BEWARE THE BITTER ROOT

Ever been disappointed, rejected, betrayed?

I'm thinking if you've lived past high school (or even earlier?), the answer to that question is yes.

An unfortunate statistic.

But people have a way of hurting other people.  Sometimes it's intentional, often it's not.  Mostly it doesn't matter.  

Hurt still hurts.

And though hurt often leads to sad, sometimes it leads to MAD!

If I'm honest, I find that most of the time I get angry, it's really because I've gotten hurt.  Anger seems to be the go-to reaction.  Why is that, I wonder?  I think it has something to do with vulnerability – about how being vulnerable makes us feel small – victimized, dismissed, invalidated, diminished.  

And we are, perhaps, never more vulnerable than when we've been hurt.

That's understandable.

But woe to the angry one!

Because anger is like a weed in our hearts – a weed that can quickly grow roots of bitterness.

And bitter roots are dangerous, choking things.  They are deadly.

I've been thinking about this lately.

Been going through some new hurts – new hurts that are also stirring up some old hurts.

I am dismayed at how easily I have become an emotional bookkeeper.

Yup, I'm a good little accountant – keeping tally of perceived wrongs. Keeping careful track of all the hurts inflicted on me.  Recording the wounds, checking off the snubs and slights, adding up the words and the attitudes and the actions.

Marking them all down in red – until, before I know it...

I'm seeing RED!

Ugly admission, but true.

The enemy is quite happy about this.

After all, he's pleased when people visit H & R Beelzebub.

"Bring those receipts to me.  Yes indeed.  Let's add things up here.  Sure enough, you've overpaid.  People have taken advantage of you.  You've been shortchanged.  People OWE you…"

The fine print?  "Those shallow, selfish, evil people.  You're better than they are.  You should hate them…"

His math?  Hurt + Anger = Bitterness.

Oh, what a battle it is when you feel *entitled* to your feelings.

Now, I'm not one to dismiss those feelings.  Feelings are real.  But they don't need to rule.

That's the secret, and that's the challenge.

Learning how to face the feelings, feel them, and then to let them go.

But, it's the only thing to do.

Because once those roots of bitterness begin to grow, they grow deep. They cut a wide path of destruction.  They kill good plants, and thwart any growth of new fruit.

Like I said – deadly.

It's why God warns us so much about anger.  He knows it's a seed planted…

"And 'don't sin by letting anger control you.'  Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil."  
(Ephesians 4:26-27, NLT)

"Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires."  
(James 1:20, NLT)


So, is anger wrong?

No, Jesus Himself got angry.  But God warns us against being angry…and sinning.

It's not the feeling that causes the problem.  It's the underlying reasons for the anger, and the indulging of anger that leads to problems.

It is *feeling the feeling* and letting it fester.  Ruminating upon it.  Feeding the flames.  Letting it lead us to bitterness.

Forgiveness?

No room for that in a bitter and resentful heart.

And God calls us to something bigger – something behind the act of forgiveness.  He calls us to love.

And love requires poor bookkeeping:

"It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."  (1 Corinthians 13:5, NIV)

God calls us to forgive the debts AND the debtors...

...the debtors AND the debts.

Sigh.

I am facing a battle inside myself lately.  Knowing that the old devil is trying to inflame my hurts.  Trying to stimulate my anger – trying to make it feel righteous.

He's trying to water the roots…

Me?

I'm trying to face the feelings – without feeling the fireworks.

Learning to let go.

Learning to be hurt, yes – but through the pain, learning to turn to the Binder of Wounds, the Friend of the Brokenhearted, the Champion of the Crushed.

Using my will to battle my injured heart.

Remembering that Jesus bore wounds for me.  My precious Savior – hurt, disappointed, rejected, betrayed Jesus.  

He was wounded for me.

So, I'm taking His precious blood and crossing out the debts in my "red column" of wrongs.  Giving Him the books.  Thanking Him for getting rid of the books that keep track of MY wrongs against other people.  Asking Him to forgive me for the many ways that I hurt HIM – for all MY marks in the "red column."

Praising the Love that made it possible for my name to be entered into the only book that counts – the Book of Life.


Are you feeling hurt?  Angry?

Oh dear friends, don't let the enemy get rooted…

Attach yourself more tightly to The Vine.

They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water.
Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.

"And then he added, 'It is what comes from inside that defiles you…'"  
(Mark 7:20, NLT)

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." (Proverbs 4:23, NIV)


Is there any bitterness in your heart that God needs to uproot?


Linked today with:

Joan at SHARING HIS BEAUTY
Michelle at HEAR IT ON SUNDAY, USE IT ON MONDAY
Hazel at TELL ME A TRUE STORY
Darlene at TITUS 2SDAY
Tracy at WINSOME WEDNESDAY
Charlotte at SPIRITUAL SUNDAYS


BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

ON A SHELF

Yup, that's how I feel lately.

