"LORD, I CAN'T HEAR YOU..."

"Could you please speak up?"

Do you ever say that to God?

I think we've all struggled with this issue.  Desperate to follow the Lord's leading, we frantically try to hear God's Voice.  And when we can't, we can end up feeling quite distressed.  

And at times, this distress can lead to paralyzing doubt and deep spiritual discomfort.

The *silence* of God can represent treacherous times.

I have felt it, you have felt it.

Times when you are desperate to hear God's Voice, because You desperately need His guidance.

As disciples seeking to follow Him, we want to know which way to go, which way to turn.  We want to know how to follow Him rightly.

So, how do we do that when we're not "hearing" the still, small voice – but only hearing the stillness?

I can only relate to my own life.

And here's some things that I have learned – (disclaimer…these are only my opinions).

First of all, I don't think God's will is always a matter of Choice A or Choice B.  Sometimes His will can be either direction.  Let me explain.

When "The Hub" and I were thinking about moving, I was crazed with indecision.  Was it God's will for us to move or not?  I cried desperately to hear from Him.  I started trying to interpret "signs" that I saw along the way.  And I felt panicky and unsettled because nothing seemed clear.

But then I realized something.

Maybe God's will wasn't Choice A (go) or Choice B (stay) – maybe God's will would move with me no matter which direction I chose.

I decided finally to just start going in one direction (moving), and prayed that God would be very clear if it WASN'T His will.  I got some confirmation along the way, yes, but I still think God would have been OK if we hadn't moved.

Sometimes the choice is really clear, and God has a definite direction in mind.  But, I think that other times He allows us to use our own discretion and make a decision.

God's will is not thwarted if we choose the "wrong" way – because sometimes I think there isn't really a wrong way. 

The important thing is following God along the way, putting Him first, no matter which fork in the road we follow.

That being said, God is very clear in His Word about certain things. 

VERY. CLEAR.

And we don't need to question His will about those things. 

If Choice A or B is against the teachings and revelation of God in the Bible, then it truly is the WRONG way, for it will be sin.

But if it's not that clear-cut, I don't believe that it's God’s will for us to be mired in inaction.

Ask for His guidance, step out in faith, and trust that God will lead you, as you walk along the way.

That's what I'm counting on. 

I'm counting on Him to be very clear when it matters.  And if I remain close to Him, immersed in His Word and spending time in prayer, seeking the counsel of others, and desiring to follow Him in all aspects of my life – He'll talk if it's necessary.

But sometimes I need to start the walking in order to hear the talking.

So, here's another thing I've learned.

I used to do this thing called "Bible Pick 'Ems" – basically, I would flip open my Bible to a random spot, and read the two pages I'd turned to.  I would do this when I was worried or afraid or awake in the middle of the night with overwhelming concerns and anxieties.

And goodness, how God answered me!

I would read the most appropriate, timely, comforting words.  It never failed.

Until lately…

In the past few months, I have done this in moments of need, and I've not had the same *luck*.

I have asked God for a message to speak to my anxiety, and I end up in the Old Testament.  Which is OK, except I can't count the number of times I have ended up in Kings or Chronicles.

"Jehoiakim was twenty-five years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem eleven years.  His mother was Zebidah, the daughter of Pedaiah from Rumah."

Uh yeah, not so edifying.

Of course, sometimes I try to *hedge my bet* and open to where I know I'll be in the New Testament. 

Nope, that hasn't worked either.

So, one night in utter frustration I cried out to God, "Why don't You do this for me anymore?"

And yes, I heard from Him.

He said, "Because you don't need it anymore."

That stopped me.

But I've pondered that answer.  And I've realized something.  That God is right.  I have grown in my faith in this past year, and especially in the last few months.  And I don't "need" this anymore.  Maybe it's a bit of a gimmick that I've outgrown.

For the "random" answers that I sought in a "Bible Pick 'Ems" are in my heart instead.  I know the Lord better now.  And instead of settling for a "tweet" – I can rely instead on a whole conversation with Him.  Or in those times of silence, I can trust in the Truth that I know.

He is there.  He knows.  He understands.  And He's got it all under control.

Now here's one last thing that I've learned.

In my almost four years of blogging (I know – I can hardly believe it either!), I have only spoken to two people with my voice.  And of those two people, I have only met one in person.

And yet, I feel like I know so many of you in Blog Land, just as I myself am known. 

How?

By our words.

It's amazing how the written words that we post are actually windows into our souls.  Our personalities come through, as we share our aches and pains, our trials and suffering, our triumphs and our joys.   

Our words communicate WHO we are.

And so, when we feel that God is silent, we do have somewhere to turn.

His Word.

In those hallowed pages, we are offered a profound and meaningful window into the mind and heart of God.  His Presence infuses every page – (yes, even those pages in Kings and Chronicles!)

We can *hear* Him when we read Scripture.

In times when we maybe can't tangibly hear His voice, or when He's silent for a season and for a reason, we can always touch His heart through His Word.

And I have always found that when I read His words, He comes *alive* to me again.

I pray for all of us.  

I pray that we won't become too discouraged when the heavens seem "silent".  For our hearts are certainly in the right place.  A desire to hear the Voice of the Lord is certainly the right path to wisdom and guidance.

And God will honor our prayers for increased intimacy with Him.

But…sometimes when we aren't "hearing" from Him, it doesn't mean He isn't there.

And it doesn't mean that we should become paralyzed in a state of inaction.

