Wednesday, August 17, 2011


I've really debated about writing this post.

I'm all for baring my soul, but this is pretty naked…

But, I feel led to be this honest with you.

So, you're invited to the Pity Party. Yup, whining and complaining will abound. "Woe is me" is the secret password. Oh, poor pitiful me…

You see, lately I've been wearing green-eyed glasses. Looking at other people's pastures, and convincing myself that they are indeed greener.

Now, I am not caught up in wanting a bigger house, or a new car, or any of a number of material things. "Keeping up with the Joneses" is not my particular temptation. (Who are those silly Jones people anyway??)

No, my Pity Party isn't about worldly things.

It's worse than that.

It's about spiritual things.

You see, what I really want is a *bigger* ministry. OK, that's the really, really "naked" part – the ugly part I'm so ashamed of – the part that I feel I must be honest about, even if it hurts.

Do you ever feel this way – (another one of those moments when it would be really good to know that I'm not alone…)

I am feeling restless, and impatient. I desire so deeply to make an impact for the Lord. I want to have a *voice* for Him. I want to use any gifts that He's given me. And yet, I feel like I'm sitting on the sidelines, warming the bench while everyone else is being called into the game.

(Oh, this is ugly…)

On the one hand, I am overjoyed that people are speaking for the Lord. That their words are getting out to people. That God's Kingdom is being advanced with the gifts and talents of others.

I really, really am happy about this.


And that is the rub. The selfish "but" that I have. The "hitch" that I have in my heart. The ugly little voice that says deep in my soul, "Lord, what about me?"

(Oh, I am so ashamed…)

I know that in some ways this is a good desire. The Lord calls us to serve Him, and a desire to serve Him isn't bad in itself – not at all. However, when God's timing doesn't match ours, and when His timing seems to be happening for others – that's when the insidious arrows of the enemy start flying…

And I have all too often allowed myself to be a target.

Lord, forgive me.

Again, the same voice that I have heard over and over – and the same words that I can't escape…

"Sharon, is it really just Me?"

I blogged about this before. How we really need to love God, and God alone, even more than what we can do FOR Him. It has to be about Him…alone.

So, to my surprise (but not really) – God showed up today at my Pity Party.

He sat down.

And my whining and complaining stopped. My "woe is me" quickly turned into just WHOA.

He didn't say anything until I sat down quietly. I put my head in my hands, and I cried. I let out everything to Him.

"Lord, I really love You. I really do. Most of all. But I just want to feel like it matters that I'm here. I just want to know that I have an influence on others. I want to share You with them, and I want to be noticed for it. Oh Lord, forgive me – it all sounds so selfish."

I couldn't look at Him – until He took His hand and raised my chin so He could look deeply into my eyes.

Wonder of wonders, His eyes had tears, too.

"Lord, why are You crying?"

He smiled.

"Oh dear one, I am crying because You don’t understand something so very important."

I thought – it has to be that I'm a selfish, jealous, proud person. He must be so disappointed with me.

"I know, Lord. I'm so sorry."

"No, Sharon. I'm not talking about that. Those feelings are not right, but they're human. I forgive you for those. But I am talking about this – you don't understand how very, very much I LOVE YOU. How I delight in you. How it just pleases Me so to know that you are alive, and that someday you will be with Me in eternity…

…I am sad that your perspective is so small."

Tears are pouring down my face now.

"How I wish you understood this truth – that it isn't what you can DO for Me that matters to Me, for it is up to Me what and when and where you serve Me. What touches Me is that you WANT to serve Me. I am overjoyed at your love. It's what I died for. It is YOU – just YOU – that matters to Me.

It's all about your heart, and about conforming to the image of My Son. It isn't the action of doing that I want, it's the being of sanctification that I'm seeking."

Dear God – my dear, dear God.

"Love Me, Sharon – and that's more than enough. Because I love you – and that's more than enough."

Yes, it is.

Green glasses off – for a new purpose I see.

LOVE the Lord with all my heart, my soul, my mind, and my strength…

This Pity Party is officially OVER!

BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"


  1. Oh Sharon trust me you ARE NOT alone in that particular party. Just a few years ago I went through an INTENSE season just like what you're describing - wondering how I'd been left behind when God was opening up so many incredible doors of ministry for others.

    What God eventually showed me (and it took a LONG time - He's sooo patient) was that my perspective was off. I kept saying I wanted to serve Him, to reach others - but I'd put limits on what would qualify, what would count. Then one day He got me alone and asked me "What if the ministry I called you to is entirely behind the curtain? What if what I WANT is for you to be the one who supports, prays for, and helps others even though no one else will ever know? Is that GOOD ENOUGH for you?"

    That really hit me hard because I realized I was frustrated because I wanted what I thought would matter most to God. But He kept telling me "you're exactly where I want you. Don't try to push your way somewhere else. Just stay where I want you - THAT'S your call"

    It was a hard lesson for me to learn. I wanted to make a visible impact - one that I could measure. But God eventually got it through my super-thick skull that the only thing that mattered was my obedience to HIS will. That was the only measure that would count in the end. And it's funny, because as soon as I was able to settle that in my spirit those doors that I'd been so jealous of began to open in my own life and ministry too.

    So I know that's not EXACTLY what you're saying - but I hope it's an encouragement to you (sorry this is so long). You are certainly not alone =)
    ~ Paula

  2. ah my sweet friend... this is very familiar territory! The problem is that we get this image in our mind of what we should LOOK LIKE as a woman in ministry, and we want that to be realized. I am finding out that He uses us wherever He has put us, and if the picture doesn't match... it's usually because it was MY picture. :)

    These are words of wisdom, and I take them to heart also. So... off with the pity and on with His party! :)


  3. Oh, Sharon, I, too, can totally relate to's Mary and Martha all over again...

    This phrase really spoke to me...

    "It isn't the action of doing that I want..."

  4. I think I'll stand over here all innocent-like and pretend that the REST of you are the pitiful ones...

    Think I'll fool anyone?

    Not the One who knows, anyway.

    You know that this specific topic touches a nerve for me. You expressed my heart so well, as usual. I love what God said to you. I love that he loves you, and I love that he loves me.

    I'm so grateful to give Him praise that I LONG to serve him more. Being satisfied in my service wouldn't be such a great place to be, would it?

  5. Sharon - now I need the tissues. Yes. You've caught me in one! We seem to be on the same path and I so needed your Words in Red today! My summer has been one great tension feast of wound up inner parts, random bursting into tears, and pity parties.

    God is trying to get me to leave go the reins. Trust. Well, new avenues of Trust. And, Faith. Just when I think I've grown - nasty spiders startle me and my porridge and I cower - unable to move - unfit to serve.

    Yet, you're right. He doesn't worry about the spiders. He takes them out in one fell swoop. I just have to learn to stay on that tuffet and enjoy the porridge - He made it for me to enjoy, you know. Shrieking at spiders and spilling it all over in my frantic retreat . . .
    That doesn't say "I love you, Lord."

    Lord, help us to enjoy the Love Feast with You - and whatever the spiders are in our lives - ambition, failure, rejection, inadequacies, disappointment, and whatnot - may we hold fast to the tuffet upon which you placed us and allow you to be about the business of pest control.

    Sharon - good to know we're not in this alone!

    Joy to you, kindred spirit!

  6. Hi Sharon -

    Once again, in the same week, our posts have similarities. I posted today and just came here and noticed that.

    I believe that we have all been where you have expressed here. Our Lord so appreciates it when we keep it real.

    From one real sister to another - WE WIN, AND TRIUMPH IN CHRIST JESUS!


  7. "Lord, I really love You. I really do. Most of all. But I just want to feel like it matters that I'm here. I just want to know that I have an influence on others. I want to share You with them, and I want to be noticed for it. Oh Lord, forgive me – it all sounds so selfish."

    I love this Sharon... I always love listening to your heart talk to Him, and the dialog He has with you. So this is what your "pity party" looks like?