Shelved.

Like a book that God enjoyed reading, but when He was done with me, He put me on the shelf.

Before I moved, I had a nice little corner of ministry going.  A few speaking engagements.  A consistent blog voice.  An active leadership role in my Bible Study.

I had hopes of God opening the door into the Christian *big-time* at any moment.  It seemed imminent, around the corner – just waiting for me.

Then I moved.

And everything came to a screeching halt.

No one's ringing my doorbell to have me come and share my pearls of wisdom with their group.  My blog muse – let's call her Verbosia – has left the building.  And though I am in a new Bible Study group full of wonderful women, I am still the "new kid on the block."

I feel dismayed about this.

Yes, I know all about the *seasons* that God calls us to walk through – but when did He decide that this was a good time for winter?

I do want you to know – that I do see the irony of ME saying that I don't have MY ministry.  I do see the self-interest in that statement.

But there's still a part of me – a part of every believer, I think – that really does want to be used by the Lord for HIS purposes.

So why am I sitting on a couch bemoaning my sitting?


I decided to visit some of my friends.

I texted Joseph, whose brothers had abandoned him, then he was rescued, only to be thrown into jail for a false accusation.

"Hey Jo, Y am I doing nothing here?"

"Know what u mean," he answered.  "I had some ?'s myself in that jail cell.  ☹"

"Did u think that God had forgotten u?"

"There were moments, 4 sure.  But God saw the end.  BTW, what others meant 4 evil, He meant 4 good.  ☺"

I emailed Moses, who was treated as the son of Pharaoh, only to kill a man and run away to spend 40 years (count 'em, 40) in the wilderness with a bunch of sheep.

"Hey Moses, I'm kinda struggling here on my mountain top.  I can't stand the feeling that I've been sidelined.  Know what I mean?"

"Why of course!  Can you imagine what it felt like to be a shepherd for 40 years?  Why was I wasting my time with sheep, I often wondered.  Of course, God knew the plan He had for me – to shepherd a nation out of slavery into their Promised Land."

"But Moses, I'm no spring chicken here.  Time is ticking."

"Hey, I really started making a difference when I was 80.  Hang in there!"

I finally decided to call David, a man whom Samuel anointed as the future king of Israel, only to spend a great deal of time running for his life.

BRIIINGG…BRIIINGG.

"Hello?"

"David?  This is Sharon."

"Oh hi, Sharon.  What's up?"

"I'm just wondering if you ever felt like God had forgotten you.  As if He had called you to this big old purpose, only to send you off on a wild goose chase. Did you ever feel shelved?"

There was a pause on the other end…

"David, you still there?"

"Yes," he said quietly.  "Actually, I felt like that quite often.  I think you can tell by the words I said in my poems.  So often I felt lost, neglected, forgotten,…so very far from the God I loved."

"Yeah, I have always found your honesty to be quite comforting."

"Thank you for that.  But here's the thing I learned.  That even when I cried out to God in despair, even when it felt like He wasn't there and didn't care – He still called me a man after His own heart.  I find that incredible, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Somehow in my deep discouragement, I still sought His presence.  Are you doing that?"

"As best as I can, I am."

"Then don't look back.  I found that it was very difficult to think about my Goliath triumph when I was sitting in a dark cave running away from Saul. Was this the behavior or the position of a king?  I thought God was making some pretty big mistakes."

"Yeah, I wonder sometimes too.  A lot lately."

"It's OK.  He has a plan.  Don't give up the Story just because you don't know the ending.  He's a good Author – trust Him."

I spent a lot of time thinking about my conversations with these men.  Men who had been called for an important spiritual destiny.  And yet, they had each spent a lot of time in seemingly wasted inactivity.

But God was working…all the time.

I turn the page in my Bible and Joseph is out of prison – but he was there for 2 years.  I turn the page in my Bible and Moses returns from the wilderness – but he was there for 40 years.  I turn the page in my Bible and David is king of the entire nation of Israel – but he ran for many years before he wore that crown.

I turn the page in my Bible and Jesus begins His ministry.  But He spent 30 years waiting for the moment when God would tell Him, "NOW!"

I guess I'm in good company here.

On a shelf doesn't mean forgotten.  It doesn't mean unimportant.  It certainly doesn't mean useless.

Those are enemy lies – propaganda from the parrot constantly squawking on my shoulder – meant to deter me from becoming more like Jesus.


Lord, give me patience for this time in my life.  Please relieve the discouragement that I feel right now.  Make Your presence more real to me so I don't feel forgotten.  Grant me comfort when I am sad.  Give me peace when I feel turmoil.  Fill me with strength to withstand the onslaught of pity.  Let me understand that inside work is just as important to You as outside service.