Faith calls us to move.

Trust God, He will speak to us when we need it. 

And when He's a quiet partner, we're still walking together.  We're still in communion with Him.

Sometimes silence is a sign of deep and abiding and trusting friendship.

And voices need not be heard to feel the Love.

Let your eyes look directly ahead
And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you.
Watch the path of your feet
And all your ways will be established.

"For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities - his eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made..." (Romans 1:20, NIV)

"Long ago, at many times and in many ways, God spoke to our fathers by the prophets, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son...He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature..." 
(Hebrews 1:1-2, ESV)

"All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives.  It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right.  God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work."  (2 Timothy 3:16-17, NLT)

"But the wisdom from above is first of all pure.  It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others.  It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.  And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness." 

(James 3:17-18, NLT)

"'If you love me, obey my commandments.  And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you.  He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth.'" (John 14:15-16, NLT)

"They demonstrate that God's law is written in their hearts, for their own conscience and thoughts either accuse them or tell them they are doing right." (Romans 2:15, NLT)

"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking." (James 1:5, NLT)

"Teach me your way, O LORD, that I may walk in your truth..." 
(Psalm 86:11, ESV)

"Now therefore, if I have found favor in your sight, please show me now your ways, that I may know you in order to find favor in your sight." 
(Exodus 33:13, ESV)

"Show me the right path, O LORD; point out the road for me to follow.  Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me.  All day long I put my hope in you." (Psalm 25:4-5, NLT)

"This is what the LORD says: 'Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.'" (Jeremiah 6:16, NIV)

"And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, 'This is the way, walk in it,' when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left." 

(Isaiah 30:21, ESV)

Your turn:  What's your thoughts on *hearing* from God?  And what do you do when He seems "silent"?

(SIDENOTE:  This is a great article on the subject of hearing from God: CROSSWALK)

Linked today with:

Joan at SHARING HIS BEAUTY
Michelle at HEAR IT ON SUNDAY, USE IT ON MONDAY
Laura at PLAYDATES WITH GOD
Kathy at ALL THINGS BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL
Jen at SOLI DEO GLORIA
Hazel at TELL ME A TRUE STORY
Jen at UNITE
Kathy at TITUS 2 TUESDAY
Rachel at WHIMSICAL WEDNESDAYS
Rosilind at A LITTLE R & R WEDNESDAYS
Kasey at WALKING REDEEMED
Judith at WHOLEHEARTED WEDNESDAY
Beth at THREE WORD WEDNESDAY
Tracy at WINSOME WEDNESDAY
Jenifer at WORD FILLED WEDNESDAY
Lyli at THOUGHT-PROVOKING THURSDAY
Bonnie at FAITH BARISTA JAM
Julie at FELLOWSHIP FRIDAYS
Laura at FAITH FILLED FRIDAY
Wanda at THE FRIDAY FIVE
Mel at ESSENTIAL FRIDAYS
Charlotte at SPIRITUAL SUNDAYS
Barbie at WEEKEND BREW
Sandy at STILL SATURDAY
Janis at SUNDAY STILLNESS

BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

CAMP JOY-A-LOT

"The Hub" and I love camping.

We haven't gone for a while, but still…I hear those tents and campfires calling.

A camping trip takes a lot of planning.  Especially if you're *tent-camping* – because you know all those amenities that you find in an RV?  Well, they don't exist in a tent!

You've got to take your clothes, your bedding, your food, your lighting, your tools and supplies…oh yeah, and the tent.

"The Hub" has been known to start packing days before we leave on a trip.  He carefully lays out everything, just to make sure (and double-sure) that we indeed have everything we're going to need out in the wilds!

Then we find a way to *squish-pack* all of our stuff into the car.  It's usually a very tight squeeze.  Especially when we add the first few days' worth of firewood!  (I am a master squish-packer, by the way).  I really could fit 100 clowns into a circus car, or 30 people into a phone booth, or maybe even find a way to stuff my body into a Spanx…

The next step is the long, long drive to the campground.  That journey is an adventure it itself at times.  Crazy beautiful scenery, unfamiliar back-roads, and wide open spaces.

But, after the arrival, the most important step occurs.

Picking the campsite.

"The Hub" is not a fan of neighbors.  He likes to be as isolated as possible. Gotta be honest, I agree with him.  After all, for us camping is all about the peace and quiet!

We've had really good luck with campsites.

Only had a few bad experiences. Like the one time we got the last campsite available on the first night of a multiple-day trip – the site next to a group of teenagers, loud and drinking teenagers.  Yeah, not much sleep that night.

Or how about the time we were nearly eaten alive by an onslaught of marauding mutant mosquitoes?  Only to be awakened in the middle of the night when a huge tree came crashing down, just a few sites away…(can you say "TIMBER!!")

Or the time "The Hub" literally lifted up our tent and walked through the campground to a new site because we couldn't handle the crying toddler, the barking dog, and the loud parents who moved in right next door?

Yeah, sometimes it happens.

But, campsite selection is important, vital, crucial to what your attitude is going to be, and whether you're going to enjoy your stay or be miserable.

Trust me.


So, where am I going with this?

Well, I was having a conversation with my sister the other day.  We were talking about the last six weeks since my father died.  There's just been an incredible amount of things to do, situations to work out – and of course, the in's and out's and up's and down's of all our feelings.

I shared with her, as I did with all of you last week, that I've really been struggling to stay on top of it all.  I've been struggling to find joy.

