I'VE BEEN "BOOK-CLUBBED"

Let me explain.

First of all, let me tell you that I am an avid reader – have been all of my life. I read a lot of books, and I read fast.  I've been known to read a book in less than a day!

I mostly read fiction – mystery stories are my favorite genre (after all, I earned my stripes reading Nancy Drew).  But I also like to sprinkle in some non-fiction, too – (mostly faith-related books).

And yes, I have been a participant in Book Clubs.

But that’s not what I'm talking about.  I'm talking about being *clobbered* over the head by a book that stops me in my tracks.  A book whose message reaches deeper than just my thoughts – a book that speaks to my soul.

I have just finished such a book.

"Shattered Dreams" by Larry Crabb.

Perhaps it wouldn't have been a book that I would have picked on my own. After all, I'm not a fan of shattered dreams.  But a friend of my sons told me about it – had me read a short intro – and I knew it was a book that I needed to read.

This, from the back cover:

"'The Holy Spirit uses the pain of shattered dreams to help us discover our desire for God, to help us begin dreaming the highest dream.'
…author and counselor Larry Crabb has written a wise, hopeful, honest, and realistic examination of life's difficulties and tragedies.  He wraps insights around the bold story of Naomi in the Bible's book of Ruth…Shattered dreams have the power to change our lives for good.  Forever."


Really?

This is the question that I asked myself before I started reading the book. Now I understand what Dr. Crabb was talking about.  It seems to me that he spoke about three main premises that we subconsciously believe are true. But they are not inherently true, and there is some danger in believing so.


Here we go:


1) Life is supposed to work.

Don't we all have this underlying feeling that life is supposed to work? Isn't that the dream?  We desire to have pain-free lives.  Lives with good health, great marriages, fulfilling jobs, perfect children, and financial security.

We wiggle under the challenges of something less.

We are stressed by the reality of living in this imperfectly broken world.

The truth of the matter, if we're honest, is that we want comfort over character, ease over endurance, and self-fulfillment over faith.

However, it doesn't take much to realize that this is NOT the truth of our experience.  Life teaches us that it doesn't "work" – at least in the sense that we want it to.

So, our dreams for a pain-free life are shattered.


This leads us to the next premise:


2) If life doesn't work, then God is supposed to fix it.

C'mon, you know it's true!  We really do want our Lord to be the knight in shining armor – we want Him to swoop down and correct the injustices, heal the illnesses, mend the relationships, solve the money problems, etc.

Now, of course, there is nothing wrong with wanting these things, or praying desperately for these things.  I believe the problem lies in our expectation of God's rescue (as we see it), and then the disappointment and disillusionment when He doesn't fix our stuff.

So, our dreams for a godly rescue, a supernatural *fix*, are shattered.


Which leads to the last premise:


3) If God doesn't fix our life, then He's supposed to "be there" with us through it.

In other words, if bad stuff happens in life, and God doesn't come to the rescue and fix it, then He will be/should be "there" with us while we are going through it – we should be able to sense His tangible presence by our side.  We should be hearing His voice.

But often, just when we need Him the most, God seems especially hidden and silent.  Sometimes when we want to sense His presence the most, He seems particularly absent.

So, our dreams for the comfort of God's presence in a way that we can sense are shattered.


Now what?

Listen to this quote from the book:

"He lets us hurt and doesn't make it better.  We suffer and He stands by and does nothing to help, at least nothing that we're aware we want Him to do.  In fact, what He's doing while we suffer is leading us into the depths of our being, into the center of our soul where we feel our strongest passions.  It's there we discover our desire for God.  We begin to feel a desire to know Him that not only survives all our pain, but actually thrives in it until that desire becomes more intense than our desire for all the good things we still want…we wake up to the realization that we want an encounter with God more than we want the blessings of life." (page 4)


This is the crux of the book.

In having our lesser dreams shattered, we can be awakened to the greatest dream – the deep desire living within us for God Himself.

I believe that the most important thing that can happen to you after you've accepted Jesus as your Savior is getting in touch with how much you want to know God.  The greatest dream is discovering how much you just plain WANT God, not for what He can do, but just for Himself.

Trust me, the process isn't going to be easy.

In fact, it might hurt like hell (literally) – for the powers of hell will surely conspire to destroy you in the process.

The enemy will whisper frightful lies.  He will convince you that you have been abandoned to the hopelessness and futility of life.  He will continue to tempt you to hold on to the desire for those lesser dreams of the "good life."

But we must not lose hope.  We cannot give in to faulty premises.

This quote:

"The experience of despair is the initial movement in the rhythm of hope." (page 55)


And I believe that the one anchor that holds us through this whole process is Truth.

The Truth that God loves us, He is good, and He is there with us whether we feel Him or not.

Years ago, I visited the Carlsbad Caverns in New Mexico with my boys.  At one point on the tour, several hundred feet below the surface, our guide turned off the lights.  Believe me, it was pitch dark.  A total absence of light.  A dark so dark you could almost feel it.

Then our guide told us to put our hands in front of our face.  I placed my hand so close that it was almost touching my nose.  I could feel my breath on my palm.  But I absolutely COULD NOT see it.  No matter how hard I tried, there was nothing.

My senses did not see my hand, could not tangibly perceive it.

But it was there – so very close.

I think about this experience when I cannot feel God, when I cannot hear His voice.  My senses belie the truth that He is there, and will never leave nor forsake me.

And somehow, this is part of the greatest dream.  Wanting God even when life doesn't work.  Wanting God even when He doesn't come to the rescue and fix everything.  Wanting God even when I don't feel Him near and can't hear His voice.  Wanting Him more than even my experience of Him.

