THE TWILIGHT ZONE

Mr. Alarm Clock.

He and I have had a complicated relationship through the years.

I can remember the blissful years before I met him.  I didn't even know about his existence.  You see, I didn't need him in my life.  I had my dad.

Oh yes, my dad – a true *morning person* if there ever was one.

He loved mornings.

Loved getting up and taking a brisk shower first thing.  Loved breakfast – (Dad, the guy who always said, "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day") – loved his morning cup of coffee, loved having his family with him at the breakfast table.

Me?

Let's just say that the understatement of the century is that I am NOT a morning person.

So, for many years, Dad woke us all up.

His preferred method?

Raising the blind, or pulling the curtains wide open while singing, "Oh, it's fun to get up in the morning!" or "Rise and shine, rise and shine, that's what makes our bottoms shine!"  (Mornings were bad enough without music, just sayin'...)

You can imagine how horrific this cheerfulness was to me.

Like Dracula, I shunned the morning sun like poison.  I shrieked in pain, whipped my blanket "cloak" over my batty eyes, and burrowed deeper into the abyss that was my pillow.

This was not acceptable behavior to my dad.

He'd leave, but if you weren't at the table within 5 minutes, he came back.  And usually, Round Two involved whipping off all the blankets so you were left lying there startled and shivering.

Needless to say, this tactic usually succeeded in getting Dracula to the table.

Then of course, we were forced to eat.

Let me tell you, if you don't like mornings, you don't like breakfast.

Dad had his hearty meal, while I tried to choke down a bowl of Trix.

Oh, and Dad was a big tease, too.  So he'd enjoy putting a spoonful of coffee into my milk.  He thought that was hysterical – I thought it was akin to child abuse.  And of course you had to drink it…all.  It's a miracle to me that I like coffee now – although, truth be told, I didn't develop a taste for it until I was 45!  (Truth!)

Somewhere in my teens I met Mr. Alarm Clock.

He was a far sight better than Dad.  But still.

I knew in my heart that he was a necessary evil, like root canals and taxes, but I hated him.  His glowing little face, and his blaring voice, and his insistence upon being heard…annoying.

Now, I have to admit, as much as I despised Mr. Alarm Clock, I did have a love affair with his cousin, Mr. Snooze Button.

Oh the joys of prolonging the moment of truth!

I was sorta notorious for setting my alarm anywhere up to an hour before I actually had to get up!  I know, seems silly…but, for me it was a restful reprieve I cherished.


OK, fast forward to now.

I am fortunate enough to not have to work.

So I don't really need an alarm clock anymore – except for appointments and church.  But, I still like to set one so I don't sleep in too late.  You see, I still enjoy sleeping, and I am still not a morning person – but I have no desire to be known as Mrs. Rip Van Winkle – or Winky, as "The Hub" likes to (affectionately??) call me.

In this age of technological advances, I no longer need Mr. Alarm Clock.

Now I've hired his torturous brother, Mr. Klaxon Bell.

These days I use my phone, and ironically, my phone names the sound I use, *Alarm* – which is like calling the sound of an earthquake, *Movement.*  "Alarm" is more accurately the emotion that floods my senses when that thing goes off.  It sounds like the warning sound on a submarine – "Incoming Depth Charges!  Dive, dive, dive!!"

OK, so yes, to answer your question, I still set my alarm early – now about 45 minutes before I want to get up.  This way I can enjoy Mr. Klaxon Bell about 5 times before actually arising.

The challenge with Mr. Klaxon Bell is remembering to turn him off if you reset him to a later time.  If you forget, this oversight can lead to great embarrassment – like that one time I forgot and a really terrific Sunday sermon was interrupted by a lively rendition of "Dive, dive, dive…"  (You can read about that here).


So, where is all this frivolity leading?

Well, today I want to talk about those times when I wake up before the alarm clock goes off.  Those times when I wake and know it's morning, but that it's still early morning.

There is a blessed lighthearted (and lightheaded??) feeling that overtakes me.  The sense that I have no worries or agenda or chores or tasks knocking at my door yet.  It's hush-quiet, and nature-silent, and peaceful.  It's a wonderful time.

I call this time The Twilight Zone.

Sometimes I go back to sleep, but most of the time I just float along in a half-conscious, pleasant daze.  Neither here nor there.  

Do you know that this time seems to be when I feel closest to the Lord?

I do.

And I've been contemplating why that might be.  And what He might want to teach me about that.

First of all, I have this sense that there's no one else in the whole wide world except He and I.  It's like I sense our spirits interlocked like no other time.  There's an intimacy that comes, a unity, a joining of my natural with His supernatural.

A time when I know that I am indeed His beloved child.

It's precious.

"For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God's children." (Romans 8:16, NLT)


Secondly, I think this is a sweet time with the Lord because I am not off-and-running on my busy day yet.  I have an "excuse" to linger and talk with Him.  My mind is free of distractions, and I listen to Him better, for I'm listening in a different way than when I'm fully awake.  It's like my floating mind is open to what He might want to say.

