The dictionary defines it this way: Dejected because of a lack of companionship.
At this point in The Moving Memoirs, I have to share my feelings about loneliness.
I'd like to tell you that I'm thrilled about moving (I am) – and that I'm excited about what God has in store for me in a new place (I am) – and that I'm grateful for how He has smoothed the path up the mountain in so many ways (I am)…
But as the day for final *move-out* approaches, I have lately been gripped with a deep sense of loneliness.
You see, I've been in this house for over 28 years – there are many, many memories here.
The other day, when I was getting yet another box out of the garage to pack yet another (unending) pile of stuff, I happened to glance down and saw footprints – my oldest son's footprints when he "accidentally" ran through some paint, and then giddily ran all over the garage when he was only about 6 or 7…
I burst out into tears.
It hit me – I'm leaving.
I'm leaving my sons.
Now, before you think I'm whining (am I?) – I do realize that I am only moving 2 hours away – and those boys are well into their 20's now.
But at this point in my life, and after such a very long time, I feel like I'm moving to another country.
And so, I had a good cry.
I cried about the move, yes – but I also cried because of this truth…
I really miss being a mom.
I'll always be a mom, indeed – but I so dearly miss having my sons live at home with me.
I miss their chatter, their smiles, their laughter. Honestly, on some days I even miss their bickering! I miss how they teased me, and how we bantered. I miss the miles we piled up in the car coming and going to school, and practices, and games. I miss helping them study. I miss watching them sleep.
Doggone it, how did they grow up so fast?
Don't get me wrong, I just adore my adult sons – I love that they have become my friends. They are equals now in so many ways. But every now and then, and especially lately, I really miss having them by my side.
Moving does that.
It brings up hidden feelings – it makes you really emotional.
It's made me wistful, as I'm taking a good, long, bittersweet look at the past.
Loneliness is such a solitary thing.
The other day – it all kinda caught up to me. I felt so very alone.
And yet, in that quiet, quiet place of loneliness – I felt something. I felt Someone…
I felt my friend – Jesus.
And I cried.
I cried because I miss being a mom, yes – and I have been terribly lonesome for my boys lately. But I also realized this remarkable truth – I also miss being a little girl.
I miss when life wasn't so complicated, and confusing. I miss when I had so much more energy. I miss when someone else was responsible for things. I miss being taken care of…
Sometimes I just miss my smile.
"Oh Lord," I cried out, "I feel so lonesome. I already miss my boys, and my family, and my friends. It's going to be really hard to move. I don't like being lonely, and I'm scared. At this moment, I feel like the only person in the whole world – one solitary human being – so very alone."
And then, all of a sudden, I didn't feel alone anymore.
Because my friend, Jesus, reminded me of this wonderful fact:
"Sharon, if you were the only person in the whole world, I would still have died just for you. I love YOU that much."
Let me tell you, this little girl crawled up into His lap and just hugged Him.
(He's awesome – He hugs back!!)
Yup, I'm still having my moments – sad and lonely moments – moments of wistful and bittersweet reflection on the past.
Mom moments, little girl moments.
But I'm not alone.
Never was, never will be.
And it doesn't matter if I'm moving up a mountain away from everyone and everything that's familiar.
I'm still going with my friend…
And He will NEVER leave me nor forsake me.
O LORD, you know everything about me.
You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I'm far away.
You see me when I travel and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!
I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
And when I wake up, you are still with me!
(From Psalm 139, NLT)
Do you ever feel lonesome – how does Jesus meet you in your loneliness?
Linked today with Joan at SHARING HIS BEAUTY
BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"