Wanting God above all else.


About a month ago, I had a night when I just experienced a total meltdown. Nervous beyond my ability to calm down, sobbing my eyes out, feeling completely out of control – I uttered a different sort of prayer.

Instead of asking God to fix things – though I still wanted Him to – I just cried from the deepest part of my soul:

Not my usual, "Lord, where are You?"

But something deeper…

"Lord, I just want You."

As soon as I said it, something very odd happened.  I actually felt this sense of peace, a feeling that I had reached something very, very deep within myself.  And after reading this book, I feel a sort of thrill that I have actually touched something very important in my life.

I know that I have experienced the greatest dream – even just for a few moments.

I want more of it, because I want more of God.


Sure, I'm terrified of what it might take to keep in touch with the greatest dream.

But wanting God with the deepest part of your soul is something powerful.

And if you arrive at this core in your heart, you will discover that at the bottom of the engulfing quicksand of life there is solid ground – hallowed ground…

…and you will stand.


Lord, give us the courage to pray this prayer, and mean it:

May I never want the good things in life more than I want You.  May I never seek Your gifts more than You, the Giver.  May I never be so comfortable in the here and now that I don't long for the hereafter.  Give me the tremendous gift of knowing how deeply I long for You.  Grant me the gift of pain in order to know that underneath all of the rubble of my life, my grandest desire is to know You.

Don't let me settle for the lesser dream of a good life, nor want good things more than the greatest dream of the best thing.

For the best thing in life…

…is You.

And the rain fell,
and the floods came,
and the winds blew and slammed
against that house;
And yet it did not fall,
for it was founded
upon a rock.

(Needless to say, I highly recommend this book!)

"O LORD, why do you stand so far away?  Why do you hide when I am in trouble?" (Psalm 10:1, NLT)

"How long, O LORD?  Will you forget me forever?  How long will you hide your face from me?" (Psalm 13:1, ESV)

"Why do You forget us forever?  Why do You forsake us so long?  Restore us to You, O LORD, that we may be restored; Renew our days as of old..." (Lamentation 5:20-21, NASB)

"You have seen, O LORD; be not silent!  O Lord, be not far from me!" 

(Psalm 35:22, ESV)

"'I love those who love me; And those who diligently seek me will find me.'" (Proverbs 8:17, NASB)

"...seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." (Matthew 6:33, ESV)

"He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure." (Isaiah 33:6, NIV)

"My soul yearns for you in the night; my spirit within me earnestly seeks you." (Isaiah 26:9, ESV)

"Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4, ESV)

"...for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure." (Philippians 2:13, ESV)

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." (Proverb 3:5-6, ESV)

"...we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28, ESV)

"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy." (James 1:2, NLT)

"So be truly glad.  There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while.  These trials will show that your faith is genuine.  It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold...So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.

You love him even though you have never seen him.  Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy." 
(1 Peter 1:6-8, NLT)

"For God has said, 'I will never fail you.  I will never abandon you.'  So we can say with confidence, 'The LORD is my helper, so I will have no fear.'' 
(Hebrews 13:5-6, NLT)

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." (Mark 12:30, NIV)



How is God calling you to lay down your *shattered dreams* and seek Him, the greatest dream of all?



Linked today with:

SHARING HIS BEAUTY, PLAYDATES WITH GOD, UNFORCED RHYTHMS, MONDAY'S MUSINGS, SOLI DEO GLORIA, MONDAYS AT SOUL SURVIVAL, TELL ME A TRUE STORY, UNITE, TITUS 2 TUESDAYS, ALL THINGS BRIGHT & BEAUTIFUL, INSPIRE ME MONDAY, TESTIMONY TUESDAY, WHIMSICAL WEDNESDAYS, A LITTLE R & R WEDNESDAYS, WHOLEHEARTED WEDNESDAYS, TELL HIS STORY, CAPTURE YOUR JOURNEY, WINSOME WEDNESDAY, THREE WORD WEDNESDAY, WORD FILLED WEDNESDAY, COFFEE FOR YOUR HEART, FAITH BARISTA, THOUGHT-PROVOKING THURSDAY, THRIVING THURSDAY, THRIVE AT HOME THURSDAY, HEARTS FOR HOME, GRACE AT HOME, EVERYDAY JESUS, FRIENDSHIP FRIDAY, LIGHT FRIDAY HIT LIST, WHATEVER IS LOVELY, FAITH FILLED FRIDAY, ESSENTIAL FRIDAYS, FELLOWSHIP FRIDAYS, THE FRIDAY FIVE, SPIRITUAL SUNDAYS, COUNTING MY BLESSINGS, MAKE MY SATURDAY SWEET, SATURDAY SOIREE, STILL SATURDAY, WEEKEND BREW, RECOMMENDATION SATURDAY, GIVE ME GRACE, SUNDAY STILLNESS



BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

ON A SHELF

Yup, that's how I feel lately.

Shelved.

Like a book that God enjoyed reading, but when He was done with me, He put me on the shelf.

Before I moved, I had a nice little corner of ministry going.  A few speaking engagements.  A consistent blog voice.  An active leadership role in my Bible Study.

I had hopes of God opening the door into the Christian *big-time* at any moment.  It seemed imminent, around the corner – just waiting for me.

Then I moved.

And everything came to a screeching halt.

No one's ringing my doorbell to have me come and share my pearls of wisdom with their group.  My blog muse – let's call her Verbosia – has left the building.  And though I am in a new Bible Study group full of wonderful women, I am still the "new kid on the block."

I feel dismayed about this.

Yes, I know all about the *seasons* that God calls us to walk through – but when did He decide that this was a good time for winter?

