


"He was despised and rejected – a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief." (Isaiah 53:3, NLT)

"He took up our infirmities and bore our diseases." (Matthew 8:17, NIV)

(Isaiah 53:4, three ways):

"Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering…" (NIV)
"Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows…" (ESV)
"Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down." (NLT)

"Because God's children are human beings – made of flesh and blood – the Son also became flesh and blood.  For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the devil, who had the power of death.  Only in this way could he set free all who have lived their lives as slaves to the fear of dying.

We also know that the Son did not come to help angels; he came to help the descendants of Abraham.  Therefore, it was necessary for him to be made in every respect like us, his brothers and sisters, so that he could be our merciful and faithful High Priest before God.  Then he could offer a sacrifice that would take away the sins of the people.  Since he himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to help us when we are being tested." 
(Hebrews 2:14-18, NLT)

"…he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9-10, NIV)

"For we do not have a High Priest Who is unable to understand and sympathize and have a shared feeling with our weaknesses and infirmities and liability to the assaults of temptation, but One Who has been tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sinning.  Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace (the throne of God's unmerited favor to us sinners), that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find grace to help in good time for every need [appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it]." (Hebrews 4:15-16, AMP)

"For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ." (2 Corinthians 1:5, NIV)

"For his Spirit joins with our spirit…In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God's glory.  But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering. Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later." (Romans 8:16-18, NLT)



Do you truly believe that no matter what you're going through, no matter what you're feeling, no matter what you're suffering - JESUS KNOWS?



Linked with:

SHARING HIS BEAUTY, PLAYDATES WITH GOD, SMALL WONDER, MONDAY'S MUSINGS, MONDAYS AT SOUL SURVIVAL, LIFE GIVING LINKUP, GOOD MORNING MONDAYS, GRATEFUL HEART MONDAY, FIND STABILITY, REFLECT LINKUP, WORDS WITH WINTER, TELL ME A TRUE STORY, TITUS 2 TUESDAY, SOLI DEO GLORIA, MAKE A DIFFERENCE MONDAYS, TESTIMONY TUESDAY, TELL IT TO ME TUESDAYS, WOMEN HELPING WOMEN, TUESDAY TALK, RA RA LINKUP, MOM 2 MOM MONDAY, TELL HIS STORY, WHOLEHEARTED HOME, WISE WOMAN, A LITTLE R & R WEDNESDAYS, WORD FILLED WEDNESDAY, THREE WORD WEDNESDAY, COFFEE FOR YOUR HEART, COFFEE & CONVERSATION, WOMEN WITH INTENTION WEDNESDAYS, WAITING ON WEDNESDAY, THE ART OF HOME-MAKING MONDAYS, THOUGHT-PROVOKING THURSDAYS, FROM HOUSE TO HOME, LITTLE THINGS THURSDAY, LIVE FREE THURSDAY, BELOVED BREWS, GRACE AT HOME, SHINE, THOUGHTFUL THURSDAYS, HEARTS FOR HOME, THE (NOT JUST) HOMEMAKING PARTY, FRIENDSHIP FRIDAY, FELLOWSHIP FRIDAY, LIGHT FRIDAY HIT LIST, FAITH FILLED FRIDAY, SPIRITUAL SUNDAYS, COUNTING MY BLESSINGS, FAITH & FELLOWSHIP, GRACE & TRUTH, DANCE WITH JESUS, MAKE MY SATURDAY SWEET, SATURDAY SOIREE, STILL SATURDAY, WEEKEND BREW, SUNDAY STILLNESS, TGI SATURDAYS, GIVE ME GRACE



BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

STUPID TEETH...

Yeah, I am not having a love affair with my teeth right now.

Last week I went into the dentist's office for a "routine" cleaning.  Which turned out to be anything but that.  To be fair, I knew that something was wrong.  I'd been having pain in one of my molars, and upon closer inspection I had discovered that a piece of my tooth was gone.

All of my molars have fillings.  The story goes that as a child, I had "soft" teeth.  And every one of those molars got cavities at one point in time.  So, now I'm stuck with some very old silver fillings.

