Monday, June 4, 2012

THE MOVING MEMOIRS - I Feel So Lonesome I Could Cry


The dictionary defines it this way: Dejected because of a lack of companionship.

At this point in The Moving Memoirs, I have to share my feelings about loneliness.

I'd like to tell you that I'm thrilled about moving (I am) – and that I'm excited about what God has in store for me in a new place (I am) – and that I'm grateful for how He has smoothed the path up the mountain in so many ways (I am)

But as the day for final *move-out* approaches, I have lately been gripped with a deep sense of loneliness.

You see, I've been in this house for over 28 years – there are many, many memories here.  

The other day, when I was getting yet another box out of the garage to pack yet another (unending) pile of stuff, I happened to glance down and saw footprints – my oldest son's footprints when he "accidentally" ran through some paint, and then giddily ran all over the garage when he was only about 6 or 7…

I burst out into tears.

It hit me – I'm leaving.

I'm leaving my sons.

Now, before you think I'm whining (am I?) – I do realize that I am only moving 2 hours awayand those boys are well into their 20's now.

But at this point in my life, and after such a very long time, I feel like I'm moving to another country.

And so, I had a good cry.

I cried about the move, yes – but I also cried because of this truth…

I really miss being a mom.

I'll always be a mom, indeed – but I so dearly miss having my sons live at home with me.

I miss their chatter, their smiles, their laughter.  Honestly, on some days I even miss their bickering!  I miss how they teased me, and how we bantered.  I miss the miles we piled up in the car coming and going to school, and practices, and games.  I miss helping them study.  I miss watching them sleep.

Doggone it, how did they grow up so fast?

Don't get me wrong, I just adore my adult sons I love that they have become my friends.  They are equals now in so many ways.  But every now and then, and especially lately, I really miss having them by my side.

Moving does that.

It brings up hidden feelings – it makes you really emotional.

It's made me wistful, as I'm taking a good, long, bittersweet look at the past.


Loneliness is such a solitary thing.

The other day – it all kinda caught up to me.  I felt so very alone.

And yet, in that quiet, quiet place of loneliness – I felt something.  I felt Someone…

I felt my friend – Jesus.

And I cried.

I cried because I miss being a mom, yes – and I have been terribly lonesome for my boys lately.  But I also realized this remarkable truth – I also miss being a little girl.

I miss when life wasn't so complicated, and confusing.  I miss when I had so much more energy.  I miss when someone else was responsible for things.  I miss being taken care of…

Sometimes I just miss my smile.

"Oh Lord," I cried out, "I feel so lonesome.  I already miss my boys, and my family, and my friends.  It's going to be really hard to move.  I don't like being lonely, and I'm scared.  At this moment, I feel like the only person in the whole world – one solitary human being – so very alone."

And then, all of a sudden, I didn't feel alone anymore.

Because my friend, Jesus, reminded me of this wonderful fact:

"Sharon, if you were the only person in the whole world, I would still have died just for you.   I love YOU that much."

Let me tell you, this little girl crawled up into His lap and just hugged Him.

(He's awesome – He hugs back!!)

Yup, I'm still having my moments – sad and lonely moments – moments of wistful and bittersweet reflection on the past.

Mom moments, little girl moments.

But I'm not alone.

Never was, never will be.

And it doesn't matter if I'm moving up a mountain away from everyone and everything that's familiar.

I'm still going with my friend…

And He will NEVER leave me nor forsake me.

O LORD, you know everything about me.
You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I'm far away.
You see me when I travel and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!
I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
And when I wake up, you are still with me!

(From Psalm 139, NLT)

Do you ever feel lonesome – how does Jesus meet you in your loneliness?

Linked today with Joan at SHARING HIS BEAUTY

BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"


  1. This one made me cry. It's not even 7:00 AM and too early to cry. I relate very well to both feelings, that of longing for mommyhood and childhood.

    The older I get, the more I long for home.
    I guess that's the whole point.

  2. Me too Sharon. Yes, I get everything you said. Our youngest moved last week, 1-1/2 hours away, with his family. They bought a new business and it's all so good for them, but they lived 3 miles from us, and I've cried too. Many times. I'm not a huge fan of change, especially with my family. As I say that I realize how crazy that is... change is all over our lives, and woven into everything. But I still got sad.

    Yet here we are and here God is. I'm right side up again, and ready to go forward. All of that to say... I understand.


  3. This is a hard time for many..the empty nest. While we know God has a perfect plan, we still need to be be mommy. HUGS

  4. blessings to you, Sharon.
    Thank you for pouring out your heart about this very heart rendering times. Yes, I sympathize. It is a familiar tug that most all mothers feel at one time or another. When I moved to AR for 24/7 care giving for my father, It surprised me how many tears one person could contain. Especially as old as I was :)

    The important thing I want to share is that all those tears were healing. Miles and miles of healing. And all that healing came straight from the lap of Jesus and the comforter - the Holy Spirit. Oh what healing comfort they are to me.

    Those 2 1/2 years in the wilderness of AR - were the most difficult years I can remember. And yet I came back 'home' a different person. My relationship with the Lord was solidified as I relied on Him and His wisdom to carry me every min of every day.