Maybe more important.

Teach me that all that matters is that I am a woman after Your own heart.

And if You wouldn’t mind, please show me a sign of Your favor.



God is working his purpose out
as year succeeds to year:
God is working his purpose out,
and the time is drawing near;
nearer and nearer draws the time,
the time that shall surely be,
when the earth shall be filled 
with the glory of God
as the waters cover the sea.

- From a hymn, words written by Arthur Campbell Aigner


"Just as you cannot understand the path of the wind or the mystery of a tiny baby growing in its mother's womb, so you cannot understand the activity of God, who does all things." (Ecclesiastes 11:5)

"You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." 
(Psalm 139:16)


Has God ever *placed you on the sidelines* for a time in your life? What did you do?


BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

"FAN THE FLAME" FRIDAY - Lonely

Welcome to "Fan the Flame" Friday.

This is a weekly post that will be "short and sweet" (kinda like me...)

Just a word and a phrase, a sentence or a question...just a little something to "fan the flame" of your creativity!

Today's word: lonely

What does it feel like to be lonely?

Can you feel lonely when you're not alone?

How does God fill up the lonely places in one's heart?

Let me know what you think!!

"This is why I remind you to fan into flames the spiritual gift God gave you…For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." (2 Timothy 1:6-7)

BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

WOMAN OR WORM?

So, last week I went out with a girlfriend for coffee – (you know where…there's one on every corner…*$'s. BTW, I'm a Coffee Frappucino Light kind of girl).

We were talking away, about anything and everything. We're good at that. But one of the final things we talked about really hit me hard.

J knows someone who leads personal growth seminars. And they were having a conversation a while ago. This other woman tells J something to the effect, "You know, in all my experience I've found that the women with the lowest self-esteem are Christians."

I looked at my friend.

"You know, that really makes me mad," I said, "and really sad, because I think it's true."

So I've been mulling and pondering this ever since.

I think there are two problems here. First of all, there's the woman part of it.

We women seem to have a problem with always being "too much" – "not enough" – "unworthy of being loved" – "trying to measure up" – you get the idea. It's like there's some sort of personal yardstick – and we always fall short. Kinda like the rides at Disneyland. You know the little painted lines – "You must be this tall to go on this ride." And, no matter how tall we stand, even if it's on our tiptoes – we're still below the line.

Why does this happen?

I can think of several reasons. Our society – ladies, it's still a man's world out there. Our family upbringing – which can give us faulty "tapes". Our past experience with men – don't get me started on this one. I spent way too many years thinking that I was only lovable if some man "loved" me. Our innate nurturing nature – which makes us tend to think more of others than we do ourselves. Our culture – which has bowed down to the idols of youthful appearance, and being rich and/or famous.

You know those television shows - "The Real Housewives..."

Let me tell you, there is nothing "real" about those women.

The really real housewives are women like me – unsure of themselves, insecure, wasting time comparing themselves to others, and always thinking they're falling short of some ideal standard.

The other problem I see is specific to Christian women.

We tend to think of ourselves as unworthy worms. You know the lyrics, "Amazing grace that saved a WRETCH like me." We believe the wretch part. However, the problem, in my opinion, is that we haven't grabbed onto the grace part.

Here's the deal.

There's a big difference between being unworthy, and being worthless.

You see, when we stand before the throne of God, we are indeed unworthy. Our sin makes it so. Unable to ever measure up to the bar, we fall short every time. Our meager and puny efforts to reach God, and to attain His righteousness, will never happen on our own.

It's why the Savior came and died.

But woefully, here's where too many of us get stuck.

"We are unworthy," we cry out.

Of course we are. That's the whole point.

But here's the wonderful, tremendous, awe-inspiring truth.

We are eminently worthwhile!

Have you stopped yourself lately and thought about the Crucifixion? Really, really thought about it? Are we so used to hearing about it that we have forgotten what it meant? Yes, of course, Jesus died for our sins. But why??

He did it because He considered it WORTH THE COST of His very life to redeem worthwhile creatures from their unworthy sinful natures.

Excuse me, but I just don't see the Almighty God of the Universe stooping to earth, giving us His Son to die – for worthless worms.

He loved us – yes, WHILE we were still sinners – and He considered us WORTH rescuing.

I find that exhilarating!

So, I believe we do a disservice to the Lord's sacrifice when we diminish ourselves.

Pride is a subtle enemy. Sometimes it's overt. Sometimes it's undercover. And either end of the spectrum is dangerous territory.

I have this word picture in mind.