This is a time when I feel especially attuned to God, eager to hear.

It reminds me of that scene in 1 Samuel:

"So Samuel went and lay down in his place.  The Lord came and stood there, calling as at the other times, 'Samuel!  Samuel!'  Then Samuel said, 'Speak, for your servant is listening.'" (1 Samuel 3:9-10, NIV)


I also love this time because it’s *free* time – bonus time, if you will.

It reminds me of the first day of summer vacation when I was young. When I woke up expecting Mr. Alarm Clock to go off at any second, and then gloriously remembering that school was over!!  No homework, or tests, or term papers.  Only fun!

It's a time when in my hazy, semi-conscious moments I feel what can best be described as JOY!  A sense of being given a reprieve, an official pardon, a release from responsibility.

Doesn't that sound like GRACE?!

That tangible sense of a great weight, an expectation of punishment being lifted off your shoulders – and instead, you're offered freedom in its place!

A sigh of relief in my soul.

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." (Galatians 5:1, NIV)


And finally, I love this time because it's a time when I feel uniquely secure. Tightly wrapped in warmth and softness.

Usually this time of year in the mountains I need about 3-4 blankets to get through the night – (two of them are lamby, fleecelike blankies!).  And early morning is usually when it's the coldest.  So, I love that delicious feeling when I realize that I do not have to brave the coldness that permeates the house.  I'll often turn over, pull the blankets up close to my head, and close my eyes again.  

This is a moment of unmitigated peace.

And it's a good reminder of the warm and snug security that comes because of my relationship to the Father.  

"The eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms." (Deuteronomy 33:27, ESV)


So, though I am (still) not a morning person, and though I (still) dread getting up – though I (still) have a complicated relationship with Mr. Alarm Clock (or more often, his brother, Mr. Klaxon Bell) – I am rather enraptured with The Twilight Zone.

A time when the Lord and I sorta *float* along together, a time when intimacy and security is acutely felt, a time when I hear Him especially clear, a time when I cherish the freedom from distractions, responsibilities, and daily worries.

A time when life takes a backseat to wonder and peace and stillness.

What might God want to teach me about that?

I think it's this…

I think He wants me to realize that I can have this time, this special time, at ANY time.  I can experience this unique, quiet communion with Him, even in the MIDDLE of waking busyness.

It just takes a conscious effort to enter into a place where I remove myself from the urgency and insistency of *regular life.*

Might we all be better off if we took the time during our days to find Him in this way?

(Helpful hint: The answer is YES!)


Maybe we all ought to take a few moments and lie down on our beds, gently rest our heads on our pillows, pull up a blanket (or more), and close our eyes.

Might we find this time to whisper quietly to Him:

"Speak, for your servant is listening."

And might we take these moments to really wait for Him to say something.  

Might we take these moments to reflect upon the Truth that we have been granted grace – and we are released from condemnation and pardoned from punishment.  

Might we take these moments to thank Him that we are free.  

Might we take these moments to feel the security of belonging to Him, the warmth of being His child.


Might we take the TIME…

…to remember.

God
has made everything
beautiful
in its time.

Whatever God does,
it endures
forever. 

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven..." (Ecclesiastes 3:1, ESV)

"...do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day." (2 Peter 3:8, ESV)

"For God says, 'At just the right time, I heard you.  On the day of salvation, I helped you.'  Indeed, the "right time" is now.  Today is the day of salvation." (2 Corinthians 6:2, NLT)

"Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil." (Ephesians 5:15-16, NASB)

"Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom." (Psalm 90:12, NLT)

"...as for me, I trust in You, O LORD, I say, 'You are my God.'  My times are in Your hand..." (Psalm 31:14-15, NASB)

"[Jesus] said to them, 'It is not for you to know times or seasons that the Father has fixed by his own authority.'" (Acts 1:7, ESV)

"God has now revealed to us his mysterious plan regarding Christ, a plan to fulfill his own good pleasure.  And this is the plan: At the right time he will bring everything together under the authority of Christ – everything in heaven and on earth." (Ephesians 1:9-10, NLT)

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the LORD.  'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'" 

(Jeremiah 29:11, NLT)

"Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the LORD forever." (Psalm 23:6, NLT)

"...the holy ones of the Most High will receive the kingdom and possess it forever, yes, forever and ever." (Daniel 7:18,  Holman CSB)

"And they will reign forever and ever." (Revelation 22:5, NLT)

Are you a morning person?

