STUPID TEETH...

Yeah, I am not having a love affair with my teeth right now.

Last week I went into the dentist's office for a "routine" cleaning.  Which turned out to be anything but that.  To be fair, I knew that something was wrong.  I'd been having pain in one of my molars, and upon closer inspection I had discovered that a piece of my tooth was gone.

All of my molars have fillings.  The story goes that as a child, I had "soft" teeth.  And every one of those molars got cavities at one point in time.  So, now I'm stuck with some very old silver fillings.

Which are weakening with age – (there's that word again…)

So, semi-prepared for bad news, I went in for my cleaning appointment.

My hygienist had to describe to me in full-detail dialogue how bad the situation was.  The missing chunk-o-tooth (that's the medical term) had left a deep pocket in the surrounding gum, which was now mildly infected.

"Let’s just have the dentist take a look."

Well, one x-ray, two consultations, and an hour later, I finally walked out of the office.

The verdict?

Well, they can't even begin to work on the tooth until my gum gets fixed. Which will require carving (that's what I'm calling it) off a portion of my gum, reshaping it, and then stitching it up.

I don't know about you guys, but stitches in my mouth do not sound like fun.

Or cheap.

After I heal from that, THEN they'll decide whether they can fill the tooth, or whether they'll have to do a crown.

More un-cheap.

I cannot tell you how bad the timing is on this.  Financially, it couldn't come at a worse time.  Taxes were not kind this year, and this expense is just another blow to the bank account.

$$$............... 

(My homemade emoji depicting overly expensive dental charges and the ensuing *money bleed*...)

Not to mention the time involved (weeks), the pain, the inconvenience (requiring several back-and-forth visits from where I live), the pain, the stress of it all…and oh, did I mention the pain?

In the whole scheme of life, this isn't really a big deal.  But, at this particular time, for some very particular reasons, it feels like a huge blow.


I've had some conversation with the Lord about it.  (Though mostly I've just ranted...)

You see, I don't get what He's up to right now.

OK, for instance, last year my Word for the Year was JOY.  And sixteen days into the new year, my father died.  Yes, the Lord had HIS lessons to teach me, and the year of joy did not unfold like I had anticipated.

I thought God was going to GIVE me joy, instead He TAUGHT me joy.

There's a difference.

I thought He was going to make joy-full things happen in my life.  That it would be a happy year.

But instead, He showed me other, deeper lessons.

This year my Word for the Year is HEALING.

And I am really not *getting it* yet.

So far, my granddog has had his spleen removed, my youngest son had his first ear infection in years (he's 28), my husband's shoulder (the one that had surgery a few years back) is acting up, a good friend just had a mastectomy, a family member has cancer and they just found some new lesions, another family member is going to the dermatologist for a "suspicious" mole, it's the year for my follow-up colonoscopy, I'm still coughing from a virus I had over a month ago, my mom is sliding rather rapidly into mental and physical decline, hearts and heads and spirits are hurting, and now…

My stupid teeth.

Last year when the word *healing* popped into my head, it sounded wonderful.  I felt overjoyed!  The possibility of feeling better?  Delightful! Oh yes, I thought, I could use some repair work from the difficult year of my father's passing.

But, it just seems that the hits keep coming.

I am not healing, as in feeling better.

So, Lord, what's the deal?

What are You doing?

And, the first thing that pops into my head is this:

Healing is not necessarily about feeling better, it's all about becoming well.

And becoming well is more about a spiritual state than a physical condition.


I do remember now, something that God said to me about the healing journey this year.  He said it might require more brokenness.  Like sometimes the "cure" involves more pain – much like a broken arm might need to be re-broken in order to heal properly.

Am I being re-broken?

Might I just insert my two-cents here?  

I don't want to be any kind of broken.  I'm exhausted.

(Funny (not ha ha) sidenote: The dentist pointed out to me that several other teeth had fracture lines in them, and need to be watched.  "Do you grind or clench your teeth?"  HA!  What are you talking about?!  Clenching only happens when you're way stressed out!  Me?  I'm calm and collected…always…can't you tell??)


So I continue my dialogue with God.

"Hey, I really thought my dad dying last year, and the ensuing difficulties of dealing with Mom now, was enough.  Why are You allowing all this other stuff to pile on?  Am I truly not broken enough?"

And then I stop and think about that.

Am I broken enough?

There's a difference between being exhausted (which I am) and being broken (which I am re-thinking).

Being broken means being yielded.

And if I'm totally honest with myself, I know I haven't arrived at total surrender yet.

Me and God?  We're in a sort of arm-wrestling match.  And though my hand is mere millimeters from the mat, I'm still fighting.  Am I like Jacob?  Do I need to be knocked out-of-joint before I change?

In some ways, I do feel like Jacob.  I know that I am refusing to let go until God blesses me.

I'm clinging to His heel in desperation, crying out from the depths of my heart:

"Show me Your favor, Lord!"

I am a little stunned by His answer:

"I am."


I'm confused.

How can Your favor come in stressful life situations?  How can Your favor be more pain?

If You love me, how can You want to break me?

Your favor should make me feel good.

Again, His answer surprises me:

"No.  My favor is not about making you feel good, it's about making you righteous."

Hmmm.

I stop and realize, yet again, that I am always trying to fit God into an earthly worldview.  And therefore, favor should be about good feelings in the here-and-now.  But really, God's favor stands outside of this earthly life.  

His favor stands in eternity.

His favor doesn't necessarily give me a "good" life.  

His favor gives me eternal life.

He doesn't show me His favor by necessarily making me feel good.

He shows it by making me righteous.

Like His Son.