Picture yourself in the middle of a raging sea. And you are definitely going to die unless someone rescues you. So, a boat finally arrives. The captain himself dives in to save you. Overt pride says, "No, I'm OK. I know that I can save myself. You go on without me."

Undercover pride does something else.

It lets the captain rescue them – and the captain loses his life in the process. They are pulled into the boat and saved. But then, undercover pride never stops moaning and groaning.

"I don't know why anyone would want to save someone like me. I'm not worth it. He should have just let me die, because I'm no good. Nobody loves me. He really wasted his time rescuing me."

Is this not completely dismissing the sacrifice of the captain??

There's a fine line here. And we Christian women are called to walk it.

Humbly saved from our unworthy sin? Yes. But considered worth the cost to the Lord? Absolutely yes!

We, of all women, should have the highest self-esteem. We should esteem ourselves as much as God does. Knowing full well our unworthiness, we should claim the Love that deemed us worth the rescuing. We can be like Paul – and boast gladly in the Lord Jesus Christ.

Ladies, our filthy rags have been exchanged for glorious white Robes of Righteousness.

Why aren't we wearing them??

What is keeping you from looking at yourself the way God sees you?

"…each of us must ultimately open up with vulnerability and humility to acknowledge our unworthiness and yet also to accept our own worth, which is sometimes the more difficult. In confessing our sin before God, we accept our unworthiness--not worthlessness! In that moment of vulnerability we discover that God…through Jesus Christ, graciously covers the sinner with love and forgiveness. We know that although we have been found out, we have also been found. We come to accept that God sent the Son into the world because he deemed us worthy to be loved and forgiven, we who are created in the divine image and destined to become fully restored to it…" (From Bible Gateway)

“See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!” (1 John 3:1)

Linked with:

Joan at SHARING HIS BEAUTY

Laura at BRAG ON GOD FRIDAY

BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

BETRAYED

7th grade.

I was just starting Junior High.

I was a dork.

Yes, it's true. Don't argue with me – I have the pictures to prove it!

But, I had a great best friend. And she was popular!

And, we had all seven of our classes together – YAY! So I wasn't quite as nervous about going to a big school with older kids. My friend was right by my side…

…until one day, she wasn't.

All of a sudden, one day she started to completely ignore me. She refused to look at me or talk to me. It was weird – and extremely painful.

But things got worse.

Remember I told you she was popular? Yeah, well, that meant that everyone else rallied to her side.

I became a social leper.

As if that wasn't bad enough, this "friend" started taunting me. And she got others to do the same thing. They would whisper and point and giggle. They would sing songs about me – making fun of the way I looked. They would call me names.

(Do you have your hankies out yet? Sniff, sniff…)

This went on for weeks.

Of course, I told my mother about it. And finally, she decided it was time to confront the problem. We set up a meeting with "friend's" mother.

I can so vividly remember that meeting.

My mom and I sat on one side of the living room, talking to the mother on the other side of the room. Of course, she denied it all.

"My daughter would never do that. She's a very nice girl. She's friendly to everyone…Blah, blah, blah."

And, the whole time that she was talking, my "friend" kept appearing in the hallway behind her, sticking her tongue out at me and my mom – persistent in her silent jeering.

The hazing didn't let up.

I wanted to move. I wanted to die.

Finally, one day, "friend" walked up to me and said, "Sorry. I guess I was in a bad mood."

OK…

Frankly, I was so relieved that the whole ordeal was over, I didn't say anything except, "Oh, that's OK."

And everything was OK again.

But this incident stuck with me until – well, it's stuck with me my whole life, if I'm honest.

It was terribly damaging.

It's only been in my adult life that I've been able to see all the spiritual lessons in this situation.

How Jesus was ignored, and taunted, and betrayed. How He totally understood what I was feeling. How He cried over my tears. How His heart felt sad…

If I was Him, I'd wonder –

"Seriously, Father – are these the people I came to die for? They're terrible. They're mean and petty and small-minded. They hurt each other. They have a deep capacity for cruelty, and such an ingrained heart of selfishness."

If I was Him, I'd probably give up on us.

But I'm not Him – (aren’t you glad??? I know I am!)

What did He say?

He said the simply impossible, and the impossibly simple thing.

Love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!

It makes no sense, it doesn't come naturally, we can't do it in our own power. But that is the heart of God's Kingdom – the upside down reversal of all that we normally think and feel and do.

His foolishness = absolute Wisdom.

I forgave my friend in my heart – eventually. And one of the reasons why? Because at other times in my life, if I'm honest, I've been her. I've hurt others, I've ignored them, I've been cruel…

I've been the one undeserving of forgiveness and love.

But…I was loved.

"Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners."

(Romans 5:6-8)

Oh, Lord – thank you for the awesome gift of Your Grace…

BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"