Linked with:

SHARING HIS BEAUTY, PLAYDATES WITH GOD, SMALL WONDER, MONDAY'S MUSINGS, MONDAYS AT SOUL SURVIVAL, GOOD MORNING MONDAYS, MAKE A DIFFERENCE MONDAYS, TELL ME A TRUE STORY, TITUS 2 TUESDAYS, UNITE, TESTIMONY TUESDAY, TUESDAY TALK, WHOLEHEARTED WEDNESDAYS, WISE WOMAN, A LITTLE R & R WEDNESDAYS, TEACHING WHAT IS GOOD, TELL HIS STORY, MOTIVATE & REJUVENATE MONDAY, COFFEE & CONVERSATION, WORD FILLED WEDNESDAY, THREE WORD WEDNESDAY, COFFEE FOR YOUR HEART, SO MUCH AT HOME, WOMEN WITH INTENTION, WOMAN TO WOMAN WEDNESDAY, EVERYDAY JESUS, GRACE AT HOME, THOUGHTFUL THURSDAYS, SHINE, LIVE FREE THURSDAY, LITTLE THINGS THURSDAYS, LIGHT FRIDAY HIT LIST, FRIENDSHIP FRIDAY, FELLOWSHIP FRIDAY, GRACE & TRUTH, FAITH FILLED FRIDAY, FELLOWSHIP FRIDAYS, SPIRITUAL SUNDAYS, COUNTING MY BLESSINGS, MAKE MY SATURDAY SWEET, A GROUP LOOK, FAITH & FELLOWSHIP, SATURDAY SOIREE, STILL SATURDAY, RECOMMENDATION SATURDAY, GIVE ME GRACE, SUNDAY STILLNESS



BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

"LORD, I CAN'T HEAR YOU..."

"Could you please speak up?"

Do you ever say that to God?

I think we've all struggled with this issue.  Desperate to follow the Lord's leading, we frantically try to hear God's Voice.  And when we can't, we can end up feeling quite distressed.  

And at times, this distress can lead to paralyzing doubt and deep spiritual discomfort.

The *silence* of God can represent treacherous times.

I have felt it, you have felt it.

Times when you are desperate to hear God's Voice, because You desperately need His guidance.

As disciples seeking to follow Him, we want to know which way to go, which way to turn.  We want to know how to follow Him rightly.

So, how do we do that when we're not "hearing" the still, small voice – but only hearing the stillness?

I can only relate to my own life.

And here's some things that I have learned – (disclaimer…these are only my opinions).

First of all, I don't think God's will is always a matter of Choice A or Choice B.  Sometimes His will can be either direction.  Let me explain.

When "The Hub" and I were thinking about moving, I was crazed with indecision.  Was it God's will for us to move or not?  I cried desperately to hear from Him.  I started trying to interpret "signs" that I saw along the way.  And I felt panicky and unsettled because nothing seemed clear.

But then I realized something.

Maybe God's will wasn't Choice A (go) or Choice B (stay) – maybe God's will would move with me no matter which direction I chose.

I decided finally to just start going in one direction (moving), and prayed that God would be very clear if it WASN'T His will.  I got some confirmation along the way, yes, but I still think God would have been OK if we hadn't moved.

Sometimes the choice is really clear, and God has a definite direction in mind.  But, I think that other times He allows us to use our own discretion and make a decision.

God's will is not thwarted if we choose the "wrong" way – because sometimes I think there isn't really a wrong way. 

The important thing is following God along the way, putting Him first, no matter which fork in the road we follow.

That being said, God is very clear in His Word about certain things. 

VERY. CLEAR.

And we don't need to question His will about those things. 

If Choice A or B is against the teachings and revelation of God in the Bible, then it truly is the WRONG way, for it will be sin.

But if it's not that clear-cut, I don't believe that it's God’s will for us to be mired in inaction.

Ask for His guidance, step out in faith, and trust that God will lead you, as you walk along the way.

That's what I'm counting on. 

I'm counting on Him to be very clear when it matters.  And if I remain close to Him, immersed in His Word and spending time in prayer, seeking the counsel of others, and desiring to follow Him in all aspects of my life – He'll talk if it's necessary.

But sometimes I need to start the walking in order to hear the talking.

So, here's another thing I've learned.

I used to do this thing called "Bible Pick 'Ems" – basically, I would flip open my Bible to a random spot, and read the two pages I'd turned to.  I would do this when I was worried or afraid or awake in the middle of the night with overwhelming concerns and anxieties.

And goodness, how God answered me!

I would read the most appropriate, timely, comforting words.  It never failed.

Until lately…

In the past few months, I have done this in moments of need, and I've not had the same *luck*.

I have asked God for a message to speak to my anxiety, and I end up in the Old Testament.  Which is OK, except I can't count the number of times I have ended up in Kings or Chronicles.

"Jehoiakim was twenty-five years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem eleven years.  His mother was Zebidah, the daughter of Pedaiah from Rumah."

Uh yeah, not so edifying.

Of course, sometimes I try to *hedge my bet* and open to where I know I'll be in the New Testament. 

Nope, that hasn't worked either.

So, one night in utter frustration I cried out to God, "Why don't You do this for me anymore?"

And yes, I heard from Him.

He said, "Because you don't need it anymore."

That stopped me.

But I've pondered that answer.  And I've realized something.  That God is right.  I have grown in my faith in this past year, and especially in the last few months.  And I don't "need" this anymore.  Maybe it's a bit of a gimmick that I've outgrown.