And honestly, isn't that what the Christian life is all about?  

A continuing refining and purifying process to make us look like Jesus?

And how on earth (pun intended) can we ever hope to look like Jesus without the painful process of cutting out the sin stuff?

More brokenness.

It's the only way sin-stained me can be sanctified.


I looked up the word brokenness in the dictionary.  These three definitions made me think about my faith journey:

No longer in one piece or working order – yes, this sums it up for me.  I do feel like I've broken into a million pieces.  I've no longer *got it together.* I am not working like I want to, for my life is out of order.

Having given up all hope; despairing – yes, this is how I often feel.  Too tired to fight anymore, too tired to care.

Having an uneven and rough surface – oh yes, the rough edges that I hate within myself.  The cloudy reflection I am of Jesus.  The bumps and gnarls and knots of this poor little offshoot branch of The Vine.  


I am broken, and yet, still in desperate need of breaking.

Here the Lord reminds me of the story that He gave me to accompany my year of healing.  The story of the man at the pool of Bethesda.  Crippled by years of infirmity, he has never quite made it to the healing pool of waters.

And when Jesus met him, he made excuses.

Jesus did not immediately heal him.  Rather, He asked the man a rather startling question:

"Do you want to get well?"

Um, yeah.

I wonder, though.  Why didn't Jesus just heal him?  He'd done that before. Why ask his this seemingly silly question?  Why wouldn't a man who had been crippled for many years want to be healed?

So again, why ask the question?

I think it's because Jesus wanted to stop this man in his tracks.  Wanted him to go beyond the excuses.  Wanted him to let go of frailty and grab onto faith.  He wanted this man to acknowledge within himself that what he wanted he could not provide on his own.

Not just physical healing, but spiritual restoration, too.

The KJV translates the question like this:

"Wilt thou be made whole?"

And here, I ponder what Jesus is saying to me.

"Do you want to feel better…or do you want to be made whole?"

And my answer is not so simple anymore.  Am I willing to undergo the process of being made whole?  A process that will involve brokenness and pain as I continue to die to myself, and lay aside my comfort for a commitment to following The One?

Am I willing to pay the cost of discipleship?


Jesus said that He came to call those who knew they were sinners.

For only sinners know of their desperate need for a Savior.

Am I willing to admit that I need Him?  Will I put aside my excuses?  Will I open myself up even more to His healing hands?

Even if it means more brokenness?


Wilt I be made whole?

Dearest Lord, yes, I want to be well.

Give me the courage to go through what it takes…

My reaction to the
impending bills...

And please notice
my lovely silver fillings.


Oh Lord, give me strength for the journey!!

"[Jesus said]: 'Healthy people don't need a doctor – sick people do.  I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.'" (Mark 2:17, NLT)

"When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, 'Do you want to get well?'" 
(John 5:6, NIV)

"'Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple.  For which one of you...does not first sit down and calculate the cost...'" (Luke 14:27-28, NASB)

"Then Jesus said to His disciples, 'If anyone desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself [disregard, lose sight of, and forget himself and his own interests] and take up his cross and follow Me [cleave steadfastly to Me, conform wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying, also].  For whoever is bent on saving his [temporal] life [his comfort and security here] shall lose it [eternal life]; and whoever loses his life [his comfort and security here] for My sake shall find it [life everlasting].'" (Matthew 16:24-25, AMP)

"'I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence.  In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]!  For I have overcome the world.  [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]'" (John 16:33, AMP)

"'Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.'" 
(John 14:27, NIV)

"When I am overwhelmed, you alone know the way I should turn." 
(Psalm 142:3, NLT)

"'As for you, follow me.'" (John 21:22, NLT)

Are you willing to be broken in order to be made whole?

Linked with:

SHARING HIS BEAUTY, PLAYDATES WITH GOD, SMALL WONDER, MONDAY'S MUSINGS, MONDAYS AT SOUL SURVIVAL, LIFE GIVING LINKUP, GOOD MORNING MONDAYS, GRATEFUL HEART MONDAY, FIND STABILITY, REFLECT LINKUP, TELL ME A TRUE STORY, UNITE, SOLI DEO GLORIA, TITUS 2 TUESDAY, MAKE A DIFFERENCE MONDAYS, TESTIMONY TUESDAY, TELL IT TO ME TUESDAY, TUESDAY TALK, RA RA LINKUP, WOMEN HELPING WOMEN, TELL HIS STORY, WHOLEHEARTED WEDNESDAY, A LITTLE R & R WEDNESDAYS, COFFEE & CONVERSATION, WAITING ON WEDNESDAY, WORD FILLED WEDNESDAY, THREE WORD WEDNESDAY, WISE WOMAN, WOMEN WITH INTENTION WEDNESDAYS, THOUGHT-PROVOKING THURSDAY, FROM HOUSE TO HOME, LITTLE THINGS THURSDAY, BELOVED BREWS, EVERYDAY JESUS, GRACE AT HOME, SHINE, THOUGHTFUL THURSDAYS, HEARTS FOR HOME, LIGHT FRIDAY HIT LIST, FRIENDSHIP FRIDAY, FELLOWSHIP FRIDAY, FAITH FILLED FRIDAY, SPIRITUAL SUNDAYS, FAITH & FELLOWSHIP, COUNTING MY BLESSINGS, GRACE & TRUTH, DANCE WITH JESUS, MAKE MY SATURDAY SWEET, TGI SATURDAYS, SATURDAY SOIREE, STILL SATURDAY, WEEKEND BREW, LIVE FREE THURSDAY, SUNDAY STILLNESS, GIVE ME GRACE



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