Monday, June 1, 2015


Yes, yes I do.

And frustrated.

You see, about 5 years ago I lost quite a bit of weight – like 35 pounds.  It was great!  I felt awesome – both inside and out.  My clothes fit great (and in smaller sizes), and it was actually fun trying on new outfits in the fitting room. Mirrors were no longer my enemy.

And, my body reacted well, too.  My blood pressure dropped, and my blood work was better than it had ever been before!  I felt, and actually was, healthier than I'd been in a good long time.

I kept the weight off for about two years.

And then, we moved.

Quite honestly, when we first moved here to the mountains, I was depressed.  I became a couch potato, and I didn't really feel motivated about exercising or eating right.  Old habits reared their ugly heads, and I gained weight.

I can't tell you exactly how much of that 35 pounds I've gained back – it could be even more than that.  Truthfully?  I haven't been on a scale in more than a year – way more than a year.  So I'm actually too afraid to find out…

You know what's worse than the weight gain, though?

How I feel about myself.

I am angry, disappointed, annoyed, and discouraged.

And I let myself know on a fairly regular basis, too.

Self-talk is wonderful (sarcasm)...

You have no willpower or discipline.

You always sabotage yourself.

You can't get anything done.

You're so lazy.

You can't do anything right.

I can come up with a bunch more self-deprecating statements, but they all add up to one thing in my mind.

You're such a loser.

Now, if I've got any guys reading this post, stick with me.

'Cuz if it's not weight that's bugging you, it will be something else.

Because we ALL have *stuff* that we don't like about ourselves.


Sometimes I just get tired of being me.

After all, it's been a steady diet of *Sharon* for 61 years now.  

And it seems like so many of the undesirable things I don't like about myself haven't changed at all.  I make the same mistakes.  I have the same shortcomings and faults.  I suffer from the same personality flaws.  I fail at the same struggles, wrestle with the same issues, commit the same sins, and fear the same situations.

I gotta tell you, if we each have an angel assigned to us, I feel sorry for mine.

Picture the annual Angel Convention.  The keynote speaker is Billy Graham's angel.  He's great, and he smiles a lot.

Meanwhile, my angel sits in the back, kinda slunked down in his seat, and self-consciously looks around.  And all he's thinking is this:

"Man, Sharon hasn't changed at all.  How did I get stuck with her?"

So yeah, I get tired of being me.

But, the thing that really scares me is a tiny whisper that echoes in my soul.  I don't like even thinking about it, but I do.

It's this…

Does God ever get tired of me?

There are moments, usually in the middle of the night when I can't sleep, or in the midst of a good cry, when I look up and plaintively ask Him…

"Lord, are You tired of me?"

Sometimes I feel so small in His presence, so unworthy, so messed up.  I feel like I don't make any progress in life.  And not just in human stuff, but in spiritual stuff, too.

Why do I still battle with fear like I do?

Why do I have so much trouble trusting Him?

Why do I want to fix and finagle and force things in my life?

Why do I have to keep being *me*???

If I was God, I'm pretty sure I would give up.  Shake my head and walk away with a sigh.  Abandon the "lost cause" and move on…

I know that's how I feel.

So, head down, shaking it in utter dismay, sighing in my deepest soul, I turn away from God, give up on myself, and walk away.


I hear it.

Something so small, so soft, so kind – it stops me.

"Did I just hear something?" I say to myself.

No, must be wishful thinking.

But then I hear it again.


I stop.  I dare to turn around.  I hope against hope that I am not mistaken.

And lo and behold, I come face-to-face with Jesus.

His eyes glisten with barely-held tears.  His face is full of gentleness.  He smiles.  He extends a wounded hand to me.

And I fall on my face.

He speaks…

"Sharon, I have loved you with an everlasting love.  I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.  I have chosen you to be My own possession.  I have called you by name.  You are mine.  Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of My hands.  I will never leave you nor forsake you.  I am good, and My steadfast love will endure forever."

Dear one, does this bring tears to your eyes like it does to mine?

And we know that every single word is true because all those statements come directly from Scripture.

I ask my plaintive question again:

"Lord, are You tired of me?"

His answer?


So yeah, I've got plenty of things that I'm disappointed in myself about, a bunch of flaws I want to work on, several things I want to fix or improve – and I certainly have room for growth in my faith.

But has God given up?

Does He ever just shake His head and sigh?

Will He ever walk away?

I think not.  And whenever I doubt that, I remember the Cross.

And a wounded hand extended to me…

…all the way into my heart.

Mirror, mirror
on the wall,
Who's the fairest
of them all?
Only Jesus
and His precious face,
And me,
when I
reflect His grace. 