And then, she talked to me about camping.  (My sister loves camping, too)

She reminded me of the whole process of picking out that all-important campsite.

She asked me, "Sharon, where do you go?  Do you go to a crummy site, that's dirty and dingy and depressing?"

(Um, no, I think to myself).

"No, you look for the site with the best view, that's all clean and comfortable, right?"

(Yup, I do).

"And why do you do that?"

I answered her, "Because that's where everything feels good.  My attitude is better, and I'm happy and at peace."

"Exactly," she said.  "So the same thing is true right now with your feelings.  Where do you want to camp?"


You know, what she said stopped me then, and it's still got me pondering.

Where am I camping?

And why?

The enemy would like me to camp at the worst site in the worst campground.

That's because he’s the "Camp Host" there.

He loves torturing visitors.  He enjoys throwing trash all over.  He thinks it's fun to steal their firewood, leaving them out in the cold.  He hysterically delights in making lots of noise, and scaring campers with weird sounds in the middle of the night.

Why would I want to stay there?

In real life, it would be ridiculous to *set up camp* in such an area.  

Why do I do it in my heart?


My sister's wise words were so true, and I've thought about them a lot.

Where am I camping out?

And, if I'm in the wrong place, I have a choice.

I. CAN. MOVE.

So yeah, I'm dealing with a lot of stuff right now.  And, that's OK.  I'm giving myself some grace for a very stressful last few months, and especially the last few weeks.

But, in spite of all the legitimate reasons I might be feeling what I'm feeling, I have still found myself sitting in a crummy campsite.

Setting up my tent, moving in, looking at the trash, shivering in the cold, trying to close my ears to all the noise, and jumping at scary sounds.

And then, there's the "Camp Host" to deal with…

Yeah…him.

My sister pointed out a grand truth that I sometimes lose sight of – I HAVE A CHOICE.

I don't have to stay here.  I can move.

I can see Jesus approaching me…as I sit huddled in my misery.

"Dear Sharon, come follow Me.  There is beauty just over here, by the green pastures and the still waters.  Here will be peace and quiet…"


Yes, Lord.

I will move to Your beauty, and I will stay camped there.

Camp Joy-A-Lot.

Sounds wonderful!!

Search for peace,
and work to maintain it.

"Whenever the cloud lifted from over the sacred tent, the people of Israel would break camp and follow it.  And wherever the cloud settled, the people of Israel would set up camp.  In this way, they traveled and camped at the LORD's command wherever he told them to go." (Numbers 9:17-18, NLT)


So, where are you camped out today?


Linked today with:

Joan at SHARING HIS BEAUTY
Michelle at HEAR IT ON SUNDAY, USE IT ON MONDAY
Laura at PLAYDATES WITH GOD
Hazel at TELL ME A TRUE STORY
Jen at SOLI DEO GLORIA
Jen at UNITE
Tracy at WINSOME WEDNESDAY
Rosilind at A LITTLE R & R WEDNESDAYS
Judith at WHOLEHEARTED WEDNESDAYS
Kasey at WALKING REDEEMED
Beth at THREE WORD WEDNESDAY
Rachel at WHIMSICAL WEDNESDAY
Jenifer at WORD FILLED WEDNESDAY
Lyli at THOUGHT-PROVOKING THURSDAY
Bonnie at FAITH BARISTA JAM
Laura at FAITH FILLED FRIDAY
Wanda at THE FRIDAY FIVE
Mel at ESSENTIAL FRIDAYS
Charlotte at SPIRITUAL SUNDAYS
Barbie at WEEKEND BREW
Sandy at STILL SATURDAY
Salina at HEART REFLECTED
Janis at SUNDAY STILLNESS


BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

SAY THAT AGAIN, LORD?

God speaks to me.

He does.

He did just the other day.

But, before I begin this post and tell you what He had to say, I'd like to say something about what it means when I say, "God spoke to me."

A lot of people are really thrown off by that phrase.

Skepticism abounds.

People look at you like you're crazy, naively foolish – or worse yet, arrogant.


I see three dangers when we talk about the Lord speaking to us.


One, we can be wrong.  We can shape our personal thoughts and feelings, molding them subconsciously into our own set of priorities, desires, motives, and wishes.  All of a sudden, God "speaks" to us, and we are pleased by what He says.  Because, after all, it lines up with what we want to hear.

The second danger is that the enemy can also speak to us.  Though as believers he cannot possess us – he can harass us.  He is also capable of planting thoughts in our heads.  Why else does the Bible call him the father of lies?  Why else does the Bible tells us to wear a helmet?  He can penetrate our thoughts, and we often listen.  Because, after all, what he says also lines up with what we want to hear. Or, his words are not what we want to hear because they are demeaning, distracting, depressing, or downright destructive.

But, the third danger is almost the worst of all.  If we're not careful, we can dismiss legitimate communication from the Holy Spirit.  Labeling His words as our *own* thoughts, or simply our subconscious speaking, or just wishful thinking – we can lose a message that is correctly spoken.


Things can get tricky here.

How can we tell whether it's truly the Holy Spirit speaking?


There are three rules that I have found to be vital in discerning the Spirit:

1.  Does it line up with Scripture?  The Holy Spirit will NEVER say anything that does not agree with God's Word.  Line up what you think you're hearing with the indisputable words of the Bible.

2.  Is it self-serving?  The Holy Spirit will NOT say things to us that serve only to promote us.  His ONLY mission is to point us to the Truth, and His all-encompassing purpose is to bring glory to God.