I do want you to know – that I do see the irony of ME saying that I don't have MY ministry.  I do see the self-interest in that statement.

But there's still a part of me – a part of every believer, I think – that really does want to be used by the Lord for HIS purposes.

So why am I sitting on a couch bemoaning my sitting?


I decided to visit some of my friends.

I texted Joseph, whose brothers had abandoned him, then he was rescued, only to be thrown into jail for a false accusation.

"Hey Jo, Y am I doing nothing here?"

"Know what u mean," he answered.  "I had some ?'s myself in that jail cell.  ☹"

"Did u think that God had forgotten u?"

"There were moments, 4 sure.  But God saw the end.  BTW, what others meant 4 evil, He meant 4 good.  ☺"

I emailed Moses, who was treated as the son of Pharaoh, only to kill a man and run away to spend 40 years (count 'em, 40) in the wilderness with a bunch of sheep.

"Hey Moses, I'm kinda struggling here on my mountain top.  I can't stand the feeling that I've been sidelined.  Know what I mean?"

"Why of course!  Can you imagine what it felt like to be a shepherd for 40 years?  Why was I wasting my time with sheep, I often wondered.  Of course, God knew the plan He had for me – to shepherd a nation out of slavery into their Promised Land."

"But Moses, I'm no spring chicken here.  Time is ticking."

"Hey, I really started making a difference when I was 80.  Hang in there!"

I finally decided to call David, a man whom Samuel anointed as the future king of Israel, only to spend a great deal of time running for his life.

BRIIINGG…BRIIINGG.

"Hello?"

"David?  This is Sharon."

"Oh hi, Sharon.  What's up?"

"I'm just wondering if you ever felt like God had forgotten you.  As if He had called you to this big old purpose, only to send you off on a wild goose chase. Did you ever feel shelved?"

There was a pause on the other end…

"David, you still there?"

"Yes," he said quietly.  "Actually, I felt like that quite often.  I think you can tell by the words I said in my poems.  So often I felt lost, neglected, forgotten,…so very far from the God I loved."

"Yeah, I have always found your honesty to be quite comforting."

"Thank you for that.  But here's the thing I learned.  That even when I cried out to God in despair, even when it felt like He wasn't there and didn't care – He still called me a man after His own heart.  I find that incredible, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Somehow in my deep discouragement, I still sought His presence.  Are you doing that?"

"As best as I can, I am."

"Then don't look back.  I found that it was very difficult to think about my Goliath triumph when I was sitting in a dark cave running away from Saul. Was this the behavior or the position of a king?  I thought God was making some pretty big mistakes."

"Yeah, I wonder sometimes too.  A lot lately."

"It's OK.  He has a plan.  Don't give up the Story just because you don't know the ending.  He's a good Author – trust Him."

I spent a lot of time thinking about my conversations with these men.  Men who had been called for an important spiritual destiny.  And yet, they had each spent a lot of time in seemingly wasted inactivity.

But God was working…all the time.

I turn the page in my Bible and Joseph is out of prison – but he was there for 2 years.  I turn the page in my Bible and Moses returns from the wilderness – but he was there for 40 years.  I turn the page in my Bible and David is king of the entire nation of Israel – but he ran for many years before he wore that crown.

I turn the page in my Bible and Jesus begins His ministry.  But He spent 30 years waiting for the moment when God would tell Him, "NOW!"

I guess I'm in good company here.

On a shelf doesn't mean forgotten.  It doesn't mean unimportant.  It certainly doesn't mean useless.

Those are enemy lies – propaganda from the parrot constantly squawking on my shoulder – meant to deter me from becoming more like Jesus.


Lord, give me patience for this time in my life.  Please relieve the discouragement that I feel right now.  Make Your presence more real to me so I don't feel forgotten.  Grant me comfort when I am sad.  Give me peace when I feel turmoil.  Fill me with strength to withstand the onslaught of pity.  Let me understand that inside work is just as important to You as outside service.

Maybe more important.

Teach me that all that matters is that I am a woman after Your own heart.

And if You wouldn’t mind, please show me a sign of Your favor.



God is working his purpose out
as year succeeds to year:
God is working his purpose out,
and the time is drawing near;
nearer and nearer draws the time,
the time that shall surely be,
when the earth shall be filled 
with the glory of God
as the waters cover the sea.

- From a hymn, words written by Arthur Campbell Aigner


"Just as you cannot understand the path of the wind or the mystery of a tiny baby growing in its mother's womb, so you cannot understand the activity of God, who does all things." (Ecclesiastes 11:5)

"You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." 
(Psalm 139:16)


Has God ever *placed you on the sidelines* for a time in your life? What did you do?


BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

SATURDAY STROLL - Sleep In Peace

Welcome to "SATURDAY STROLL!"

In these posts I will be interacting with Scripture – making it a conversational walk of faith.

Sometimes we'll be talking with Jesus, sometimes God will be talking with us.

There might even be *guest appearances* by some of our beloved characters from the Bible!

So put on your walking shoes – you know we can all use the exercise!

A DIALOGUE FOR THE INSOMNIAC

I lay down...

Be still, and know that I am God.  (Psalm 46:10)

and slept...

In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O LORD, will keep me safe. (Psalm 4:8)

I woke up in safety...

You can go to bed without fear; you will lie down and sleep soundly.  
(Proverbs 3:24)

for the LORD was watching over me...

What's more, I am with you, and I will protect you wherever you go.  
(Genesis 28:15)

I am not afraid...

Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.  (Isaiah 41:10)

of ten thousand enemies who surround me on every side...

You have already won a victory...because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.  (1 John 4:4)



But you, O LORD, are a shield around me;
you are my glory, the one who holds my head high.