"The LORD appeared...saying: 'I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.'" (Jeremiah 31:3, NIV)

"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end..." (Lamentations 3:22, ESV)

"...the LORD your God has chosen you to be a people for His own possession out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth." 
(Deuteronomy 7:6, NASB)

"'And you shall be my people, and I will be your God.'" (Jeremiah 30:22, ESV)

"But now thus says the LORD, he who created you...he who formed you...'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.'' (Isaiah 43:1, ESV)

"'To everyone who is victorious I will...give to each one a white stone, and on the stone will be engraved a new name that no one understands except the one who receives it.'" (Revelation 2:17, NLT)

"'Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands...'" 
(Isaiah 49:16, ESV)

"'I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand.'" (John 10:28, ESV)

"'No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life.  As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.'" (Joshua 1:5, NIV)

"For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end." (Psalm 48:14, NIV)

"For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues..." (Psalm 100:5, NIV)

"'I am the good shepherd.  I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep.'" (John 10:14-15, ESV)

"...As for us, we will walk In the name of the LORD our God forever and ever." (Micah 4:5, NASB)

Are you looking at your shortcomings, or at the Lord's perfect love?

Linked with:


BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"


  1. Hi Sharon! I think the tears started when you asked if you God was tired of you. NEVER Sharon!!! He loves you with an everlasting love. He has called you, and you are His.
    Honestly, I think we all have our 'Achilles heel' when it comes to life. Even St. Paul had one, although he never says what it is. Mine is weight too. I just lost a boatload of weight, and it's very difficult to keep off. You are not alone in your struggles! But whatever we struggle with, my Sister in Christ, we are always loved. ALWAYS.
    God bless your honest heart, as He blesses you with His presence and love. You are a very beloved daughter...

  2. Ahhh Sharon ... "Feelings (whoa --oh--oh) feelings" ... like the many you enumerated, leave me feeling that I should at least have some good word of encouragement but in all actuality, you found the BEST ones when God spoke and in His Word (Scripture) ... yes, faith over feelings and the facts. I've been on that train too often too ... struggles and stuff. "I feel ..." whatever "stuff" ... maybe not fat, perhaps over weight ... buffs the feelings of letting ourselves down easily.

    I was here bright and early but with no real words of comfort, I left without leaving a comment. And I felt awful. So your "feelings" kept whirling around in my head.
    All of this is when we desire our life to be comfortable, and it just ain't (isn't), there are ruffles and rough spots, and mirrors that may not reflect what your beautiful mirror sweetly says ... grace ... and that's when we notice that we have become a bit "undisciplined" and that disciple in us ... does not follow Jesus' nor His reflection, not even with so much grace. I, too, do like you do and have been where you are.

    I love the "Angel Convention" idea but I don't think even your angel would be that hard on you or feel stuck or even get tired. So how much more, does the Father, the One who formed you, ever give up but clearly offers His love and grace. He touched your heart with the words of encouragement and wiped away those tears and that feeling of ***, you see because His Word never fails, nor can He lie, His very essence is love and He loves you as I do!

    It is "we" who carry around that extra "weight" whether it's in pounds or in worry or in whatever feeling the enemy uses to makes us belittle and bemoan our thorns in this life or vicious cycles that seem to repeat in our lives ... lack of progress or lessons yet to learn. I still don't have that magical encouragement to lift your head but I know He does and you found those words of healing and comfort.

    May your face to face encounter with Jesus, give you the grace to accept the embrace of His perfect love to help you as He shows you the way and blesses you tremendously (just look at how beautiful your vulnerable, honest heart is and how He spoke through you and to you) ... Let's leave our weight at His feet today and enjoy the week ahead, leaving behind that past (dead weight) and knowing our future is in His hands!

    I love you Sharon! (we are "birds of a feather" which tends to be light-weighted, eh?) so let's keep looking up and off our heaviness :) ~ Many blessings ~Peggy

  3. This is so beautiful. Struggling to hold back the tears right now. Praise God for His unfailing love.
    Oh goodness, where are the tissues??

  4. I have felt this way so many times! Isn't great to know that God is for us? He loves us so much more than we could ever! Visiting today from Reflect.

  5. I have often asked God if he was tired of my whining about things and situations. I know he never gets tired of me, I'm sure he would wish that I was a bit more grateful, but it is amazing how much treasured and loved we are!

    I hear you about the weight; I haven't been on a scale in probably 3 years :) I thik it doesn't help too that as we age that metabolism is not kind to us.