3.  What do other trusted believers think?  The Holy Spirit often confirms His words to us through the confirmation of other believers.  Trusted counselors are integral to the discernment process.


OK, so let's move on to what it feels like for me to hear God speak.

It's really rather difficult to describe.  And I venture to say that everyone's experience is slightly different – because God is such a personal and intimate Communicator.

So, this is my subjective experience.

It's like a thought that bubbles up inside of me independently.  It's like I think it without thinking it.  Does that make sense?  It's an urge, or an impulse, or a perfectly new insight.  Sometimes it's a word of comfort, or a directive to take faithful action.  Sometimes it's something that echoes the words of Scripture.

It's definitely a voice – not an audible voice – but an inner voice.

A voice that feels like it comes from somewhere inside me, but somewhere separate from my mind.

A Spirit talking with a spirit.

And, after all, isn’t that what the Bible tells us it will be like?

A still, small voice.  A gentle whisper.  

Yeah, sometimes God sounds a little stronger, a little sterner.  But when He speaks like that, I pretty much know it's Him.  How?  Because I do NOT usually hear what I want to hear!


So, the other day I had a minor emotional meltdown.  (Will someone please explain to me why I am STILL having PMS symptoms years after "The Change"?)

Looked it up in Sharon's Acrostic Dictionary:  

P retty
M uch
S enseless


Sigh.

I digress.


OK, picture me sitting on a boulder in the backyard, freezing cold in shorts and a thin sweatshirt.  The sun is setting over the valley, the giant granite mountain above me is turning pink, the wind is blowing gently.  It's a picture-postcard Kodak moment.

And I am crying.

I talk to the Lord, desperate to hear from Him.

"Lord, what is wrong with me?  I really and truly want to love living up here. It's beautiful.  It's everything I've ever dreamed of.  Why can't I embrace all of this?"

And then, the independent Voice, the still, small whisper spoke…

"Because you STILL don't understand why I brought you here."

(Insert confused pause…)

"I brought you here to rest."


I was stopped in my tracks.  Astounded.  Greatly moved.  Convicted and comforted all at the same time.

To rest?

My Word for 2013 is DIRECTION.  And all year long, I've been (frantically) searching for what direction God wants me to go.  What is the purpose for me being here – specifically here, in the mountains?

DO, DO, DO…What does He want me to DO??

And, this word from God has stopped me.

I can't tell you the joy that began to wash over my soul as I pondered what He said.

He wants me to rest.


I have always loved the mountains, always felt like they were my *soul place*.  And here I am – in the place that has always felt like *home* to me.

But, as you all know, I've been struggling.

However, now it is becoming so much clearer to me.  I have been struggling because I've been focusing on what I've LOST – not on what I've GAINED – by moving here.

I have been looking back – (I'm surprised I haven't turned into a pillar of salt yet) – instead of looking around.

I have agonized over the GOP – Grand Old Purpose – that I thought God was making happen in my life "down the hill."  Only to lose it all when my life came to a screeching halt up here.

But now I am pondering.

What I have defined as "stopping" – God has really been trying to tell me is *resting*.


Yes, the other day God spoke to me and gave me permission to rest.

I have been contemplating the many seasons we go through in life.

Seasons of blessing and abundance – seasons of dryness and depletion.  Seasons of great ministry opportunities, and seasons of waiting.

But I don't think that I have ever really considered the idea that resting has a purpose.

Resting sounds like laziness, inactivity, complacency.

It sounds like a cop-out.

But I am beginning to realize that a season of rest has a purpose all its own – a God-ordained purpose.

IF we stop and recognize it.


God wants me to rest.

I feel a weight lifted off of my shoulders – I feel like I have been given permission to let go of striving.

I feel an invitation to go outside – to explore His creation.  I feel an invitation to dig into His Word – for no other reason than just to bask in His love.  I feel an invitation to speak to Him, to listen to Him – strictly for the intimacy of communion.

I feel an invitation to meet Him in the relaxation of my spirit.

Oh Lord, thank You.

It took almost the whole year for me to finally hear what HE meant by the word *direction*.

It meant to do what He was directing me to do.  Not an end result, not a tangible path, not an action to take.  Not direction like where to go – but direction like an actor receives – the management or guidance of someone.  

Yeah, direction like that.

God has been directing me to rest...

And I am so grateful.

Grateful that He is graciously providing me with the time to process life.  To filter and understand the many emotions that have hit me in the last year and a half.  To ponder Him and His creation.

To take a spiritual deep breath – to inhale His Spirit – and to be content with only that.

To serve Him in stillness.


Rest.

Blessed rest.

And now I get it – because God spoke to me – and I listened.


An unexpected message…that bubbled up inside…that spoke to my heart…

…and I have finally heard Him.

My Yoke Is Easy 

"'Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.'" (Matthew 11:28-30, NASB)

"For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments; and His commandments are not burdensome." (1 John 5:3, NASB)

"And He said to them, 'Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while.'" (Mark 6:31, NASB)

"...'I see that the LORD is always with me.  I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.  No wonder my heart is glad, and my tongue shouts his praises! My body rests in hope.'" (Acts 2:25-26, NLT)

"For we who have believed enter that rest..." (Hebrews 4:3, ESV)



What has God been trying to say to you this year?



(Note: I'll still be blogging, as I feel led to continue that - but in other areas of my life, I'll give myself permission to just enjoy my surroundings!)


