OK, today is “True Confessions” time.
The other day I had a “moment” –
Not a “senior moment” – though those come now as regularly as the sun rises (if I’m not mistaken, that still happens every day, right?!)
No, I had an outburst, a volcanic eruption of anger, an ugly spewing of words –
I’m not a person with a quick temper, by any means. I’m usually pretty long-suffering, fairly meek, and most of the time, I’m able to “hold my tongue.” But in this particular “discussion” something triggered me – I can’t even remember what it was – and Witty Woman turned into Sarcastic Sharon – LOUD Sarcastic Sharon.
But that’s not the worst part.
I am ashamed to admit it, but I’m going to – I sorta enjoyed it.
Jekyll or Hyde? I once again was confronted with the horrible Hyde person that I hide inside (no pun intended…) – I found myself asking, “Where did that come from?”
Well, as a believer, I know EXACTLY where it comes from.
It comes from a sinful nature that still lives within me.
I was reminded of these words of Paul:
“I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. I do what I hate…And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway…” (Romans 7:15, 18-19)
But here’s what I really want to emphasize about sin – sometimes it really feels GOOD…at the time. Oh, how subtle and clever the “enemy” is. He comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He comes to bring disorder, and anger, immorality, and greed, and every sort of ugly “Hyde-ish” thing that lurks in our innermost parts. He comes to exploit our sinful natures, and tempt us to give in to them.
And it works…because sometimes it feels good…at the time.
But, it didn’t take long for that adrenalin rush of anger to wear off. Though at the time it felt “sorta good” to not be patient, to not be kind, to not be quiet – though at the time it felt “sorta good” to assert my rights – it didn’t last.
And then, I felt horrible.
The ugly monster had reared its head – yet again…
“Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin...?” (Romans 7:24)
All hope is not lost – of course not!
“Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord…And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has FREED you from the power of sin…And Christ lives within you…” (Romans 7:25/8:2, 10)
Wouldn’t it be great if Hyde just disappeared? He will, someday. But for now, we must make a daily choice to center our lives on Jesus. To follow the way of the Spirit. To rely on a Power greater than ourselves. To ask for the desire and the ability to do what pleases God.
To take Hyde to the cross, and let him die…each day.
“…letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace.” (Romans 8:6)
Forgive me for giving in to my sinful nature. And forgive me for enjoying even ONE second of it. Deliver me from the “evil one.” I am not strong enough to fight him. Help me WANT to obey You – and give me the POWER to do so. Thank you that there is now “no condemnation,” because I belong to You. Help me to take up my cross DAILY, and to follow You.
In the Name of the One who frees the slaves, and the Master of the “Hyde” in all of us…
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