Wednesday, July 27, 2011


I'm afraid of dying.


I said it.

One of the Christian "unmentionables." Because it's one of those *dirty little secrets* we’re not supposed to talk about. At least that's how I feel about it. As believers, we're not supposed to be afraid of death, right? We know where we're going, and we know why.

As believers, we have tremendous hope.

We believe in the One who is Life Himself. Nothing else can threaten us, nothing else should matter.


I am still afraid.

Maybe not of death – but of dying.

I've had a recent health scare – and the possibility of something serious reared its ugly head. Yes, I'll be the first one to admit that I am a worrywart. It is my *thorn in the flesh*. So, of course, I tend to immediately hop on board the "What If Train" and travel rapidly to the worst-case destination.

That's true.

But, this problem had the potential to be – well, serious. Testing and waiting ensued. And spiritual warfare was engaged.

So, when I was in the mountains camping, many things were still unknown, still unresolved. And I found myself tackling the *dying issue* again. I begged the Lord to speak to me.

And, He did.

It occurred to me that I love the fact that the Lord walks with me – in my shoes, so to speak. But in the mountains, I heard Him say that He wanted me to walk in His shoes for a bit. To feel what He might have felt about dying.

So, here's the things I thought about –

Jesus, did You know when You were going to die? When You began Your ministry at 30 years old, did You know that You were going to die only three years later? Did You know You were going to die young? Or did that knowledge only come to You later – was it revealed at a later point in Your ministry?

"Lord, did You worry that You weren't finishing Your work?"

Were You like me, worried that I might die at a relatively young 57 years old – and feeling woefully short of accomplishing all that I’m "supposed" to do?

Jesus, did You worry about the disciples – about how they would get along without You? Did You doubt that God could care for them without Your presence? Were You concerned that their lives would fall apart without You?

"Lord, did You worry about the ones you were leaving behind?"

Were You like me, so very concerned about my husband, my family, my sons – about how it would hurt them, dismay them, confuse them if I died? Did You worry how they would get along without You? Did You want to spare them the torture of watching You die?

Jesus, did You feel the fear of death – the great unknown? Because it was unknown to You, too…

"Because God’s children are human beings – made of flesh and blood – the Son also became flesh and blood. For only as a human being could he die…" (Hebrews 2:14)

Jesus, did You ever wonder if You really were going to live again? Did You have a passing doubt about Your resurrection?

"Lord, did You ever have those moments when the enemy whispered lies to You?"

Were You like me, wondering if God's promises can be trusted?

In Ecclesiastes, Solomon called death "that obligation, that dark battle." I see that – it's the hardest battle of all. To let go of breath, to let go of the only life we've known…

Jesus, did You ever try to hold on to life?

Were You like me?

Whatever Jesus felt in the Garden of Gethsemane – and I have a feeling that He had quite a spiritual battle – He ended up with determination and peace.

At the end of it all, He was stilled in His heart.

I hear the question again:

"Sharon, is it really just Me? Do you love Me more – even more – than your own life? More than this tired old earth?"

Oh Lord.

"Since we have been united with him in his death, we will also be raised to life as he was." (Romans 6:5)

"Only in this way could he set free all who have lived their lives as slaves to the fear of dying." (Hebrews 2:15)

Jesus, set me free…

(Test results are in - and I'm OK. Praise God. But, I know this won't be my last battle on this front. However, God is at work - and I am learning to trust Him more...)

BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"


  1. Oh, Sharon! I wondered if your trial might not have been on this front. May you know His grace in greater ways as you have remained faithful to the fight - that fight is something we all do battle with at one time or another. I've been in that place and the demon worry is ever nipping at my heels. But, in the face of God who "heals" no heel nipping can overcome the Lord in giving us victory in thought - mind AND body - and HOPE! I hope to hear your lightness of heart again in your posts - may the JOY OF THE LORD engulf you in PEACE and your ministry to the Lord, your family, and your friends here in our sweet Blogworld prosper and enlarge to His Glory!
    Be blessed, friend!

  2. Since you know that I know and knew enough to be praying you through your Gethsemane, you know how much I relate to this heart felt post.

    "They" say that confession is good for the soul. "I" say that it's good for the other souls who get to sit close enough hear it and then stand up next to you and say, "Me too, LORD."

    I think scripture confirms that there was a great battle in that garden that night. I rest every ounce of my hope on the fact that He won that battle for himself, and will win it for me.


    Debbie the 'fraidy cat

  3. Oh Sharon... what a blessings to know you and see you write so openly honest at one of life's deepest (sometimes darkest) struggles. This is definitely BIG in comparison to small faith issues. A challenge we all will face for ourselves and loved ones and a difficult one to walk. I do not have words of encouragement. All I can say is I'm so thankful that this for you turned out to be victorious and praiseworthy.