Linked today with:

Joan at SHARING HIS BEAUTY
Michelle at HEAR IT ON SUNDAY, USE IT ON MONDAY
Laura at PLAYDATES WITH GOD
Hazel at TELL ME A TRUE STORY
Jen at UNITE
Darlene at TITUS 2SDAYS
Rosilind at A LITTLE R & R WEDNESDAY
Jacqueline at ENCOURAGE ONE ANOTHER
Tracy at WINSOME WEDNESDAY
Judith at WHOLEHEARTED WEDNESDAYS
Rachel at WHIMSICAL WEDNESDAYS
Nannette at WISDOM WEDNESDAY
Jenifer at WORD FILLED WEDNESDAY
Bonnie at FAITH BARISTA JAM
Laura at FAITH FILLED FRIDAY
Mel at ESSENTIAL FRIDAYS
Leslie at FAITHFUL FRIDAY
Charlotte at SPIRITUAL SUNDAYS
Wanda at THE FRIDAY FIVE
Salina at HEART REFLECTED
Barbie at WEEKEND BREW
Sandy at STILL SATURDAY
Janis at SUNDAY STILLNESS


BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

HOMESICK

Yes, homesick.

Homesick for my old home – my old town, my old friends, my old church.

Homesick for my family.

It's been a rough couple of months.  Especially at the holidays.  Yes, I spent time with family and friends – but the time together made me even more acutely aware of the fact that I live away from them now.

There are activities that I know I would get to be part of if I was "still in town" – dinners, get-togethers, football games…

It's made me feel lonely and isolated – it's made me feel sad.

But it has also made me realize one very deep Truth…

I'm a foreigner.

You are too.

I suppose all of us in this country, unless we're Native Americans, are really just *imports*. Our ancestors came from another country. I'm one generation removed from my Scottish roots – (Aye, I'm just a wee lassie…call me McSharon). But, this isn't quite what I have in mind.

I'm talking about being foreigners on earth.

Because, you see, as believers we don't quite belong here.

Our home is somewhere else.

The Bible tells us that God has planted eternity in the human heart – and don't we just sense the truth of that? Doesn't your heart have a longing that you can't quite describe – and you can't quite fulfill – with anything or anyone or anywhere on this humble planet?

Don't you yearn for Heaven?

The blessed assurance is that we hope for a future that is promised – it's just waiting for us. Jesus told us that He went to prepare a place for us – and I believe it's the Truth!

And until that day, there will always be a part of us that doesn't belong here. There will always be a part of us that feels out-of-place. There will always be a part of us that lives like a sojourner in a foreign land…

But…(the glorious BUT!)…we have a future and a hope. We have a home just waiting for our return.

Listen to these wonderful words:

"'I will bring them back from Egypt and gather them from Assyria. I will resettle them…until there is no more room for them all. They will pass safely through the sea of distress, for the waves of the sea will be held back, and the waters of the Nile will dry up. The pride of Assyria will be crushed, and the rule of Egypt will end. By my power I will make my people strong, and by my authority they will go wherever they wish. I, the LORD, have spoken!'" (Zechariah 10:10-12)


Though these verses originally spoke to another audience, I believe that we can apply them to our current situation. This pictured return from Egypt and Assyria can be a symbolic way of expressing the hope of our future return to our heavenly homeland, and to our eternity living in the presence of God.

We believers will be gathered and returned from many countries around the world. We will be emancipated from slavery to sin, freed from captivity – we will return to Heaven triumphant!

Here's what I think God is saying to us:

"I will bring you back from Earth and gather you from all the countries of the world. I will resettle you in heavenly mansions…until there is no more room for you all! You will pass safely through the sea of death, for the wages of sin will be held back, and the power of the enemy will dry up. The pride of Satan will be crushed, and the rule of his authority will end. By my power I will make my people strong, and by my authority they will go wherever they wish. I, the LORD, have spoken!"

WOW!

I like the sound of that, don't you?!

So, in many ways, this old world just isn't "home" is it?

A poem I wrote on that thought:


HOMESICK

We are strangers on a lonely planet
Sinful sojourners who don't belong,
Caught between the cross and glory
Our longings for home are deep and strong.

Ransomed from death by perfect Blood
Given the chance to be re-born,
And yet we live in a sinful world
Waiting for Heaven, our hearts are torn.

We are soldiers in an occupied land
Ruled by a prince with evil intent,
Striving to win against his deadly ways
We struggle along, crippled and bent.

Now torn in two, we're not comfortable here
Yet we hear the faint strains from above,
So we live by our faith and we patiently wait
To return to God's Presence and Love.

Yes, we are pilgrims on a lonely journey
Finding ourselves barely able to cope,
But never lose sight of the prize, of the goal
And the Savior who lives – the source of our hope.

© Sharon Kirby
September 21, 2002


Yes I am lonely.

Homesick for my old home – my old town, my old friends, my old church.

Homesick for my family.

However, I hold on to this one overriding HOPE…

I will have eternity to spend with my family and friends.

We will have ALL THE TIME we want in Heaven.  Whatever time apart we mourn now, will forever be wiped out in the glorious Home we will all share.

And we will never again have to say good-bye.

So, fellow sojourners, live like you don't belong here. Yearn for eternity. Walk the earth, but keep your eyes on Heaven. Remember with confidence the hope we have for the future.

One day we will return to our homeland – and we will be led in triumph by the LORD God Himself!