Which are weakening with age – (there's that word again…)

So, semi-prepared for bad news, I went in for my cleaning appointment.

My hygienist had to describe to me in full-detail dialogue how bad the situation was.  The missing chunk-o-tooth (that's the medical term) had left a deep pocket in the surrounding gum, which was now mildly infected.

"Let’s just have the dentist take a look."

Well, one x-ray, two consultations, and an hour later, I finally walked out of the office.

The verdict?

Well, they can't even begin to work on the tooth until my gum gets fixed. Which will require carving (that's what I'm calling it) off a portion of my gum, reshaping it, and then stitching it up.

I don't know about you guys, but stitches in my mouth do not sound like fun.

Or cheap.

After I heal from that, THEN they'll decide whether they can fill the tooth, or whether they'll have to do a crown.

More un-cheap.

I cannot tell you how bad the timing is on this.  Financially, it couldn't come at a worse time.  Taxes were not kind this year, and this expense is just another blow to the bank account.

$$$............... 

(My homemade emoji depicting overly expensive dental charges and the ensuing *money bleed*...)

Not to mention the time involved (weeks), the pain, the inconvenience (requiring several back-and-forth visits from where I live), the pain, the stress of it all…and oh, did I mention the pain?

In the whole scheme of life, this isn't really a big deal.  But, at this particular time, for some very particular reasons, it feels like a huge blow.


I've had some conversation with the Lord about it.  (Though mostly I've just ranted...)

You see, I don't get what He's up to right now.

OK, for instance, last year my Word for the Year was JOY.  And sixteen days into the new year, my father died.  Yes, the Lord had HIS lessons to teach me, and the year of joy did not unfold like I had anticipated.

I thought God was going to GIVE me joy, instead He TAUGHT me joy.

There's a difference.

I thought He was going to make joy-full things happen in my life.  That it would be a happy year.

But instead, He showed me other, deeper lessons.

This year my Word for the Year is HEALING.

And I am really not *getting it* yet.

So far, my granddog has had his spleen removed, my youngest son had his first ear infection in years (he's 28), my husband's shoulder (the one that had surgery a few years back) is acting up, a good friend just had a mastectomy, a family member has cancer and they just found some new lesions, another family member is going to the dermatologist for a "suspicious" mole, it's the year for my follow-up colonoscopy, I'm still coughing from a virus I had over a month ago, my mom is sliding rather rapidly into mental and physical decline, hearts and heads and spirits are hurting, and now…

My stupid teeth.

Last year when the word *healing* popped into my head, it sounded wonderful.  I felt overjoyed!  The possibility of feeling better?  Delightful! Oh yes, I thought, I could use some repair work from the difficult year of my father's passing.

But, it just seems that the hits keep coming.

I am not healing, as in feeling better.

So, Lord, what's the deal?

What are You doing?

And, the first thing that pops into my head is this:

Healing is not necessarily about feeling better, it's all about becoming well.

And becoming well is more about a spiritual state than a physical condition.


I do remember now, something that God said to me about the healing journey this year.  He said it might require more brokenness.  Like sometimes the "cure" involves more pain – much like a broken arm might need to be re-broken in order to heal properly.

Am I being re-broken?

Might I just insert my two-cents here?  

I don't want to be any kind of broken.  I'm exhausted.

(Funny (not ha ha) sidenote: The dentist pointed out to me that several other teeth had fracture lines in them, and need to be watched.  "Do you grind or clench your teeth?"  HA!  What are you talking about?!  Clenching only happens when you're way stressed out!  Me?  I'm calm and collected…always…can't you tell??)


So I continue my dialogue with God.

"Hey, I really thought my dad dying last year, and the ensuing difficulties of dealing with Mom now, was enough.  Why are You allowing all this other stuff to pile on?  Am I truly not broken enough?"

And then I stop and think about that.

Am I broken enough?

There's a difference between being exhausted (which I am) and being broken (which I am re-thinking).

Being broken means being yielded.