For the "random" answers that I sought in a "Bible Pick 'Ems" are in my heart instead.  I know the Lord better now.  And instead of settling for a "tweet" – I can rely instead on a whole conversation with Him.  Or in those times of silence, I can trust in the Truth that I know.

He is there.  He knows.  He understands.  And He's got it all under control.

Now here's one last thing that I've learned.

In my almost four years of blogging (I know – I can hardly believe it either!), I have only spoken to two people with my voice.  And of those two people, I have only met one in person.

And yet, I feel like I know so many of you in Blog Land, just as I myself am known. 

How?

By our words.

It's amazing how the written words that we post are actually windows into our souls.  Our personalities come through, as we share our aches and pains, our trials and suffering, our triumphs and our joys.   

Our words communicate WHO we are.

And so, when we feel that God is silent, we do have somewhere to turn.

His Word.

In those hallowed pages, we are offered a profound and meaningful window into the mind and heart of God.  His Presence infuses every page – (yes, even those pages in Kings and Chronicles!)

We can *hear* Him when we read Scripture.

In times when we maybe can't tangibly hear His voice, or when He's silent for a season and for a reason, we can always touch His heart through His Word.

And I have always found that when I read His words, He comes *alive* to me again.

I pray for all of us.  

I pray that we won't become too discouraged when the heavens seem "silent".  For our hearts are certainly in the right place.  A desire to hear the Voice of the Lord is certainly the right path to wisdom and guidance.

And God will honor our prayers for increased intimacy with Him.

But…sometimes when we aren't "hearing" from Him, it doesn't mean He isn't there.

And it doesn't mean that we should become paralyzed in a state of inaction.

Faith calls us to move.

Trust God, He will speak to us when we need it. 

And when He's a quiet partner, we're still walking together.  We're still in communion with Him.

Sometimes silence is a sign of deep and abiding and trusting friendship.

And voices need not be heard to feel the Love.

Let your eyes look directly ahead
And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you.
Watch the path of your feet
And all your ways will be established.

"For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities - his eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made..." (Romans 1:20, NIV)

"Long ago, at many times and in many ways, God spoke to our fathers by the prophets, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son...He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature..." 
(Hebrews 1:1-2, ESV)

"All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives.  It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right.  God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work."  (2 Timothy 3:16-17, NLT)

"But the wisdom from above is first of all pure.  It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others.  It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.  And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness." 

(James 3:17-18, NLT)

"'If you love me, obey my commandments.  And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you.  He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth.'" (John 14:15-16, NLT)

"They demonstrate that God's law is written in their hearts, for their own conscience and thoughts either accuse them or tell them they are doing right." (Romans 2:15, NLT)

"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking." (James 1:5, NLT)

"Teach me your way, O LORD, that I may walk in your truth..." 
(Psalm 86:11, ESV)

"Now therefore, if I have found favor in your sight, please show me now your ways, that I may know you in order to find favor in your sight." 
(Exodus 33:13, ESV)

"Show me the right path, O LORD; point out the road for me to follow.  Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me.  All day long I put my hope in you." (Psalm 25:4-5, NLT)

"This is what the LORD says: 'Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.'" (Jeremiah 6:16, NIV)

"And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, 'This is the way, walk in it,' when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left." 

(Isaiah 30:21, ESV)

Your turn:  What's your thoughts on *hearing* from God?  And what do you do when He seems "silent"?

(SIDENOTE:  This is a great article on the subject of hearing from God: CROSSWALK)

Linked today with:

Joan at SHARING HIS BEAUTY
Michelle at HEAR IT ON SUNDAY, USE IT ON MONDAY
Laura at PLAYDATES WITH GOD
Kathy at ALL THINGS BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL
Jen at SOLI DEO GLORIA
Hazel at TELL ME A TRUE STORY
Jen at UNITE
Kathy at TITUS 2 TUESDAY
Rachel at WHIMSICAL WEDNESDAYS
Rosilind at A LITTLE R & R WEDNESDAYS
Kasey at WALKING REDEEMED
Judith at WHOLEHEARTED WEDNESDAY
Beth at THREE WORD WEDNESDAY
Tracy at WINSOME WEDNESDAY
Jenifer at WORD FILLED WEDNESDAY
Lyli at THOUGHT-PROVOKING THURSDAY
Bonnie at FAITH BARISTA JAM
Julie at FELLOWSHIP FRIDAYS
Laura at FAITH FILLED FRIDAY
Wanda at THE FRIDAY FIVE
Mel at ESSENTIAL FRIDAYS
Charlotte at SPIRITUAL SUNDAYS
Barbie at WEEKEND BREW
Sandy at STILL SATURDAY
Janis at SUNDAY STILLNESS

BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

SOLITUDE CAN BE A PRISON

Silence is golden.

If that is the case, then sometimes I live in a cage made out of gold.

I live on a mountain, up a winding road, on the outskirts of town.  It's beautiful, yes, but sometimes incredibly lonely.