Saying Good-bye 

Hello Mountain Home! 

What is the one thing you're most looking forward to in Heaven?



Linked today with:

Joan at SHARING HIS BEAUTY

Michelle at HEAR IT ON SUNDAY, USE IT ON MONDAY

Tracy at WINSOME WEDNESDAY

Charlotte at SPIRITUAL SUNDAYS
Bonnie at  FAITH BARISTA
Pamela at A SHELTERING TREE



BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

SPIRITUAL TANTRUM

I'll bet you're wondering where this one's going…

Well, I thought I would post one more "true confession" before I head back up the hill to do battle with the internet…(by the way, I've missed you all soooo much – I'm going to tackle my connection problems head on this week).

OK, true confession.

Last week, my first week living in the mountains, I behaved like a faith toddler – I had a very nice spiritual tantrum, a pity party to rival any party pooper out there.

I basically spent the entire week on the couch.

Complaining.

"The Hub" was busy moving boxes and furniture (which I can't do) – and until the furniture is in place, there isn't a lot of unpacking that I can do (especially when you're being a big baby…)

So, I sat on the couch – single-mindedly and intentionally doing nothing but reading and doing crosswords – (oh, and complaining).

In my defense, beyond the obvious emotional challenges, I had some other interesting stuff to deal with…

The house needs some *work*, and so it's a bit torn up right now.  I don't have a kitchen.  So, I have to wash my one cup, my one spoon, my one fork, my one knife in the powder room sink.  

Some of the toilets and showerheads aren't working.  One shower dribbles, and the other one possesses the water pressure of a cheap motel.  

The bathroom and kitchen floors are nothing but the wood sub-floor right now.  (I have to wear shoes everywhere because of that.  I forgot one day and pierced my foot with a carpet tack strip.  Tetanus shot or not?  See what I mean??) 

The satellite guy moved our dish to a "better place" – which turned out to be right in front of a picture window with a great view.  We had to wait two days for them to come back and fix it.

I couldn't find our bills.

I have packed away (and who knows where) all but one pair of tennis shoes, one pair of hiking boots, and a pair of flip-flops.  Oh, and a pair of cowboy boots – which I had to wear to church last Sunday.  Yee haw.

Also this week I have had these mountain adventures:

1.  Met a mouse in the garage (where the fridge is right now) - he wasn't cute.

2.  Had to chase a chipmunk out of my bedroom - he was cute, but still.

3.  "The Hub" caught a rattlesnake in our driveway, put it in a garbage can - and then informed me the next morning that it had escaped.

4.  "The Hub" caught a mountain king snake and brought it in to show me - fortunately, I am not terrified by snakes, but still.

To which a dear friend had this comment – "I'm afraid of every one but the chipmunk, and I still do not want ALVIN in the bedroom." (Thank you for the much-needed chuckle!)

You might think that some of these things would challenge you, too.  Maybe. But the thing is this – I had a certain determination to have this bad mood, and to not let go of it.

That's the tantrum part.

Remember the old "Donny and Marie" show?  Remember how they used to sing "I'm a little bit country, I'm a little bit rock and roll"?  Well, I was a little bit Jacob, a little bit Jonah.

When I wasn't wrestling with God, I was running away from Him.

It took a lot of effort to avoid Him.

You see, out of almost every single one of the many windows I have in my house, there is a beautiful postcard view.  

I had to catch myself – I would find myself stealing a glance at the beautiful valley, or the majestic granite mountain peaks, or the many green trees, or the sparkling blue skies.  I'd start to think, "Oh…what a wonderful sight…"

And then I'd stop myself, and with a little (big) pouty attitude say, under my breath, "But I don't want to be here."

And then I'd storm back to the couch.

Immaturity, thy name is Sharon.

How pity-full.  How small.

How me.

I've spent a few days back in town with my sons.  It's been really fun.  And, it's afforded me the time to take a step back and gain some perspective.

Oh man.

I have had quite a tantrum.

I am dismayed at how easily the enemy can use my selfishness and twist me all up into petty knots.

How easily he can turn the call of God into something that feels like a curse.

How easily he can direct my focus away, away from God and fully (foolishly) on myself.

I am dismayed at how easily I can lose control – just because I've lost control over a very big change in my life.

This past week, I took a very good look at myself – and God took a very good look at me.


I hope He loved me more than I did.


Thank goodness, I'm pretty sure that He does!

And what I am learning is that God has much work to do in me – there are things He seeks to teach me up here on the mountain.  Things He needs to prune and refine.  Things that continue to hamper the Holy Spirit's work.

Oh, Lord – in the stillness and solitude of this very beautiful place, teach me how to be still.  Teach me how to praise You for the beauty of Your creation.  Teach me how to yield my will to Your perfect plan.  Teach me to long for character more than comfort.  

Teach me to grow up.

To get a grip.

To let go of myopic self-focus, and to fix my eyes on You.


The tantrum is over.


God brings His peace.


"God does not willingly bring affliction or grief to us.  He does not delight in causing us to experience pain or heartache.  He always has a purpose for the grief He brings or allows to come into our lives...God never wastes pain.  He always uses it to accomplish His purpose.  And His purpose is for His glory and our good.  Therefore, we can trust Him when our hearts are aching..."  (Jerry Bridges, "Trusting God")


What's gotten you into a spiritual *tizzy* lately?


Linked today with Joan at SHARING HIS BEAUTY


BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

AN INTERLUDE

It wouldn't be a journey complete if I didn't share with you my feelings this past week.