And if I'm totally honest with myself, I know I haven't arrived at total surrender yet.

Me and God?  We're in a sort of arm-wrestling match.  And though my hand is mere millimeters from the mat, I'm still fighting.  Am I like Jacob?  Do I need to be knocked out-of-joint before I change?

In some ways, I do feel like Jacob.  I know that I am refusing to let go until God blesses me.

I'm clinging to His heel in desperation, crying out from the depths of my heart:

"Show me Your favor, Lord!"

I am a little stunned by His answer:

"I am."


I'm confused.

How can Your favor come in stressful life situations?  How can Your favor be more pain?

If You love me, how can You want to break me?

Your favor should make me feel good.

Again, His answer surprises me:

"No.  My favor is not about making you feel good, it's about making you righteous."

Hmmm.

I stop and realize, yet again, that I am always trying to fit God into an earthly worldview.  And therefore, favor should be about good feelings in the here-and-now.  But really, God's favor stands outside of this earthly life.  

His favor stands in eternity.

His favor doesn't necessarily give me a "good" life.  

His favor gives me eternal life.

He doesn't show me His favor by necessarily making me feel good.

He shows it by making me righteous.

Like His Son.

And honestly, isn't that what the Christian life is all about?  

A continuing refining and purifying process to make us look like Jesus?

And how on earth (pun intended) can we ever hope to look like Jesus without the painful process of cutting out the sin stuff?

More brokenness.

It's the only way sin-stained me can be sanctified.


I looked up the word brokenness in the dictionary.  These three definitions made me think about my faith journey:

No longer in one piece or working order – yes, this sums it up for me.  I do feel like I've broken into a million pieces.  I've no longer *got it together.* I am not working like I want to, for my life is out of order.

Having given up all hope; despairing – yes, this is how I often feel.  Too tired to fight anymore, too tired to care.

Having an uneven and rough surface – oh yes, the rough edges that I hate within myself.  The cloudy reflection I am of Jesus.  The bumps and gnarls and knots of this poor little offshoot branch of The Vine.  


I am broken, and yet, still in desperate need of breaking.

Here the Lord reminds me of the story that He gave me to accompany my year of healing.  The story of the man at the pool of Bethesda.  Crippled by years of infirmity, he has never quite made it to the healing pool of waters.

And when Jesus met him, he made excuses.

Jesus did not immediately heal him.  Rather, He asked the man a rather startling question:

"Do you want to get well?"

Um, yeah.

I wonder, though.  Why didn't Jesus just heal him?  He'd done that before. Why ask his this seemingly silly question?  Why wouldn't a man who had been crippled for many years want to be healed?

So again, why ask the question?

I think it's because Jesus wanted to stop this man in his tracks.  Wanted him to go beyond the excuses.  Wanted him to let go of frailty and grab onto faith.  He wanted this man to acknowledge within himself that what he wanted he could not provide on his own.

Not just physical healing, but spiritual restoration, too.

The KJV translates the question like this:

"Wilt thou be made whole?"

And here, I ponder what Jesus is saying to me.

"Do you want to feel better…or do you want to be made whole?"

And my answer is not so simple anymore.  Am I willing to undergo the process of being made whole?  A process that will involve brokenness and pain as I continue to die to myself, and lay aside my comfort for a commitment to following The One?

Am I willing to pay the cost of discipleship?


Jesus said that He came to call those who knew they were sinners.

For only sinners know of their desperate need for a Savior.

Am I willing to admit that I need Him?  Will I put aside my excuses?  Will I open myself up even more to His healing hands?

Even if it means more brokenness?


Wilt I be made whole?

Dearest Lord, yes, I want to be well.

Give me the courage to go through what it takes…

My reaction to the
impending bills...

And please notice
my lovely silver fillings.


Oh Lord, give me strength for the journey!!