Victory comes from you, O LORD.
May you bless your people.


Ho hum...I'm finally feeling sleepy.

Zzzzzzzz...


(Selections from Psalm 3)


Do you ever suffer from insomnia?  What do you do when you can't sleep?


BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

DUMBO – THE END?

Ever believe something your whole life, only to find out you're wrong?

Let me tell you a story about that!

Years and years ago, when I was a very little girl – (OK, you strict blogging buddies – years and years and eons ago…). Where was I? Oh yeah, a long time ago when I was a little girl I watched the Disney movie, "Dumbo."

I loved that movie.

Dumbo was so cute, and so sweet. And I completely identified with his innocent and timid ways. And yes, Timothy almost cured me of my fear of mice – not quite – but he certainly was less *eekish* than real mice!

I loved that movie – but I also didn't like it at all.

Because the scenes between Dumbo and his mother were heartbreaking. When she got captured, I felt sick. And when Dumbo came to see his mom in that cage – and that little scene with them entwining their trunks, and then pulling apart – well, I sobbed for days.

I remember talking to my own mother.

And she tried her best to console me.

Many years later, my oldest son – (who was probably a toddler at the time) – and I went to my mom's house to visit. My sister was there. And we decided to watch a movie. I thought I'd let my *big* boy choose which movie. Of course, he chose Dumbo.

I wasn't sure what to do. I looked at my sister over his head and mouthed, "What do you think?"

Because both she and I knew something about the movie Dumbo – Dumbo's mother dies.

We decided we would let my son watch the movie, and then make up some happy ending for it so he wouldn't be traumatized. We sat right next to him. Crying, waiting for the moment when we’d have to "fake" the happy ending.

Except, it never came.

There actually WAS a happy ending.

After an amazing performance, Dumbo became a media sensation. Timothy became his manager. And lo and behold, in the last scene, there is Dumbo's mom, big as life (literally) – dancing along in a joyous parade. (Turns out, she and Dumbo are given a private car on the circus train).

Hmmm…

My sister and I both turned to my mom, who was in the kitchen.

In unison, "Mom, you told us Dumbo's mother died."

She, rather sheepishly, replied, "Doesn't she?"

We adamantly blurted, "NO!!"

Mom, now rather pink in the cheeks, said, "Oh. Sorry. I guess I never watched the end of the movie."

We all laughed. Now, I never resented my mom for letting me (accidentally) believe all these many years that Mrs. Jumbo died. But tell you what, it always made me avoid that movie, or even thinking about it. It was too sad.

(Now I just have to avoid "Bambi" – that one really IS sad…)

Got to thinking about this the other day.

How sometimes, because we are just so sure of how a story ends, we can make a judgment that's all wrong.

I think about how I always viewed the Garden of Eden story – until just recently. I always thought God was so mean making Adam and Eve leave the garden. It always seemed to me like such a harsh punishment. And then, to place scary, fiery angels at the entrance to chase them off.

Cruel was the word I chose…

But then, years later, I heard it explained – from God's perspective.

It wasn't cruelty – it was love – tough love.

God was preventing Adam and Eve from living eternally in their state of sin. He was pushing them out of the garden, so that someday He could rescue them forever. He knew staying in the garden meant separation – ultimate separation – but leaving meant the chance for reconciliation.

He made them leave so they could die – and only in their dying – and the future dying of His Son – would they ever have a chance at Life!

God, wise and merciful.

The story of the Garden of Eden didn't end like I always thought it did. Not in punishment, but in provision. Not in anger, but in love.

How many other stories is God writing that I just don’t foresee the correct ending?

Or the ending at all, for that matter?

Are there situations that I have already deemed "hopeless"? Are there people I have given up on, written off because I "know" how their story ends?

Are there dreams I've put aside because I know they'll never happen?

Are there things I'll never try to do because I'm sure I'll fail?

Do I sometimes view struggles and suffering as God's punishment, when it just might be (and most probably is) His tough love for me?

What if I waited – just waited – on the Lord…

And just watched for how HE ends the stories.

Even my story.

Because I tell you what – when all is said and done, at the end of my movie, after all, Mrs. Sharon doesn't die!

Is there a story that you've already *pre-determined* how it's going to end? Might you just be wrong?!

Linked today with Joan at the GRACE CAFE

BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

SATURDAY STROLL

Welcome to "SATURDAY STROLL!"

In these posts I will be interacting with Scripture – making it a conversational walk of faith.

Sometimes we'll be talking with Jesus, sometimes God will be talking to us.

There might even be *guest appearances* by some of our beloved characters from the Bible!

So put on your walking shoes – you know we can all use the exercise!

A NEW YEAR'S LETTER FROM GOD

It's the end of the year, My dear child. I have much to say to you.

"OK sure, Lord," I say a bit distractedly.

I know this has been a very busy time of year. But now, Sharon, be still and listen to Me, the LORD who created and formed you.

I sit down quietly, ready to really pay attention. "Yes, Lord, speak to me."

I know there are many unresolved situations in your life right now, many fearful things that loom, many unanswered questions.

"Yes, Lord, there are many."

Do not be afraid. You must put all of it into this perspective – I have ransomed you, and I have called you BY NAME – by your very own name. You are MINE.

"I am your redeemed and beloved Child."

Yes.

And because nothing will EVER separate you from My love, these things are true:

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.

When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown.

When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up – the flames will not consume you.

For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One, your Savior.

"Such a wonder-full promise, Lord! I am never alone."

Never. That is why I say, "Do not be afraid" – for I am with you.

"You have promised to never leave me nor forsake me."

I mean that, you know.