Yes, sometimes I feel trapped by the peace and quiet that surrounds me - for it often brings neither quiet nor peace.

OK, I am grateful that I don't have to work.  But retirement can be a mixed blessing.  Having time on your hands is a gift, until you find yourself unable to fill the hours with any meaningful goal or activity.

Have you ever questioned your place and purpose in the world?

It seems that my father's death has triggered a sadness that has lingered deep within my soul.  Like a hidden leak in the pipes that goes unnoticed until the ceiling caves in.

Watch out, Chicken Little.

Lately, my solitude has felt like a weight on my shoulders...

Now, don't get me wrong.  "The Hub" is a great companion.  Easy to get along with, kind and thoughtful - he is an easy conversationalist.  So it's not his fault.

It's not him.

It's some other grief that seems to have invaded and gripped my heart.


What am I mourning?

I miss my dad.  Not how he was the last few years, but just for the fact that I had a dad.  I keep feeling like I should have said more or done more.  I remember too many memories, and long for the chance to re-do some things. Now it's too late.

I miss my mom.  Because she doesn't want to be alone, we are shuttling her between my brother, sister, and cousin to take care of her.  I spend time with her when I'm in town, but if I was still living there, she'd be staying with me. And we don't talk as much as we used to.

I miss my sons.  Yeah, they're off on their own lives, as they should be, but still.  After 9 years, I have not completely settled in my empty nest.  My *mom feathers* are still ruffled.  I can't quite get comfortable.  Sometimes I still miss the old days.

I miss my grandbeagle, Marty.  Sometimes he's the only one who can bring me comfort.  His fur is healing.

I miss my old house, my friends, my familiar routine.  After almost two years, I am still not *at home* in my new home.

And, I miss me.

Truth be told, I'm not even sure who *me* is supposed to be anymore.  I'm almost 60, and I'm having an adolescent "identity crisis."  Wondering why I'm here, and who even cares.

But you know something?

Somehow, this doesn't feel like a physical depression, it feels spiritual.

Yeah, it feels like an attack.

I've prayed.  Oh boy, have I prayed.  Late night prayers, middle-of-the-night prayers, first-thing-in-the-morning prayers.

To sum them up, it goes something like this:

"Lord, I hurt."


I'm not sure how He's going to solve this one.  Maybe He won't.  Maybe He has a purpose for this ongoing thorn.  Evidently, He still has a purpose for me, 'cuz I still keep waking up!

But I'm not living abundantly, at least not like I define it.

This current *wilderness* is made so much more difficult because of "The Hub."  He serves as a stark contrast to my weary.  He is thriving up here. He loves the isolation, the stillness, the solitude.

Sometimes I starve.


So, what to do?

I'm not sure if I'm going to post this or not.  It's pretty raw.  But if you're reading this, something inside me (the Holy Spirit, no doubt), prompted me to take a courageous leap of vulnerability and hit the publish button.

Why, I wonder.

Perhaps for this reason.

To let you know, if you are struggling, or suffering, or just feeling lost and lonely and sad, you're not alone.

I get it, and I'm with you.

And I am not the only one.

One of our deepest needs as human beings is to know that we're not alone in the universe.  Think of all the technology involved in searching for intelligent life on other planets.

How silly we are.

We need only search for intelligent design.  And we need look no further than a bookshelf to find the Intelligent Designer.  He is there, permeating every word in His Word.

Maybe I've lost sight of that.

Maybe the solitude has fooled me.

Maybe it's not a prison after all, but rather an opportunity to seek the Presence.  A chance not to focus on the stillness, but on the still, small voice.

Maybe there are no bars, but only an illusion created by the enemy so that I will stop seeking The One.

Maybe the solitude, the sadness is a gift, an invitation to find the Man of Sorrows, the One well-acquainted with grief.

The One who experienced separation from the Father, so we would never have to.

Maybe only by feeling so terribly lonely can I ever hope to understand that I am truly never alone.

Maybe, just maybe...He is more than enough.


I have written this post, sitting in a parking lot in town, rather terrified to go back home and face the quiet.

But in the writing and the reflecting, a Voice has been speaking.  

Over and over, His Truth has overwhelmed me:

"Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age."

OK, Jesus, let's go home.

Come unto Me... 

"Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go...for I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you." (Genesis 28:15, NASB)

"Do not let your heart be troubled...I will not leave you as [an orphan]; I will come to you." (John 14:1, 18, NASB)

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10, NIV)

"They will fight against you, but they will not overcome you, for I am with you to deliver you..." (Jeremiah 1:19, NIV)

"One thing I ask from the LORD, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and to seek him..." (Psalm 27:4, NIV)



What lonely battle are you facing today?