    Your awesome talk with the Lord is so real and how you covered that He (Jesus) God and man had to deal with this at a much earlier age... and you asked some pretty practical questions. I so agree with both previous comments... that it is we who benefit as you deal and confess matters of the heart, very personal to you. Scripture does confirm the battle for Jesus! I'm glad that they offered wise words to you. Beautiful place that Jesus takes you back to... and the last 2 scriptures. Being a worry wart does not help you at all. Bearing ones soul is not that easy. It would be wonderful if after doing so, people would respond to one of the BIGGEST dilemma's we all will face and we can't really plan for except to give our lives to Jesus, who saves us from the power of death. What do we believe? and what we do believe pales in comparison to what is. Our God is BIGGER! Our God holds our lives and our fears. It's up to us to trust Him and what we say we believe... and encourage each other and support one another. Life and death, the beginning and the end. Are we ever ready? I have a problem coping with these BIG issues. perhaps I need to confront them as you have and allow God to speak to me. But my main concern is that HE IS BY MY SIDE in the end and whispering to me, that He's there, He cares and He takes my hand and leads me hopefully with these words, "Well done, my good and faithful Peggy... welcome home." May you find the peace in this victory of mind, spirit, soul and know YOU too have this JOY and need not fear. I love you Sharon. Thank you for opening up another 'can of worms' that I really didn't need (lol) nor do you nor will you for you or your family as we pray and seek God's Promises claiming them and the victory already won. Press on and let's keep on running this race, and encouraging each other in love and truth that does set us free.

    Much love and many blessings and prayers,

  4. I am grateful your tests came back normal.
    I think most people have some vague fear
    of death and dying. If we know Him then
    we can be certain He will indeed give us
    grace that is sufficient when our time
    comes to die and leave these temporary
    shells we call bodies. You do well to
    admit your fear, and even better to
    carry on now in His all sufficient grace.

  5. I love your vulnerability! So refreshing, thank you. Beautiful! Perhaps linking up for Brag on God Friday would be up your alley?

  6. Hi Sharon -

    Great news that you are learning to trust our Lord more.

    Yes, indeed, there is freedom is resting in His everlasting arms. What care He has for us, his precious offspring.


  7. Hi Sharon,

    You are in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless - Nita

  8. Wow - I'd never considered the fears, worries, and concerns that must have tempted Jesus, knowing (whenever He did) that He would have to die. What especially struck me was the questions you asked about His fears for those who loved him.

    It rang so true in my life, especially now. I'm going through a season of learning - that trusting God means not only trusting Him with my heart, but with the hearts of those I care about. And when I know that following after His plan has the potential to leave others hurt and disappointed, it can be so HARD to trust that He knows best, and cares even more deeply for them than I do.

    I guess at the end of the day it's all about surrender. Surrender and trust ... two of the hardest things for us as human beings to truly embrace. But thank God - He is the only one who's never ever let me down. If there's anyone who's worthy of my trust in the BIG things - it's Him.

  9. Wow that is really letting it all out. What a powerful blog. So glad to hear your results are ok. Just remember how you felt during the time of waiting. Imagine those without any faith in God or to know him, how lost they must feel. You had feeling near that. Being afraid of the unknown. I am so glad you found comfort and words from him on the mountain. His presence is so felt for me when in nature. I do hope all is well again here at Sharon Sharing God. Warm Hugs Carrie

  10. Sharon, First of all, I'm so glad your test results can back clear -- thank God for that. And secondly, I can sure relate to your fears -- I have the same ones when it comes to dying. I was intrigued reading through your conversation with Jesus, and am really in awe that you converse so easily and free with Him.

  11. FIrst of all, let me just say that I'm sorry that anyone else has to fight the shaking, quaking enemy called FEAR. And yet, I am consoled by the fact that I am not alone in my feelings.

    Yes, praise God, my results came back normal. But there are other health issues in my family right now - and the Lord is still doing a work on this letting go of my fear of death. It applies to others that I love, too.

    I have to say, though, that I am stronger today than when I wrote this post. God is doing some deep, deep work within me. I pray that His Spirit will continue to give me strength and power to overcome the ghosts of fear, and the shadow of death.

    This is the prayer that I pray for you, too. That the TRUTH of Jesus' victory, ONCE AND FOR ALL, over death, will permeate our hearts and minds and emotions - and that we will learn to let go of this life. I want for all of us, this sentiment expressed by Paul:

    "For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better." Philippians 1:21

    GOD BLESS, one and all.

  12. Sharon,
    Your openness and ability to share your thoughts with the Lord are a blessing to others. You have shared with such clarity and sincerity. And the Lord has answered you.
    In your sharing and battle with the fear of dying, you have helped others face that same fear and know that God is sufficient to care for each one of us at that time--and to deliver us now from the slavery of the fear of death! He does--it is true.
    Praise God for the good results on your tests. Will be praying for wisdom for the doctors as they examine the other health concerns in your family.
    God has blessed you and blessed us through you, my friend.

  13. Janis - Thank you for your encouraging comment. I so appreciate your friendship - and your prayers are treasures. Yes, God is stretching me in the areas (strongholds?!) that have always been most difficult for me. He is teaching me new things, and strengthening my very shaky legs! And yes, thank you for reiterating the TRUTH - God is sufficient for whatever comes our way - and He is faithful to deliver us from the slavery of the fear of death. I've always liked that it says the slavery is to the FEAR, not to death itself!



"So [I] have been greatly encouraged in the midst of [my] troubles and suffering, dear brothers and sisters, because you have remained strong in your faith. It gives [me] new life to know that you are standing firm in the Lord. How [I] thank God for you!" (1 Thessalonians 3:7-9)

Thanks for your comments - it is such a joy to be sharing my journey with friends like YOU!

(NOTE: Anonymous comments will be removed. Thank you for understanding.)