And I know your heart. You are My servant. You have chosen to know Me, believe in Me, and you understand that I alone am God. From eternity to eternity I am God.

And you belong to Me. No one can snatch you out of My hand. No one can undo what I have done.

"You are the omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent One – the Sovereign Lord above all else."

I AM.

I am your Holy One, the Creator and King – the only God that has been, and ever will be.

I am the LORD who opened a new way through the waters of the Red Sea. I made a dry path where there was none. I can do the same for you.

"I know, Lord. But there are so many unresolved situations in my life – so many fearful things that loom – so many unanswered questions."

I know.

But forget all that – it is nothing compared to what I am going to do!

"What, Lord? What is it You are going to do?"

I might not resolve every situation. I might not prevent fearful things from

happening. I might not answer all of your questions.

For I am about to do something new in your life. See, I have already begun? Do you not see it?

"Lord, what am I missing?"

It is the work I will do in your heart, Sharon. The inside stuff.

I will make a pathway of hope through the wilderness of discouragement. I will create new rivers of strength in the dry wasteland of despair.

I will give you Living Water in the desert so you can be refreshed.

"Yes, Lord. That is what I need. Green meadows and peaceful streams."

Yes.

This new year, 2012, is going to be a big year for you and Me.

For I have made you for Myself, and you will honor Me before the whole world.

"I want nothing more, nothing less than that, Lord. I love you – with all my heart, all my mind, all my soul, and all my strength. It really is just You."

You are precious to Me, and I love you.

(Selections from Isaiah 43)

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...HAPPY NEW YEAR!

BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

GO BIG OR GO HOME

It's the championship game.

The locker room is still.

Everyone's waiting to hear from the coach.

He comes in and quietly says, "You're either ready to play or you're not. So, go big or go home. That's all I’m going to say."

Huh?

But you see, there's a HUGE message in that very short speech. This is *crunch* time – this is when it counts. Are you ready to lay it all on the line and go for it? Because if you're not, you might as well go home.

I've been thinking about this hypothetical situation the last few days.

Especially as it pertains to my prayers.

A few weeks ago, Sonja talked about praying big. Believing big. Going big with the Lord.

Now I am not talking about health and wealth here.

I don't want to pray for a new car, or to win the lottery, or to have my mortgage paid off (though if someone wanted to do that I might not stop them…just sayin')

I'm talking about the WAY I pray – not so much about the things I pray about.

When I was at the Women of Faith conference a couple of weeks ago, one of the speakers talked about how she was tired of "beggar prayers." She was through with approaching God with pittance petitions in her hands, while sort of apologizing for bothering Him.

It's all got me thinking.

Do I approach God boldly?

He tells me to do that. He's given me the privilege of walking straight through the doors of the throne room, and right up to the very throne. He's given me permission to say, out loud, "Um, excuse me, God. I've got something to talk to You about…"

And, I believe, with a barely suppressed smile, He will answer, "Hmmm. OK, let's hear it, My child."

But I don't often do that.

I come to Him somewhat afraid, somewhat hesitant, somewhat disbelieving that He'll answer any of my prayers.

I come like a beggar –

Now, I'm not talking about throwing respect and awe and humility out the window. Not at all. We are to fear our fearsome God. But, we are not to limit Him either. And I think I limit Him in the way I speak to Him.

Doubting that He is able.

Able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above and beyond what I can hope and think.

I limit Him by what I choose to bring to Him in prayer. How often have I neglected to pray over a situation that felt hopeless, or trivial, or unnecessary? How often have I guarded my feelings? How often have I tried to hide my true desires from Him? How often have I stuffed in my pockets the *real* prayers while giving lip service to the prayers I think I "should" be praying?

Case in point…

I have a particular situation in my life that I don't often pray about. Why? Because I just don't have much hope of seeing the situation change. (Such a horrible admission, I know…)

But over the past couple of weeks, I've been so convicted about this.

It's like I'm in the locker room, and God is saying to me:

"You know what, Sharon? You're either ready to follow Me or you're not. And part of following Me is believing in the impossible, tackling the most unlikely situations, being courageous when the odds are totally stacked against you, taking a leap of faith…

I've been known for stunning upset wins. Remember that empty tomb??"

Yes, yes I do.

God was very patient with a man named Gideon, who not once, but twice, threw out a fleece and asked God to show him a sign. God obliged. And a man with only 300 soldiers defeated an entire army.

So, I'm throwing it out there to God – I'm praying about my "impossible" situation.

You see, I have absolutely no desire to go home – so I'm going big.

I'm going to lay it all on the line with the Lord. The hopeless stuff, the trivial stuff, the stuff that I think might be unnecessary to even pray about. He's gonna get it all. My unguarded feelings, my true desires.

I'm emptying my pockets…

The rest is up to Him. In His sovereignty, He either will or will not answer according to His purposes. His good purposes. I'll trust Him for that. But, as for me, I'm not crawling into the throne room anymore like a dog with its tail between its legs (no offense, Marty…)

Nope.

I'm throwing the doors wide open, and I'm marching right up to the throne.

"Hello, God, it's me…"

Do you have some *big* prayers for God?

Thirsty for some Grace?

Join me at Joan's GRACE CAFE:

(I am also linked today with BRAG ON GOD FRIDAY)

BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

QUAINT WORDS

Welcome to "Quaint Words!”

These posts will contain thoughts, poems, and prayers from old books that I have found at antique stores, flea markets, and garage sales (with an occasional treasure from a bookstore).

I love the rhythm and sound of the older English language, and am blessed by other believers who have gone before me!

"We need never be anxious about our mission. We need never perplex ourselves in the least in trying to know what God wants us to do, what place He wants us to fill. Our whole duty is to do well the work of the present hour.