Linked today with:

Joan at SHARING HIS BEAUTY
Michelle at HEAR IT ON SUNDAY, USE IT ON MONDAY
Laura at PLAYDATES WITH GOD
Tracy at WINSOME WEDNESDAY
Hazel at TELL ME A TRUE STORY
Jen at SOLI DEO GLORIA
Jen at UNITE
Kasey at WALKING REDEEMED
Rachel at WHIMSICAL WEDNESDAYS
Judith at WHOLEHEARTED WEDNESDAY
Rosilind at A LITTLE R & R WEDNESDAYS
Jenifer at WORD FILLED WEDNESDAY
Beth at THREE WORD WEDNESDAY
Lyli at THOUGHT-PROVOKING THURSDAY
Crystal at THRIVING THURSDAY
Bonnie at FAITH BARISTA JAM
Laura at FAITH FILLED FRIDAY
Wanda at THE FRIDAY FIVE
Charlotte at SPIRITUAL SUNDAYS
Mel at ESSENTIAL FRIDAYS
Sandy at STILL SATURDAY
Barbie at WEEKEND BREW
Salina at HEART REFLECTED
Janis at SUNDAY STILLNESS


BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

SAY THAT AGAIN, LORD?

God speaks to me.

He does.

He did just the other day.

But, before I begin this post and tell you what He had to say, I'd like to say something about what it means when I say, "God spoke to me."

A lot of people are really thrown off by that phrase.

Skepticism abounds.

People look at you like you're crazy, naively foolish – or worse yet, arrogant.


I see three dangers when we talk about the Lord speaking to us.


One, we can be wrong.  We can shape our personal thoughts and feelings, molding them subconsciously into our own set of priorities, desires, motives, and wishes.  All of a sudden, God "speaks" to us, and we are pleased by what He says.  Because, after all, it lines up with what we want to hear.

The second danger is that the enemy can also speak to us.  Though as believers he cannot possess us – he can harass us.  He is also capable of planting thoughts in our heads.  Why else does the Bible call him the father of lies?  Why else does the Bible tells us to wear a helmet?  He can penetrate our thoughts, and we often listen.  Because, after all, what he says also lines up with what we want to hear. Or, his words are not what we want to hear because they are demeaning, distracting, depressing, or downright destructive.

But, the third danger is almost the worst of all.  If we're not careful, we can dismiss legitimate communication from the Holy Spirit.  Labeling His words as our *own* thoughts, or simply our subconscious speaking, or just wishful thinking – we can lose a message that is correctly spoken.


Things can get tricky here.

How can we tell whether it's truly the Holy Spirit speaking?


There are three rules that I have found to be vital in discerning the Spirit:

1.  Does it line up with Scripture?  The Holy Spirit will NEVER say anything that does not agree with God's Word.  Line up what you think you're hearing with the indisputable words of the Bible.

2.  Is it self-serving?  The Holy Spirit will NOT say things to us that serve only to promote us.  His ONLY mission is to point us to the Truth, and His all-encompassing purpose is to bring glory to God.

3.  What do other trusted believers think?  The Holy Spirit often confirms His words to us through the confirmation of other believers.  Trusted counselors are integral to the discernment process.


OK, so let's move on to what it feels like for me to hear God speak.

It's really rather difficult to describe.  And I venture to say that everyone's experience is slightly different – because God is such a personal and intimate Communicator.

So, this is my subjective experience.

It's like a thought that bubbles up inside of me independently.  It's like I think it without thinking it.  Does that make sense?  It's an urge, or an impulse, or a perfectly new insight.  Sometimes it's a word of comfort, or a directive to take faithful action.  Sometimes it's something that echoes the words of Scripture.

It's definitely a voice – not an audible voice – but an inner voice.

A voice that feels like it comes from somewhere inside me, but somewhere separate from my mind.

A Spirit talking with a spirit.

And, after all, isn’t that what the Bible tells us it will be like?

A still, small voice.  A gentle whisper.  

Yeah, sometimes God sounds a little stronger, a little sterner.  But when He speaks like that, I pretty much know it's Him.  How?  Because I do NOT usually hear what I want to hear!


So, the other day I had a minor emotional meltdown.  (Will someone please explain to me why I am STILL having PMS symptoms years after "The Change"?)

Looked it up in Sharon's Acrostic Dictionary:  

P retty
M uch
S enseless


Sigh.

I digress.


OK, picture me sitting on a boulder in the backyard, freezing cold in shorts and a thin sweatshirt.  The sun is setting over the valley, the giant granite mountain above me is turning pink, the wind is blowing gently.  It's a picture-postcard Kodak moment.

And I am crying.

I talk to the Lord, desperate to hear from Him.

"Lord, what is wrong with me?  I really and truly want to love living up here. It's beautiful.  It's everything I've ever dreamed of.  Why can't I embrace all of this?"

And then, the independent Voice, the still, small whisper spoke…

"Because you STILL don't understand why I brought you here."

(Insert confused pause…)

"I brought you here to rest."


I was stopped in my tracks.  Astounded.  Greatly moved.  Convicted and comforted all at the same time.

To rest?