    (and yes it was a snake, my hubby doesn't quite share your hubby's feelings about them, LOL, I'll leave it at that :)


  6. Angel convention….how funny!

    I tend to do like you..a mantra to myself when I’m disappointed because I haven’t met my personal goals. I told Tom I’m mad at myself because I thought by June, I would look more like Jane Fonda. Only in my dreams; maybe 15 lbs to go. Bless his heart, he told me I look good to him and even better because I’m not a traitor. Seriously, I’m remembering that we’re pre-approved with a love that is unimaginable! Praise Jesus. And that makes my day!


  7. A much needed reminder today - thank you for sharing your story!

  8. Sharon, we're 'neighbors' at Small Wonder this week. I wrote a similar post at the beginning of this year....I'm 62 now and my body isn't what it was even 10 years ago. But I'm making peace with it. Focusing on our 'fat' is still a focus on our flesh, and doesn't that old devil just love to keep our eyes off Jesus? Great post.

  9. You have written here exactly how I feel about myself. The comforting part is that I know I'm not alone...I bet you and I both have a LOT of company! I have been having many of these thoughts about myself recently. And I agree with Peggy...well...and with everyone else here. I will be reading and re-reading this post, dear friend. Thank you :)

  10. Hi there! I love Jesus' response...."NEVER!" I needed that today as I feel this way many times about many things in my life from time to time. I found you today on Words with Winter :)

  11. After learning and preaching about grace these past oh-so-many-years, I have come to the very firm conclusion that "No" God is not tired of me-never has, never is, and never will be. Put a nail through that one and a hammer through your scale. :)

  12. Sharon, I LOVE your post! Never get tired of you = everlasting love of the Father. WOW. Love this. May I invite you to link up each Friday with #DanceWithJesus linkup at We would be honored to have your wonderful heart-felt words shared there too.


  13. I wonder how many times a week I say those same words, "I feel fat." To me, to Jeff, to God.... I'm thankful too that God doesn't get tired of us! I sure get tired of me sometimes. :) Thanks for sharing this, Sharon!

  14. Know and understand that Jesus is DELIGHTED with you! He never tires of us and we of Him. I may have those 35 pounds you lost. :-) I am trying to do short bursts of running, squats, pull ups using my pole in my door frame and then resting. So far I just get winded. Forget the diet when my hubby cooks for more than just us two. I don't dare say anything, or else he will resign and make me do the cooking. I try to cut back. Fasting never is good as a loosing weight trick. They say just smaller amounts of food and eliminate sugar. Ha ha. I loved your post Sharon, and I understand your frustration of wanting change. It will come - it is around the bend. Thanks for sharing with us here at Tell me a Story.

  15. We speak life or death with our I try to be careful with what I say. Once in awhile I get going on my path of destructive thinking, but it doesn't last too long. Not with Joel around! God is patient, loving, and always sees us with grace. Love how you shared how Jesus sees you.....

  16. Sharon, I love your open, honest, transparency...i share your struggle, your age, and your sweet, intimate, personal relationship with Jesus...He gently lifts my face in His hands and reminds me daily that I am His, blessed, accepted, adopted, chosen, redeemed, forgiven, and loved with His everlasting comforting, even when I've gained back the 35 lbs. I lost 4 years ago ❤️

  17. Sharon, this is so beautiful and honest. Thank you so much for being authentic. What a gift you are and what a gift God has given you through your writing. Blessings to you!


  18. Well my dear blog sister you have hit a nerve with your words. I needed to read your words to night...been a hard week. Thanks for being honest.

  19. I have felt this way so many times. Its easier to stay in my comfort zone than to dig in and do the hard work to change. But when I do, God comes along side of me every time. I'm so thankful for that. My favorite promise is that his mercies are new every morning.

  20. Sharon, I really needed this perspective today, because, yes, I get sick of the same old sins, the same old ten pounds that I play around with as if I didn't have a Savior to give me daily strength and discipline. So glad for this reminder that He is willing to meet me with power to change as if it were the first time I was asking for it. Linking up with you at SDG community this morning. Blessings.

  21. Hi Sharon, wow, its like you are in my head! So grateful that the Lord never gets tired of me either. I certainly do often enough. Lovely encouraging and real post!
    God bless

  22. Words have the power to speak life or death to us don't they. Thank you for linking up at the #LifeGivingLinkup

  23. Oh boy Sharon... you DO have a way with words!! Wonderful post!!

  24. Wow I connect so very much to your words. My insides were trembling as I read this, because I get it so much! From the weight gain and not being happy with my body, to feeling like I can't "do" life right, that surely God is tired of me. I love the truth of NEVER does He tire of us. Thank you so much for your words and linking up on my blog! Hope you are blessed this week!