There are some people who waste entire years wondering what God would have them to do, and expecting to have their life-work pointed out to them. But that is not the divine way.

If you want to know God's plan for you, do God's will each day; that is God's plan for you today. If He has a wider sphere, a larger place for you, He will bring you to it at the right time, and then that will be God's plan for you and your mission.

Our lives we cut on a curious plan,

Shaping them, as it were, for man;

But God, with better art than we,

Shapes them for eternity."

(From "In Green Pastures" by J.R. Miller, c. 1840-1912)

(A listing of books and authors, and also dates of individual postings from those books, will be found on my "QUAINT WORDS" page)

BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

LET’S GET SMALL

Big plans.

Big dreams.

Big expectations.

Yup, I've had them all. And many of the things I've wished for have happened in my life. I graduated from college, I got married, I had children, bought a home. I've achieved many big things, and accomplished many small things.

But…there are still some things I long for that haven't happened.

And one of the things that I have wanted more than anything is a ministry for the Lord – a chance to have a voice for Him, to influence others toward Him, to speak and write things that would make a difference…

It's been one of my biggest dreams.

And it was the main reason that I started blogging. I have always wanted to write – and writing about the Lord, to the Lord, for the Lord has been my heart's desire for as long as I can remember.

So, a year later – here I am still blogging.

It's been a year of good surprises, and what I might deem "success." It's also been a year of God working on some difficult corners in my heart. It's been a year of smiles, and a year of tears as I've toiled with this whole thing called blogging.

I've swung on the wild pendulum of wanting and getting followers and lots of comments. I've swung all the way back to needing and not getting the feedback that I so desire.

Is my blogging about me?

No, not really.

But boy oh boy, does it affect me! Because writing is personal – so very personal. It's like putting your *heart* out there – and hoping, praying that people understand you, and get you…and yes, like you.

And that's where the difficulty lies. My feelings, my self-esteem get in the way of what God wants to do.

A year ago on Good Friday, we had a service – a very meaningful service. And during the service, we were asked to write down something that was very near to our hearts, something we wanted to give to God. I wrote down the three things that have always been at the forefront of my thoughts, and feelings, and actions.

One of them was my need for approval.

And then, we were asked to nail these things to the cross – the cross of the One who gave away everything, gave up everything for us.

Do you know that pounding those nails into that cross actually hurt?

Down deep, where I don't want to bleed.

I have spent the last year struggling with this issue – wanting to let go of it once and for all – frustrated that I haven't been able to. There have been times when I've been more "successful" at letting go of how people respond (or don't respond) to what I write. There have been other times when I've wrestled like Jacob to let go of it at all.

So, a couple weeks ago, when I was high in the mountains, God spoke to me through a fiction book that I was reading. Listen to this quote:

"We are really only supposed to focus on the depth of our ministry. God is the one responsible for its width." (The Judas Project by Bill Myers)

Wow.

So, I've been thinking hard about this.

Am I concentrating too much on the *big* impact? Am I looking for approval instead of writing what God has to say to me? Am I a victim of numbers (or lack of) – and forgetting why I'm really here in Blog Land?

Jesus didn't care about numbers.

He was here for a mission – and that was always, always about His message.

He only had 12 close disciples – and one of them betrayed Him. The Son of God, who created the entire universe, came to this planet and was content to start with 12 people.

Did Satan tempt Him?

Wow, you could have thousands of followers! Look how smooth Your words are, and how people respond to You. You know, if You just watered some of the tough stuff down a bit, You could be a superstar, a celebrity, an idol, a leader – a mover and a shaker. You could rule the world.

Or did Satan taunt Him?

Wow, look at You. You're the Son of God, and hardly anyone listens to You. People don't like You or what You have to say. They even tried to kill You in Your own hometown! Even your brothers think you're a crackpot. No one's listening to what You're saying. You're a failure, a loser, an ineffective person. You sorta influence 12 people, but even they don't really get it. Nobody really likes You.

I think Satan did both. Because he does the same thing to me.

But, Jesus did what He was called to do. And He did it faithfully.

Jesus, the Good Shepherd, said that He would leave 99 sheep to go out and find the one that was lost – the ONE sheep.

Another quote from another book I read while in the mountains:

"A growing flock means success, right? No – God reaches the few, too. He cares about the individual – He is teaching me to reach hearts. Am I content to be small?" (Quest for the Nail Prints by Don Furr)

That's what I'm asking myself lately.

And I'm asking you, too.

Am I willing to be small…

…for God's sake?

(NOTE: Dear friends, the past week has been a very difficult one. There have been many issues that I have had to deal with. So, though I have continued to post on my blog – because I so need to be speaking with God right now – I have been rather absent from commenting on your blogs for awhile. In light of this post, I didn't want anyone to think that I was ignoring you – or being less diligent in supporting the work you do on your blogs. I know how important it is to hear from others. Please know that I am reading, and being blessed and encouraged – and I will comment when I am able. I love you all…keep up the Lord's good work!)

BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

WE'RE NUMBER ONE

Really???

I've been thinking about the Ten Commandments recently – (not really, but don't you think we should once in awhile?)

Specifically, the first one.

"You must not have any other god but me."

Not a lot of wiggle room in there…

Personally, it's not a problem for me to worship only God – when I think about other gods like Molech, or Baal, or Buddha. I worship the One True God, the LORD. The One who was, and is, and is to come.

Yes, my worship is imperfect – I realize that. But it isn't directed at any other name under the sun than the Almighty God Jehovah.

Now, the problem occurs when I think about other "gods" – other things that can creep into my heart and replace HIS position at Number One.

