OK, today is “True Confessions” time.
The other day I had a “moment” –
Not a “senior moment” – though those come now as regularly as the sun rises (if I’m not mistaken, that still happens every day, right?!)
No, I had an outburst, a volcanic eruption of anger, an ugly spewing of words –
I’m not a person with a quick temper, by any means. I’m usually pretty long-suffering, fairly meek, and most of the time, I’m able to “hold my tongue.” But in this particular “discussion” something triggered me – I can’t even remember what it was – and Witty Woman turned into Sarcastic Sharon – LOUD Sarcastic Sharon.
But that’s not the worst part.
I am ashamed to admit it, but I’m going to – I sorta enjoyed it.
Jekyll or Hyde? I once again was confronted with the horrible Hyde person that I hide inside (no pun intended…) – I found myself asking, “Where did that come from?”
Well, as a believer, I know EXACTLY where it comes from.
It comes from a sinful nature that still lives within me.
I was reminded of these words of Paul:
“I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. I do what I hate…And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway…” (Romans 7:15, 18-19)
But here’s what I really want to emphasize about sin – sometimes it really feels GOOD…at the time. Oh, how subtle and clever the “enemy” is. He comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He comes to bring disorder, and anger, immorality, and greed, and every sort of ugly “Hyde-ish” thing that lurks in our innermost parts. He comes to exploit our sinful natures, and tempt us to give in to them.
And it works…because sometimes it feels good…at the time.
But, it didn’t take long for that adrenalin rush of anger to wear off. Though at the time it felt “sorta good” to not be patient, to not be kind, to not be quiet – though at the time it felt “sorta good” to assert my rights – it didn’t last.
And then, I felt horrible.
The ugly monster had reared its head – yet again…
Hyde lives.
“Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin...?” (Romans 7:24)
All hope is not lost – of course not!
“Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord…And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has FREED you from the power of sin…And Christ lives within you…” (Romans 7:25/8:2, 10)
Jekyll lives.
Wouldn’t it be great if Hyde just disappeared? He will, someday. But for now, we must make a daily choice to center our lives on Jesus. To follow the way of the Spirit. To rely on a Power greater than ourselves. To ask for the desire and the ability to do what pleases God.
To take Hyde to the cross, and let him die…each day.
“…letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace.” (Romans 8:6)
Dear Lord,
Forgive me for giving in to my sinful nature. And forgive me for enjoying even ONE second of it. Deliver me from the “evil one.” I am not strong enough to fight him. Help me WANT to obey You – and give me the POWER to do so. Thank you that there is now “no condemnation,” because I belong to You. Help me to take up my cross DAILY, and to follow You.
In the Name of the One who frees the slaves, and the Master of the “Hyde” in all of us…
AMEN!
BLOG = "Blessedly Leaning On God!"
Hi Sharon -
ReplyDeleteI feel you on this...definitely!
Once I angrily unleashed upon someone because he was clearly wrong so I "fooled" myself into believing that I was justified. I went looking for some cohorts to support my position - I found none.
I knew I was "alone" in my misconduct and later that same day or the next day (its been awhile so I don't remember precisely which), I had to go to the person who was clearly wrong to seek his forgiveness. Of course, I sought GOD's forgiveness, as well. Even when others are wrong, it does not justify unleashing on them in a fleshly manner.
Lord, please help us all!
Note: On the flip side, there are "moments" when the Holy Ghost leads saints to unleash righteous
indignation. One example is The Acts 13:10,
"And said, O full of all subtilty and all mischief, thou child of the devil, thou enemy of all righteousness, wilt thou not cease to pervert the right ways of the Lord?"
I believe that that was a case where Paul exercised Ephesians 4:26, "Be ye angry, and sin not:..." His anger was righteous indignation and I believe acceptable to GOD - so Paul's anger there was not sin.
Sidebar:
A couple of years ago, the Lord led me to give a word to a Christian in a leadership position. I gave it in love and I did not think of it of a rebuke - some words of wisdom was how I perceived it. Anyhow, whatever...I did as the Lord instructed.