  25. Sharon, this is so poignantly beautiful! I am so with you with my weight. But on so many other areas, I desire change. So much hope penned here. (And one of my medications side effects says it will cause chocolate cravens -- for real, I don't need help in that area!)

  26. Hi Sharon - Thank you so much for your honest post! I write all about body image issues at I really believe so many women are searching for freedom from their body image issues - how to stop all these negative feelings and self-talk about our bodies that literally keep us bound! I really believe that the secret is self-forgetfulness...and that focusing our mirror up and looking more at him and less at ourselves can lead to new levels of freedom. But, that's not to minimize the struggle! I know it and it is real. But, I also know that I thought I'd find freedom when I lost the weight. I thought I'd be happy and so filled with joy once I got to that smaller size - and it just never worked. The Lord showed me that I was looking for a better body to save me - when he already had! Bless you for your candor! I pray it will help many women know they are not alone!

  27. Oh my friend... Sharon, this is such a powerful post - so honest and brave and I think you can see from the comments - so needed, because so many of us battle this same inner dialogue and it helps to know we're not alone, and also - that He is NEVER tired of us! Beautiful!

  28. I am so, so thankful for a God who continues to love and cheer for me, for a God who is always on my best side, even when I have forgotten. And I'm so glad you know this too :) To think He chooses us every second of every day - the one and only Holy God... chooses US. *That* is true love.

  29. I am so glad you are before me in Holley's blog and I was privileged to read your words. I needed to hear and be reminded once again that God doesn't fall out of love with me when I fail. Thanks.

  30. I could hear the words in your head echoing in mine as I read... and too, I knew just how foolish they are... but isn't it wonderful when the Lord speaks and shows us just how much He loves us! What an encouraging post! I was writing somewhat along those lines this week, thinking about the constant battle we fight against our flesh, and its shortcomings, and the Lord taught me a beautiful lesson that I shared on my blog. I think the Lord is doing great things in our midst as He is teaching us how to overcome our flesh by his Word and Spirit. May the Lord continue to bless and encourage you today my friend! :)

  31. Beautiful. That is exactly what your Lord says to you. He loves you and he hears you and he is keeping you right by his side. I love this post beyond measure! Cheering you on from the #RaRalinkup on Purposeful Faith.

  32. God chooses you over and over, Sharon. Rest in that. Thanks for sharing part of your story at #ThreeWordWednesday.

  33. Oh sweet friend, I was reading your email and getting ready to respond and decided to hop on over here first to catch up. Some of what's going on lately for me would be a lot of the first part of your post. This sums it up: "Sometimes I just get tired of being me."
    So obviously I really needed the reminders in the 2nd half of your post.
    Just struggling with the blahs lately.
    Will email you soon.
    Thanks for reaching out. It really means a lot to me.
    Much love.

  34. Homerune sister… We all have something and we fail in this flesh… but our Father never does. Wonderful sermon and needed words to hear and hang onto like the love of our Father.

    Blessings to you and all of yours. I hope they get to read this too.

  35. Sharon, you are so right. We have all felt that way at one way or another. You are "fearfully and wonderfully made." Thank you for sharing your story. Blessed to be your neighbor at the Creative K linkup.

  36. Our Jesus will never get tired of us. His love is unfailing ... something so uncomprehensible to us. If I get so stinkin' tired of myself, how can He not be? I so understand those feelings. I'm prettyadept at the self-sabotaging myself! But, let's keep turning to His love and strength to defeat our habits! So glad you were my neighbor at #LiveFreeThursday!

  37. You are right when you say that if it isn't weight it is something else. We mask our deepest needs with the outward things. We must preach to ourselves each day!

  38. Sharon, Your post made me laugh and it made me cry.

    First of all, I love your wit! Your light-hearted approach to difficult topics is refreshing and helps ease into the heart of a matter.

    I am right there with you with feeling like I haven't changed at all, and the same besetting sins continue. That is why Jesus' words to your got me choked up because He speaks those same words to me! He has loved ME with an everlasting love... He will NEVER give up on me, and no one can snatch me from His hands.

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart and giving mine encouragement. :-)

  39. You are fearfully and wonderfully made! The Lord will never get tired of you!

  40. Sharon, i'm your next door neighbor at FF.i can identify with the weight issues for sure as well as Jesus' words:)

  41. Sharon, how important all these words are! To be honest, I have been battling with this same issue a lot yesterday and today. So many days, I get so tired of myself and so frustrated with my shortcomings and failures... and when I get to this point, it's difficult to get up and lift my eyes up.

    But what I am learning is to trust His Word more than my feelings. When I am ready to give up on myself, I trust God when He tells me that He loves me with everlasting love and that He is transforming me from glory to glory. Thank you so much for sharing about your battle and giving such encouragement!