    My relationship with my grown children is so much more mature. Maturity is a gift - it enriches our relationships with family and friends. Maturity in Christ is the enriching.

    Thankful that you can cry...that you can express your loneliness...that you are in touch with your human frailty miss your sons active presence in your life.

    What a blessing family is. But there is no match for our intimate longing for the Savior. He indeed never ever leaves us. He is never 2 hours away. He's as close as the breath we breathe. He is my life. He redeems our human loneliness.

    So glad to hear that you share this same 'knowing'. Praying for your move. I am an experienced mover :) serious business no matter how you look at it. It is as traumatic as it is challenging...and yet offers so much more than we can imagine...if we make the move with Jesus!

    Hugs to you today
    Patrina <")>><

  5. Oh Sharon, I'm so glad you shared your heart with us; I think we all feel that way when the kids grow; we do miss their needing us and being with us on an almost daily basis, etc., I know I've been thinking of that a lot these days; and you are right the time does go by so fast with raising them. I think it is good for you to get your feelings out; it will be an adjustment with the move and I think you'll feel a bit lonely until you get established some place, like a church and a church community, etc. It is good to know that Jesus stored all the tears you shed and is walking this journey with you.


  6. Sharon, I feel lonely a lot of the time. I miss having a friend by my side on a daily basis. I miss having roots as well... a place of permanence to call home. We're so transitory, moving every few years. It's hard to feel settled. I understand these "growing pains" of yours, and I applaud you for allowing yourself to feel the emotion of this very weighty transition. Better to feel it than suppress it.

    Oh, and for the record, I have a really tough time looking at my kids' baby pictures. Very painful for me, especially when I consider how fast time is flying by.

    So glad for the consistent presence of God who always feels like home no matter where are feet take us.


  7. Well you are the 2nd post today about someone moving - leaving all their old memories and yet looking forward to their new ones. I know this must be so hard on you - yet I know you are looking forward.

    And gosh when my son left and moved from me - I thought I would DIE! And it took years to deal with it!!!

    I will say a prayer for you tonight.

  8. Hi Sharon,

    A very moving post, to which I could relate in many places and which bought tears to my eyes.

    I have much change going on in my life at the moment too. Moving, although as it is into my daughter and son in law's home, so I will be with them and my grandsons, I have experienced those feelings you describe. I miss my own kid's childhood, I miss my grandkids baby and toddler hood - I am going stop here before I cry. Added to these changes there are many happening at my church, including the Pastor leaving. But as you say One Friend will never leave us, JESUS TO HIM BE HONOUR AND GLORY - thoughts and prayers for you

    God Bless Nita.

  9. Sharon...I do want to read all of this, but it is too close to home and still too fresh for me. Our move was a forced move and I still get tears over it and what was left behind...your is a new adventure. A change, but one you I want to encourage you as you take the journey and enjoy!!! Sorry I didn't read the whole thing, tears started to flow over my own loss....sorry I am that self-centered this morning.
    Praying for you and your transition...

  10. Sharon, I know I've already emailed you once about this post, but I just wanted to stop by and share something that was placed on my heart when I blogged about loneliness recently (by the way, we chose the same closing scripture!)...

    "Perfect love overcomes lonely"...and you are so right about His lap being the perfect place to experience that love...because He is Perfect Love...and knows exactly how your "mother's heart" feels and your "little girl's" heart....

  11. This is one of those posts when I can honestly say...I know how you feel! In the past, I've made it a practice to stay away from old photo albums! However, during our recent move, I actually took the albums out of their box and put them on a shelf...I opened one up and started turning pages. What was I thinking?? Seeing the pictures of our children when they were little brought a cloud over my head. But why? They are both happy and healthy with families of their own. They are an active part of our lives...I love our adult children! But, when I look at them when they were little, I get emotional. I, too, miss being a mom. I miss that time in my life. But, as Solomon wrote, there is a season to everything in this life. I am so thankful for all the blessings -- past, present and future -- that God has given me. And, like you, I am so thankful that I am never truly alone. Our God is with us and He'll always give us that hug we long for! Blessings, Sharon!

  12. oh my gosh Sharon....I understand exactly what you're saying although my girls are still young. Moving..leaving the familiar....and 28 years of memories....and I love what what you said...He does give hugs...and I'm sending you one too...HOpe you feel it. Excited to know what all the newness will bring and I know it will bring some incredible adventures.

  13. Oh reading this post brought me right back to the time when my Mom left New York (where I live) to move back to Texas (where she grew up). Those were hard months - realizing how much we were going to miss each other made her decision so much more difficult. We both cried (a LOT). Sometimes we still do ...

    But God has been soooooo incredibly faithful to her over the past 5 years. And I know He'll be doing the same for you =)

  14. Bless your precious heart, this made me cry.


"So [I] have been greatly encouraged in the midst of [my] troubles and suffering, dear brothers and sisters, because you have remained strong in your faith. It gives [me] new life to know that you are standing firm in the Lord. How [I] thank God for you!" (1 Thessalonians 3:7-9)

Thanks for your comments - it is such a joy to be sharing my journey with friends like YOU!

(NOTE: Anonymous comments will be removed. Thank you for understanding.)