My Word for 2013 is DIRECTION.  And all year long, I've been (frantically) searching for what direction God wants me to go.  What is the purpose for me being here – specifically here, in the mountains?

DO, DO, DO…What does He want me to DO??

And, this word from God has stopped me.

I can't tell you the joy that began to wash over my soul as I pondered what He said.

He wants me to rest.


I have always loved the mountains, always felt like they were my *soul place*.  And here I am – in the place that has always felt like *home* to me.

But, as you all know, I've been struggling.

However, now it is becoming so much clearer to me.  I have been struggling because I've been focusing on what I've LOST – not on what I've GAINED – by moving here.

I have been looking back – (I'm surprised I haven't turned into a pillar of salt yet) – instead of looking around.

I have agonized over the GOP – Grand Old Purpose – that I thought God was making happen in my life "down the hill."  Only to lose it all when my life came to a screeching halt up here.

But now I am pondering.

What I have defined as "stopping" – God has really been trying to tell me is *resting*.


Yes, the other day God spoke to me and gave me permission to rest.

I have been contemplating the many seasons we go through in life.

Seasons of blessing and abundance – seasons of dryness and depletion.  Seasons of great ministry opportunities, and seasons of waiting.

But I don't think that I have ever really considered the idea that resting has a purpose.

Resting sounds like laziness, inactivity, complacency.

It sounds like a cop-out.

But I am beginning to realize that a season of rest has a purpose all its own – a God-ordained purpose.

IF we stop and recognize it.


God wants me to rest.

I feel a weight lifted off of my shoulders – I feel like I have been given permission to let go of striving.

I feel an invitation to go outside – to explore His creation.  I feel an invitation to dig into His Word – for no other reason than just to bask in His love.  I feel an invitation to speak to Him, to listen to Him – strictly for the intimacy of communion.

I feel an invitation to meet Him in the relaxation of my spirit.

Oh Lord, thank You.

It took almost the whole year for me to finally hear what HE meant by the word *direction*.

It meant to do what He was directing me to do.  Not an end result, not a tangible path, not an action to take.  Not direction like where to go – but direction like an actor receives – the management or guidance of someone.  

Yeah, direction like that.

God has been directing me to rest...

And I am so grateful.

Grateful that He is graciously providing me with the time to process life.  To filter and understand the many emotions that have hit me in the last year and a half.  To ponder Him and His creation.

To take a spiritual deep breath – to inhale His Spirit – and to be content with only that.

To serve Him in stillness.


Rest.

Blessed rest.

And now I get it – because God spoke to me – and I listened.


An unexpected message…that bubbled up inside…that spoke to my heart…

…and I have finally heard Him.

My Yoke Is Easy 

"'Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.'" (Matthew 11:28-30, NASB)

"For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments; and His commandments are not burdensome." (1 John 5:3, NASB)

"And He said to them, 'Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while.'" (Mark 6:31, NASB)

"...'I see that the LORD is always with me.  I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.  No wonder my heart is glad, and my tongue shouts his praises! My body rests in hope.'" (Acts 2:25-26, NLT)

"For we who have believed enter that rest..." (Hebrews 4:3, ESV)



What has God been trying to say to you this year?



(Note: I'll still be blogging, as I feel led to continue that - but in other areas of my life, I'll give myself permission to just enjoy my surroundings!)


Linked today with:

Joan at SHARING HIS BEAUTY
Michelle at HEAR IT ON SUNDAY, USE IT ON MONDAY
Laura at PLAYDATES WITH GOD
Hazel at TELL ME A TRUE STORY
Jen at UNITE
Darlene at TITUS 2SDAYS
Rosilind at A LITTLE R & R WEDNESDAY
Jacqueline at ENCOURAGE ONE ANOTHER
Tracy at WINSOME WEDNESDAY
Judith at WHOLEHEARTED WEDNESDAYS
Rachel at WHIMSICAL WEDNESDAYS
Nannette at WISDOM WEDNESDAY
Jenifer at WORD FILLED WEDNESDAY
Bonnie at FAITH BARISTA JAM
Laura at FAITH FILLED FRIDAY
Mel at ESSENTIAL FRIDAYS
Leslie at FAITHFUL FRIDAY
Charlotte at SPIRITUAL SUNDAYS
Wanda at THE FRIDAY FIVE
Salina at HEART REFLECTED
Barbie at WEEKEND BREW
Sandy at STILL SATURDAY
Janis at SUNDAY STILLNESS


BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

"FAN THE FLAME" FRIDAY - Season

Welcome to "Fan the Flame" Friday.

This is a weekly post that will be "short and sweet" (kinda like me...)

Just a word and a phrase, a sentence or a question...just a little something to "fan the flame" of your creativity!


Today's word: season

What is your favorite season of the year, and why?

Which season in your faith journey do you think you're in right now?  Explain.

What are some of the lessons of a wilderness season, a season of solitude, a desert season?


Let me know what you think!!


"This is why I remind you to fan into flames the spiritual gift God gave you…For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." (2 Timothy 1:6-7)


BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"

I AM A TURTLE

Yes, I am.

