Do you remember that song by Michael Jackson – Man in the
Mirror?
"I'm starting with the man
in the mirror,
I'm asking him to change
his ways…"
So, the other day I took a good look at myself in the
mirror, and I'm thinking about making some changes.
No, I'm not getting plastic surgery.
Though I am wildly tempted when I see those commercials for
The Lifestyle Lift.
However, with my luck, something would go wrong. The doctor would probably nick a nerve,
and I would be left with a permanent twitch – which would be interpreted by
people as a wink – which would then result in multitudes of 60-year-old men
following me home.
Or…
The doctor might sever a small muscle in my face, and I
would be left with half of my face frozen – which would make people wonder why
I was mad or sad all the time – even though they sometimes wonder that now –
but I like to have the *option* of smiling.
I'M. JUST. SAYIN'.
However, I'm not getting plastic surgery.
But I have taken a good long look in the mirror.
It hasn't been pretty.
For the most part, I usually think that I'm a pretty good
disciple of Jesus. I'm following
Him closely, doing my devotionals, reading my Bible, attending church, praying…thinking
I'm looking like Him more and more.
But lately, when I've looked in the mirror – I've seen the
cracks in my spiritual armor.
Wanna know what I've seen?
Petty Jealousy.
Suspicious mistrust.
Bitter anger.
Judgmental attitude.
Grudge-holding.
Snide comments.
Unkind thoughts.
I could add more, but I am so embarrassed to admit even these
things. Sure, certain
circumstances are taxing my strength right now – they're trying my patience –
they're testing my ability to cope.
But honestly, coming face-to-face with the deeper layers of
sin in my heart has been excruciating.
I've lived in my new mountain home for a year
now – and I can honestly say that I've never grown in my faith as much as I
have in this last year.
I feel like God has been removing my "props" – shaving off
the things that have always made me feel secure. Friendships have faltered, familiar places have
disappeared. My parents are
getting older – my dad has even begun to forget who I am from time to time.
It's all been very hard.
But now, the Lord is pruning even more of the ugly branches
off my sin-filled tree. He isn't
content with me being a pretty good disciple – He wants me to look like
Him…really.
Evidently, He doesn't just want to change me – He wants to
refine me.
I looked up the process of refining in Wikipedia. I read this:
"Refining consists of purifying an impure material…in refining, the final material is usually identical
chemically to the original one, only it is purer."
I got to pondering that.
God's refining work doesn't destroy me – it just makes me
purer.
I like the sound of that.
I have not enjoyed seeing the truth about me – the deeper
truth. The things that I really
didn't know were lurking under the surface until certain circumstances brought
them out.
My mirror image needs some work.
And yet, I wonder at the Lord's timing. It's like I feel like I somehow just graduated from elementary school, only to find out that He wants me to go to
college! Does He think I'm ready
for this? Is He thinking that it's
time for me to die a little more (a lot) to my self?
Yes, I think that's exactly what He's thinking.
I've been quite chagrined, mortified, ashamed to see these snaky, black, and
ugly sins crop up inside of me.
How could I have not known they were there?
"'The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and
desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? But I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives.'" (Jeremiah 17:9-10, NLT)
And so, at this time in my life, God has decided to burn
these things out of me.
Cost of discipleship.
High cost indeed.
But worth the priceless treasure of knowing God in an even
more intimate way.
Worth the
priceless treasure of being a reflection of His Son.
Worth the priceless treasure of ridding myself of sins that
I didn't even know I harbored deep within.
Worth the priceless treasure of refined gold…
 |
Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. |
"Put me on trial, LORD, and cross-examine me. Test my motives and my heart." (Psalm 26:2, NLT)
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my
anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along
the path of everlasting life." (Psalm 139:23-24, NLT)
"'I will bring that group through the fire and make them pure. I will refine them like silver and purify them like gold.'" (Zechariah 13:9, NLT)