"[Jesus said]: 'Healthy people don't need a doctor – sick people do.  I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.'" (Mark 2:17, NLT)

"When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, 'Do you want to get well?'" 
(John 5:6, NIV)

"'Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple.  For which one of you...does not first sit down and calculate the cost...'" (Luke 14:27-28, NASB)

"Then Jesus said to His disciples, 'If anyone desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself [disregard, lose sight of, and forget himself and his own interests] and take up his cross and follow Me [cleave steadfastly to Me, conform wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying, also].  For whoever is bent on saving his [temporal] life [his comfort and security here] shall lose it [eternal life]; and whoever loses his life [his comfort and security here] for My sake shall find it [life everlasting].'" (Matthew 16:24-25, AMP)

"'I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence.  In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]!  For I have overcome the world.  [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]'" (John 16:33, AMP)

"'Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.'" 
(John 14:27, NIV)

"When I am overwhelmed, you alone know the way I should turn." 
(Psalm 142:3, NLT)

"'As for you, follow me.'" (John 21:22, NLT)

Are you willing to be broken in order to be made whole?

Linked with:

SHARING HIS BEAUTY, PLAYDATES WITH GOD, SMALL WONDER, MONDAY'S MUSINGS, MONDAYS AT SOUL SURVIVAL, LIFE GIVING LINKUP, GOOD MORNING MONDAYS, GRATEFUL HEART MONDAY, FIND STABILITY, REFLECT LINKUP, TELL ME A TRUE STORY, UNITE, SOLI DEO GLORIA, TITUS 2 TUESDAY, MAKE A DIFFERENCE MONDAYS, TESTIMONY TUESDAY, TELL IT TO ME TUESDAY, TUESDAY TALK, RA RA LINKUP, WOMEN HELPING WOMEN, TELL HIS STORY, WHOLEHEARTED WEDNESDAY, A LITTLE R & R WEDNESDAYS, COFFEE & CONVERSATION, WAITING ON WEDNESDAY, WORD FILLED WEDNESDAY, THREE WORD WEDNESDAY, WISE WOMAN, WOMEN WITH INTENTION WEDNESDAYS, THOUGHT-PROVOKING THURSDAY, FROM HOUSE TO HOME, LITTLE THINGS THURSDAY, BELOVED BREWS, EVERYDAY JESUS, GRACE AT HOME, SHINE, THOUGHTFUL THURSDAYS, HEARTS FOR HOME, LIGHT FRIDAY HIT LIST, FRIENDSHIP FRIDAY, FELLOWSHIP FRIDAY, FAITH FILLED FRIDAY, SPIRITUAL SUNDAYS, FAITH & FELLOWSHIP, COUNTING MY BLESSINGS, GRACE & TRUTH, DANCE WITH JESUS, MAKE MY SATURDAY SWEET, TGI SATURDAYS, SATURDAY SOIREE, STILL SATURDAY, WEEKEND BREW, LIVE FREE THURSDAY, SUNDAY STILLNESS, GIVE ME GRACE



BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

SUSPICIOUS MINDS

I was talking to my cousin the other night.

I was recounting to her some of the difficult things that happened during the last couple of years with my dad.  The things that happened as he increasingly slid into a state of dementia.  And I told her how one of the hardest things for me to deal with was how suspicious he became.

He was always convinced that my siblings and I were "out to get him."

For instance, my sister and I went over on several occasions to help clean and organize their house.  One day, we happened to be working downstairs.  We could hear our parents talking upstairs.  So, instantly turning into *children* again, we snuck up the stairs to listen in.

I sorta wish we hadn't.

Because what we heard was my dad telling my mom that we were stealing things.  Taking away their silver and jewelry.  Absconding with art pieces. Sneaking precious treasures out of their home.

We heard how he didn't want us there.  How he didn't understand why we had to interfere.  How he didn't trust us.

I'm not gonna lie – it hurt really bad hearing this.

Yes, suspicion and paranoia are common manifestations of dementia.  And the accusations are more often than not aimed at family members.  

This from WebMD: "A person with dementia may become irrationally suspicious of the people around him. He might become convinced, again and again, that someone has stolen his [possessions].  It can be demoralizing – after all the work you do as a caregiver, being called a thief a couple of times a day isn't fun."