Today, we can allow many things to become gods to us – money, fame, work, or pleasure. These can become gods when we concentrate too much on them. Take a good, hard, long look at where you turn for personal identity, meaning, and security – anything other than God is idolatry.

No one really sets out with the intention of worshiping these things. But by the amount of time we devote to them, they can ultimately control our thoughts and energies.

They will subtly begin to replace God as the central focus of our hearts.

So, I'm posing this question…

Do we love God – or what He can do for us?

Most of us aren't – or at least we're trying – to not treat God as a heavenly vending machine. We aren't seeking to manipulate Him into only pleasing us. We sincerely want to do His will, and worship and please Him.

So, here's the second question I'm posing…

Do we love God – or what we can do for Him?

This is the more subtle question. Our enemy is so very sneaky – so very manipulative – so very twisted. He has unique temptations reserved for just us believers. He knows that he's lost us for eternity. So, his tactics take on a different aim.

He aims to re-direct our attention – to divert us – to sidetrack us with distractions.

And what better distraction than to consume us with the desire to do something for God?

Hear me out…

Because we love God, we want to serve Him. We want to fulfill our God-given purpose in life. We want to use our God-given skills and talents for His glory. We want to make a difference for Him.

All very good goals…

And yet – (and I'm just going to speak for me now) – I can get consumed with my "doing" for the Lord – or the lack of it – or the desire for it. I can get consumed with finding a *ministry* for Him – or bemoaning the lack of it – or obsessively desiring it – seeking it – trying desperately to make it happen.

And the devil has opened all sorts of dangerous cracks in my heart through this – being envious, being judgmental, being proud, being discouraged, being selfish, being discontent, being worried…

So, the other day, I thought about this first commandment again:

"You must not have any other god but me."

And I heard the question that God was really asking me – the one that I keep hearing again and again – the one that I can't seem to escape…

"Sharon, is it really just Me?"

Do I really love God? Or have I been guilty of seeking what I can do for Him, instead of just seeking HIM?

"Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and He will give you everything you need." (Luke 12:31)

How did I hear God say this to me?

"Sharon, seek ME, above all else. Leave the rest up to Me. I will give you talents and skills, and opportunities to use them. I will give you meaning and purpose. I will bring you into areas of ministry. I'll show you ways to do things for Me. But, it's got to be Me, and only Me, that you seek more than anything in the world – even more than pleasing Me. Look for Me with your whole heart…and you will find Me."

Do we love God?

I want to love God – period.

I love God.

(Is this ever a struggle for you?)

BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

WHAT'S A GIRL GOT TO DO?

I recently had a birthday.

More like UH OH than WOO HOO at my age…

And, because I'm just an aging bovine – I ruminated.

What have I accomplished in my life?

So, I started rattling off all the wonderful things I've done, all the stupid things I've done – all the times I hit the mark, all the times I was woefully off target – the words I've written, the things I've said –

And because I am who I am – I thought about all the things I haven't done.

And there is no other area where I think about this more than in my faith journey.

I have a pressing, compelling desire to do something for the Lord. And every time a birthday rolls around, I get a little panicky. I look at the sand in that old hourglass and wonder – just how much time do I have left? What if I don’t do what the Lord wants me to do? What if I don't finish His work?

I've got dreams – speaking, writing, publishing dreams. Big ones and small ones. A laundry list of things I want to do.

Yes, I want to do these things for the Lord.

But sometimes it just doesn't seem like any of it is going to happen.

And I am terrified to not find my purpose, fulfill my mission, use my gifts before time runs out.

What if I end up disappointing God?

What if I enter the gates of Heaven and I don't hear Him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant"?

I don't want to meet Him face to face with a smudged robe, a half-empty life, a woefully inadequate resume –

I want Him to be proud of me.

And I'd like Him to proud of me now, too.

I want to do something for Him…

So I cry out – "LORD! What do You want me to do for You???"

I wait.

There's no burning bush, no thunder in the sky – not even a talking donkey.

"Sharon…"

Yes, the still, small voice – the Voice that means business.

I'm expecting Him to reveal to me what it is that He wants me to do. (You know what I'm talking about – that *IT* – The Life Purpose in capital letters).

"Sharon, it's not what I want you to do FOR Me…"

It's not?

"No, it's what I want to do IN you through the doing."

Hmmm…God let me ponder that one the rest of the day.

It really stopped me in my tracks. I'm always thinking about my DOING – and God's always thinking about my BEING. I'm concerned with accomplishment – He's concerned about character. I care about goals – He cares about transformation. I want to be useful – He wants me to be holy. I'm all about the end result – He's all about the means…

This was a profound thought to me – and a profoundly freeing one at that.

I got to thinking about my blog, for instance. About all the things I set out to do. All the things I wanted to accomplish. All the things I'd written. How I'd judged what I wrote, evaluated it, dissected it – deciding whether it was effective or not.

But I looked again – from God's perspective.

I looked at what He has done IN me through the process of writing this blog. He is transforming my thinking, changing my character, conforming me to His image. And yes, He's working some holiness in there, too!

In the doing, He is making things happen in my heart.

He is revealing Himself to me.

Could I ask for anything more?

It really is what we were all made for – to know Him and glorify His Name forever.

That is *IT* – The Life Purpose – The End To All Means – the thing I want more than anything else.

To look like Him when I see Him face to face…

"And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice – the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him."

(Romans 12:1)

"What can we bring to the LORD?...the LORD has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God." (Micah 6:6, 8)

"You take no delight in sacrifices or offerings. Now that you have made me listen, I finally understand…I take joy in doing your will, my God, for your instructions are written on my heart." (Psalm 40:6, 8)

"I want you to know me more than I want burnt offerings." (Hosea 6:6)

"Is it really just Me?"