I recived backlash from that person. Later that evening I began to second guess what the Lord had told me. I did NOT want continued persecution from the backlash so I decided that I would later go to ask that person for forgiveness. As soon as I thought that, I clearly felt the Lord rise up in anger. He gave me more confirmation from His Word etc. that what I had stated was from Him. Further He angrily told me that he knew that it was my desire to avoid further persecution from the subject person. It was my desire to avoid the backlash at the expense of disobeying GOD. The Lord sternly told me that if I "retracted" the words that I expressed, it would be an insult to Him (GOD). He stressed to me that if I insulted Him by a retraction, that He would punish me. I was quite fearful of GOD's displeasure. I obeyed His command and did not retract. Ever since then, it is my practice to speak what "thus saith the Lord" whatever the consequences. The Acts 5:29, "...We ought to obey God rather than men."
Note: Later...the Lord "reconciled" me and that subject person WITHOUT me having to retract what I had expressed. Things are to happen on GOD's terms not ours. Again, please Lord, help us all.
As you said, Sharon, we will always have our sinful nature to deal with and choose to squealch it and the enemy's control of it. Hopefully as we mature in Christ, they become fewer and farther apart. The key thing to remember is you realized so soon afterwards that you didn't like that nature coming out and you felt bad about it and asked for God's forgiveness. Always a good learning step on our walk with the Lord :)
ReplyDelete(I'm still a work in process too, having those moments..........)
betty
Oh, I hear ya, soul sister. That old monster needs to die! But...when he rears his ugly head it is a reminder that we're not perfect yet, and it's a blessing actually, because it's only by leaning more closely to Jesus that we can even live with ourselves!
ReplyDeleteoh Sharon, you have a wonderful way with words!! I know this is a serious topic, but you bought a smile to my face "hyde lives" LOL!!
ReplyDeleteI smiled too, because I could so totally relate to your message. Sin does feel good at times, much to our dismay and horror. Just like junkfood tastes good, but is not good for you at all.
Great post my friend, thank you.
Sandra - Thank you so much for your honesty. I know that our willingness to be vulnerable with our "Hyde" can be used to strengthen others. What you said had a real impact on me.
ReplyDeleteI agree - there is a time and a place where righteous indignation is the proper way to respond. But I've got to trust God for discernment on that one!! Seems like righteous indignation arises out of a desire to "protect" the name of the Lord. It has nothing to do with asserting our own rights.
Also, a very interesting story about rebuking. Sometimes courage is required to speak up when we'd rather be quiet. Again, it's so necessary to trust God's wisdom...and obey ONLY Him (I'm glad that this situation was resolved with reconciliation).
I heartily agree with your summation: "Things are to happen on GOD'S terms, not ours. Again, Lord, help us all!"
Sandra, your comment could be a wonderful post!!
Betty - Ah, yes, the sinful nature - how I loathe it! God did "prick" my conscience about my behavior, and for that I am grateful. And His forgiveness covers me. Thank goodness, because I'm pretty sure that Hyde will rear his ugly head again some time. GRRRR....
Deborah Ann - Right back at you, sister! I love how you pointed out the blessing in this. You're right, leaning more closely to Jesus is the ONLY way. Sometimes, I have to look at MYSELF through His eyes - and see His righteousness covering the things I "Hyde!"
Amanda - Thanks!! Always a pleasure to bring a little LOL to the table! Yes, MUCH to our dismay and horror - your junkfood reference was RIGHT ON! Perfect way to make the dilemma plain. Again, appreciate your encouraging words.
So, friends - Thank you for responding, and letting me know that I'm not the only one with some "ugly" inside!!! But, when all is said and done...JESUS LIVES!!
GOD BLESS!
Hi Sharon -
ReplyDeleteI loved what you said, "Righteous indignation arises out of a desire to "protect" the name of the Lord. It has nothing to do with asserting our own rights" That is an excellent and necessary point, Sharon!
Philippians 1:7
...and in the defence and confirmation of the gospel,...
Philippians 1:17
But the other of love, knowing that I am set for the defence of the gospel.
Yes, you are right, Sharon, I may do a posting as you suggested.
Sidebar:
You mentioned on my blog relative to the post, "SPIRITUAL ENCOUNTERS WITH ANIMALS" that you had watched the video. Which one - the "Dog saying grace" or the one on National Geographic of the Cape buffalo rescuing one of their own?
Sharon, thank you for your kind and encouraging comment on my blog. Of course, I had to come back here to read your post on the same "awful and ugly" subject. It encourages me to know that I am not alone in this. Of course, I know that since we all have our flesh to deal with, but it still encourages me. Yes, I feel awful when a moment of weakness flares up! But its a reminder of my need of my Savior everyday!!! This pursuit of mine for holiness is a difficult one, but a one that is needed. May we all encourage and admonish each other in our pursuit!
ReplyDeleteBlessings!