But to tell you the truth, knowing the reason for this behavior, and knowing that my dad wasn't in his right mind, may have explained these thoughts – but it didn't alleviate the hurt.

Of course, there were moments of comic relief.

Like the time my sister snuck a beat-up old knife from their very old everyday set of eating utensils and put it in her purse.  And then proceeded to slyly show it to me as she walked out the front door.

"Hurry, start the car!"

We laughed so very hard.

Sometimes, in the midst of the pain, you've just got to laugh.

(And yes, we returned the knife!!)


But now, the pain comes back.

You see, my mom is beginning to suffer signs of cognitive impairment.  And though she hasn't become totally suspicious, there are times when she gets huffy with me, times when she gets angry.

This is not my mom.

My mom is the most gentle, soft-spoken person I know.  She wouldn't hurt a fly, nor would she raise her voice to it.  So, when she looks at me like I'm trying to do something terrible to her, it hurts.

A lot.

I feel like I want to say to her:

"Mom, you've known me my whole life.  Don't you know how much I love you, and that I would only do something if it was for your own good?  How can you mistrust me?  Haven't I proved my character by now?  Don't you know me?"


So, I'm in the middle of the conversation with my cousin when those words came out of my mouth...

...I stopped.

Mid-sentence, mid-thought.

For you see, I had not only just said these words to her, I had also heard them said to me.

Someone had spoken to my own heart.

It's like God gave me a glimpse of how it grieves Him when I feel suspicious of Him.

I wonder, does He sometimes say the same thing to me?

"Sharon, you've known Me all of your life.  Don't you know how much I love you, and that I would only do something if it was for your own good?  How can you mistrust Me?  Haven't I proved My character by now?  Don't you know Me?"


After I hung up with my cousin, I kept thinking about this.  

It must hurt God so much when I doubt His goodness, when I question His motives, when I act like I don't trust Him.

I can hear Him saying – softly, plaintively – with a tear in His eye, a crack in His heart:

"Sharon, don't you know Me by now?"


Oh, how foolish I am!

Hasn't He proved Himself to be completely faithful, trustworthy, consistent, good, loving, kind?

Over and over again?

Yes, He has.

It's life that gets in the way.

It's the lies of the enemy that lie to our souls.

And it's our sin-flawed minds that believe those lies.

For you see, we are not really in our right minds at all.

God is not out to steal our joy, nor is He sneaking behind our backs to do terrible things.  He isn't the devious or misanthropic ogre in the sky.

He loves us.

More than we will ever, ever comprehend.


Do we ever stop to think about what a risk He took when He offered His love to humanity?

Think about it…

The Creator of the Universe opened up His heart, offered His love, knowing that He could be rejected and spurned.

Along with His love, He gave humanity the awful and wonderful gift of free will.

He gave us the freedom to turn our backs on Him.

To hurt Him.

To grieve Him.

And the awful, terrible truth I have come to believe is that I grieve Him when I mistrust Him, when I doubt His love.

Oh, this pains me…

All those things I felt with my dad, the things I am beginning to once again feel with my mom – the sadness, the anger, the pain, the dismay – the horror of hearing them distrust my good intentions – all those things I have caused God Himself to feel.


Lord, I'm so very sorry.

For yes, I know better.

I know You.

Through the centuries represented in Your Word, and through every single day of my own life.

Through the good things and the bad things.

Through thick and thin, one thing remains unchanged…

Your love.

Might I just say this to You:

"I have known You all of my life.  I know how much You love me, and that You would only do something if it was for my own good.  I trust You.  You have proved Your character over and over again.  And yes indeed, I do know You."


His love never changes, never wavers, never diminishes, never fades.

And my love for Him begins…

…when I trust Him.

Have I been so long with you,
and yet you have not come to know Me?
O you, of fainthearted faith.
Why do you doubt?
I am the resurrection and the life.
Do you believe this?
Then do not let your heart be troubled.
Trust in Me.