"Yes, Lord – it really is."

BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

DREAM ON...

Last Sunday, our church had a guest speaker.

He was from Kenya.

And he gave a mighty message.

He talked about dreams.

And he began by asking a rather startling question –

"Does serving God make you afraid?"

Interesting thought, isn’t it? What exactly are the things we’re afraid of? Failing, looking foolish, losing our safety or security, giving something up? Fear keeps us from following our dreams.

But fear also keeps us far from God.

It’s like we’re saying to Him – "I want to be close to you, Lord, but not too close – because You might disorganize my tidy life."

OUCH.

Pastor Muriithi went on to tell a story about Moses. It’s found in the beginning of the book of Exodus. Moses is having a discussion with God about what God is calling him to do. Or rather, Moses is protesting what God is calling him to do!

"But Moses protested again, 'What if they won’t believe me or listen to me? What if they say, 'The LORD never appeared to you?'

Then the LORD asked him, 'What is that in your hand?'

'A shepherd’s staff,' Moses replied.

'Throw it down on the ground,' the LORD told him. So Moses threw down the staff, and it turned into a snake!"

God asked Moses a powerful question.

What is that in your hand?

To Moses, his staff represented three very important things:

 His identity

 His income

 His influence

And that is precisely what God was asking Moses to lay down – for HIS sake.

God was saying to Moses:

"Let ME define you."

"Seek ME first, serve only ME, and I will add all the other things you need."

"Let ME decide how high you rise."

Moses’ reluctance and fear were caused by worrying about the outcome. He was afraid of how people might respond to him. He was afraid to let go of his life – afraid to let God have His way.

But, God turned Moses’ staff, a simple shepherd’s stick, into a living thing.

God takes joy in using ordinary things for His extraordinary purposes!

What are the ordinary things in your life – your voice, a pen, a hammer, a broom, a musical instrument, your car, your job – the things that are like a simple shepherd’s staff? God uses all these things. It is wrong to assume that He can only use special skills. We must not hinder His use of the everyday contributions we make.

God doesn’t want what you don’t have – He wants what He’s already given you.

God has a purpose for each one of us – a purpose that He had in mind before we were ever born. In fact, God intended that purpose and then He created you to fulfill it!

And if you’ve got dreams, my friend – even big ones – trust me, God’s dreams for you are much bigger than the ones you have. He is calling you to an extraordinary life – an abundant life.

He has a Kingdom dream that is perfectly matched to who He created you to be.

He delights in saying to us, "What’s that in your hand? Great, I can use that!!"

So, what are you afraid of?

Are you ready to stop living a comfortable life?

Will you trust God for a God-sized dream?

After all, little did Moses imagine the power his simple staff would wield when it became the staff of God!

Ready, aim…aim…aim…aim…

Isn’t it time to fire??

BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

A VERY SPECIAL DATE

Oh my!

I was so excited.

Years (and years!) ago, my church was having a Father-Daughter Dinner.

And my dad had agreed to take me.

Now my dad wasn’t one of those mushy kind of guys. He wasn’t particularly demonstrative. He was a little lean on the compliments. So the fact that he was taking me to this dinner was so very wonderful – and I was beyond thrilled!

I felt like a little princess!

My mom had taken me out to buy a whole new outfit. New dress, new socks and shoes. New little white gloves –

I counted off the days...

And then something happened that had never, ever happened before in my entire childhood.

My dad got sick.

Very sick.

We couldn’t go to the dinner.

I was crushed. I remember being mad at my dad – but not really – and then mad at myself for being mad. I remember crying. I remember feeling so very disappointed – more disappointed than I had ever felt. I remember being so, so sad.

When my dad started feeling better, he told me how sorry he was.

I told him I understood.

I did, but I didn’t…

And then one day, my dad did something that was totally out of character for him. He asked me out on a "date" – to make up for missing the dinner.

WOW!!

So, I got dressed in my new outfit, and wore my new gloves. And we went out to lunch, a fancy lunch, in a beautiful restaurant downstairs at a department store in Pasadena.

You can probably imagine how a ten-year-old girl felt!

China dishes, and actual silver silverware. Crystal drinking glasses, linen napkins.

And here’s the best part – there was a fashion show, too!

I can still remember the models coming up to our table, and talking about their outfits – to ME!! Like I was all grown-up, and could actually purchase something! I can remember people coming up to my dad and I – complimenting me on my very nice behavior.

Do you know what?

It was a perfect day.

And I was actually glad that my dad had gotten sick – just so I could have this time with him instead. Just so I could go to this very special lunch instead. Just so I could feel this kind of happiness instead – the "joy after a really big disappointment" kind of happiness.

This was so much better than what I had wanted in the first place.

Ever find yourself really wanting something – really praying long and hard about it? Waiting eagerly for a dream to be fulfilled, or a long-awaited prayer to be answered?

Ever felt like you were all dressed up, and ready to go – just to be disappointed?

God knows.

And it makes Him sad when we’re sad.

It hurts Him when we’re hurting.

But love doesn’t leave us there – stranded in disappointment. His perfect Love is deeper than that.

And because He loves us so much – He doesn’t always give us everything we want.

Because sometimes perfect Love has something even better in mind!!

Can you wait for His timing, His way?

Can you trust that it’s something even better than what you wanted in the first place?

Can you believe that no matter what does or doesn’t happen in this life – there is an eternal banquet awaiting you?

Complete with the finest finery you have ever seen…

And you’ll be wearing your best outfit – the new clothes of perfect righteousness.

The honor of your presence is requested!

R esting in the

S alvation and

V ictory

P romised

BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"