And I am quite skilled in the art of turtling.

Huh?

Let me define this word using Sharon's English-to-Sharon Dictionary:

Turtling:  withdrawing into oneself; hiding in one's shell; refusing to poke one's head out and see how the rest of the world is doing

So, that would be me – turtling.

I am midway through my fourth week up here in the mountains (though I'm counting it as the third week – because the second week I was back in familiar territory with my family and friends)…

And no, I'm not having a spiritual tantrum anymore.

But I still haven't quite *mounted up on wings like an eagle* yet…

I've been feeling very isolated and lonely the last few days.  The wrestling Jacob and running Jonah have been replaced with the weeping Jeremiah.

Our house is beautiful – but remote and secluded.

And the last few days I've felt a bit like I'm living on a very small island. Not only am I feeling like a castaway – I'm feeling cast away.

Yes, another shade of self-pity from me.

I have wondered why God has chosen to remove me from all things familiar. I have wondered why He seems to have taken so many of the things that I was involved in down the mountain, and ground them to a screeching halt.

I wonder why my writing voice has dried up.

I wonder why He seems so far away.

Yes, it's true – I do have people that I could talk to about these feelings.  But when I choose to "turtle" – I usually disappear off the map.  

I hate to bother people when I feel like this – but I also don't bother people because I'm too busy getting all hot and bothered about the fact that no one seems to be bothering about me.

(What is it about this move that has turned me into a two-year-old???)

But God still speaks to toddlers…

Last week "The Hub" and I decided to forge ahead with some of the things we need to do to complete (start) the kitchen remodel up here.  Of course, we had to drive more than an hour to get to the towns that have the showrooms we wanted to visit - (unnecessary whine).

On that drive, we happened to pass a church – one of those little churches that has a marquee out front.  This is what it said:

"God loves you when no one cares!"

Ahem.

(Why does God take the time to speak just to me?  ☺)

It got me thinking.

I know that God wants me up here.  So, what is He trying to tell me up here in these beginning weeks of emotional turmoil?

Three things.

One, He seems to be repeating the same thing He's been saying to me for well over a year…

"Sharon, is it really just Me?"

He is whittling me, pruning me, lopping off all those things in my life that make me feel secure.  He's honing my focus.  He is testing my heart to see how much I really put Him first in my life.

God wants me to learn something in this solitude and stillness.  He wants me to concentrate on HIS voice.

Evidently, I'm not a very good listener.

Second, He wants me to know how much HE loves me.  

Not how much my friends love me, how much my family loves me, how much my husband loves me.  He wants me to delve deeper into HIS heart, and see what HIS perfect love feels like.

"Sharon, is My love enough?"

And third, He wants me to ask myself this very important question:

"Sharon, do you love Me more than My purpose for you?"

It's a big question – I'm gonna have to ponder that one for a while.  My immediate answer is yes.  My desired answer is yes.  My truthful answer is…yes, but do I truly act as if that's true?

Because if I did, I think I would realize that His purpose right now is for me to love Him, just Him, and to listen for Him in the stillness and solitude of this mountain.

Case in point – this was our dialogue this morning as I did my daily Bible reading:

Lord, I'm questioning – why have You brought me here?

"Does a clay pot argue with its maker?  Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying, 'Stop, you're doing it wrong!'…This is what the LORD says…your Creator: 'Do you question what I do for my children?  Do you give me orders about the work of my hands?'" (Isaiah 45:9, 11)

But Lord, I feel like no one cares.

He continues:

"Listen to me…I have cared for you since before you were born.  Yes, I carried you before you were born.  I will be your God throughout your lifetime…I made you, and I will care for you.  I will carry you along and save you."  (Isaiah 46:3-4)

Yes, but I'm afraid that I've lost my purpose.

He speaks:

"Do not tremble; do not be afraid.  Did I not proclaim my purposes for you long ago?...Pay attention…for you are my servant…I, the LORD, made you, and I will not forget you…I would not have told [you] to seek me if I could not be found."  
(Isaiah 44:6-8/Isaiah 44:21/Isaiah 45:19)

OK, Lord – so why the big old PAUSE in my life right now?

He answers:

"I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness – secret riches.  I will do this so YOU MAY KNOW that I am the LORD…the one who calls you by name."  (Isaiah 45:3)

I am silenced.

For I am deeply loved – and not forgotten – by the King Himself.

The King who desires to reveal Himself to me.

If you recall, a turtle once beat a hare in a race – 

(Of course, I'm thinking he had to take his head out of the shell to see where he was going…)

Slow and steady – that's the secret.

Slow and steady is what the Lord is calling me to experience – and I can only find the secret to that sort of race in a still and quiet heart.

Lord, help me find You as I seek…


"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven…There is a time to be quiet…"  (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 7)

"Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved.  In quietness and confidence is your strength."  (Isaiah 30:15)


What do you think God might want to say to you in a quiet moment alone?

BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"