"Thou wilt keep him in peace; in perfect peace, inward peace, outward peace, peace with God, peace of conscience, peace at all times, in all events.  Trust in the Lord for that peace, that portion, which will be for ever.  Whatever we trust to the world for, it will last only for a moment; but those who trust in God shall not only find in him, but shall receive from him, strength that will carry them to that blessedness which is for ever.  Let us then acknowledge him in all our ways, and rely on him in all trials." 

(From Matthew Henry commentary on Isaiah 26:3)

"As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all them that trust in him." (2 Samuel 22:31, KJV)

"The Rock!  His work is perfect, for all His ways are just; A God of faithfulness...righteous and upright is He." (Deuteronomy 32:4, NASB)

"The LORD is good, a strong refuge when trouble comes.  He is close to those who trust in him." (Nahum 1:7, NLT)

"And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you." (Psalm 9:10, ESV)

"O LORD my God, in thee do I put my trust: save me from all them that persecute me, and deliver me..." (Psalm 7:1, KJV)

"When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You." (Psalm 56:3, NASB)

"This I declare about the LORD: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him." (Psalm 91:2, NLT)

"O Lord, you alone are my hope.

I've trusted you, O LORD, from childhood.

Yes, you have been with me from birth;

from my mother's womb you have cared for me.

My life is an example to many,

because you have been my strength and protection.

And now, in my old age, don't set me aside.

Don't abandon me when my strength is failing.

For my enemies are whispering against me.

My God, please hurry to help me.

I will keep on hoping for your help;

I will praise you more and more.

O God, you have taught me from my earliest childhood,

and I constantly tell others about the wonderful things you do.

Now that I am old and gray,

do not abandon me, O God.

Let me proclaim your power to this new generation,

your mighty miracles to all who come after me.

Your righteousness, O God, reaches to the highest heavens.

Who can compare with you, O God?

You have allowed me to suffer much hardship,

but you will restore me to life again

and lift me up from the depths of the earth.

You will...comfort me once again.

Then I will praise you...

because you are faithful to your promises, O my God." 

(From Psalm 71, NLT)

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." (Isaiah 26:3, ESV)

Do you truly trust the Lord?

Linked with:

SHARING HIS BEAUTY, PLAYDATES WITH GOD, SMALL WONDER, MONDAY'S MUSINGS, MONDAYS AT SOUL SURVIVAL, MAKE A DIFFERENCE MONDAYS, LIFE GIVING LINKUP, GOOD MORNING MONDAYS, GRATEFUL HEART MONDAY, REFLECT LINKUP, WORDS WITH WINTER, TELL ME A TRUE STORY, SOLI DEO GLORIA, TITUS 2 TUESDAY, TESTIMONY TUESDAY, TUESDAY TALK, TELL IT TO ME TUESDAY, (NOT JUST) HOMEMAKING PARTY, RA RA LINKUP, WOMEN HELPING WOMEN, UNITE, A LITTLE R & R WEDNESDAYS, WHOLEHEARTED WEDNESDAY, WISE WOMAN, COFFEE & CONVERSATION, WAITING ON WEDNESDAY, WORD FILLED WEDNESDAY, THREE WORD WEDNESDAY, COFFEE FOR YOUR HEART, WOMEN WITH INTENTION WEDNESDAYS, BELOVED BREWS, LIVE FREE THURSDAY, EVERYDAY JESUS, THOUGHT-PROVOKING THURSDAY, GRACE AT HOME, SHINE, THOUGHTFUL THURSDAYS, FROM HOUSE TO HOME, LITTLE THINGS THURSDAY, HEARTS FOR HOME, FRIENDSHIP FRIDAY, LIGHT FRIDAY HIT LIST, FELLOWSHIP FRIDAY, FAITH FILLED FRIDAY, MAKE MY SATURDAY SWEET, SPIRITUAL SUNDAYS, COUNTING MY BLESSINGS, FAITH & FELLOWSHIP, DANCE WITH JESUS, GRACE & TRUTH, SATURDAY SOIREE, STILL SATURDAY, WEEKEND BREW, TGI SATURDAYS, SUNDAY STILLNESS, GIVE ME GRACE



BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!