    For me, this seems like a heart wrenching tune-up of being humbled but the worse part being shamed when you are just (quite frankly) being honest. And your honesty in this case is tinted with that green monster. So you open the door to the enemy filling your heads with lies, when you are serving and doing a precious work for Him. But perhaps it isn't what you have in mind, perhaps you're looking for something grandeur, when God has you in a place of great service.
    Perhaps (sorry I have to write this) you are seeking applause or recognition... or (gasp) much worse notoriety but maybe it's just thanks!

    The comments above are wonderful!

    But the ones that you hear coming from Our Lord are even more wonderful if you WAIT and LISTEN!
    He does hear you and I saw Him SMILE and you missed Him when He told you this: "Thank you. Thank you for being a friend to... Thank you for being faithful in the small ways. Thank you for caring enough for the ones that others do not show their care or love any longer, the forgotten. Thank you for spending time with me, talking with me about your situation, and praying for those that still need to know me.
    Not only do I LOVE you as much as you love them but I love them also. Your compassion for others is genuine and your love for me and desire to serve are just tidbits of change in perspective.
    You are getting closer... its all in the horizon as you WAIT. Wait on me and learn from the path before you and even the one you've traveled behind you... for I am in control. There are no limits to my love for you and your service for me. In my Name, I do not hold back the gates of heaven, they are wide open... as you give of yourself, it is given to you. Open your eyes and see my love flowing all around you."

    And thanks for opening your heart to...
    (love, hugs, prayers and PEACE :0)

  8. Wow Sharon! It is amazing how the expression of your feelings always touches my heart. You are not alone in your "green eyes" regarding serving Him and making a difference. I absolutely know what you are talking about. I've been there...might say I sometimes still am! But you are so right...our purpose is to: "LOVE the Lord with all my heart, my soul, my mind, and my strength". That above all else is the most important thing...and by doing that, we ARE serving Him. He has already allowed you to reach more people than you know, simply by sharing your love for Him. And, I know He is pleased.

    Living for Him, Joan

  9. Sharon, I'm giving you a big hug from sister to sister...I'm sure many of us can relate to alot of what you shared. Thank you for being touched my heart!

  10. Sharon have you been reading my mind again? Seriously, so many of your posts of late are related to feelings that I have had.

    I love what you said about its not about what we can do for Him, but it being up to Him to decide. Wow!


  11. Sharon, sharon, sharon...I have found myself singing the but Lord what about me song. I love your honesty and the Father's response to you is breath taking.

  12. Your honesty and writing amaze me! We all struggle with this very issue. Thank you for showing that we are not alone in our weaknesses!!!

  13. Dearest friends,

    God is good. And so are you! Your heartfelt comments on this particular post were much appreciated. I'm not proud of the feelings that I expressed here (at least at the beginning) - and yet, I am encouraged that many of you understand.

    The Lord is patient to work with us, isn't He? We have so much to learn, and so much to give up. He toils so faithfully and lovingly on our misguided human hearts.

    How I love Him, and oh how He loves us back!

    I pray that God will reach into all of our hearts, and purify us with His refining fire. He has given us gifts, and the desire to use them - now may He sanctify our motives. He is working in us to give us the power to WANT to serve Him, and the strength to DO it in His way and in His timing.

    We just need to love Him - just love Him. First, foremost, and forever.

    Remembering with all of you - it's all for HIS glory!


  14. You are only voiceing how so many feel. But by going thru it yourself and sharing how you feel and the understanding that now has come from it will only strengthen you and your love of God. I hope you have a blessed week. Hugs Carrie

  15. Thanks, Carrie. Sometimes God teaches me the best lessons through the toughest feelings and circumstances. I continue to grow to love Him more and more all the time.

    Blessings to you, too!


"So [I] have been greatly encouraged in the midst of [my] troubles and suffering, dear brothers and sisters, because you have remained strong in your faith. It gives [me] new life to know that you are standing firm in the Lord. How [I] thank God for you!" (1 Thessalonians 3:7-9)

Thanks for your comments - it is such a joy to be sharing my journey with friends like YOU!

(NOTE: Anonymous comments will be removed. Thank you for understanding.)