A week ago Friday, I closed the door at my old address, and made the final trek up the mountain to my new home.  

I have one word for the experience – surreal.

Well, actually several words - disruptive, unsettling, fearful, uncomfortable, just plain weird...

Ahead of time, I couldn't anticipate the magnitude of what I would feel. Truthfully, most of what I felt wasn't good.  It was an unsettling mixture of fear and sadness and...well, paralyzing fear and crippling sadness.

Once the house was completely empty, I had "The Hub" take pictures of me in every room.  I touched the walls – remembered the good memories, and even the bad ones.  Then I sat in the entryway and cried.

"The Hub" asked, "What's wrong?"

To his credit, this hasn't been his home for 28 years.  My sons are not his sons.  My memories are not his.  He was never attached to this house – for his heart longed for wide open spaces.

So, to his credit, I gave him some slack for asking a dumb question.

I looked at him with tears in my eyes and said, "I can't go."

Then, in logical *man-think* he informed me that there wasn't a choice – that the house was sold – there was no turning back, etc.  Grab the keys and let's go…

I did – with the heaviest heart I have had in my entire life.

Since we were bringing two cars up the mountain, I had to drive alone. Yes, I called everyone I could think of.  Their voices were consoling…and yet, all I could think about was how far I was traveling away from them.

And then, I arrived.

No internet, no TV, spotty cell phone coverage – nothing to distract me from the panic I felt in my heart.

No turning back – that's the chant that I heard over and over in my heart.

I could feel my pulse accelerate, I could feel my breathing become faster and shallower, I could feel my head start to throb…

No turning back.

In desperation, I forced myself to go to church up here last Sunday – and though it was way much smaller than my "mega" church back home, it was God-fearing.  I felt consoled to be in the presence of other believers. But, alas, they were still strangers.  I sat alone.

Lord, I have never felt more alone in my life.

I'd love to tell you that things have gotten better – that I am calming down and feeling more at home.  That I have a positive outlook, and that my faith is soaring.  That my body is no longer feeling weird physical symptoms because of the altitude.  That I am strong…

I'd love to tell you that – because I'd love to be feeling that way.

I'm not.

This is a psalm of lament, my friends.  I'm sorry for that – but you know that I always strive to be honest.

But even the psalms of lament end with some sort of hope.

And that is why I must tell you this.

I do know that I am not alone.  God is with me.  He lives within me, and I have not moved to somewhere that He isn't.

"You go before me and follow me…I can never escape from your Spirit!  I can never get away from your presence!"  (Psalm 139:5, 7)

These words from a recent devotional comfort me:

"[David] knew that God's being and God's seeing are the same – that the seeing Presence had been with him even before he was born…If God is present at every point in space, if we cannot go where He is not, cannot even conceive of a place where He is not, why then has not that Presence become the one universally celebrated fact of the world?"  (A. W. Tozer, "The Pursuit of God")

Yes, God is here – and I celebrate that fact.

How do I know?

Well, for one thing, check out this verse from my one-year Bible reading plan for Friday, June 29th – my first night permanently here in my new home:

"Come, let us go up to the mountain of the LORD…There he will teach us his ways, and we will walk in his paths."  (Isaiah 2:3)

Yes, the same verse God gave me in a devotional when I first looked at this house.

Though so far away from friends and family, He is here.


Though so lonely, I am not alone.


Though afraid, so very afraid, He is with me.


Selah.


How has God shown you that He is with you in your loneliest moments?


(NOTE: No, I haven't yet solved the internet problem.  I've been visiting my folks and sons for a couple of days - and thus, cable internet has been my friend.  I will work on solving this problem when I return home.  I miss you all TERRIBLY!!)

Linked today with Joan at SHARING HIS BEAUTY
and Joan at the GRACE CAFE


Comments are OPEN!


BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

COUNTING THE COST

On Monday I told you that God has been teaching me about letting go…

Today I want to share two more lessons that He's been teaching me.

Tougher lessons, perhaps.

The first is all about security.

What gives us security – at least in this world?

Money, possessions, good health, family, friends.  How we count on these things.  I know I sure have.

And yet, all of that has been well shaken up in the last several months.  In these last few days in my old home, I have been made acutely aware of how attached I am to the things that make me feel secure.

Especially familiar places, familiar faces.

It seems that the whole idea of security isn't really much of an issue, until you're forced to change.  Then the rubber meets the road…

And let me tell you, my rubber has met the road SO MANY TIMES in the last 45 days!

Abraham was asked to leave his homeland – his familiar places and familiar faces.  God issued him a challenge – but it was a challenge with a promise attached.

Abraham obeyed.

And in many ways, God's call to move up the mountain was a challenge to me.

"Sharon, are you going to obey?"

My answer has been yes – an anxious, tired yes this week – but still yes.

Because the truth of the matter is this – my security, my earthly and my eternal security – lies squarely in the character of God, and in His faithful promises.

The other lesson that He's been teaching me is that being a disciple comes at a cost.

God doesn't tend to make *suggestions* – He issues commands.

And we are wise to "count the cost" before we obey Him.

A faithful follower named Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote a very important and influential book titled, "The Cost of Discipleship."  His thoughts:

"Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate.


Costly grace is the treasure hidden in the field; for the sake of it a man will go and sell all that he has. It is the pearl of great price to buy which the merchant will sell all his goods. It is the kingly rule of Christ, for whose sake a man will pluck out the eye which causes him to stumble; it is the call of Jesus Christ at which the disciple leaves his nets and follows him.