  42. Thank you so much Sharon for sharing this with us at Good Morning Mondays. I feel like this often and I really appreciate the reminder that Jesus never gets tired of me. Thank you I really needed to hear this. Blessings dear friend.

  43. Sharon, You spoke the heart of every woman here. You're right. If it's not weight it is something. Some habit or weakness that just won't let go. One that's become comfortable like a favorite blanket. Thank you for pointing us to God's truth. Each loved. Each welcomed. Each a work in progress. Blessings!

  44. Oh, dear friend!!!! YES, this brought tears to my eyes!! Because I, too, feel SO unworthy and can so relate to every, single thing you said. I just kept thinking as I read your post how special and precious you truly are, and if only you could see in yourself what Jesus sees, and what we all see, too! Sharon, you are SO dear to so many hearts! And to HIM! Oh, how He loves you, and even though you see the failures, discrepancies, and imperfections, all He sees is the precious blood that covers all of that, because He looks at you through the eyes of eternal, Divine love that surpasses any other force in the universe! SO many times, you have picked me up, sent an email at just the right moment, reached out to me when I needed it most. You are a treasure, and that is what God sees when He looks at you. May you never forget how very loved you are, my friend. Our world, and the world of blogging, is so much enriched and better because you are here.

  45. Ok. Now I really DO think we are sisters separated by a couple of decades.

    I lost a lot of weight last year-- but relatively certain that pursuit, although it looked/felt better, wasn't great for my soul. It was so close to becoming an idol. So I stopped.

    Apparently, I struggle with finding a "happy medium."

    So I put a good chunk of that weight back on. And now, I am trying it again--only this time, with JESUS as my focus.

    We are NOT defined by our pant size, number on a scale or what our per-minute mile running time is.

    We are defined by the One who never Tires of us. AMEN, SHARON, AMEN! <3

  46. I've said this so many times before but, Sharon, you have a gift! Keep writing and sharing your heart! You are making a difference in the lives of others! Thank you for sharing at Waiting on...Wednesday!

    Holly @

  47. I love it when we end up to be neighbors at places like the Weekend Brew. I picture us west coasters writing and posting at about the same time. Oh, friend, I've "been there done that", the weight loss and the weight gain and the self condemnation. I think if we truly did what Jesus said, ABIDE, (remain, dwell, stay), in His love, we would be more content and at peace and a lot less in condemnation." "His love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me" are the lyrics to a song we sing in church, and it's so true!

  48. You words ring to with me and so many as you can see. Isn't it wonderful that God has so much more patience with us than we often have with ourselves. Have a wonderful week Sharon.

  49. This spoke to me greatly. I've been in a weight loss struggle for so many years. I don't like how I look and get so tired of being me as well. I often wonder if God is tired of my failed attempts to get it right. I am so thankful for God's loving reminders of His presence and nearness in our lives, and that He cares about every detail. Hugs!

  50. Ah, Sharon, my angel would probably be your roommate and they'd stay up way into the night hours kibitzing about us. Funny, as I read your post, I thought that I think the same thing about myself, especially the weight thing---(I'm so disgusted with myself and hate seeing a matronly woman in the store windows).Yet, I believe the complete opposite for everyone I read your story, I thought, "Oh, Sharon, that's such a lie! Don't believe that!" I wonder why it is that we can believe these things for everyone except ourselves? Perhaps it is due to, as you say, being with ourselves constantly and knowing ourselves as we do. We can't ever get away! Loved, loved, loved this post!

  51. Love this, Sharon, and I identify with EVERY WORD! The weight adventure is my story, too. I'm sick about this extra 15-20 pounds that has made my period attire wardrobe obsolete except for a couple of items. Boo. Trying to strike a balance in the eating realm, but I seem to end up with more than one binge day a week and that's just not cutting the fat. So, yes--I'm with you on the depressed opinion. But, how lovingly the Lord speaks to me, too. He's been smacking me with that Zephaniah verse about rejoicing over me with singing. It keeps cropping up here and there and I smile--like it's a secret love letter between me and He. Hold fast to Him. He handles us with love, and overlooks our love handles.
    Love you!


"So [I] have been greatly encouraged in the midst of [my] troubles and suffering, dear brothers and sisters, because you have remained strong in your faith. It gives [me] new life to know that you are standing firm in the Lord. How [I] thank God for you!" (1 Thessalonians 3:7-9)

Thanks for your comments - it is such a joy to be sharing my journey with friends like YOU!

(NOTE: Anonymous comments will be removed. Thank you for understanding.)