I recently had a birthday.
More like UH OH than WOO HOO at my age…
And, because I'm just an aging bovine – I ruminated.
What have I accomplished in my life?
So, I started rattling off all the wonderful things I've done, all the stupid things I've done – all the times I hit the mark, all the times I was woefully off target – the words I've written, the things I've said –
And because I am who I am – I thought about all the things I haven't done.
And there is no other area where I think about this more than in my faith journey.
I have a pressing, compelling desire to do something for the Lord. And every time a birthday rolls around, I get a little panicky. I look at the sand in that old hourglass and wonder – just how much time do I have left? What if I don’t do what the Lord wants me to do? What if I don't finish His work?
I've got dreams – speaking, writing, publishing dreams. Big ones and small ones. A laundry list of things I want to do.
Yes, I want to do these things for the Lord.
But sometimes it just doesn't seem like any of it is going to happen.
And I am terrified to not find my purpose, fulfill my mission, use my gifts before time runs out.
What if I end up disappointing God?
What if I enter the gates of Heaven and I don't hear Him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant"?
I don't want to meet Him face to face with a smudged robe, a half-empty life, a woefully inadequate resume –
I want Him to be proud of me.
And I'd like Him to proud of me now, too.
I want to do something for Him…
So I cry out – "LORD! What do You want me to do for You???"
There's no burning bush, no thunder in the sky – not even a talking donkey.
Yes, the still, small voice – the Voice that means business.
I'm expecting Him to reveal to me what it is that He wants me to do. (You know what I'm talking about – that *IT* – The Life Purpose in capital letters).
"Sharon, it's not what I want you to do FOR Me…"
"No, it's what I want to do IN you through the doing."
Hmmm…God let me ponder that one the rest of the day.
It really stopped me in my tracks. I'm always thinking about my DOING – and God's always thinking about my BEING. I'm concerned with accomplishment – He's concerned about character. I care about goals – He cares about transformation. I want to be useful – He wants me to be holy. I'm all about the end result – He's all about the means…
This was a profound thought to me – and a profoundly freeing one at that.
I got to thinking about my blog, for instance. About all the things I set out to do. All the things I wanted to accomplish. All the things I'd written. How I'd judged what I wrote, evaluated it, dissected it – deciding whether it was effective or not.
But I looked again – from God's perspective.
I looked at what He has done IN me through the process of writing this blog. He is transforming my thinking, changing my character, conforming me to His image. And yes, He's working some holiness in there, too!
In the doing, He is making things happen in my heart.
He is revealing Himself to me.
Could I ask for anything more?
It really is what we were all made for – to know Him and glorify His Name forever.
That is *IT* – The Life Purpose – The End To All Means – the thing I want more than anything else.
To look like Him when I see Him face to face…
"And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice – the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him."
"What can we bring to the LORD?...the LORD has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God." (Micah 6:6, 8)
"You take no delight in sacrifices or offerings. Now that you have made me listen, I finally understand…I take joy in doing your will, my God, for your instructions are written on my heart." (Psalm 40:6, 8)
"I want you to know me more than I want burnt offerings." (Hosea 6:6)
"Is it really just Me?"
"Yes, Lord – it really is."
BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"