Costly grace is the gospel which must be sought again and again, the gift which must be asked for, the door at which a man must knock.


Such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly because it costs a man his life, and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life. It is costly because it condemns sin, and grace because it justifies the sinner. Above all, it is costly because it cost God the life of his Son: "ye were bought at a price," and what has cost God much cannot be cheap for us. Above all, it is grace because God did not reckon his Son too dear a price to pay for our life, but delivered him up for us. Costly grace is the Incarnation of God."


Jesus Himself was very, very honest about the cost of discipleship.

"'Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.''  
(Matthew 16:24, NIV)


"'And if you do not carry your own cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple.  But don't begin until you count the cost.'"  
(Luke 14:27-28)

The original twelve disciples left family and jobs and homes when they chose to follow Jesus.  They left relative security to obey Christ's call.  I want to be a follower, too.

So, the cost is this – leaving familiar places, familiar faces.


But oh the rewards that await me!


I lift my eyes up to the mountains
Where does my help come from
My help comes from You
Maker of heaven, creator of the earth


Oh how I need You Lord
You are my only hope
You are my only friend
So I will wait for You
To come and rescue me
Come and give me life...



Are you willing to count the cost and follow Jesus – even into an uncertain future?


Linked today with Joan at the GRACE CAFE


BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

THE INCREDIBLE, AMAZING CIRCUS CLOWN CAR (House)

I love the circus.

Except for the dreaded plate-spinning act that I talked (whined) about here.

Except for that, I love the circus.

Even the clowns.

A lot of people are unnaturally afraid of clowns.  I wonder why…

Were they terrorized by Bozo at an early age?  Do they fear oversized shoes and bulbous red noses?  Is their uncle named Chucky?

I like clowns because I enjoy watching people make fools of themselves – (on purpose, that is).  Clowns make me laugh – laughing is good.

Do you remember the circus act where a teeny, tiny car comes out – and clown after clown after clown comes pouring out?  I could never figure that out as a kid.  Later on I discovered that a mathematical impossibility can indeed become a magical illusion.

But I digress.

The circus clown car act is on my mind today – because my house has become one.

The boxes…and boxes…and boxes – the sheer volume of stuff should not (mathematically) have been able to fit into my smallish house.

And yet, the boxes keep on coming…

I'm wondering if there is a Good Fairy who (magically) keeps making more and more boxes in the middle of the night when I'm sleeping…or does cardboard harbor a recessive "rabbit" gene?

At one point I wondered if "The Hub" was doing it.  But of course, silly me, if he was involved in the whole process the boxes would disappear!

Abra cadabra.

God is teaching me some good lessons through all of this – (notice I said good, not easy…just sayin')

First of all, uprooting 28 years and moving two hours away (by yourself) is a challenge…BIG challenge.

And I have been humbled by the sight of my dear and hard-working husband laboring under an unending onslaught of stuff – which is mostly mine, to tell the truth.  You see, I've been in this house for 28 years – he's only been here for 7.

And I've been convicted.

I have way too much stuff.

Don't get me wrong – "The Hub" and I have some really cool stuff – and I think it's fine to accumulate things that make you feel at home in your home – stuff that stamps your own personality on the place you live. It's all the other stuff – the things that I probably don't need, but just can't seem to part with…

That's the part I've been thinking about.

Some people are really good about periodic *weaning* – not me.  I still have the heartbeat of a hoarder inside of me.  I get way too attached to my things – and my things get way too attached to me.

I am guilty of having emotions attached to temporal things.

Lord, I hear You speaking on this.

None of this is going with me.  None of it matters in the long run.  None of it is eternal.

Yes, I have my treasure in Heaven – but I've got a hefty little stash here on the other side, too.

Once we get all settled in (early 2013, hmmm??!) – I need to attend to this. It's time to let go of things…

And maybe it's a time for God to do some spiritual housekeeping, too.

I remember reading "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" by C. S. Lewis. At the beginning of the story, a rather distasteful young boy named Eustace steals away from the rest of the group, and comes upon the treasure of a dying dragon.

When the dragon breathes his last breath, Eustace revels in the treasure. Until he discovers the next day that he himself has turned into a dragon.

He tries and tries to peel, scratch, claw off those old scales by himself. And they come off – sorta.  But he still remains a dragon.

It is only when Aslan comes along, the great and terrifying Lion, that Eustace is saved from himself.

Because the Lion painfully (but oh so wonderfully) removes the scales, by tearing at the heart of the matter – and Eustace becomes a boy again.


"Then the lion said – but I don't know if it spoke – You will have to let me undress you.  I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now.  So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.


The very first tear he made was so deep and I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt.  The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off.


And there was I as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been."


So, I'm thinking –

Maybe it's time to let go of some of the treasure.


Maybe it's time for me to shed some of my gnarly old scales.

It's going to hurt – (and trust me, I'm now beginning to feel the sadness, the anxiety, the unsettled uncertainty of the move) – but I know that somehow there is something really good awaiting me on the other side.

God is going to make me something new.

He is going to make me smaller than I have been – and in the process He will show me how big He is.

Is He big enough?


Oh, I think so…yes, indeed, I think so!


(Please come back on Wednesday, for some more lessons God is teaching me in this final week of moving...)


Is God big enough for you?


Linked with Joan at SHARING HIS BEAUTY


BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"