Bone weary tired.
Ever feel like that?
Let me tell you about a time when I was so very tired. It happened when I was in the 5th grade (yes, waaay back then…). I was a rather active, normal child until one day I started feeling really run down.
After a while, my mom got concerned – after all, a weary 10-year-old is not a normal thing. She took me to the doctor.
You know, I really hated the doctor because I was TERRIFIED of needles. I used to faint…
Yup, needle in – Sharon down.
So, visits to the doctor were quite traumatic for me.
But this time, when my mom took me to the doctor, I didn't care. I felt so awful that it didn't matter what they did to me. They ran lots of tests, including several blood workups. My blood counts were all off – fortunately, I did not have leukemia – but I did have an unusual virus similar to mononucleosis.
I remember getting very ill, very quickly after that.
So weak that the doctor had to come to my house to see me – yes, remember the good old days?? – house calls!
That first week I was so *out of it.* I slept all the time, miserable with symptoms. I missed a total of FIVE weeks of school – which is quite a lot when you're only 10. And I couldn't do anything at recess or P.E. for another three months! It was quite a long time before I finally got my stamina back.
I've been sick and tired plenty of times since those days, but maybe never quite that sick or tired. And I will never forget the sense of helplessness I had, laying in that bed, my mind in a fog, so tired that I couldn't even think…
It was scary, and discouraging, and HARD.
But there is a different kind of weary that can invade the human soul.
Bone weary tired.
The *tired* that is more than a weary body – a *tired* that permeates an exhausted mind and a debilitated spirit. When one feels emotionally spent, and spiritually defeated – when one is tempted to Just. Plain. Give. Up.
Ever been there?
I sure have.
Been there a few times lately, too. Wondering and waiting – tossed by life circumstances. Exhausted by my own strivings to figure things out – defeated by my inability to stand strong.
I need a house call…
Why do I insist on doing this to myself? Why must I beat myself into defeated submission? Why do I have to come to this point of exhaustion before I turn to God?
I think the Lord asks me why, too –
But I am learning something in this tired state (slowly, but I'm learning…) – I am learning that some of God's greatest lessons are learned in weariness.
"He uncovers mysteries hidden in darkness; he brings light to the deepest gloom." (Job 12:22)
Yes, there are secret things that God can only teach me when I'm weary – I'm convinced of this truth. Because in my exhaustion, I hear Him in a different way – He's close, He's gentle, He's comforting. And He teaches me how to be humble, how I must rely and depend on ONLY Him.
God gives me the gift of running out of my own steam.
It's no wonder that Jesus invited us to come to Him – to take on His yoke. He knew the stubborn way we oxen strive to work on our own – until we completely tire ourselves out.
But, He promises rest – glorious rest – to those who lay their burdens down, and let Him carry the load. Just turn to Him…
"Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls." (Jeremiah 6:16)
Bone weary tired – yes, but learning how to rest…
How do you tire yourself out? What do you need to do to find God's rest, and to lean on Him for strength?
BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"